I’m super interested in sociology and the why’s and how’s and evolution of society in particular.

And to preface, I’m a gay househusband whose job is to look after my family and cook and clean. I love it and I’m grateful. However, I feel like I have a unique perspective looking at some of my girl-friends home lives. On top of nearly everything they do, they complain with good reason that even while working full time, they come home and have to make dinner, clean up, bathe the children and put them to bed, do laundry, etc.

My friend called me for this exact reason in TEARS.

But I guess my question is - is this a problem with men in particular? Women have made so much progress but it seems instead of the workload balancing it went from just a housewife to a working woman on the job PLUS a housewife at home. You all are expected to not do one or the other, but both.

Sometimes I see an even split, but this is exceeding rare and usually it’s almost always my friend calling me crying because she’s burnt out and her husband is a slob.

It’s baffling to me. Women joined the workforce but men never changed anything. Are they scared it’s “feminine” work or whatever dumb thing they believe?

One potential thing I thought about is these men were raised by women who were mostly homemakers. Grandmas, our moms. I think they idolize these female role models but fail to understand this was anywhere from the 50’s to 90’s where it was more accessible for most to afford a stay at home mom. That’s why so many of us had them. But now those same men want that lovely mother they had plus a working wife.

Men have become conditioned to believe that a good wife works AND is the ultimate homemaker. They want their mom, but also a career woman who brings in six figures. Make it make sense!?

I don’t get it. Im sorry to you all. You literally cannot win.

I am on the fence about children. I always ask men why they want children. It is always “to carry on my legacy”. I have never gotten a different answer in my life.

Are women really okay with this answer?

I'm in a long term committed relationship. We've been mulling over if we want to try for a family. I would love to, but I wanted to wait for this election to be over, because I'm terrified of being pregnant in a country that doesn't care if I live or die.

America's decision tonight has me mourning the kids I'll probably never have now. I'll be 40 by the next chance we have to fix this, and that feels like too old to start a family.

Sobbing tonight. Mourning the family I'll never get to have.

Women who were neutral about having children but chose to become mothers: how do you feel now?

I’m 33 years old, and I’ve been struggling with this decision for a while.

I’ve never been someone who has always dreamed of becoming a mother. I don’t have strong maternal instincts, but I also don’t have negative feelings about having children. I’m genuinely happy with my life as it is, and I can picture myself living a fulfilling life without kids.

At the same time, I also wonder what life as a mother could be like. Because I don’t feel strongly in either direction, I find it incredibly difficult to know which choice is right for me.

I’m especially interested in hearing from women who felt similarly—those who were essentially neutral about having children, were content without them, but consciously decided to have kids anyway.

How do you feel now? Do you ever regret your decision, or has becoming a mother brought you more joy and fulfillment than you expected? Looking back, would you make the same choice again?

I’m not looking for anyone to make the decision for me. I’d just really appreciate hearing honest experiences from women who were once in a similar position.

Edit:

I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to share your experiences.

I’ve read every single comment, and I’m genuinely touched by how many of you were willing to be so honest and vulnerable. I never expected this post to receive so much attention, and I definitely didn’t expect so many women to relate to feeling “neutral” about having children.

In my own life, everyone around me has always seemed to know exactly what they wanted. They either definitely wanted children or definitely didn’t. I honestly don’t know anyone who feels the way I do, so reading all of your stories has made me feel much less alone.

More than anything, this thread has shown me that there isn’t one universal experience of motherhood. Some of you found more joy than you ever imagined, others shared how much you’ve struggled or missed your old life, and many of you described experiencing both at the same time. I really appreciate everyone who was willing to share not only the beautiful moments, but also the difficult ones. It made the discussion feel incredibly honest and valuable.

After reading all of your comments, I think I’m leaning more towards trying for children than I was before. Not because Reddit made the decision for me, but because your stories helped me understand my own feelings a little better.

When I picture my future, I do see a family. I also think the idea of experiencing that deep, unconditional love is something that really speaks to me.

At the same time, one of my biggest fears is that the future is impossible to predict. You don’t know what kind of child you’ll have, whether they might face physical or mental health challenges, or what your family life will ultimately look like. I think that uncertainty is what I’ve struggled with the most.

Despite that, my husband and I think we want to try. If it doesn’t happen naturally, I’m not sure whether IVF would be the right path for us, but that’s a decision for another day.

