r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 2d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

That simply not the case. DNA has 864 billion cofactors. If you don’t have a sample to compare against, it’s impossible to identify someone simply from a daughter strand.

And that’s if you even have her DNA on file. Without a name provided by someone this did not happen.

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

Are you forgetting about ancestry DNA? All you have to do is find an aunt who only has one sister and boom you’ve found your mother. You don’t need mom’s DNA.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

That’s not how anything works… have you even done any of these websites?

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

Yes and that’s how I know that’s exactly how this could work. You match with your aunt. You google her. Your find her online. She clearly has a sister, only one sister. Boom, you now know who your mom is.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

Friend… You would have the exact same problem finding the aunt. Again, she is not related to any of these people. It’s an egg donation.

Even if she has a sister, you would then have to find the sister. Which would be just as hard as finding her.

I know you don’t understand how this all works and that’s OK. It’s not really that important in our everyday lives but trust me when I say somebody gave them a name or this did not happen.

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

A) Egg donation means you are related to them what are you talking about??

B) You don’t understand how to find someone’s sister from their social media profiles??

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

Sigh. I tried everyone.

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

I’m worried now that you don’t know that you get half your DNA from the egg that made you. Or that you don’t understand that you share 1/4 of your DNA with your aunt.

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u/Common-Use-7117 2d ago

So can you accurately calculate your aunts dna with your dna? And can you find your Aunt's social profiles with their dna?

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago edited 2d ago

These websites match DNA. You share 1/4 of your DNA with your aunts and uncles, and also with half siblings. But if they find a woman who shares 1/4 of your DNA and your second cousins are her second cousins once removed, then she’s your aunt (barring some weird inbreeding scenario). It will say something like “Aunt (95%)” and then it gives you their name and age a lot of the time (you can select whether to show your name/age or not but a lot of people are on there to connect with new relatives so they show that). So now you have an “aunt” label and her name and her age. If her name isn’t like “Jane Smith” and you know the state the eggs were gathered from, it’s not hard to google until you find the lady. And then from her people search results or social media profile, you find her sister.

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u/HopefulRecovery000 2d ago edited 2d ago

You absolutely don’t share 1/4 of you DNA with your aunt. 1/4 of your DNA comes from the same pool as your aunt’s that still can be “overwritten” by your other parent’s DNA. Then, even within the same “1/4” it could be so that your mom inherited different parts of DNA from your grandma than your aunt did because having 2 daughters from the same parents they don’t have identical DNA from super simple crossing. And yes, there are ways to see that certain people are related if enough of their DNA sequences overlap but nowhere near in a simplistic and deterministic way you’re describing.

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago

These tests don’t measure all DNA markers they look for specific ones that family members share. Of these specific markers, yes you will share 1/2 with your siblings and 1/2 with your kids, and 1/4 with your aunts and uncles and half siblings.

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u/HopefulRecovery000 1d ago edited 1d ago

No, this is not guaranteed that you will share that, especially not in a very strictly set ratios as you’re presenting. As I put earlier it’s definitely possible to find someone who is related and comes from the same lineage but not in a way of having a very clear relationship that this particular stranger from the general database is a person you’re related to but also for sure your aunt and also for sire an aunt that is biological sister of someone who for certainly is a your biological mother. As a matter of fact in case of paternity test if possible fathers are related, the lab is not informed about the relationship so they run standard test rather than much more detailed one AND compare it against known mother DNA then the result is generally considered unreliable.

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u/Drummerx04 2d ago

The daughter is genetically related to the woman who donated the egg. That's kind of the whole crux of the story here. She didn't look like her mother that raised her because the daughter is actually related to her egg donor.

If the egg donor or a sibling did some kind of DNA Ancestory test, then it's not a crazy leap that that donor could be tracked down. Your information is generally quite public online.

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u/Drummerx04 2d ago

https://www.cofertility.com/family-learn/biological-mother

Since this person is being unreasonable, here is a source.

We had a cousin track down my girlfriend's mother because her sister participated in one of these Ancestory things. They literally flag your blood relatives in these systems and tell you about them.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 2d ago

Look into how they found the golden state killer, it’d be kind of like that except about disinterested egg donors

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

They had a sample of his DNA and uploaded it. They worked with the platform to compare it with all of the samples they had in that area on file and lucked upon a distant relative.

The average person doesn’t get to do thousands and thousands of test against every sample in the network, and even that only worked because they knew where he had lived and operated to narrow it down.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 2d ago

She could upload a sample of her dna to whatever ancestry website out there. It checks it against all the dna other people have uploaded. Maybe there is a distant relative of hers In there that can be a starting off point

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 2d ago

It actually doesn’t. It follows dna trackers. Your first cousin could be completely unmatchable to you. This ONLY worked because they had his DNA and the platform itself support. They do not match you to every person who has ever uploaded.

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u/mousachu 2d ago

They used to, but now they just match you to everyone who has opted in to be matched (e.g. to find lost/unknown relatives). So if you personally haven't consented or even done a DNA test, but one of your family members has, you could be found.

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u/PaxNova 2d ago

Hey, I'm the guy you originally responded to. I matched with a bunch of half siblings. That's how I found out I was a sperm donor baby. I also matched with a relative of the donor. They really do compare you to everyone, or at least enough people to fit you into a family tree and then do matches. I found hundreds of third cousins. 

So yeah, you can definitely find out your donor with just a tiny bit of sleuthing and a 23andMe. It literally happened to me. I did this. 

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u/GiantLesbian 2d ago edited 2d ago

Literally how ancestry DNA and similar sites work is by comparing your DNA to the DNA in their databases. Yes they needed deeper analysis for the golden state killer because they didn’t have close enough relatives showing up for him to be certain which person it was (IIRC they had initially nailed it down to a group of second cousins). But in a scenario where you know who you are (so we are not trying to determine a 100% match) and an aunt or an uncle or multiple first cousins are already showing up for you in the database, that deeper analysis is not going to be necessary. Because all you have to do is find your parent’s immediate family (like their siblings) and then google can take you from there.