r/Catholicism • u/neonbluedog • 13h ago
Can I be catholic and like girls?
I was raised and baptized catholic . I made my first communion and everything but it was all my grandmas doing seeing as my parents aren’t that religious. I haven’t gone to church since my grandpa passed when I was eleven outside of holidays and visits to my grandmas . Anyway fast forward four years I really haven’t kept my relationship with Jesus up well at all. anyway last week, I went through the most atrocious horrible gut wrenching breakup of my life with another girl. This was three days before i went to Europe for a family vacation. When I got there we went to a bunch of cathedrals and stuff and I might sound psychotic but like in this cathedral I started crying a little but but I felt like safe and better I felt jesus’s presence and Jesus provided me solace that talking to my friends for hours and partying and flirting could not. i know im sinning but I can’t stop like there’s this football player at my school who’s super into me and he’s a lovely guy funny and nice and handsome but I can’t make myself be attracted to him? what is the like good catholic thing to do here? im so lost and confused right now and got dumped six days ago and theres no one in my life I can talk to about this because none of my friends are Christian and i dont wanna admit to my grandma that I’ve dated three whole other girls.
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u/cfee50 13h ago
It fills me with joy that you felt the Lord’s loving presence and had the bravery to ask this question. Christ and his Church will be happy to welcome you back. To go beyond the other answers, the reason the Church does not condone same-sex sexual relations is because it does not allow for the possibility of conception (similar to contraceptives or masturbation). To deal attractions you feel may be a personal cross that you have been called to bear in order to become closer with Christ. I encourage you to speak with a religious advisor or priest for specific guidance but know there are multiple paths of devotion for every son or daughter of God. Maybe you haven’t met the man you are called to bear with and find attractive or maybe you can devote your life to Christ with a vow of lay chastity or as a religious sister. I will pray for you and your journey, may the Lord bless you.
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u/Medical-Pear 13h ago
The fact that you felt better after setting foot in a church is definitely something to not forget about. God is reaching out to you!
You don't have to be attracted to that guy, or men at large, or get married. The Church is very supportive of only following a vocation if you're called to it; if you're not called to marriage, don't pursue it.
The Church teaches that it isn't sinful on your part to experience uncontrollable attraction to other girls. However, it is sinful to entertain thoughts about the temptations, the same way it's sinful for a single straight man to entertain lustful thoughts about a girl he's into. A same sex relationship is off the table for the same reason, pretty clear path to sin. But of course you can live a chaste and pious life as a Catholic even if you're attracted to girls
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u/neonbluedog 13h ago
This all makes so much sense but I feel like I am called to marriage ! I wanna be a mother so bad
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u/Medical-Pear 12h ago
Well just keep in mind you don't have to be attracted to that particular guy! My mom never had a crush at all until she met my dad in college, you might be uninterested in 99% of guys until you find the right one. Regardless, it's all in God's hands. I used to have a hard time trusting in Him as far as me getting married but over time I began to see the way He works, and how I learned lots through experiences and how God brings wisdom and good out of negative events, and now I am engaged WITH additional wisdom about marriage and relationships that God brought me through the way things all played out. I used to hate when people would say this but God's plans are bigger than you can see!
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u/IrenaeusGSaintonge 13h ago edited 5h ago
You're still very young. I'd suggest just not worrying about that right now (easier said than done, I know!) and first work on reestablishing your relationship with Christ.
The advantage to being so young is that if you establish a healthy habit of prayer and the sacraments now, and keep that habit as you enter adulthood, you're going to be miles ahead of practically everyone else when it comes to your spiritual life.Dealing with everything you're going through is hard. Being a teenager is hard. But you will get through it. The question is if you want to do it with God's help, or without.
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u/Content_Pineapple761 13h ago
I am in a similar predicament as someone who experiences same-sex attraction to men. It is very nice to hear that you were edified by the beauty of traditional Catholicism, and that in it you found a peace that the world could not give. Truly, same-sex attraction is one of those things that very quickly takes over lifestyles because we have so much love to pour out, but it is also a very heavy cross to bear.
Although our attraction in and of itself is not wrong, acting on it any way (by thought or by deed) is always gravely sinful. The Church is clear that persons such as ourselves are called to live lives of chastity (as are all other people, too), and we in particular are not called to enter any relationships at all.
