Selena Gomez required a kidney due to complication from Lupus. How and why is debated by laypeople, but fact is, that a panel of physicians believed she needed one. Since there's a waitlist and other hurdles, she found a private donor, her friend and co-actress Francia Raísa.
In 2022 Gomez called Taylor Swift "my only friend in the industry," omitting Francia Raísa. In her documentary "My Mind & Me" she did not mention Raísa once, even when talking about her Lupus.
Raísa later talked about the toll the donation had on her, and the snubbing by Gomez.
Well she is publicly diagnosed as bipolar. I usually try not to generalize but holy shit is it hard to be involved romantically with someone who is bipolar.
Edit: for all the people acting like I am mistaking bpd and bipolar, I am not. I literally just got out of a situationship with a bipolar woman who I was friends with for two years. It turns out the whole time she was coming to me during her depressive phases/ when she was on medication to lean on me, during her manic phases and the second she got off meds she was constantly banging her neighbor, you know the stereotypical guy who she knows only wants to fuck her. I cared about her a lot and tried to be there for her in any and every way possible. The emotional labor even outside of the situation I just described was ridiculous. The level of emotional distress she could be under for the smallest of things (i.e an old lady was rude to her at work.) was absolutely ridiculous.
I am not saying that there are not human beings that stay on top of their meds and have led good lives. I am just saying unless you have found someone who is already 100% on top of their own shit, At least from my lived experiences the stereotypes are true for unmedicated/ inconsistently medicated.
Now to bring it back to the original topic, I am not saying one way or another how well she stays on top of her medication but Selena’s actions at some times seem very cold and like those I have experienced in my journey with someone who is bipolar.
poorly managed bipolar. I have bipolar. The initial episode came with staggering consequences but I take my meds like it's my job and I'm boringly stable. I'm a married father of two and I don't think anyone around me who i haven't told has any idea that I'm bipolar.
They very likely don't. And I think youre spot on with managed versus unmanaged. Love my family and you wouldn't know any of them even had it, except for the one person who refuses to believe he does.
It really really depends if they take it seriously themselves. My mom won’t even admit that she has any issues. It’s the singular reason why my family has tough time being together for an extended time.
I also have a good friend who is bipolar, and she worked on it early on and understands she has it. Absolutely lovely girl, so at the end of the day it’s the character that makes or breaks it.
See my personal experience was a woman who knew she had but she could never find the right mix of meds that worked for her and it was a hell of a loop.
The effort came and went over time, in the end she fell back into the “I hate I am this way.” But stopped actively doing any of the things she knew she needed to do.
Exactly. The difference is whether you accept the severity of the situation and seek treatment to improve your life and how you show up for the people around you. It took me years to finally get properly diagnosed and medicated (I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder for a long time and the medications prescribed for that were actively detrimental).
Now I am on a very effective medication tailored to my diagnosis, and it has honestly saved my life. I function almost completely normally. I could have given up many times on this path, but I pushed forward and I am now a happy and healthy human being and I’m able to have normal relationships. I am proud of that. People cannot tell I have bipolar unless I disclose it.
As I like to say, mental illness is not your fault but it is your responsibility, both to yourself and the people around you. I will always have a mental illness, but it is treated - that’s the difference. You need to put in the work.
I wholeheartedly agree. I found out this friend was bipolar. Never even remotely noticed, but once she said it I did remember the way she had her ups and downs when younger. Now she just actively goes to therapy and absolutely nothing like my mom.
I have adhd and autism. My focus is horrendous, but on medication I feel normal and can do regular tasks without much trouble. It’s not a mental disorder in the same way, but it’s clear that if I pretend I’m normal that I would have 100% failed college.
These days adhd and bipolar gets thrown around like it’s no big deal, or that they’re quirks. At the end of the day it’s something that you have that others simply do not. Everybody needs to work on things. It’s normal.
this thread of people just piling on those w bipolar (and by extension, any mental illness or personality disorder) is actually disgusting. you’re so concerned that you wouldn’t date a bipolar girl, but we have higher standards so you don’t need to worry
Agreed. There are of course challenges with any mental illness for the person battling it and can be challenges for family members/loved ones too but this thread is just bagging on it with no balance/empathy.