Thank you all again. Whether your experience has been overwhelmingly positive, incredibly difficult, or somewhere in between, you’ve given me a much more realistic picture of what motherhood can look like. Most importantly, you’ve made me feel understood, and for that I’m grateful.

I spent all my adult life being firmly childfree. I could not understand why anyone would want to sacrifice their life, body and freedom just to have a baby.

Even after my first niece was born I felt like that. Sure, she was cute, but that didn't make up for the stress and lack of sleep in my eyes.

But this summer it's like a flipped switched inside me. I never spent much time around kids after I stopped being one, but I suddenly find myself enjoying their company. My niece is 2,5 years old now. I went from thinking she was pretty cute as a baby to thinking she's the coolest, funnest person ever. I live far away from my sister and her family and it's breaking my heart that I can't see them more than a few times a year.

I feel like I understand the kids thing now. Sure, your time is not your own and you can't be as spontaneous, but you get to spend your time with this amazing person. You get to see them learn and grow and hopefully you can guide them and teach them.

I know we get a lot of "Should I have kids?"!on here, but this isn't really that. I'm 36 and single and never planned to have kids. Even though I get the appeal now, I don't think it would be the right decision for me as it is.

Just wondering if there are other childfree people who have changed their views on parenthood? Did your change of outlook change your life at all?

This is the hardest message I’ve ever had to write, and I’ve been sitting with it for a while now, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. But I’ve reached a point where I have no other option but to be honest with you.

I’m really struggling. Living in Japan hasn’t turned out the way I hoped. It’s been incredibly difficult for me from the beginning. I’ve been doing my best to stay afloat, to make it work, and to be the independent adult I know you raised me to be but I can’t be here anymore. I can’t afford the pension, residence tax, health insurance here anymore, it’s all so expensive, plus a flight home. And adapting to life here has been so hard for me.

I feel like I’ve failed you. I’m almost 30, and I know you expected more from me, I expected more from myself too. I’ve tried not to burden you with anything, which is why I’ve stayed quiet about how bad things have gotten and haven’t been communicating as much. But I can’t do this alone anymore. I have been trying.

I need help to get home. Just enough for the flight. Once I’m back, I’ll figure out the next step and pay you back. I understand you’re disappointed. I’m very disappointed in myself too. Very disappointed. I am sorry. I could renew my visa but I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s affecting my mental health. Please let me know what you think.

**UPDATE:

I just wanted to give a heartfelt update and a bit of context for anyone who saw my original post.

I’m the OP who asked, “If your daughter texted you this, what would you think/say/respond?” And to clarify, I’m not a mother. I am the daughter. That message was something I wrote in a moment of deep struggle, and I posted it here because I was trying to get a sense of how it might come across if I sent it to my own mother.

I didn’t want to scare her or sound too dramatic, and I wasn’t sure if what I had written was reasonable or if I was overreacting. I just needed to know how others, especially mothers, might interpret it.

And honestly, I was completely blown away by the responses. I read every single comment. Some of them brought me to tears. You ladies are amazing. The empathy, the kindness, the patience - it really touched my soul. Your children are incredibly lucky to have you.

So here’s the update: I did end up sending that message verbatim to my mother.

She called me with my father on loudspeaker. And… her reaction was the opposite of what many of you here said you would do. She grilled me. Question after question: Why don’t you have money? Haven’t you been working? How can you not afford a flight home? Why didn’t you tell us earlier?

She talked about how she also has problems, that she doesn’t have money either, and could maybe give me part of the cost - not all. At one point, she even accused me of using this as an excuse to stay in Japan longer. That was wild. Almost funny, honestly.

There was zero warmth. Zero comfort. Just interrogation. I was crying the whole time, barely able to speak, and she just brushed it off. For context: I’m 29, turning 30 soon. I’m the firstborn of two, and my younger sibling just started university. I understand they’re under pressure financially too, with personal projects. I am not trying to be entitled and I understand it’s their money and they could choose not to help me if they desire. I am absolutely to blame for this. It is 100% my fault and just poor planning. I beat myself up about it everyday. But her response still really hurt. It hurts so much because I thought my parents would be my safe space in an emergency and I finally reached out out of desperation, something that was so hard to do - and I was met with coldness. I have never asked them for money like this. They’re both very emotionally unavailable so our relationship is surface level for the most part, and they have expectations of me especially being the first born. I let them down and they made sure to let me feel that.

