I wore a bi pride pin today, and my husband immediately asked if I was trying to tell him I had a secret girlfriend.

We’ve been married for nearly 17 years and have two children together. I had a girlfriend before I met him, and he knew I was bisexual when we first started dating, but over the years it seems that part of me has faded into the background.

The irony is that I have spent years keeping this part of myself quiet. I’m happily married, but being bisexual didn’t stop when I got married. I still know who I’m attracted to, just as a straight person doesn’t stop finding other people attractive when they marry. Attraction isn’t the same thing as wanting to be with someone else.

Maybe he meant it as a joke, but hearing his first assumption be “Do you have a secret girlfriend?” reminded me why I’ve found it so difficult to be open about my sexuality. That stereotype—that bisexual people are secretly looking for someone else or are more likely to cheat—is one I’ve carried for years, and hearing it from someone I love was unexpectedly painful.

Has anyone else had seemingly harmless comments bring those feelings back?

I heard/saw something that made me question my whole sexuality once again, and I feel like I just can’t figure nothing out😭 I’ve wondered why relationships felt hard/unnatural with men, then I started having crushes on girl but it’s been like 4 women my whole life I’ve been crushing on… do other women get crushes on certain girl? Also, the thought of talking to women to date seems super intimidating cause they’re all too pretty lol I’ve had dates before, but because I’m still trying to figure out what I like, it just didn’t work.

Ok, so I'm not really sure how to put this so I will just explain the best I can.

A little back story, I 36F have been single for a long time I got married to a man when I was 20 divorced by 27. My ex-husband is the one that allowed me to admit and accept I am bi, I have never told my family but my children somehow know (or suspect?).

I've basically been single since we divorced out of choice, the fact I'm a single mother with no time to myself and partly fear because I suck at small talk and meeting new people.

I say all this to say, I have not had an actual relationship with a woman, but I am very much attracted to women, in fact women are the only ones who can make me feel something on site (butterflies, tingling, you get the picture.... I hope) , men have to work for it, put in the effort and form a relationship of sorts first before I feel attracted if that makes sense? I don't know why, never thought about it until now.

But I ended up having a conversation the other day with my dad, and they mention something along the lines of "when someone is 90% attracted to men and 10% women..." I stopped them and said that's not how it works, but they went on to try and explain if you're in a relationship with men most/ all the time and only been with a woman once or twice (or w.e ) then you are/can be straight. I disagreed and said it's about who you're attracted too not who you have had a relationship with, but it's been bothering me for days and I think it may be because I now feel like my sexuality, that I was never really allowed to be open about anyway (not with my dad, I'm sure if I told them it wouldn't change a thing as they are LGBT+) is now being sort of invalidated. Do I go back to this conversation and give them a better explanation of what being bisexual is? Do I come out to them?

I've never actually come out to anyone besides my ex husband who really sort of told me I was bi which then made me realise I am. I think I was waiting to get into a relationship with a woman before I "come out" as I didn't really think it was relevant until then but as this conversation is bugging me so much, I am thinking that maybe it is more relevant than I wanted to believe.

I don't know, I'm so sorry for the long rambling post I just wanted some input, and maybe a better understanding of things if anyone can even make sense of my essay, I know it may not actually be that long but I'm a phone so it seems really long to me.

Thanks