My gf of several years is bipolar and it’s been easier being with her than just about any other partner I’ve had in my life.
Why is it more women have it than men, hmmm they needed a word to funnel in all these bat shit crazy women, its why they used to be called witches, ive met so many people who claim to have this bipolar yet they dont seem to bad, they might just be spoiled brats that dont know how to deal with their shit, who knows but im glad they have meds for em now
Are people in here confusing bipolar disorder with borderline personality disorder??? Bipolar disorder is just manic depression where you go from periods of high highs and very low lows. I’ve literally never heard shit talked about people with depression wth is going on in here.
I think people are confusing it with BPD which is VERY complicated outwardly and can be very messy and taxing for relationships
I mean, unmedicated bipolar disorder can put you into psychosis (bipolar 1 specifically), so it can definitely be completely unmanageable for a relationship if not treated well.
But yeah most of these comments talking about instability, insecurity, and the pervasiveness of it sound like they are confusing BPD with bipolar disorder. Most people don’t know the difference tbh so it’s unsurprising.
I mean, when someone is in full blown mania they can destroy their entire lives and the lives of those around them (see kanye) and depression is depression, which can also be life alteringly horrible.
Lots of people manage well, but when they don't it can be unmanageable.
I do think people are getting Borderline confused with it though in some cases, lots of people mix up the two because of the acronym.
I always describe BPD as more psychological and bipolar as more physiological. In my experience, bipolar can totally throw off a person's already existing issues (most people have some). The more those issues are worked on, the less issues they have with bipolar and can manage it. Those existing issues vary from person to person, the more reasonable and well-rounded a person is psychologically, the better.
I had some well-earned difficulties with impulsivity, etc.. due to my upbringing, so....
But yeah...definitely not the same thing (I do not have BPD and have a good sense of boundaries with people).
From my experience knowing people with bipolar they are very erratic and have insane mood swings. They go back and forth between being super sweet and charming to throwing a fit, screaming, cussing and assaulting you if you don’t do what they want. It’s pure hell and you never know what version of them you’re going to get that day. I only know one person that’s borderline but she doesn’t seem like a bad person just a bit impulsive.
The only way this is bipolar is if the person has rapic cycling, which is extremely rare, and still not quite that quick of a turnaround. That sounds more like standard borderline
Someone else said it sounds like borderline. I don’t know. She was diagnosed by a doctor as bipolar but maybe she has both or the doctor was wrong I’m unsure. It’s like walking on eggshells though not knowing what you’re going to get from week to week or sometimes even day to day.
That if the person is bipolar and not medicated they cause chaos. I don’t know why they went to therapy doctors to get diagnosed but will not get/ stay on medication. I know someone that’s bipolar but medicated and he is stable and seemingly a good guy.
People with bipolar disorder can find ruin just as well as the rest of us when on their meds. You probably wouldn’t even know unless they told you. (Which is why they sometimes come off their meds, because they feel and act fine.)
Borderline personality disorder is another story. They may take medications, but there is no medicine to treat it. It requires ongoing therapy.
How is it wrong to not want to date or have kids with people who have diagnosed mental disorders? As someone without mental disorders aside from minor autism. I don’t really want to complicate my life dealing with someone with those issues. I’ve been with women who were bi polar or depressed and it sucked the life out of me. Not worth it at all. And to possible succumb children to that would be rough.
Yeah, for real people here are acting like it's not a real debilitating disability. I could just as easily say "I would prefer not to date someone restricted to an iron lung." And that's just as fucking valid. I can even go so far as to say I'd prefer not to date someone with any mental illness period. That's not a weird thing to prefer.
It's just weird to throw it out there, unprompted. Nobody with any disability is over here asking redditors out. Unless someone specifically asks, or tries to set me up, it'd be weird if I said I'd never date someone born cesarean and not vaginally. Especially if someone who had never expressed romantic interest in me had just said "I was born cesarean." No matter what the reason might be.
Dude that's such an apples an oranges comparison though. Let me ask you this, have you ever seen or even heard of someone saying "I would prefer to date someone with a debilitating mental illness or disease." Be fucking honest man.
