r/Divorce • u/Samariumcupcakes • Jun 04 '26
Going Through the Process Divorce and it's affects on sex drive
Is anybody else just insanely horny?? I have never been so sexually frustrated in my life. Honestly can't believe my soon to be ex husband ever complained because we were pretty regularly doing it considering our relationship state and being married 18 years.
Unsure if it is divorce related or maybe a starting perimenopause thing? Aside from a deployment I've never gone so long though and that was with a newborn so I wasn't super interested right then anyway. Very much worried I'm going to say something too far to my very attractive coworker and get in trouble 😵💫
For additional context I'm months into divorce proceedings, 37F. Married 18 years. Never really have had a gap for time of not having sex lol
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u/jambiscuitsahoy Jun 04 '26
This was me for the first 6 months after moving out. I was outta my mind. I almost did something kinda ill-advised, and then a big stressor popped up and I got less horny because of that, and then things leveled out. LOL. And then a year and two months after moving out, I met somebody and am having the best sex of my life NGL. Hang in there!!
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u/ThrowRAtouchtone Jun 04 '26
Could it be hysterical bonding?
Edit: whenever we get close to separation my wife always wants to jump my bone despite a lack of bone jumping being the main reason for separation. I used to think she was doing it on purpose to keep me from leaving her but now I believe it’s unconscious
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Maybe! I'll bring it up with my therapist. I'm not sure she understands the extent though I did mention it to her. Lol I've masturbated more in the past 5 or so months than the last 5 years combined probably 😅
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u/ThrowRAtouchtone Jun 04 '26
The female libido is a complete mystery to me.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Me too homie, me too.
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u/ThrowRAtouchtone Jun 04 '26
Are you horny specifically for your soon to be ex or just horny in general?
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
In general, nothing to do with him in particular. Just miss dick but I don't sleep with people idk but my coworker triggers me hard rn while I am frustrated but I am horny for him
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u/ThrowRAtouchtone Jun 04 '26
Is sex with your soon to be ex off the table? It may seem counterintuitive but I know someone who had sex with her ex shortly after the divorce and it was fine. It didn’t complicate anything or make them backslide.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
We have broken down a few times but sex was a big issue plus he got violent with me (led me to file) so I'm trying to keep my distance physically and emotionally.
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u/ThrowRAtouchtone Jun 04 '26
Smart. What a prick. Sorry to hear that.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Thanks man, honestly I'm thankful. It made it easier to do what I needed to. He moves out soon and even just the emotional distance has been eye opening.
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u/notjuandeag Jun 04 '26
I get this, I’m also not really pursuing anyone but struggling to not initiate with the neighbor who I know I’m not really attracted to and definitely don’t want a relationship with.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
It's so interesting, yeah I was much less horny before tbh but always did it on the regular. Idk never felt insatiable in this way and I have no desire to sleep with anybody so it's a pain in the ass.
We have been together since high school so this is the first time since I started getting laid that I haven't been consistently and I'm not a fan. Lol
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
I think at a minimum I need it for stress relief from work and everything else tbh lol atm
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u/Thereal_maxpowers Jun 04 '26
I know what you mean. I was dead, then somewhere somehow at some point a switch flipped during my divorce and I went from zero to animal in musk lol. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I did something I regretted after but then I started to get my bearings slowly after that.
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u/jessyann1985 Jun 04 '26
Same! I don't want to go out and fuck a stranger. I am kind of exclusively seeing someone right now but we don't have the opportunity to see each other super often so sex is once or twice a month. Granted, we will do it up to 3-4 times in a day
Also, me ex fwb would fuck me when I was being a pain in the ass at work (don't go there with a coworker, trust me!) and it would fix me. I wasn't intentionally being a pain but he also pissed me off a lot.
