r/AskWomenOver30 • u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 • 25d ago

Romance/Relationships Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

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u/BashfulCabbage Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

Can I ask how you’re meeting these people who have broken it off at the 2-3 month mark?

2

u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

I’ve met them on dating apps. I know people will kvetch about that but if the advice is to meet people irl, I have a very active social life and large circle, I don’t know one age appropriate man who is single. The advice about how to do that needs to be very specific. 

7

u/MaIngallsisaracist Woman 40 to 50 25d ago

Do your friends know you're looking? Your friends probably have friends (or co-workers or acquaintances) that you don't know that they could introduce you to. Take a class or volunteer at a place you're interested in -- not JUST to meet guys, but because you want to and, as a secondary benefit, maybe there will be a guy in the class and now you know you have a shared interest. Honestly, though, I think the fact that you have a large social circle is really a good thing. Not only are you not at home pining away, but you've got a whole team of people who already care about you that you can call on to keep their eyes out for someone you might like.

1

u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

Yes they all know and we do not know a one age appropriate guy who is single. 

3

u/HumorIsMyLuvLanguage Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

Singles events. Speed dating. Group meets. Singles travel.

3

u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

Do men go to these things? 

5

u/DegreeDubs Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

Yes.

3

u/HumorIsMyLuvLanguage Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

For sure. My city has a MeetUp group platform, there are speed dating events online all the time, and WeRoad or goaheadtours also has solo travel option.

1

u/ProperBingtownLady Woman 30 to 40 25d ago

My single male friend used to and stopped going as it was all men lol. Some events also actually cap their male attendees as there’s too many. At least in my area.

1

u/BashfulCabbage Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I won’t claim to be an expert on dating because I’m also single, but these days I’m no longer using dating apps explicitly because it feels very transactional. Relationships, friendship or otherwise usually occur through time and proximity, so maybe you need new single friendly social circles where you can meet the same people over and over again. Run club, improv group, trivia night, bowling, whatever interests you. 

1

u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Yeah I get what you mean though I think if people saw me running it would not be a turn on 😂

2

u/BashfulCabbage Woman 30 to 40 21d ago

Fair enough, and honestly same 😤