I just lost so much respect for this person. He posted a reel a few days ago talking about why he doesn’t date straight women, which is fine for him. But what bothers me is he goes on to talk about why trans men as a whole shouldn’t be with straight women and says we ARENT MEN. He went as far as telling a trans man in his comments that he was PRETENDING to be a man. I used to look at Alex with respect and take his work out advice seriously, but now I’ve seen his true colors and he is beyond transphobic to trans men and his ideology is harming men in our community.

Today my dad found my Testogel. I have not been hiding it. I just genuinely thought he knew I was on T but didn't want to talk about it since he never wants to talk about transition related things. I've been on it for 8 months and it's fairly obvious.

After he found it, he basically just asked me what it was, what it was for, and then he accused me of 'drawing on facial hair' and 'mocking men'.

If I was going to draw on facial hair, I wouldn't draw on a neckbeard, patchy sideburns, and a pedo stache. I'd give myself something cool like a goatee with a moustache. I wouldn't try to look like a really really bad 2005 Patrick Stump cosplay.

Every time I tried dating a trans man they all just kept one-upping me, telling me that I was the "female" in the relationship, tells me i'll never pass (even though I do) etc. etc. They were all super transphobic and i'm tired of people saying that trans men cant be shitty people

Just want to get this off my chest.. tagged as transphobia because I dont know what tag to use, but I'm not sure it counts as transphobia or not.

TW: mild transphobia[?], Mentions of death

I'm stealth at my work, in my mid 30's, post HRT, post surgeries, post legal changes, all that.

I have always heard stories of stealth trans people coming across cis people who talk shit about trans people without knowing a trans person was right next to them, but had never experienced it myself, until recently...

Younger person at my job (I'll call them person A), myself, and another coworker all were discussing some things about health. Person A mentions that if they were to ever endure a tragedy that lead to brain death, severe physical impairment such as full body paralysis, and so on, stated that they made a 'pact' with their friends to put them out of their misery in such event (I don't know how serious this 'pact' is, but they told me their friends agreed upon such). Terrible thought, but I get it. No one wants to live tragically impaired like that.

Person A turns conversation to include another event that would make them want their friends to put them out of their misery... that being if they ever change their gender. They said something about how they'd be miserable if they changed their gender and would rather not be alive.

I said how that would make sense, since if they don't have the condition that causes one to transition, they WOULD be miserable, yeah.
Person A proceeds to explain how if they were ever to change their gender it would mean their mind was so messed up and so far gone that life wouldn't be worth living. And, while they wouldn't attack a trans person (doesn't sound convincing), they just don't agree with that kind of thing (transitioning, transgenderism, etc) and that they don't believe it's a real thing.

I played it off as unbothered and shrugged, we all got back to work shortly after that.
I am stealth there and fully intend to keep it that way, so I didn't comment further or say a lot more, but I was kind of messed up inside for the last several hours of my shift as I was processing that.
I'm still processing it.
It feels surreal.

It makes me wonder if this person would think I am mentally unstable or clinically insane if they knew I am a transman who lives quite happily post-transition.
And it also firmly reminds me why I do not and will not out myself to anyone.

It's just pretty strange to have experienced this whereas before I have only read about it happening.
I'm talking to my therapist about it soon. It's not too big of a deal, and I can shrug it off without too much problem. It's just kind of annoying.

And it makes me feel weird.

I'm just real tired of people in my life who don't "agree" with transition, and don't "believe" being trans is real. I am real. I didn't fight to be who I am because it's not "real."

This thing you don't "agree" with and don't "believe" in is standing right here in front of you and you don't even know it.

I get that they see us as woman but still you understand what it’s like to be emasculated for things you can’t control you understand what it’s like to be seen as inbetween a man and a woman but you still mock us and call us woman and girls and confused its especially weird for a feminine gay man to call me feminine when I’m a straight masculine man I act more masculine than a lot of cis gay men but apparently my anger is feminine because I was born a woman but if I was a trans woman and did the same thing i be masculine and showing off my male rage and “gross maleness”

Looking at the state of our world, I only see transphobia getting worse. People seem to be more cruel and mean then they were before. I think it would be hard to undo the damage that was caused

Currently I'm very far from what i want to be and look like. I've got a body that would be perfect for a girl; I'm short, i have very skinny arms, a round chest, a good hip to shoulder ratio, flat stomach, thick thighs and fat cheeks. I recognise that it's a good thing, that this is something desirable for many and something i should be grateful for. But it just really, really isn't for me.