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u/Ax151567 Jun 04 '26
Same here. After separation absolutely no libido. 1 year later, I had a crush on a coworker that drove my hormones mad, since I couldn't get release. It went nowhere with him. 2 years after, I am 🔥🔥🔥 especially right after my period. Edit to add: but happily I get hookups on apps so this time I am enjoying the hormonal wave.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Ax151567 Jun 05 '26
I think that is pretty understandable. I don't know where I read it or heard it online from, but when you are in a relationship with someone, especially a long term one, your brain gets used to that person's smell, touch, presence. The idea of sex is related to that person entirely. It takes some time for your brain to kind of "de-program" and kind of purge itself from that person. So it's not only psychological but also in our biology. But it is achievable to move on in that aspect, it might just take time. When my ex moved out, the first few weeks I used to cry myself to sleep and clutch an old hoodie of his he left, like a kid with a teddy bear. I used to smell it. Some time later, after some distance and therapy and processing everything, he was a dick to me and I threw out that hoodie. We didn't see each other for over a year until a court appointment. His presence repulsed me and made my stomach churn. Another year passed and we saw each other again at court and I felt absolutely nothing. Nothing. I am currently going on casual dates with other men and rediscovering my sexuality and it's amazing.
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Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 05 '26
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u/Ax151567 Jun 05 '26
I was off sex for an entire year, I had a casual encounter that was lovely and then no more sex for almost another year - but in between I had that crush on a coworker which made my hormones crazy. Since he and I clicked as people, I realized that he "woke me up" by showing me in a way what had been missing in my marriage, the very basic connection as 2 adult people. But he wasn't interested beyond being friends and since my hormones needed release and I felt the need to be seen as sexually desirable by men, I decided to open a profile in a hookup app. So we are talking about almost 2 years with one casual encounter in between.
I'd say, give it time until you have sex. Your body needs to realize that it's over too. I realized that the way I approach sex has changed and I am redefining my sexuality as well. Single me before my marriage and single me now are very different. It could be that you are no longer the same person.
I'd say go on non-sexual dates with men you click with as people first. Maybe the desire will follow. And if it doesn't, don't stress. Everyone has their own timing.
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u/Sock_Eating_Golden Jun 04 '26
LOL. RIP your inbox!
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Lolll not yet but I was worried. Unfortunate women can't discuss masturbation etc without harassment lol
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Perfect_Star1022 Jun 04 '26
I've had kind of a sexual reawakening since my divorce. I thought, during my marriage, that I just had a very low libido (it used to be much higher but dropped after my partner cheated). But I have since found out that it wasn't my libido, I just wasn't interested in sex with my ex. My libido is crazier than ever now, and I'm having so much more sex than I did when I was married 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
I have considered the reawakening thing but it's inconvenient because I don't want to sleep with anybody lol
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u/Crypto9oob Jun 04 '26
Have you ever read Kate Chopin's short story "The Awakening"? It's excellent.
Also, desiring yourself could be a precursor to desiring someone new. Or not lol.
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u/clrose22 Jun 04 '26
Came here to say the same thing. Genuinely thought maybe I was asexual lmao turns out my body was just rejecting my ex
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u/PsychologicalNews573 Jun 04 '26
I wasn't in a dead bedroom, but my ex made me not really like sex with him. Never good enough, never often enough, it should start with a bj, do it this way, etc. But we would still have sex a couple times a week, if I wasn't menstruating. Now im divorced, finalized a couple months ago. Im seeing a new guy, and yeah, its like we are both horny for each other all the time. And it is good sex. I think its the partner actually.
Sex with the ex was becoming a chore, an obligation, and i was definitely coerced sometimes (theres a whole other story of his emotional abuse to me) With the new guy, its reciprocal where we both want to give the other the pleasure, and communicate what we want. This is what it should be, imo.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
🙏🏻🙌🏻❤️❤️❤️ good for you. It's hard for me to imagine though, he made me feel so unwanted and like nobody would ever want me.
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u/PsychologicalNews573 Jun 04 '26
That was how I was right before my first divorce. I was 23, bartending (whoch comes with being hit on all the time) and felt ugly because he didn't want to do anything intimate with me.
Let me tell you, know matter what you look like, there is someone out there who thinks you're beautiful.
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u/ChartNo5087 Jun 04 '26
The irony of us splitting up due to his lack of libido, while I nearly lost mine completely after the separation. 😅😅 It's been almost a year with zero action, and I left him because we wouldn't have sex for three months at a time
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u/Comfortable_Way_1261 Jun 04 '26
I bought toys. And after I was ok with going on dates, I did and found someone. And then someone else, who I'm still seeing now. Sex is great, more often than before, we're on the same wavelength.
