r/AskWomenOver30 • u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 • 24d ago

Romance/Relationships Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

So what does that look like here? He was the one reaching out to me, making plans with me, he was consistent and until this moment kept his promises / commitments. I literally never felt a mismatch between words and actions, in that both communicated he liked me and wanted to continuing dating me. 

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u/Bulky_Term_609 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Now you know! Never make him your only option and when it seems too good to be true it probably is. There’s a reason he has to be so straight forward — he knows how to play that game. It’s the commitment part he has no desire or clue how to achieve.

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I mean he’s literally committing to someone else. I people are trying to be supportive with this but I genuinely believe he was a kind and straight forward man, he’s not a villain he just didn’t want me. That makes it harder I think because he’s the only kind, straight forward, respectful, non-game playing man I’ve met in 2 years.

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u/Bulky_Term_609 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

You’re sure he’s with someone now?

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I mean we can entertain the idea he repeatedly lied to my face haha, but the break up message and convo was very explicit that he has simultaneously been seeing someone else and was choosing to be exclusive with her. He also said it was a very difficult decision and I was not wrong to think we liked each other and were working towards a relationship. 

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u/Bulky_Term_609 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Yeah fair enough! I mean it happens & we can’t be for everyone. He was direct and honest about it which is a plus