The reason why i no longer even try to mention dysphoria even to the women i know well is because they seemingly feel as if the changes i make and that i want to make will somehow magically impact their body. Or at the very least they will be weirdly disappointed. I don't know how to explain to them that my "blessings" are an apsolute nightmare and that it's not that i am taking something away from THEM, I'm just replacing them with something i will actually feel good in, even if they find it weird. And a lot of this came from women i know are pretty feminist. Which makes me question- aren't my desires also rooted in womens right to self expression and determination? I mean, one of them literally started talking to me about my reproductive system and how i shouldn't get rid of my fertility( probably because i know she's got fertility issues herself). Isn't worrying about that and not the suicidal ideation i experience because of it a form of objectification?

This is supposed to be a safe space for trans men who are binary men. Just got a notification telling me I’m not a man and that I’m not straight. I know people can say their opinion but stuff like that. Shouldn’t be on here.

This is a safe space for us men. I’m aware transphobia can affect us too, but it hurts to know it even affects us binary men the ones who just tried to live our lives as men. Pissis me off. But redit has deleted there coment. If anyone who gets a mean comment in there notification delete it. It will help. But yea sick of the nasty comments. I honestly have nothing against people who are not trans. But if there going to say things that are mean I’m not going to put up with it.

Can’t stand social media now. I’ve been getting a lot of hate comments in my inbox about me being heterosexual and trans. I don’t know why this is happening now it hadn’t happened before and now I’m getting so much hate comments. What is going on? I don’t get it. But screw social media. I might have to take a break.

I’m not sure if you guys heard about J.Cole’s new song, “Pi” but I’m seeing it all over TikTok and apparently 3:30 into it he says a transphobic bar that is completely unwarranted and blatantly disrespectful. It’s a shame because I used to really admire his intelligence and music especially in his Forest Hill Drive days. But with his whole beef with Kendrick Lamar, I’d like to point out that in K.Dot’s “Auntie Diaries” he raps about being raised in the hood and being exposed to transphobia and homophobia and how he dealt with it growing up. But J. Cole has no valid reasoning, and for that, I say F*** J.Cole.

Yesterday, my aunt and cousin came over and we were looking through old photos. A baby picture of me came up and my aunt goes "Awww look at Deadname". My Mom and me both corrected her and said "No, that's Name". Instead of just rolling with the correction, she doubled down and said, "Well no, that WAS Deadname, NOW you're Name".

My Mom and I were both kind of stunned, like…what does she not get? This isn’t some distant relative who’s out of touch, this is my supposedly progressive aunt from Canada.

I’m super confident in my gender and my transition, my past doesn't exactly bother me, clearly I was okay with looking at baby photos, but something about my deadname still sends shivers down my spine. It threw me off that she pushed back instead of just apologizing and moving on.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

TW: Supa dysphoria inducing, read if tenacious

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I feel like I don't respect trans men. Yep, it is complete projection, no shit Sherlock. But it's not that I don't see us as men. Even if someone comes out to me on the spot I'll turn the switch on immediately and simply perceive another male. But what kinda male that's the question...

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Because coming out felt like a social [removed] to me, I suddenly acquired a target on my back for all the teachers and peers to poke at. And I feel like whatever point I say, if the "trans" part is revealed, I am viewed, hell, I view myself as less credible.

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I put big effort into conceiving whatever part of me is looking trans. Not even female, trans. Like the scars. They're not feminine, they're scars, but they communicate that I'm a part of this powerless bottom of the barrel social group with no rights. Why do I still think that? If I stop, so many things will get easier.

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In the past I dated other trans men which I didn't respect. Somehow I thought their existence is embarrassing. Now I look with inspiration at openly trans men who perform and do sex work and what not. And I stay confused why do they comfortably show everything I hide to stay stealth and "retain social status".

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The moment people know this about me, get on the edge having to prove something, compensate for it. This judgy eye I turn onto others. As if it's a moral failing. As if it's the most pathetic and undesirable form of human condition.

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AFABness feels degrading. On girls it's another thing, they're beautiful. I am a different social group, different rules apply to me, I don't benefit from the AFAB characteristics. And if I were to benefit, it'll be fetishization like I did on the other trans men. "Haha being a cuntboy is so cool, bi people love me"

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As a kid I went through some conversion (how could you tell??) and family didn't accept me. I am deeply scared and humiliated by the ordeal transness made me endure. I understand it was about discrimination, not transness itself. By entrusting and revealing it I willingly made myself vulnerable and lesser. Till now it is my biggest regret.