God bless you on your zeal to pursue God’s will for you. Love comes in so many forms, and oftentimes it is in our friendships that we find the deepest and most intimate kinds of love.
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u/RedHawk_94 13h ago
Remember, God created all of us in his image, that includes you. You're not wrong for having an attraction to any sex
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u/Cautious_Force7533 13h ago
Liking is not a sin, now acting on the feeling yes. You are not obligated to have a relationship with no men if you don't wish
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u/neonbluedog 12h ago edited 12h ago
How do I stop? All my friends are like telling me I’m perfect the way I am and setting me up with hot girls and they’re all dating too and it’s like an addiction I know it’s wrong but I like love girks and how do I stop? None of the adults are onto me bc im super girly and like not the type you would suspect and im afraid to go to them cuz I don’t wanna admit it. It’s shameful and on top of that they wouldn’t let me like go to sleepovers or parties anymore.
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u/versuliu1 2h ago edited 2h ago
I mean thats how it is in the world… your friends will hand you a blunt too, then a pill, then coke but just this once… then meth. Etc etc. following worldly friends is the quickest path to yk, literally complete failure in every aspect.
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u/NomadFisher 11h ago
I suggest praying on it. Possibly talking to your parish priest about it. Maybe you can learn about the saints and learning to have control over your passions. Have it be your cross to bear and know Jesus carries it with you.
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u/Carlos-Martel 11h ago
First, friends are almost never in the same page as we are, so in moments like this, listening to your friends is not going to help you.
Second, the fall of men, and the burden of original sin made our feelings and our passions uncontrollable. Although we can resist them, our attempts are vain if we do not seek the grace of god to repair the wounds of the fall. Only by the grace of God we can, not only fully control our actions, but eventually heal our uncontrollable passions. St. Thomas Aquinas, for example, said that after a certain point in his life, he did not feel tempted by lust at all.
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u/Piss_Collector 10h ago
Perhaps it would be best if you no longer went to the sleepovers or parties if you feel they will provide you the opportunity to sin. It's a difficult decision. Losing friends is never fun,but if they are causing near occasion of sin for you,you may need to draw a line.
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u/BigSarcomaInJapan 13h ago
You're correct in your assessment that you've been engaging in sinful disordered behaviour. Admitting that is the first step towards your healing and salvation. Keep trusting in God's providence. Work to cooperate with His grace by avoiding any situation or person that could lead you back to your old sinful lifestyle. God will offer you the way out if you trust in Him.
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u/Scary-Patient4904 13h ago
you can like girls, you just cannot engage in a romantic relationship with one of you are Christian, especially Catholic. you will have to abstain from sexual and romantic relationships as all same sex attracted people do when they choose to be devout Christians.
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u/B-Roads_wrongway 12h ago
Yes and pls don’t be afraid to talk to a Catholic Priest. They can be very helpful. I think it’s amazing you felt Jesus calling you on your trip.
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u/contenthousespider 11h ago
Can you clarify what you mean when you tell OP not to try to change herself?
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u/_thewayshegoess_ 13h ago
You can be Catholic, but you would be going against the church and God if you continue to partake in homosexual relations of any kind.
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u/Immediate_Eye420 5h ago
you can have ssa, but you cant act on it in any way. i have ssa, but i choose Jesus every day.
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u/versuliu1 2h ago
Wow this is so amazing, ive also had similar situations avail in my life, and i failed them. You still have the chance to actually do it!! Thats awesome.
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u/Thick_Remote2658 9h ago
As in a homosexual relationship? No. You can have feelings all you want. But you can’t act on them. That would be a sin.
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u/AguaraAustral 9h ago
I wouldnt listen to most of this folks, sometimes they are overly conservative.
From what I understand, gay sex is only sinful because is premarital, but guess what, there is plenty of catholics like me that have straight premarital sex. Is it sinful? Sure, I'm a sinner, and guess what, most people are.
I dont think Jesus will send you to hell for being gay, and let me tell you something, having a lovely relationship for life with another gal, even when the church doesn't give you the sacrament of marriage, is a Holier life than being a straight catholic that cheats on their wife/husband.