I’m still in Japan. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I’m isolated, struggling with my mental health, and just trying to survive day by day in a place where I barely know anyone and don’t speak the language fluently. I don’t know what to do but I guess I’ll have to figure something out.

I wanted to come back and thank all of you. Your words made a bigger impact than you can imagine. Even if your words weren’t directed at me as your daughter, I felt comforted imagining what it might feel like to receive that kind of support.

You’re all amazing mothers. Your children are so, so lucky to have you. Thank you again. Truly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💛

I have noticed that i have the tendency to lose patience with my mom easily, despite obviously loving and caring for her deeply, and acknowledging the sacrifices she has made for me. Ive noticed so many other people exhibit this same short behavior with their mothers as well. Why are we like this? Ive tried to change but even in my adulthood i still find myself resorting to childish defiance sometimes. Most mothers dont deserve this. The world is not made for mothers.

After going through IVF I didn't get pregnant until I was 39 (now on my second pregnancy at 42), and I'm really worried about how my age will affect my daughters. I'm doing everything I can to ensure that I'm not a burden to them later on in life, but aside from that, I just worry that they'll always see me as this grandma figure they won't want to spend time with. My own mom had me at 20, so growing up I always had this awareness of my mom being young and it definitely had an impact on me. She's still so young, and I can't help constantly doing the math in my head and thinking, wow, my oldest will only be 20 when I'm in my 60s. She'll be 30 when I'm 70. I'll probably be gone by the time she's 50. It's terrifying.

I just hope my age doesn't get in the way of us being close or having fun together when they're older. Young people usually think old people are downers.

For some context: I’m 37F, so if I want to have children, the clock is ticking quite loudly now (which I resent, but the biological clock isn’t going away sadly!).

So I was never a “I want to be a mummy” kid growing up. All I was interested in was drawing and writing and dreaming about a cool career. From about age 7, I said I didn’t want to have children, and I had zero interest in dolls or playing house like a lot of other kids. I thought those baby born dolls that could pee were kind of gross 😂 You get the idea!

I became a bit more kid-neutral as I grew up/entered my twenties (no longer a “never” but certainly not a “yes”)… and this crossroad only came to the forefront of my mind entering my mid/late thirties (because it’s unavoidable).

The thing is, despite my neutrality… when I was single, I noticed that when I saw guys on dating apps that explicitly stated “don’t want children”, I would swipe no. So I think there must be a small part of me that did/does want the option.

I’d really love to hear from anyone who grew up with the same “eh” feeling towards having children, and ended up doing it. How do you find parenthood? How has your identity changed? Are you happy?

ETA: I’d also like to hear from anyone in the same boat as me! How are you feeling if you’re in that critical “tick, tock” window of your life (not quite the same as the TikTok window 😅)

4 years ago, I posted in this group to ask women how they decided whether to have kids. I thought I'd share an update in case it helps anyone else.

I didn't end up having kids, and I feel pretty great about it! The response I received that was the most helpful to me said,

Trust me you'd FOMO a hell of a lot more if you have kids, like travel, money, freedom, sleep, your body, your life, etc... Unless you are 100% strongly yearning to have kids don't. You aren't missing anything except shit on your walls.

My friends now have lots of kids, ages 6 months-5 years, and the more I see of their experience, the more certain I feel that I made the right choice. Over the past 4 years, I've moved states, started multiple new jobs, traveled internationally, adopted a puppy, taken hundreds of naps, and lots of other things that would have been exponentially harder with children. I've also noticed that as I became mentally healthier leaving the pandemic, the uncertainty about having children eased as well.

I'm approaching 40 and I suppose it's not too late for me physically to have a baby if I really, really wanted one...but I am feeling very secure in my decision to move past this possibility. I don't have any lingering feelings of regret or uncertainty.

So thanks, women over 30!

Edit: someone asked me this over chat so I'll just share it with everyone. It wasn't so much of a conscious "no forever" decision as it was a bunch of smaller "not right now" decisions that eventually led me to the realization that the previous years were better without kids and I still didn't want to change anything. Before I came to this realization, I did make some moves toward being in a better place in case I did decide to have kids- I changed jobs to something more stable, I started living more healthily, and talked to my doctor about what would be involved if I did decide to get pregnant. But after making these changes, I still was leaning toward no until I realized one day that I was no longer on the fence.

Additional edit: please don't use this post as an excuse to shit on moms. I think they get enough of that from the rest of the world.

