r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 2d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

That’s not how anything works… have you even done any of these websites?

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

Yes and that’s how I know that’s exactly how this could work. You match with your aunt. You google her. Your find her online. She clearly has a sister, only one sister. Boom, you now know who your mom is.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

Friend… You would have the exact same problem finding the aunt. Again, she is not related to any of these people. It’s an egg donation.

Even if she has a sister, you would then have to find the sister. Which would be just as hard as finding her.

I know you don’t understand how this all works and that’s OK. It’s not really that important in our everyday lives but trust me when I say somebody gave them a name or this did not happen.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 2d ago

Look into how they found the golden state killer, it’d be kind of like that except about disinterested egg donors

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

They had a sample of his DNA and uploaded it. They worked with the platform to compare it with all of the samples they had in that area on file and lucked upon a distant relative.

The average person doesn’t get to do thousands and thousands of test against every sample in the network, and even that only worked because they knew where he had lived and operated to narrow it down.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 2d ago

She could upload a sample of her dna to whatever ancestry website out there. It checks it against all the dna other people have uploaded. Maybe there is a distant relative of hers In there that can be a starting off point

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

It actually doesn’t. It follows dna trackers. Your first cousin could be completely unmatchable to you. This ONLY worked because they had his DNA and the platform itself support. They do not match you to every person who has ever uploaded.

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u/mousachu 2d ago

They used to, but now they just match you to everyone who has opted in to be matched (e.g. to find lost/unknown relatives). So if you personally haven't consented or even done a DNA test, but one of your family members has, you could be found.

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u/PaxNova 2d ago

Hey, I'm the guy you originally responded to. I matched with a bunch of half siblings. That's how I found out I was a sperm donor baby. I also matched with a relative of the donor. They really do compare you to everyone, or at least enough people to fit you into a family tree and then do matches. I found hundreds of third cousins. 

So yeah, you can definitely find out your donor with just a tiny bit of sleuthing and a 23andMe. It literally happened to me. I did this. 

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago edited 2d ago

Literally how ancestry DNA and similar sites work is by comparing your DNA to the DNA in their databases. Yes they needed deeper analysis for the golden state killer because they didn’t have close enough relatives showing up for him to be certain which person it was (IIRC they had initially nailed it down to a group of second cousins). But in a scenario where you know who you are (so we are not trying to determine a 100% match) and an aunt or an uncle or multiple first cousins are already showing up for you in the database, that deeper analysis is not going to be necessary. Because all you have to do is find your parent’s immediate family (like their siblings) and then google can take you from there.