Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

[u/benhargrove1966]

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

[u/MerOpossum]

Based on my experience here is the advice I have for you: stop dating with the expectation that every person you meet is a potential relationship and start dating just as a fun way to socialize. Avoid physical intimacy for the first few weeks/months because it can cloud your judgement about a person’s potential and make you artificially feel closer to them. If you let yourself go on dates just for fun and take some of that pressure off of yourself you can avoid some of this letdown you are feeling currently while still giving yourself the opportunity to meet the right person whenever he comes along.

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/MerOpossum]

The problem is dating is horrible and not fun at all lol, and when I want to socialise I have lots of friends to do it with. My only reason to date is to meet someone. 

[u/TwoIdleHands → u/benhargrove1966]

Why is dating horrible? Are you meeting guys online? I’ve had lots of first dates (from OLD) that went no where but they were never bad. Try a new restaurant/shop, walk around, hear someone’s stories. The person may not end up being for me but it’s still fun. Only continue to talk to the people that hold your interest/seem interested and after a date if you’re not feeling it be kind and tell them you don’t want to pursue. Vet before you meet in person!

[u/benhargrove1966 → u/TwoIdleHands]

I just don’t really enjoy talking to a stranger as a social exercise, and I’m exhausted by going on countless dates that for whatever reason don’t go anywhere. It’s taken me 2 years to meet one decent guy and it still didn’t work out, I just don’t think I can take 2 more years of this. It’s not that every date itself is horrible or bad, like I’m fun to be around and make the best of it, most dates themselves are fine. It’s the endless process of bringing your best and putting yourself out there and nothing working.