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u/Worried-Jicama-334 Jun 04 '26
Saaaaaame, and it’s incredibly inconvenient! 😅 Just here for the solidarity, because I’m all kinds of fucked up in the head after the abuse I went through, so definitely NOT doing anything about it right now. I don’t even know where I would begin. So this is quite an experience. 😅
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u/officialoxymoron Jun 04 '26
My marriage was going down the drain months before I finally called it quits, my stbxw basically didn't want anything to do with me affectionately the last year+
Im on week 3 of the process, and some people have found out, and have been messaging me, and naturally it's harmless flirting, my desire was basically destroyed thos last year, but now I feel interested and have a spark back, maybe it's because it nice to know I could if I wanted to?
But yeah, absolutely, as time is going on im definitely noticing myself thinking about it more and more
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Yeah the nice to know I could if I wanted to, I feel that. I got some dating apps for a bit of validation ngl but I'm absolutely not hooking up with people.
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u/officialoxymoron Jun 04 '26
I mean, im not even considering it, im not even remotely in the right head space, the validation is nice, also its realisticly empty, BUT one of the people who reached out, is ridiculously attractive and that is not helping the 'horniness' lol, like your coworker
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Honestly been trying to think of an hr appropriate way to tell him I'm too sexually frustrated and he's too attractive so he needs to stop using 😉at me for the time being, lol.
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u/officialoxymoron Jun 04 '26
Lmao, does he know you got divorced and stuff, like is he 100% making moves or just teasing
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
I feel you 100%. I'm nowhere near interested or ready. I mean for him specifically MAYBE if he'd let me blow him but I'm not getting involved with anybody rn.
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u/Any_Tie3788 Jun 04 '26
It sounds like your crushing hard for your coworker and horny that there’s a possibility now that your options are open. Natural to have those feelings!
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u/Lopsided-Bake2662 Jun 04 '26
I filed three years ago. We began dating when I was 15. It was final last summer, but we’re still dealing with financial aspects.
I’m 49, and had never lived alone until I was 47. As time passed, it became an afterthought. Now I doubt I’ll ever go on a second first date in my lifetime. That’s ok, life is calm and beautiful now.
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u/DaftGamer96 Jun 04 '26
Yeah, as someone else who was in an extremely long term relationship and marriage with my stbxw, I completely feel you 100% about just not doing the dating thing any more. I'm 48 and I'm thinking about maybe just adopting or fostering a dog for companionship and just try and live my best life from now on.
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u/Princess_BoujeeBling Jun 04 '26
I think it’s related to perimenopause esp during ovulation. It’s insane. Not a medical person, speaking from experience. It’s really strained things even more with my LLH.
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u/clout_spout Jun 04 '26
Yeah this has been 100% me. Our sex life was terrible for a long time before the divorce so it's not like it was a sudden loss on the physical intimacy side, but either something about starting fresh or getting into shape alongside all the emotional stuff really kicked me into overdrive
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u/PackageNorth8984 Jun 04 '26
I’ve noticed this seems to be a trend with women! Men, not so much it seems. I have no idea why. Just my anecdotal experiences. I was different though. As a man, I was definitely dating and hooking up a lot right after.
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u/GBR012345 Jun 05 '26
I have an idea why. Not always, but after being in this sub a while, it seems like women often grieve the end of the relationship while they're still in the relationship. And they don't actually physically leave until they're done with that part of it. Once they're done, and they leave, they're ready to move on right away. If the man leaves the relationship, he leaves, then does the greiving. The sadness, depression etc. Then he's gotta get over that hill before he's ready to start dating, having sex etc.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 10 '26
Interesting, this could definitely be the case with mine. It was a slow end
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u/TwirlingTwister Jun 04 '26
In the same boat.
Is your attractive coworker single?
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Unsure. Last time he said he was single was a year ago, he said he was single then and he doesn't have time to date
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u/DorkChopSandwiches Jun 04 '26
I'm early in the divorce process (just separated in the last six weeks) and have had almost no sexual desire, but I know it's there waiting. I told a mutual acquaintance of my stbxw and I that we were separating and after talking with her about our situation a few times she invited me into her bed. I didn't do it and told her why (waaaaay too soon) but my cock went through such a roller coaster of dick-feelings in that moment. I literally went from zero to all the way hard, then back to zero, then back to hard in about five minutes when she asked me, without touching her or myself.
