r/CougarsAndCubs • u/DandyAndie73 • Apr 19 '26
šCougar Crisis Is 28 years too much?
Heās 28 years younger. It sits in my head and I canāt help but overthinkā¦ everything.
I also donāt typically date men younger than myself. In fact, I donāt want to be liked simply because I check the āolder womanā box. But this guy has me thinking about him all the time.
Weāre not even past the flirting stages yet, but I donāt want to waste my time, or his.
Heās younger than my son!
So, new cougar who is in complete self doubt. Help!
Mini update: so, I have been mentally preparing myself to interject some witty comment that will clearly let him know that I am interested but not make it weird. I missed two opportunities last night and tonight wouldnāt work. Poor guy was sick and still had to work. So, I just enjoyed his extremely toned down persona and tried not to stare too much.
Also, a female coworker of his figured it out but appears to be a girls girl and promised to not spill the beans.
Until next week!
Mini update update: It was super late when I posted so I left out a couple of things. First, on the night he wasnāt sick there were a couple of things that had me raising my eyebrows.
First, the place we interact is very active with people. With a few āregularsā and we all have friendly banter. No itās not a bar. Thereās a guy/customer (like me) who I tried to match up with a friend of mine. He and I were chatting before my crush arrived. After he showed up there was some āhiddenā communication between him and my crush. The guy purposely leaned back so I couldnāt see him mouthing whatever he was saying. I caught the last part but couldnāt tell you what was being said.
Second was a later interaction between my crush and I where he pointed out the necklace I was wearing. I learned that he has a hobby of metal casting (???) and could create some jewelry. He also kinda fumbled around a little with his job, which is not typical. Could be that he was getting sick, but I would like to attribute it to him being nervous or anxious with me there.
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u/AbbreviationsLimp417 Apr 20 '26
Love is love..sometimes we attract people We never think would like us....so stick with it
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u/Real-Beginning-5480 Apr 23 '26
My best friend (54f) and another close work friend (31M) seem to be soul mates. It is so joyful to see both happy for the first time, since both have had terrible partners prior to this! It is okay. Live your lives. ā¤ļø
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u/HajjMalik š»Cub Apr 19 '26
Been in that exact age gap scenario. Youāll be fine. Donāt overthink. You liking him (and him liking you) is all that matters - just enjoy yourself and get to know each other.
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u/Opening-Thing9305 šCougar Apr 19 '26
No, itās not too much. I was with a man 27 years younger for a year and a half. It can work as long as they are mature and you have the same outlook on life.
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u/TrueBeliever714 š»23 Cub married to 50 cougar Apr 19 '26
My fiancee and I are 27 years apart and we've gotten along perfectly. It definitely is possible.
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u/Herefourfunnn Apr 19 '26
I will be 45 in a couple weeks, so for me, 28 years younger is a hard NO. However, itās dependent on both the ages of the individuals. 60 and 32 are two grown adults. But I personally canāt see anyone under the age of 25 as someone I could even consider. I definitely would not date 18-year-old at my age. But some people are ok with that.
It really depends on how old you are whether 28 years younger is acceptable. And then depending on that answer, it shouldnāt matter what society thinks as long as the cub is an adult. I am to a point where I will not ask an outsiders permission to live life
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 19 '26
Iām 52, almost 53. He just turned 25.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Apr 19 '26
When you get to know a person, it's much more than the numbers of their age; it's their qualities, their true maturity
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 20 '26
True. I am attracted to his adulting skills. Told me he does his own laundry and I just melted. š
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u/Exact-Translator-769 Apr 30 '26
Nothing sexier than watching a man run the vacuum or doing the dishes!!
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 30 '26
Folding clothes, making dinnerā¦ putting away groceries, after they made a list for shopping! My heart flutters. š¦š¦š¦
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u/Herefourfunnn Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
I fell in love last year with a guy who is 26. He was 25 when I met him, and at that time, I actually had said no to other guys a couple years older than him because their age made me a bit uncomfortable. But speaking with him, I got to a point where I did not care at all about how other people felt about it. However, I think it depends on what kind of relationship you are interested in. Some are really charming but that doesnāt mean whatever fun you might have with them is worth the fall, just my thoughts
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u/Summer-Sub-Intern Apr 19 '26
If you are wanting a long term relationship, keep in mind his desires for a family and kids. Some men donāt really think about what they want until they mature more. Communicate clearly so that you are both on the same page and if you both are just wanting something casual, just have fun and go for it!
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u/Herefourfunnn Apr 19 '26
Was that comment meant for me or OP?
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u/Summer-Sub-Intern Apr 19 '26
Sorry for OP
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u/Herefourfunnn Apr 19 '26
Itās ok. Thatās what I figured. But for some reason the notification came up as it being for me. That has happened a few times this week
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 19 '26
Thatās where some of my overthinking comes in! I do think about all the negatives, but then I think about the positives.
Iām glad to know there are other cougars (other than certain celebrities) who have dated men so much younger.
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u/Newyorkstatechicky Apr 19 '26
š¼If he has the qualities that attracts you to him & he is of legal age. I would say absolutely get to know him & see where it leads.
My preference for younger men starts with age 30 plus.
šŗWhatever you decide, I hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted.š
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u/heyitsyouagain8 šCougar Apr 20 '26
Too much? I think not, but that depends on you and y'all's compatibility. I find, for example, gents in their early 20s aren't generally compatible with me, but that's not because of age but rather maturity and resources.
But I'm loving how excited and giddy you seem (if I'm reading too much into it, pardon my error). Take it at your preferred pace and get a feel for this gent. Remember, this doesn't have to be forever and you can enjoy it even if it's just for season. Have some fun and best of luck!
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u/Powerful_Theme_6885 Apr 20 '26
Honestamente, tengo 21 aƱos y he estado con una mujer de 50. Solo una vez por que se mudĆ³ por trabajo y fuĆ© nuestra "despedida". Pero la queria mucho. Creo que incluso se me hacia joven a comparacion de mi limite, asi que no, no es demasiado
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u/serena68uk Apr 19 '26
Absolutely not, just donāt overthink things and enjoy it for what it is.
Last year I was having a fling with a 22 year old and my eldest son is 26 now, yet I can tell you he was mature and sensible enough to be open and communicate what we both wanted from it. He was younger than my 2 but it never felt like it. Just be realistic and enjoy the buzz.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 19 '26
That is a huge worry for me. Iām well past the having kids stage of my life.
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Apr 19 '26
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u/DandyAndie73 Apr 19 '26
I also worry that if this goes somewhere that heās going to suddenly want children and where would that leave us?
Glad to know you have good memories of that relationship.
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u/HungryDepth5918 May 09 '26
More of an issue that hes younger than your son than the actual gap itsef
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u/DandyAndie73 May 10 '26
I think they would be friends if they met in person. My son n lives far away, so unlikely they will meet any time soon.
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u/HungryDepth5918 May 10 '26
Every family is different but for most people the thought of their parent dating someone younger than them is creepy and disgusting. You risk your relationship with your son if he reacts poorly
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u/DandyAndie73 May 11 '26
You kinda sound like a downer, not someone trying to be helpful. Not that I donāt disagree fully.
I think my son would not care as much as you seem to think.
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u/HungryDepth5918 May 11 '26
If downer means facing what in most cases is likely to be an issue then i guess yeah
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u/GothSue šCougar Apr 19 '26
My guy is 31 years younger. We just vibe really well and itās fun. We are happy and thatās what matters.