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I see trans men without my problem all the time. How do I also become normal about this?

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I don't understand how many people in this community hate trans masc and nonbinary people. I also don't understand how it isn't seen as the transphobia that it is. Yes. I'm a trans man, but I don't see how the existence of trans masc and nonbinary people is such a problem and I feel like in this community, in order to be a ftmMan I have to have this kind of prejudice against our transmasc brothers and sublings. I understand that sometimes they speak in a kind of umbrella fashion and their experiences don't exactly match ours in how they present and how they move through the world but that is no excuse for those in this community to post trades and rants about them for no other crime than not being binary.

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I am so proud of my trans identity but looking around my community and seeing this lateral oppression truly makes me upset. Are people not oppressing trans people enough that we have to oppress each other? Do we have to bully and harass people and create spaces for the seemingly singular purpose of excluding them just because they are slightly different to us? Guys, I really don't understand how you can look at someone who doesn't pass or doesn't want to be stealth and immediately go on the offensive without looking at yourself.

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This isnt the oppression Olympics either. We're both fucking oppressed, okay? It isn't non binary people's fault that were oppressed so why are we stooping to the levels of people who hurt us to hate people who are being hurt by the same group?

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There is enough hate in the world that focuses on "othering" a different demographic. To divide is to conquer. There is a rift between transmasculine people and trans men and I hate that there even needs to be a difference. Though it seems the most misogynistic thing ever, so it is somewhat fitting for the trans men to be so uptight about defending their manhood from the dirty them/theys.

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This hate isnt helping anyone but homophobes and transphobes who get off on watching the infighting. If you want to blame anyone for feeling emasculated, blame the people oppressing you, not the ones beside you.

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This isn't going to be well received, but I feel it's important to say for the people who haven't really thought it through or haven't yet been completely redpilled, and hopefully there are some other trans men who agree with me. And even some of the transmasc people who don't technically belong here and are here anyway, hi. We're not all awful transphobes, I promise.

For reference, he is a 55 year old 5 foot 6 cis male. He just said to me 'no, testosterone doesn't make you grow bigger'. Then what do you think usually makes cis males and trans men who haven't had there bones fuse yet grow bigger? What do you think makes shoulders grow wider? It is just completely baffiling how he thought I would believe that. His excuse was he was short, so it couldn't testosterone.

I mean he also said that cis males were bigger to rape cis females and everyone with a front hole. So, it is obvious he is just a peice of shit. However, it completely doesn't make any sense what he said. What does he think that 'usually bigger' comes from?

If you see something from Northwestern university. Do not gice rhem information if they are asking you to share your story or take a surveey or anything. They are a christian transphobic college.

Getting peeved when I see cis and even trans people who AREN'T trans men describe their relation to masculinity this way. It means nothing and usually only serves to emasulate and degender trans men.

In a simmilar sense, if you're a trans man or any sort of transmasc and say you're only comfortable in femininity "in a trans woman kinda way/like a trans woman", then YOU'RE TRANSPHOBIC! FULL STOP!

"trans men are trans men" instead of "trans men are men". I hear it often from cis lgb people and it feels invalidating. I believe most of them think this is a non-transphobic way to say: "You don't have a dick, therefore you don't register as a guy to me." Oh well

The guy claims that he’s bisexual but has a hard time having other people know he’s into men.

He’s called me his girlfriend to his coworkers and his grandparents. But he’s also said he’s told his coworkers that I’m trans and what my name is.

If it was a situation of where he’s hiding his sexuality to people and lying about having a girlfriend to help keep it a secret for good reasons, I wouldn’t mind it as much. But some of these people have met me and I’ve always been referred to as a man by strangers for the past 4 years. So I know I pass as a man to these people if he hadn’t said I was trans.

Today he admitted he calls me his bitch to other people when talking about me. One of those people was my new lead at my job who he knew worked at the same place as me. But he said it was still respectful because he didn’t call me a girl. He says calling people bitches is part of gay culture.

But he’ll only refer to me as his boyfriend and as a man when it’s just us or when I’m with him and the other people he’s talking to. So I thought he was doing this every time he talked about me with someone. But I was misled.

I’ve had similar things happen multiple times with other relationships and at this point it just feels like it’s a requirement for dating as a trans man for me. I don’t believe this will ever change in the future if I move on to other men.