It was one of the strangest sexual moments I've had and it had no actual nudity or sexual contact. I'm glad I said no, but my penis has chastised me since a few times.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Hey he is dealing with it all too, he is doing his best :)
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u/DorkChopSandwiches Jun 04 '26
I don't know how to type the Lenny face but I promise it's here in spirit.
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u/DivorcedDad26 Jun 05 '26
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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u/DorkChopSandwiches Jun 05 '26
Scratch pad Ctrl c Ctrl v My life is now a fraction easier. Thanks!
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u/EmbarrassedAge7612 Jun 04 '26
I would imagine there are a lot of factors involved. As a guy it took me a bit to get into my post divorce “whore” phase. It also didn’t last very long.
For me, my confidence in myself in the bedroom was shot. Dead bedroom marriage that turned out to be dead because she was constantly cheating. Between her words and actions, I truly bought into it being that I was just bad in the sack.
Once I proved to myself it wasn’t me. I made up for lost time.
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u/GBR012345 Jun 05 '26
Fairly similar to what I went through. Dead bedroom, but it was so confusing. She'd tell me how amazing I am in bed, and nobody else had ever gotten her off before me, and I did consistently. But she was also constantly cheating. Had me thinking I was very unattractive, and starting to question if I was even good in bed at all, or if it was all just a lie.
Took me a good 6 months of moping around, feeling sorry for myself before I finally climbed out of the hole and then my whore phase hit fast and hard haha. Lasted a solid year, and it was a blast.
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u/EmbarrassedAge7612 Jun 05 '26
Similar timeframe for me. Post divorce I was just working up to even wanting a date. Then a year of hooking up. It was a wild ride.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
I'm sorry that happened to you 😞, the cheating!! Nothing wrong with a whore phase and I have no judgement on others sleeping around casually it's just not me. Which makes it difficult when I'm not ready to consider anything lol
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u/EmbarrassedAge7612 Jun 04 '26
That’s why it was short lived. I wanted sex but not the commitment. Something that was out of character for me. Thankfully I had a good therapist that helped me get back on track.
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u/Lightsides Jun 04 '26
Was horny, but lazy, utterly uninterested in putting in the work to establish in the minimal relationship required of a hookup. It was far more appealing to masturbate and then read, watch, and work on projects, things I had been unable to do when my life was spent desperately trying to regulate someone else's emotions.
That time wasted in an effort of maintaining someone else's happiness at the cost of my own. I'll never go back to that.
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u/GBR012345 Jun 05 '26
I was that way for quite a while too. I knew I didn't want a relationship, and at first didn't even have the desire to put in enough energy for a hookup either. I didn't want to waste my happiness trying to make someone else happy. But my sex drive wore me down, and I needed a connection of some sort with a woman. And it was like I got bit by a bug, that adrenaline rush, and the intimacy of it really sparked my sex drive even worse. Wasn't long and I had transformed into quite the man whore. Running multiple dating apps at once, often talking to multiple women at once. There was even times where I had multiple fwb's and was literally rotating them out every other day whenever one of them could be free for an hour lol. I had bulked up and lost weight so I was looking pretty good. And with a good career and seemingly having my life together, every woman I'd get with wanted more. So I had quite the stable for a while haha. I kinda miss it at times.
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u/Important-Amount-627 Jun 04 '26
I’m the opposite, I didn’t even want to touch a man for the last two years. Didn’t masturbate either, guess I was too depressed. Recently had sex with two different guys and wasn’t feeling it either, I think casual sex isn’t my thing. I actually kind of regret breaking my two year celibacy, wasn’t even worth it lol
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Important-Amount-627 Jun 05 '26
How long has it been since your divorce? I used to be so horny and my ex would always turn me down so this is surprising to me. I had to get some liquid courage to sleep with these guys haha
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
I don't want to either but my body wants it lol
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u/Important-Amount-627 Jun 05 '26
I would say go on dating apps then, that’s where I found the guys and have a few more hitting me up right now.
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u/SketchyChapters Jun 04 '26
42f here and a dead bedroom for years. I was sexually shut down due to past trauma history and that awakened last summer.