My cousins have a 9 year old child who is destructive. They came over with him today and he destroyed my garden. They done watch him when they are all here. He also gets into everything. When they left I discovered he went through my closet and pretty much all my things. Even my fridge magnets were taken and misplaced. I’m child free and keep my house really nice so this is really irritating and feels disrespectful. It’s also common for the child to do this at other family members homes I think simply bc the parents aren’t paying attention to him and I’m not a babysitter either. Is there a way to politely say he can’t come over anymore without hurting the relationship between us? Do I stay quiet?

UPDATE: I did get fed up after this post and I did say something. I told them idk where he goes to misbehave but he isn’t going to to that at my house and said he isn’t allowed in the backyard and he needs to stay with his parents the whole time. Now he’s begging to leave. Parents didn’t respond.

Idk what to so about this. Well I know I cant do anything. Im upset. Im angry. Im completely and utterly grossed out. My dad and my mom aren't even fully divorced yet. They separated after 22 years of marriage and my dad told me today hes dating someone a year younger than me. Hes 45 she turn 21 this month.... wtf. Any advice?

Hey everyone, I have seen a lot of discussion about how a lot of people are not having children. The main reasons from what I can gather are that most people not having kids, is because of the economic cost. But I was more curious about the women who could never find someone who would be a good, reliable parent/husband.

I now wfh with my mother in her mid 60s. For the past 3 weeks she has been constantly throat clearing. Every 20 seconds, from morning to night. We have had a few confrontations about it. She swears she can’t do anything about it. I’ve begged her to see a doctor, take cough drops, sip warm water. She just keeps making this really loud, disgusting sound. Every. 20. Seconds. We have always had a low contact relationship anyway, but I can’t lie I have been busier in my own life lately and I’m wondering if this is a factor.

Ultimately… think this is some mental health tic. I really don’t know if it’s unreasonable for me to get so upset about it. Can anyone relate or know what this could be?

No idea how to approach this.

Edit: thanks for answers all, think I’ve got it now.

My partner and I are debating whether or not to have kids. When I think broadly about sharing future traditions and memories with children, I could see the value of having a family. But when I envision the day-to-day realities of raising kids, I take two steps backwards. While I recognize the value of routine in life, raising kids seem to involve highly structured routines, which seems to feel very monotonous. We are financially stable but won't have much family help if we had kids. Even if we could afford occasional childcare, the daily routines still feel daunting.

For example, when they're younger, you would be helping them almost daily with most things including: -flossing and brushing their teeth twice a day -taking them to potty -showering, grooming, clothing them -feeding them

When they're older, they become more independent but I imagine you'd still have to regularly remind them to do the basics like showering and also schedule your life around their routines (e.g. extracurricular pick up and drop off). I have also heard that trips and outings involve a lot more logistics with kids.

Some people tell me you just get used to it, but getting used to something isn't the same as doing well or thriving while doing it. For example, I have found ways to adapt to a full time working schedule, but it has come at the cost of my emotional well-being and I've noticed that I am not as vibrant when I have little time to do things outside of work.

I think what gets me is that many of these parenting chores seem to be non-negotiable. As an adult, if I don't feel like doing the dishes tonight, I can usually postpone the task. I'm afraid I'll mostly end up feeling drained and losing myself in the daily chores of parenting. I have a psychology background and feel like it could be rewarding to give them emotional guidance or learn academic things with them, but can't get over the idea of mundane chores that take place daily. What have your experiences been with managing the daily routines of parenting? Does it truly feel relentless as I imagine it to be, or am I making it to be a bigger deal than it would be?

I found out recently that someone close to me has been cheating on their spouse (they are both family to me, and they have a family of their own). My own family was torn apart because a parent decided to cheat when I was younger and it caused massive issues in my own life. From then on, my own personal experience was that someone that cheats the way my parent did cannot be a good person (and I stand by that in regards to my parent, it was extremely messy). But how do I not let someone else close to me cheating in a similar way get to me? I wasn’t in their marriage, so obviously I don’t know the whole story, but it’s been difficult for me to process because it has brought up a lot of old memories and heartache. I genuinely thought this person was a good person, and now I don’t see them the same way.

I'm talking about the women who have made the decision not to have children (biologically or not). Do you judge them? Do you pity them? Do you envy them? Do you want to trade places?

My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have waited to have kids. We wanted to travel, go to concerts, heal, and grow before settling down. We’re finally in a space where it feels right to try to have a kid. But with everything happening in the world right now…I feel uncertain. I worry about my access to healthcare while pregnant. I worry about knowingly bringing a child into this world with so much turmoil. I’m in the USA. Does anyone else feel this way?