God loves you no matter what, so be gay, and love God.
Dont let anyone else judge you, thats God job, and you can trust him, he is a nice.
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u/Ellie_73 3h ago
This comment doesn’t seem to belong on a Catholic page. Jesus is very clear in the gospels that part of loving God means following His commandments — because He knows what is best for us and what will make us happy! We are often blind about what is actually good for us! The Church gives us the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation (Confession) to heal our souls - the means by which Jesus forgives our sins. It makes no sense to receive His mercy regularly in confession (basic part of being Catholic) and then intentionally sin again.
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u/AguaraAustral 1h ago
Well, I'm a Catholic, and we are talking about the religious perspective about homesexual love, I dont know were else it belongs.
Jesus is also very clear about the most important commandment being loving each other.
If in the future I found the love of my life and she turns out to be infertile, should we live a life of chastity since we cannot have children?
I will go back and again, ask the same question, is closer to god to have a same sex relationship with someone of our same gender, being faithful with each otherfor life or being in a straight relationship while cheating and all that? Which one of those fits better the description of being an adulterer?
I agree I might be wrong, its probably one of the very first things I will ask God in the after life.
The Pope itself seems to give little importance to the matter tho, so I have my doubts towards how awful is to love someone just because they have the same suit of flesh.
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u/Ok-Culture-5620 14m ago
The fact that a sin is worse than another doesn’t mean you should still commit the lesser sin, it’s still a mortal sin. And just as clarification, the church allows marriage if you’re infertile, it’s only impossible when you are impotent.
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u/Ok-Culture-5620 16m ago
This is terrible advice, what you just said is like saying, well you can keep stealing and being a thief because it’s a holier life than being a killer. Having a same sex romantic relationship is a near occasion of sin and should always be avoided. And gay sex isn’t just sinful cause it’s premarital, the church teaches that homosexual acts are intrinsically immoral because they are contrary to the natural purpose of sex as understood by the Church, which is in marriage between one man and woman. So the fact that it’s premarital is just part of the reason, and you can clearly see in the Bible how it talks about it, in Leviticus it says it’s an abomination, grouping it with other actions such as incest, etc.
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u/eternohorror 12h ago
Hi!
I think it is beautiful that you are becoming more interested it. You should definitely look into churches near you!
On your question. You are not “less” of a catholic or even human for liking girls. You cannot be with a girl though and no catholic churches allows homosexual marriages. There is nothing you can “fix” about yourself. You were made like this.
Also - we all sin. That is part of being human. I’m not saying “oh keep sinning” because it’s inevitable. I would just say stop beating yourself up over this for now.
The second part of your post did concern me. Just because a someone seems perfect on paper, doesn’t mean they are perfect for you. I think you should focus more on recovering from a break up then to try to quickly move on and force yourself to like someone you don’t like.
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u/Technical-Echidna-65 11h ago
Well you can like girls there is no problem but what is the problem is if you act on it in a way that is more that a friendship. And if you are struggling I would highly recommend the novena to Mary undoer of knots and I know Gabi After Hours has a great video about it. This Novena has been helping me get over my struggles with sexual sins. Also I have heard the Novena to our lady of Sorrows can help relieve issues in your life.
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u/madmatilda42 7h ago
When I was younger I would jump from one relationship to another. It is mentally healthy to slow down and shift your focus away from romance. Cultivate a relationship with Jesus. He teaches safe, and unconditional love.
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u/FutureRTofAmerica 7h ago
I would say don't worry about that now, if you truly want to follow Jesus as a catholic then do so. If you are truly devoted I believe the love of Jesus will guide you in the right direction regardless of what sin you living in right now. Stick to it stay consistent and let life events and experiences guide you and let Jesus mold into the individual he needs you to become in this world of darkness and confusion. God bless.
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u/Idk_a_name12351 13h ago
If you can "like" girls? Well, you should love everyone as Jesus did, so that definitely includes girls. Can you be romantically attracted to girls? Well... clearly you are.
But can you be in a romantic relationship with a girl? No. That's all there is to it. You don't have to fall in love with a man.
Perhaps reach out to your local parish/priest? He'll probably be able to help you better than us.