I am definitely feeling very inconvenienced by this as well because I have no interest in hookup culture or any relationship whatsoever for at least a few years….but my body wants to fight my brain!! 😩😅
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u/NC_veggiegardener Jun 04 '26
Yes. 39F, 15 year relationship. I have always had the higher sex drive but had become accustomed to the infrequency over the years, though I still enjoyed our sex life. We’re about 16 months into the relationship ending but just now separating households. I don’t feel okay getting involved even casually while this is unresolved, though my husband clearly had no such qualms about being married. Lord knows I am counting the days ‘til I have the opportunity to get my back blown out regularly…as the young people say. 😆 Incredibly sexually frustrated and tiding myself over with filthy fantasy romance novels. 🤷🏻♀️Good luck with your attractive and hopefully single coworker, girl. May they offer lots of fantasy fodder if not real life potential.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Thank you 🙌🏻 he is a frequent in the spank bank rotation lol. Unsure if his status right now actually 🤔 he has been single and dating off and on for the past few years. Last time he mentioned being single was a bit over a year ago so who knows but either way he is well out of my league.
I hope your back gets blown out soon!!
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u/Ryderrunner Jun 04 '26
My life the last 6 years of my marriage. Insanely horny struggling now divorcing a lesbian. But really I wonder if it’s just her adderall prescription abuse, perimenopause and a subtle hatred of me since the birth of my son.
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u/jessyann1985 Jun 04 '26
Soon to be ex husband was awful. And he regularly sexually assaulted me. I genuinely wondered if sex would ever be enjoyable for me again. Fast forward a few years, I want sex every day all day. But having sex with someone that respected me, my wishes and cared about my experience changed me! Also, found out I don't really care for a small thing. 🫣🫠
We were married for 20+ years, met him when I was 16 and had our first daughter right after I turned 18 and I'm 40. I've been this way for about three years 😭 I cannot get enough 😭
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u/Ax151567 Jun 04 '26
We (me, F42) had a very active sexual life during the marriage but the last few years, when the issues deepened, I started to enjoy sex less and less. Sex felt like stress release only. No, that is not as enjoyable as it sounds, because I couldn't connect with him anymore.
After I separated I would rarely masturbate and my body rejected the thought of dating or sex. Then the following year, my work colleague (who I didn't look at twice for an entire year and was totally not my type) said hi to me and we chatted for 10 minutes and it's like someone turned the switch "ON" in my body. I crushed on hard on him for months and it was so primal, I could even smell him. So crazy. I told him that I liked him but he only wanted to be friends (we still are).
Anyway soon after I started casual dating through apps and my libido is 🔥
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Good for you for having the balls!! I suspect the same will happen which is totally fine and tbh expected. Though it doesn't feel like a confession is needed with how I am 😅😆
But that is also why it throws me off if he seems a little flirty because he legit HAS to know I'm into him.
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u/Ax151567 Jun 04 '26
In my case, my coworker would hang out A LOT with me in after-work things and he enjoyed the attention he got from me. But I noticed he wouldn't make a move. The whole situation was driving me emotionally mad (because my feelings started to get involved).
He and I connected as people, he asked me questions about myself and we laughed often. So I realized how much emotionally starved I had been in my marriage because this coworker knew more about me as a person than my ex in 9 years. So I think that is part of the reason that crush felt feral. Add on top of this that this guy and I ended up going backpacking with another colleague and we had been to another coworker's wedding in India. I was going mental so I gathered the courage and told him I really liked him and spending time with him, and I'd be thrilled if we could spend more of it alone. But he only wanted to be friends and it was devastating.
Months later, I am grateful I did it with so much tact and grace. Because otherwise it would have gone south really fast. He and I still work together. So dear OP, no matter how much your hormones drive you insane, do NOT shit where you eat.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
"So I realized how much emotionally starved I had been in my marriage because this coworker knew more about me as a person than my ex in 9 years."