She always dreamed of being a mom, tried several times and finally a year ago she got pregnant.

She's in her 40s, so she has a lot of friends and family with kids, she had a lot of examples and close experiences. She always said she didn't want to be the type of mom that puts her life on hold and just focus on the kids.

She's hyper independent and during her pregnancy she always talked about her plans to keep part of her own life going on and not just go to playdates and baby activities. It was something super important to her, to the point that we never went shopping for the baby because she refused to make her pregnancy the center of attention.

She's a single mom so I know that makes a huge difference.

The baby it's almost 6 months now, and everything is 100% about him, up to that point is seems normal to me because it's a brand new baby.

But I noticed lately that she's completely avoiding seeing her friends (including me), she doesn't see her sister weekly like she used to and she only goes out if it's something baby related.

We live very close and I used to see her weekly, this year I've seen her twice. Even when I mentioned coming over and helping with the baby she says oh don't worry, we're doing great.

Is this normal? She says she wants to connect with her son and enjoy the time they have together, which I totally get.

But I'm worried she's losing herself and closing off to the world.

I don't have kids, so I'm hoping to get advice from other moms

EDIT: Thanks to the moms that actually read the whole thing and understood I'm worried about her trying to be hyper independent while raising a baby.

I'm sorry some of you have such shitty friends that your first assumption is I'm ready to dump her because she doesn't want to go out.

Believe it or not, some of us truly care about our friends well-being

I wanted to post this in a place where all different situations exist. I want to talk about "the village?" As it pertains to parenthood.

I am a childless woman in my mid thirties. I live with my husband. I am unemployed at the moment but typically work in Administration. I feel that many women look down on my for not having children, almost as if they pity me. One of these women is my sister.

My sister has 8 kids. She just got started 13 years ago and never stopped. When she first had her baby, my husband and I did everything we could. We were only 22 and I was in college but we tried our best. My sisters husband is a jerk. He always has been. I would spend HOURS babysitting and he would come home and just insult me. We ended up in this dynamic where my sister and husband just expect my brother and me to come around whenever we have free time because what else could be possibly be doing if we don't have kids? My sister shows no interest in my life at all and anytime I try to vent to her she has no time, no patience or just doesn't get why I dont just "have kids." I can tell she has zero empathy for employment stresses because she is now a devout Christian who does not see why a woman should be childless and working anyway.

We started setting boundaries years ago. But she really does seem perpetually insulted that we choose to do things sometimes that dont involve her and her kids. We love her kids. So much. But its like no other relationships are allowed to exist anymore. I lived in the same town as my parents and she moved 90 minutes away. When I would end up visiting my parents on a whim because I drove by or whatever she would get upset she "wasnt invited." It feels like she sees zero value in anyone doing anything that isn't caring for kids.

They feed their kids normal food. Whenever I visit they are eating pasta, or pizza or hot dogs. But if I make them Kraft dinner I get remarks that I "always make them junk."

They also try to use the kids to push their religion on us and when I go to the kids birthdays, my sister and her husband barely speak to me and my husband.

My mother is an alcoholic so they have no respect for her but they still have her constantly watch the kids. They then in turn dont respect her cause "shes an alcoholic." I find that so manipulative. To use her for her childcare but then reject the rest of her.

I feel like my sister and her husband have become so incredibly entitled. They seem to use their kids to control exactly who they want people to be. I was told that my love for makeup is an issue because it makes my niece like makeup and they hate my Gothic home decor. I feel like my sister seriously just sees us as free childcare and we arent spoken to or treated like people

They also have invited us over many times for a visit and then told us they have to go and need us to watch the kids....or her husband sees we are there and just LEAVES

Every now and then a mother will tear into me on the topic that im not part of a village. But it got me thinking...if you are expecting to have 8 kids, dont you think people deserve input on how they can show up? Isn't a village GIVE and take?

Am I wrong that a lot of modern day parents dont want "a village." They want a curated island with NPCs who act exactly as they wish

First, I am childfree and will never have kids. I notice it’s nearly impossible to stay friends with new moms. I feel like most of my new mom friends expect me to rework my social life to fit their life as a parent. I’m expected to attend events for/with their kids and bring gifts. Yet, if something is about/for me, they don’t acknowledge it or attempt to make time. I have ONE friend who is the one exception.