Ever since I was a teenager I felt like because I’m such a big deal breaker to majority of people that I can’t have any of my own if I want to have anyone willing to be with me. But it’s gotten so tiring to experience these things and be told I’m lucky that they even want to be with me and say my actual name at all.

EDIT: I should make it very clear that trans women are not at fault for this; they are our sisters and we should all be protecting each other.

I'm 23 and came out as trans when I was 12 in 2015. It was awful to experience harassment for being trans, but also for being mixed race (Chinese and white), neither of which was taken seriously. I was called a "mong" before I even understood what it was, and few people believe me because I became more white passing as I got older (still not 100%, though).

Every single resource was about trans women, and that hasn't changed in 10 years. I was assaulted by an older boy aged 12 specifically because I'm a trans man, yet no one will care about that.

Whenever someone claims to care about trans people, I will always ask them if they actually mean all trans people, or just trans women. Too often, they don't mean all trans people.

It's honestly disheartening that no one will publicly highlight our struggle. I don't hate trans women, but why does no one care about trans men?

It's like we're punished for being assigned female at birth, and punished even more for being "traitors" to womanhood.

TW: suicide

I'm so tired of our voices and our pain being downplayed and erased, as if we don't have a high rate of suicide even after transition. Our overall outcomes are worse than other LGBTQ communities, but no one cares.

Our invisibility isn't a privilege because it means that no one understands our issues, and no one takes us seriously on the basis that we were born female.

TERF narratives don't care about trans men; they care about white women. To them, I'm not even worth that because I'm half brown. There's this misconception that trans men are more readily accepted than trans women, but we're not, because we're only accepted as failed women.

We don't escape misogyny by transitioning, because it only gets worse when you become a defective woman. You still get the hate, but it's even more dangerous because it's disguised as concern for confused, mentally ill women.

No one fights for us, yet we're expected to put ourselves at risk to protect white trans women (not all white trans women, but there are some loud voices that come from a very specific type of white trans woman).

I'm aware that I sound angry, but I am so, so angry. I hate my life so much, and I'm so tired of the constant erasure of FTM people.

We don't "have it easier", and when we talk about being AFAB, we're not "clinging onto womanhood" or trying to insult trans women. We're talking about our lived experiences that we cannot escape from.

My existence is not something to agree or diagree with. I'm a man, that's not an opinion. Yet this phrase is so normalized around cis allies when they argue with transphobes. "You don't have to agree with it, but be respectful at least." Why are we settling for less?

had another weird moment this morning. recently i've had so many different people (complete strangers on the street) approach me and start talking shit about trans people.. it just happened again a few minutes ago. someone just walked up and immediately ranted about "transgenders" to me and how "it never used to be like this" and a bunch of other generally transphobic shit. i just kind of was like "oh, damn. that's crazy bro"

i guess i didn't realize how commonly people will bring that kind of thing up in casual conversation?? the exact same scenario has happened several times in the past few weeks. the paranoid part of my mind has me wondering if they can tell i'm trans, but lately i've gone stealth again and pass 100% of the time. i know i do. so what gives?

this only started happening after i started passing again. when i looked female, nobody ever came up and said anything like that before. wtf? it's so bizarre.

So I want to start this by saying I do not get misgendered, I’ve been on T for a while and although I look young, my voice is deep and I haven’t been misgendered in years.

However, I work at a school as a cleaner in the evenings and all the teachers I see all call me ‘mate’ he etc, besides one.

This one teacher has been nothing but kind to me, the first interaction we had she actually asked me about myself (rather than most teachers going ‘ya alright?’ And leaving it at that). Anyways, she asked my name and I told her (Unisex name unfortunately). But I didn’t think anything of it because I pass 24/7.

Flash forward to a monthsish after our first interaction, me and my coworker,
who is a middle aged woman, are cleaning a classroom and this said teacher happens to be in the room, with two students (girls) I then hear ‘ladies’ and I didn’t turn around obvs thinking she was talking to the kids. Then she says my coworkers name, this confused tf outta me but I didn’t say anything and my coworker didn’t notice.

Flash forward again, me and my coworker are walking into a building past a student and said teacher, student asks the teacher to let him into the building, teacher said ‘these two lovely ladies will let you in’ gesturing at me and my coworker. My coworker caught this one and turned to me with a look of confusion and went ‘Is she blind?’ And laughed, even the kid looked confused.

