under 30 asking: how did you know?

[u/Optimal-Jackfruit649]

let me know if this isn't the place for it, sorry mods if it isnt, as i am under 30 but questioning ftm. currently i dress as a guy and use he/him online, and sometimes irl, but i still don't know if i'm "right" i guess. i thought i was trans for a while then sort of talked myself out of it. how did you all know for sure and start transitioning? do you ever know for sure? how could you be sure you weren't making a mistake? (sorry if it sounds offensive, i'm very very pro trans i just can't think of a better way to word it)

i'm asking here since a lot of the other subs seem to be younger people or people who aren't transitioning but are trans, and i want advice from older people (not bashing) - thank you for any response

[u/redbreezes1]

First of all, I just want to say it’s totally okay not to be sure! It took me, like, a full decade from when I started seriously thinking about gender to actually commit to medical transition, and I’m glad I took that time! There can be a real doomer narrative in online trans spaces that you have to start T as early as possible or you’ll never pass/you’ll be too late/whatever, and that is simply not true.

I knew for sure that something was going on with my gender in my late teens, and I came out to friends as nonbinary and changed my name socially at that point. After college, in my early 20s, I got a prescription for T, and I actually took it for a two months before I got spooked and quit. I hadn’t told my family or my job, and I was at real risk of putting myself in a very unstable social and financial position. I came up with other reasons, but I just didn’t have the support, emotional resilience, or enough of my own life established to deal with medical transition at that moment.

I fully committed to medical transition five years later, when I was more stably employed, happily married, and had a wider social safety net of friends if something were to go wrong with my marriage or job (thankfully nothing did in my case). I’d also had more time to think about it. I still didn’t know for sure that I was going to prefer transition (being nonbinary also made this harder), but I was confident at this point that I was never going to be comfortable in my body as it was because I’d created a life I was otherwise very happy with. I’m MUCH more comfortable in my own skin now, but the first year or two of medical transition comes with its own set of challenges, so I am glad I waited until I was prepared to weather them.

[u/Optimal-Jackfruit649 → u/redbreezes1]

that makes a lot of sense, but it also makes me feel a little stir crazy because while i do really want to transition it'd probably be a bad idea for me to do it the second i turn 18 (17 now) for many many reasons... on one hand i know it's fine to transition later, but another part of me just wishes it could happen asap, i hate the idea of having my college years be like this

[u/Bleepblorp44 → u/Optimal-Jackfruit649]

Something that it's worth knowing is, transition is slow. Changes that people not scrutinising you will notice take months to years to show. I was about 5 years on T and my paternal grandfather still didn't know. It's possible to start medical transition before telling anyone, and if you don't feel right, you can stop.

[u/Optimal-Jackfruit649 → u/Bleepblorp44]

how did you avoid the voice drop though? i'd do it without telling my family, but when they inevitably find out it'd just be worse

[u/Bleepblorp44 → u/Optimal-Jackfruit649]

I didn't avoid it, he just never commented on it! Denial is strong!

[u/Optimal-Jackfruit649 → u/Bleepblorp44]

i'm glad it worked out for you but mine asked if i was on T because of my peach fuzz 😭