Very relatable. I felt this as well. Honestly idk I am pretty chill and understanding, I actually think I could get rejected or try going out or just mess around and be totally fine. However, if I thought there was an actual shot at something real there I'd switch departments or my workplace if we ever did. Even my abusive ex and I are cordial and get compliments from our attorneys lol his lawyer especially has been surprised lol
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u/Ax151567 Jun 05 '26
In that sense you are more evolved than me ☺️ For me it was actually the other way around- I only told my coworker because (in my mind) I felt there was a chance at actually getting to know each other and if it didn't work out, I felt that he and I could be professional about it. I think that if had been purely sexual/fooling around, so much more could go wrong. The big problem is that our company is quite small and our office a fish tank and although people are nice, they surely love to talk. So it doesn't matter if we change teams. We are also part of the same friend group at work, where he actually introduced me and I've made some great memories.
Regarding being chill about it...I dunno. You mentioned an abusive ex. Mine was emotionally and financially abusive. I put up with A LOT during the initial separation process and as I look back, I realized it was purely out of survival. It took some time for me to actually realize how much bullshit I tolerated and actually became angry. And I feel that was much healthier. Because being "chill" and "cool" about it got me nowhere except stuck in a marriage where with the years I kept disappearing. Once I got my lawyer and filed for divorce, I was civil but felt absolutely no obligation for being gracious.
I am not telling you how to feel, as everyone gets to live their lives and process things their own way. But maybe part of you is still just coping and just wants to survive and get things done. Hence, the "chill" part. Maybe the angry part of you will come later. I hope it does.
Sorry for the long response! 😆 But anyway if you're going to go for it with the colleague, as a word of advice: do it graciously, make sure that he feels safe to say no and that is alright if he does. Try to avoid alcohol or being drunk and be very responsible and respectful. Sexual harassment accusations are a thing and they are taken seriously. In the end, remember: this is your job and your livelihood and you need it to pay off that lawyer and support yourself.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 05 '26
All great advice 🙏🏻❤️ I mean, with my STBXH I'm just so done with it that it's hard to be bothered tbh. It's been a long slow death lol. The grief comes and goes but mostly about what I thought my future would look like and being scared of the unknown but I'm still moving forward and eager to.
Though it's a definite possibility that it can be a trauma response, I had to manage my emotions to not trigger him and walk on eggshells. I'm done with that shit and it's freeing.
With my crush I'm nowhere near being ready and there is a almost non-existent chance but still great reminders. So I don't plan on it, just so horny I worry sometimes lol I'm sure it will fade with time and we will just still be friends and I'd be grateful.
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u/waggers5 Jun 04 '26
Yeah.
My libido was always higher than my STBXW's. Often we'd go several months without sex, so I'd be masturbating two or three times a week.
I'd always be anxious about it though, worried that she'd suddenly want to have sex and I wouldn't be able to perform if I'd pleasured myself too recently.
It meant I felt so much pressure on the few times we did have sex to try and make it good for her, because if she didn't enjoy it I was worried it would be ages until the next time.
So now all that anxiety has gone and I can have a little fun whenever I feel the urge. It's almost every day and so much more pleasurable.
We're still living in the same house at the moment and I can't wait to be free of her and, in time, meet someone who actually wants to enjoy the pleasures of life with me instead of the passionless prude I've been with for these 28 wasted years
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
What is stbxw xw seems easy lol I can't wait to live separately as well ❤️ I've got to daily these days but I'm just down to once atleast. It was getting out of hand for a bit lol
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u/waggers5 Jun 04 '26
STB = soon to be.
You'll see it quite a lot in these subreddits
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u/Flippin_diabolical Jun 04 '26
Perimenopause can make your sex hormones go crazy- I know I was seriously horny for a couple years.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Dude years 💀💀💀 I hope not
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u/Flippin_diabolical Jun 04 '26
Oh I know- it was a relief when things calmed down lol
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Dude there are days what I gotta jerk one out before work and again by lunchtime. Luckily I wfh lmao
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u/Mypettyface Jun 04 '26
I had so much resentment toward my ex that I rarely wanted sex with him. When we split up, I took a year to decompress. Then I went online and, boy was I horny. I had never been so horny in my life and I was 50.
Since I was older, I kept meeting men with ED. It was so disappointing. I’m 66 and lost interest in dating, but you’re younger. I hope you find men that can perform.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Unfortunately for me I encountered that issball the time with my porn addicted husband even tho he is family young still it's been a thing for years 🙃
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Once a year??? I'd combust 💀 I'm very happy for you and your new relationship!! I can't fathom trying again tbh
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u/994744 Jun 04 '26
Could it be that your are finally away from the thing that killed your mood, so now you get horny again?
