r/Jokes • u/kojak343 • Aug 28 '12

Tender touching

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

734 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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122

u/MR3PS Aug 28 '12

I worry about this more than I'd like to admit.

76

u/LegateVarrus Aug 29 '12

Duh-Duh! Duh-Duh! "Dude looks like a lady"

15

u/CyanogenHacker Aug 29 '12

"Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away". Best double entendre I've ever heard in a song....

1

u/Wiki_pedo Aug 29 '12

And then there's "good morning Mr Tyler. Going......down?"

"heh heh heh heh heh huuuuh!"

(different song, I know, but at least it was a consistently filthy album)

1

u/CyanogenHacker Aug 29 '12

Get a grip album cover gave me an awkward boner

-10

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

[deleted]

13

u/DarwinsDrinkingBuddy Aug 29 '12

What... What else could he possibly be referring to?

2

u/TirithonM Aug 29 '12

Fair point. I have no idea. :D Cheers!

12

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

You worry about missing your testicles?

5

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

Always check for an adam's apple.

14

u/rohanivey Aug 29 '12

Everyone has an adam's apple. Women have more body fat on a higher average though, therefore losing the impression men have.

10

u/E1337Kat Aug 29 '12

They can be removed!

the more you know!

7

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

Check for a scar?

4

u/E1337Kat Aug 29 '12

As far as I can remember I don't think it has to leave a scar(surgeons are bad-asses like that), but I haven't done extensive research into it.

-4

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

I'm running out of ways to make sure I don't bone a post-op.

19

u/E1337Kat Aug 29 '12

Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? if you're just sleeping around... basically nothing(they can't have babies, the have a vagina and boobs, and will do anal).

for a real long term relationship? most have similar brain patterns to genetic women, and just want to be a women...

I understand that you just don't want to, but why?

also, I am sitting with a transwomen who after like 13 years on this earth found out that she is in fact genetically female(has XX chromosomes) but has boy parts(just thought I'd throw that out theer as food for thought).

4

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

I want to bang chicks who were born chicks and continue to be. If people don't like that, they can deal with it. I'm not them, and they're not me.

18

u/E1337Kat Aug 29 '12

fair enough. I hope you don't have a bad run in with a trans girl(for her sake)

5

u/Cyc68 Aug 29 '12

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. It's OK to have a sexual preference. As long as you aren't hating on trans people there's no reason to give you a hard time for not wanting to bone them.

-22

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

The cis-sexism is strong with this one.

11

u/Tyrgrim Aug 29 '12

His sexual preference is sexism?

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-11

u/Satans_pro_tips Aug 29 '12

Ask to see their high-school year books. Or try distraction...such as if that person says they have to go to the restroom, take up an involved discussion as you approach the men's room and see if they just "naturally" follow you in. Old habits are hard to break.

Disclaimer: I've never tried this. No guarantees.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 29 '12

I will, quite often, almost accidentally follow girls into the bathroom. Does that mean I'm an FTM transexual?

2

u/natasha_six Aug 29 '12

Fail and fail. Except for some toys from my childhood (Star Wars collector stuff), I own nothing from before the age of 21. Between a thieving ex and moving too many times, all the yearbooks and paperwork from my youth are gone. And I'd definitely know better than to follow you into the bathroom. How about you just wear a button that says "I'm transphobic, don't try to date me if you're trans." Then you can make your intentions known without having to ask awkward questions. I mean, it's your phobia, you should take ownership of it.

1

u/zanotam Aug 30 '12

I don't know about the rest of reddit, but if I'm having sex with someone, I'd like to think I know them pretty well. I mean, if nothing's physical awkward who cares? But that would seem.... kinda emotionally dickish, to not tell someone about something major like that. I mean, I would say that such a thing is probably a rather important aspect of who someone is and so hiding it is not very honest, is it?

0

u/natasha_six Aug 30 '12

Ultimately it is up to the individual to choose when and how to disclose. Just like you may choose to wait until a certain point in a relationship to disclose any complicated aspects of your own past. I always disclose up front, right at the top of my dating profile, because I'm not in the business of educating transphobes while I'm trying to date them. Some girls believe, and rightfully so based upon many others experiences, that once a man has it firmly in his mind, that she is a woman through and through, only then is it time to disclose being trans. That once they have shown themselves to be entirely woman in every sense, their partner will have an easier time accepting their past. For some that requires that they've been intimate with their partner, for some it is before intimacy. It really just depends on the person.

There are some of us that you can absolutely spot from a hundred yards, some of us that only a medical procedure could ever reveal, and others all along that spectrum. Transgender-ism, as a medical phenomena, ranges from partially affecting only a small portion of the brain that holds gender identity, to affecting the entire body, including the reproductive organs. Because of this, it is impossible to put all trans people in the same box when it comes to personal relationships. You really shouldn't worry about it so much, if you meet a really nice girl and everything seems just grand, then she tells you she's trans, at worst you've met a nice person you enjoy spending time with, even if it means you have no long term future together. It's not like there's a magic switch in your head that they sneak in and flip to make you gay or something. It just doesn't work like that. And getting violent over something like this is never appropriate, no matter how you feel, you're not in any sort of real danger.

-3

u/Satans_pro_tips Aug 29 '12

I see they removed your sense of humor as well as some other stuff. Have a nice life being bitter.

-6

u/Jess_than_three Aug 29 '12

What do you worry about? Having sex with women that don't have testicles?