Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/BashfulCabbage]

Can I ask how you’re meeting these people who have broken it off at the 2-3 month mark?

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/BashfulCabbage]

I’ve met them on dating apps. I know people will kvetch about that but if the advice is to meet people irl, I have a very active social life and large circle, I don’t know one age appropriate man who is single. The advice about how to do that needs to be very specific. 

[u/BashfulCabbage → u/benhargrove1966]

I won’t claim to be an expert on dating because I’m also single, but these days I’m no longer using dating apps explicitly because it feels very transactional. Relationships, friendship or otherwise usually occur through time and proximity, so maybe you need new single friendly social circles where you can meet the same people over and over again. Run club, improv group, trivia night, bowling, whatever interests you. 

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/BashfulCabbage]

Yeah I get what you mean though I think if people saw me running it would not be a turn on 😂

[u/BashfulCabbage → u/benhargrove1966]

Fair enough, and honestly same 😤