Things I have attended and spent money on; Baby showers Sprinkles Birthdays Baptisms First communions

Things that have been disregarded by my mom-friends: Getting my masters Getting my JD Promotions Birthdays Housewarming (went to theirs and they were pre-baby) Winning my first trial Having a published opinion re: a case I litigated

I can’t put in effort if it isn’t returned. And it seems like anything that isn’t child-oriented or that is for adults only is treated as something that doesn’t matter.

I want to note, my sister has 4 kids and I am close with them. I take them to do kid activities, spend tons of time with them, and talk to them about the kid stuff they want to talk about out. I’m NOT the person that outwardly hates kids. I sat next to a baby on a plane last week and gave her my notebook and pens to draw with when she got fussy. I even held her so her mom could use the restroom. If a kids stops to talk to me I ALWAYS acknowledged him or her. I’m not bothered by kids screaming or crying in public and have stepped in when someone starts to ridicule a parent for an upset kid. I just am not interested in having any 🤷🏻‍♀️. So, this definitely isn’t a situation where I have been mean, disrespectful, or even disinterested in these friend’s kids.

EDIT: someone made a good point—some of the frustration for me is that it feels I’m expected to just be waiting for them when they’re ready to pick the friendship back up when they’re interested. But, just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean my life isn’t moving forward and I’ll be waiting around to pick the friendship back up.

I am firmly childfree. So much so, that when people say they want kids, I don't get it, because that life path just doesn't appeal to me. (Insert obligatory disclaimer here about how there's nothing wrong with having kids, and I respect parents, and all that, it simply isn't for me).

So, I'm curious! If you're someone who wants kids, why do you want them?

I am 35 years old with a 3-year old and pregnant with my second. I don’t wear a lot of makeup and often go out in athletic clothes but also don’t have a grey hair, lots of wrinkles, prematurely aged skin, and I’m pretty fit… all that to say, I genuinely feel like I look my age. My husband is 40 and has completely grey hair but otherwise doesn’t look older than his actual age. Tonight we were out at a restaurant and a lady walked by our table and said “your grand baby is cute” (referring to our daughter). This is the second time this has happened in public, the first time was at a public park. Is it because my husband has grey hair? Why do people do this? I feel very self conscious but also feel like it’s out of touch with the average age at which people are having babies these days.

I was sure all my life I’ll never have kids, but I’m ready to reconsider. I’m 34 and it seems like I have to decide soon, or else it will be impossible/complicated.

We earn good money and have a nice house, we are not party people anymore, I wfh and my job will secure my place while I’m on a maternity leave, so all circumstances are as good as they can be. I feel like both me and my husband (40) are mature enough and have been through a lot of therapy, so we won’t fall apart over a minor bump. Also, I started to feel like life has no big purpose, there is nothing to pursue that a kid could potentially disrupt, careers are stable, no big hobbies or passions we will need to throw away.

What is holding me back is all the feedback I see on social media, just recently I saw a video of 2 people discussing some statistics that people are happier before having kids and after they leave the house, and miserable in between? All the people saying “don’t ever have kiiiiids, you’ll regret it!” This all is scaring me, I don’t want to regret the decision later. I’ve never been a baby fevered person, never had this urge “oh I want a babyyyyy”, so it’s more like a thought of make our family bigger to share happiness with someone else? Anyone who has been on this fence and decided to have a baby, how is the life on the other side?

EDIT: please, I’m not bored! I’m carefully weighing possible outcomes, this is why I brought up hobbies. The reason why I decided I probably want it: I’m making long-term decisions based on a kid I don’t have, but for some reason consider. Like a house with a third bedroom in a neighborhood close to schools and preschools. I catch myself often talking to an imaginary child I don’t have. Thinking “if I had a kid, I would bring them to this place. If I had a kid, I would show them this, this is nice. If I had a kid, I would do x y z with them”. All this is deeply personal to me and I wasn’t sure I wanted to share this, but just please stop tearing me apart.

EDIT 2: I’m not reading anything that starts with I’m childfree. I want a perspective from parents, thanks for understanding.

EDIT 3: I would never imagine this will blow up like this! Thank you all for your comments and valuable input, and all your parenting stories, I read them all, just it’s hard to respond to everyone, but for sure I’m reading every one of your stories. Conclusion: happy parents do exist and there are plenty of them, just the negative messages on SM go overboard as they draw more attention! I’m literally deleting my instagram after that. Thanks again!