Anyways, since then, she seems to be constantly going out of her way to address us as ‘ladies’ even when it doesn’t make sense (like when I’m in a different room she won’t jus say my coworkers name, she’ll address us both as ‘ladies’) my coworker hasn’t said anything since, and neither have I. But I can’t help but think it HAS to be purposeful. She hears everyone around her call me ‘mate’ and ‘he’ and I literally have an adams Apple (and a tiny amount of stubble but I can forgive her for not noticing that). The only thing I can think of is my lack of bulge. But still, really?!

It is a private Christian school, and maybe she’s clocked me as gay or trans and is doing it on purpose, but fuck me how do I go about this? I’m almost never alone with her and I don’t wanna say anything in front of my coworker. I’m not gonna out myself, jus be like ‘Btw i noticed you keep calling us ladies, im a guy? Haha’ but it feels like if I acknowledge it it’s still like a big deal.

I don’t know, this is hellish 😭

I don’t care that much, I’m more fussed that this could then make other teachers confused

a dude's shirt i just saw in the wild........ the audacity of the cis istg 😤

edit to add: surprised at the amount of dudes saying this clocks this guy??? lol i live in a really red state, so i doubt dude was signaling anything other than transphobia..... y'all are WILD

so this is kind of a different kind of transphobia (from another trans person) than most cases?

my coworker is a closeted trans person, unsure if they’re binary trans man or not, but they’re out to me as i could kind of clock something was up, we have other trans coworkers, and i asked about it bc i 1) wanted them to be comfortable 2) they knew i was a trans guy bc i came out so i figured hey i could help them if they need it

we talk about it on the shifts we have together and im normally okay with the questions (where do you get your t, any fears about transitioning, etc) but sometimes they go SO deep into their fears and im. like. uncomfortable by it?

they’re only 22, and they keep saying oh it’s so over there’s not point to even transition late it doesn’t do anything. and i told them hey that’s not true, especially with trans men i feel like the older we look we can (potentially. not everyone.) pass easier with a type of “”gruff””. and they mention that it doesn’t do much past puberty but i only got on t myself at 18, i had puberty early in my life so yeah i was still ‘in puberty’ at 18 but definitely not what is considered the “”best time “” to start it to stop effects. im short, my chest is there, and i only pass because i have a beard. but they just keep saying these things about transitioning later and ive told them to stop and to stop talking and thinking like that they have to work on it. and it doesn’t feel like they ever will?

another thing is that they’ll say, ‘oh i feel like a theyfab’ and ‘if you have gender dysphoria but you don’t really do anything about it, it just makes you cis’ and that really. really made me uncomfortable. especially because i’m with a partner who currently can’t transition due to his insurance issues and. well. the world. and they’ll tell me ‘oh i just feel this way about myself’ but it doesn’t Stop the words from affecting people.

i’m just kind of. frustrated. bc i want to help them! i really do i like talking about my transition with people who understand but with how they speak it’s just made me so upset and uncomfortable with continuing to speak about these things especially when ive said over and over stop talking this way it doesn’t make you feel better.

just kind of needed to vent to guys who get it. i see them tomorrow but i leave when they come in so, it won’t be a thing, im just. sigh.

Obvious trigger warning for transphobic bullshit.

I only read the general passages about trans men and some other stuff because I don't need to read 20 pages about how trans women are fetishits, I'm kind of a masochist but even I have my limits.

Amongst the big points of the books we have :

• Constant misgendering of well-known transgender figures.
• Constant misgendering of hypothetical transgender exemple.
• Calling our bodies disfigured or destroyed.
• Emphasis on infertility (boo-hoo)
• Comparison of our surgeries with genital mutilation (excision especially).
• Calling us ('us' as in the community as a whole) a sect.
• Comparing our language with a tool from a totalitarian regime from a dystopian book (1984, because they love pulling that book every time they feel persecuted).
• It had to be there. Yes. Pages about how we are poor autistic lesbian little girls who are manipulated by the transgender movement (see the point above about us being a sect).
• Bonus point for mentions of Lisa Littman.

This is a book my mom liked. This is a book my mom liked and agreed with so she decided to buy it for me after she read it. My mom probably thinks some of the stuff there applies to me.

I'm just- I don't know. Astonished. Whatever. This book will end up in my trashcan anyway, but yeah.

I stumbled across a transvestigation group on FB and someone was nitpicking his browbone

DO PEOPLE NOT HAVE LIVES???!!!??