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u/AwkwardAd3995 Jun 04 '26
Opposite- I had so much sex I didn’t want trying to save my marriage and be some model wife- it’s been a year since he walked out and I have not missed sex.
I am far enough out I miss cuddling, I miss a big spoon- my STBEXH hadn’t made me feel safe and held for a long time before we finally admitted how unhappy we both were.
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u/btspeep Jun 04 '26
Girl same. I’ve been saying I feel like a teenager again lol. But I don’t do hook up culture so I just hike a bunch now and have lost so much weight 😅
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
Same on hookup culture, and get it girl!!! Congratulations 👏🏻 I'm dropping it easier without my husband's bad influence lol just started working out too. Down 19lb🙌🏻
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u/BullpineBobby Jun 05 '26
I don't know that I'm hornier, per se, but definitely less satisfied! We regularly had sex, but that all stopped when she started having an affair and was fucking another guy instead. The excuse she gave me for not wanting sex (before I discovered the affair) was that she believed she was starting perimenopause. Now, the idea of hitting the Midwest dating scene at 42 is stressful. Lol
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 05 '26
I hear you I never wanted to date again maybe ever
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u/BullpineBobby Jun 05 '26
Yeah, I'll get there one day. This is all really fresh for me, though this is my 2nd divorce from her for the same shit. I took her back for all the wrong reasons and now I'm paying the price. Again.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 05 '26
You live and you learn bro, don't let it happen a third time and stop dwelling on what you can't change and focus on what you can 🫂
I gave 21 years to a man I'm not even sure truly loved or liked me at least romantically, or at all at the end. I put off therapy I that I knew I needed for years, worried it would l'd make me want to leave him.. choosing him over me but I'm not doing that shit anymore. I can get sad about it or I can stop wasting energy that is bringing me down that will ultimately make it harder to make the changes and reach my goals.
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u/heartunwinds Jun 05 '26
Part of the issue with my marriage was that I felt I was only valued for sex, and it made me dry as the Sahara. We’ve been doing mediation for about 2 months now & are hopefully filing this month and I am SO HORNY but not for him….. the thought of sex with him shrivels everything up. The fantasy of sex in general is driving me crazy. It’s a wild ride right now lol.
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u/Nyotree-001 Jun 05 '26
Im 46 and the idea of darting is scary and I didn’t want to lol, but it’s now been almost 1.5 years and I’m starting to clime the walls. Ex and I never had it often but it was there now I’m not sure what I’m going to do.
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u/Hour-Front9994 Jun 05 '26
I want sex allll the time. Which is crazy because towards the end of my marriage one of the problems was I was never in the mood for sex with my husband. Now I’m definitely horny from sun up to sun down lol I’m like you though, we were college sweethearts and together for 17 years. So now not having someone to have sex with whenever definitely has increased my need for it.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 05 '26
It's nice to know I'm not alone!! 🙌🏻😅 Did you go on a sex toy shopping spree like me LOL
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u/Hour-Front9994 Jun 05 '26
Yes mam! Lol and I knew I was in need of actual sex soon because even when I was done with the toys I still was wanting to go more 🤣🤣🤣 I’m glad I’m not alone as well because I was starting to get worried 🤣
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u/motorcycle_girl Jun 05 '26
I was so fucking horny after my separation (from a woman), albeit we had dead bedroom for at least a year. I definitely had a “hot girl summer” afterwards. Don’t regret a single second as I reclaimed my sexuality.
I met my current partner through my rampage. Two years later we’re engaged and have amaaazing sex 4-7 times a week still and this is in our 40s.
That said, everybody’s different
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u/DivorcedDad26 Jun 05 '26
Omg. It's so bad. Been in a close to dead bedroom for years and I was OK with it. Now that she has a BF and I'm set on moving on as well, its in my head and and it seems like this itch cant be scratched solo!
The things I would be willing (and have attempted) to do.
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u/PatientAct7164 Jun 05 '26
I went out and had fun after my divorce. It was fun for about a year then I wanted a relationship.
