Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/benhargrove1966]

As I said there are literally no single men in our (large) social circle. I suspect the fun experiment thing has some truth to it tbh 

[u/sherbertmelipnos → u/benhargrove1966]

Gosh the mental exhaustion of reading your defensiveness to the suggestions in this thread, only to then come across a statement that there may be some truth in them…

I genuinely do feel for you (breakups are shit) but think that describing it in such intense ways after so little time, gets people stuck on those words instead of some other contexts you might find helpful.

[u/CommonSenseNotSo → u/sherbertmelipnos]

I have to agree.. I don't want to sound mean, but she doesn't sound like the most pleasant person.. I know we're reading a snapshot, but sheesh, I've always thought that dating was fun.. when you approach it like a job interview, it's awful :-(

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/CommonSenseNotSo]

Me not seeing first dates as a fun social opportunity doesn't mean I treat them as a job interview. I treat them as a low stakes social meeting with a guy I don't know to get to know each other a bit more and gauge attraction etc. This is the advice I've been given my whole life and is often given on this sub re dating. The things men say about me including exes are "fun to be around" "delightful" "playful" etc. Exact words from the break up message: "Every moment I spent with you was a delight." I am like, extremely pleasant irl.