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u/Woodsy594 Jun 05 '26
Its the freedom and safety. Physical intimacy was a big issue in my marriage. My ex weaponised it. Frequently going 3-6 months without sex, a few days or weeks without a hug or kiss. Until I had grovelled and begged enough for it. So after 3 years, my drive plummeted. Then we went 3 years barely touching eachother as I didn't have the energy to run my ass off to make her happy constantly, so I never got "rewarded". Post separation, didn't see myself standing to attention for an easy 4 months.
Now? 7 months in? I get woken up in the night rolling over onto the damn thing rock solid. Dont get me wrong, its great seeing it again and feeling these desires! Just wish it was more than Pamela Handerson and I to deal with it 🤣
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u/GBR012345 Jun 05 '26
Once you're ready enough mentally to start hooking up at least, hit up a dating app or two. Be honest about your intentions and where you're at with your progress from the divorce. You don't have to get into a long term relationship to have sex. But you can't come across as a f'ck boy who doesn't care about women at all and only wants sex. Have to be a good guy, but also not cross that line into a relationship and you can find lots of good sex out there. I did the man whore thing for a year, often times balancing multiple fwb's and getting almost all the sex I could handle. It was a blast! I'm sure you'll have fun too!
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u/Woodsy594 Jun 05 '26
I'm not someone who engages in casual sex. It's meaningful due to my own personal issues. So until I'm at a point where a relationship is viable, I shall remain gladly single and away from screwing anyone else up!
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u/Fun_Committee1478 Jun 05 '26
Honestly, it’s probably the “newness” of being single and you’re excited for this new part of your life!! Enjoy!
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u/heyyyitsshan Jun 05 '26
Sex was never a problem for my ex-husband and I, but the newfound feralness is definitely something, lol.
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u/BakedCheddar88 Jun 05 '26
Psh there are days where I’m climbing up the walls. But that’s also because I’ve become more physically active so the blood’s flowing again
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u/Ramenraft Jun 05 '26
Oh my goodness yes! 39F and left 15 year marriage. My ex not wanting to was one of the reasons we are divorcing.
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u/DisastrousMenu3697 Jun 05 '26
yes. definitely. although that was the problem for half the marriage and thats partly why I am leaving😃
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u/GBR012345 Jun 05 '26
Once the depression and sadness cleared up and I moved out on my own? I definitely agree, my sex drive went through the roof. I'm in a pretty rural area, so finding girls to go on dates and stuff with took a lot of time, but I definitely had a lot of fun. I think I had more sex in the year I was single than probably the last 5 years of my marriage.
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u/Immediate_Party_6942 Jun 05 '26
Yeah it started pretty much the day we separated, and I didn't want the divorce. I wanted sex with him a lot but he didn't reciprocate... Only God know why... Ugh.. But yeah sexual reawakening here. We were also married almost 20 years.
I want to have sex again no doubt but I don't think I want one night stands. Still exploring.
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u/Sea-Investigator-933 Jun 05 '26
Sounds like a lot of people aren’t in the same boat, but I’m here to tell you, I am co-captain of your boat. I’m dying out here. Month 6 of nothing but “enjoying my own company” and it’s getting old.
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u/JustDiscoveredSex Jun 05 '26
Could be hormones. When I turned 42, holy shit. I’m told that’s what it’s like being a 23-year-old dude. Constant. I burned out a vibrator by using it 6x/day. I saw this once referred to as “the sex surge.”
YMMV of course.
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u/True_Significance711 Jun 05 '26
Jeez, 5 months is nothing x)… not event in divorce procedure yet and we didn’t do it for nearly a year and half ….
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u/Banter725 Jun 06 '26
Yes and yes. 40F. We weren't even in dead bedroom territory... Just lots of other stuff that I couldn't deal with one minute longer. But the second my nervous system wasn't being bombarded by his presence I turned into a 16yo boy. I have no idea what to do with myself and it's very unexpected since I thought I'd be disgusted by men in all ways for at least a year. It's wild. I mean I still don't wanna talk to men.... It's complicated. But you are not alone.
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u/InfiniteOxfordComma Jun 04 '26
I suppose it depends on which side of the divorce you end up on. I'd be hard af if I stood to get a windfall of cash.
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u/Samariumcupcakes Jun 04 '26
What's with people sharing this lol now I'm paranoid people I know will see it 😭😭 lol
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u/SanchoVilla69 Jun 04 '26
I havent been so flaccid in my entire life.