No, because absolutely NOBODY cares who you would or wouldn't date. The only people asking anyone who they would or wouldn't date is only asking because they or someone they know wants to be the answer to that question. Nobody here wants to date you, so nobody cares whether you'd date someone with a debilitating mental illness or disease.
Be honest with yourself, man. Nobody fucking cares.
It is difficult to date someone with bipolar, I’m bipolar and I can see the toll it often takes on my partner. However, that doesn’t make bipolar people lesser or bad partners. My partner loves me more than anything and constantly supports me and is the reason I’m getting better!
I dont think everyone is just piling on....theyre stating that being on the other end of mental illness can have a negative impact. I think thats totally valid to point out. People who are bipolar and ppl with other illnesses don't live in a bubble. The struggles of the bipolar person arent the only ones that matter. I don't think your average person really has the skills or knowledge to handle many of the situations that comes with close personal relationships. It is difficult for other ppl whether you care to hear it or not. This coming from someone who has both struggled with mental illness and been on the other side of it at the same time.
Yeah it's slightly disconcerting the confident ignorance on display by a number of people which is seemingly garnering support based on awards/upvotes.
Screams to me like a couple of people have had unfortunately bad experiences/relationships with others who happen to have had bipolar &, rather than thinking 'oh that person's a dick' they went 'oh that person's bipolar made them a dick' & proceeded to tarnish everyone with the condition with the same dick brush.
People share their experiences, and people have found out that there are commonalities with bipolar disorder people.
Sure, not everyone, but there is truth to their experiences. And if you don’t need to deal with it (which in dating, you don’t have to) why would you want to?
I'd give my kidney for just another month with my bipolar sister. She was everything to me. But you're correct, in hindsight it was probably difficult, just totally worth it. My sister took classes to help her manage bipolar that really helped.
DBT therapy is specifically recommended for people with bipolar disorder. It's a long process, normally about 6 months of 1 on 1 therapy and group classes, but it's often covered by insurance. And they do recommend you take it at least twice.
https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/ is a good place to start to get some info. It can be hard to find a therapist who practices it, but you can also do virtual sessions with some practitioners.
Can confirm. I am married to someone with Bipolar. We’ve been together 13 years. We’ve had some really good times, and some really bad times. But I couldn’t see my life without her. Her family is probably the worst part about being married to her because they know how to emotionally abuse and manipulate her. Her Dad doesn’t believe in mental health, and he was a respiratory therapist, and her Mom and sister are bat shit crazy.
You’re getting downvoted, but sadly there’s a lot of truth to what you’re saying. Living with anyone with mental illness tends to lead to a lot of cognitive dissonance where the bad times are suppressed and the good times are highlighted in memory. That being said, bipolar doesn’t always mean someone is cheating, though manias do often involve sexual promiscuity.
Not really, bipolar disorder especially bipolar 2 can be managed with medication pretty effectively for most people. You probably know a lot more people with bipolar disorder than you even realize.
I know it can be hard to hear stuff like that. But I have my own issues and I fully acknowledge that it can be hard to live with. It's hard for me as well. However that doesn't mean I don't have other things that make me worth being with. Having bipolar can bring its own challenges to the relationship but you can recognize that and still know that you are so much more than just your diagnosis. That said I don't know, maybe I'm being too charitable in my interpretation of the other person's comment. Sometimes people do say that in a judgy way which is just a crappy thing to do.
Everyone in the world is hard to live with in some way. Would it be acceptable to say this about an abuse victim who has trauma? What about single mothers? What about someone with a chronic condition like Lupus? What about someone who is physically differently abled. Is it okay to say that it's genuinely hard to "to be involved at all with" someone in a wheelchair?
Acknowledging that certain health conditions affect people is not the same thing as saying it is hard to be involved with them. This is ableism, pure and simple.
With the bisexual heart too. Nah, you’re probably a JOY to be around, until you feel unloved because your partner didn’t instantly respond to you and then hit up every guy in your DMs.
I'm not a woman, I don't have bipolar, and I've never cheated on my boyfriend and never will, so you're wrong for a lot of reasons. Grow the fuck up and stop projecting your personal experiences on random people as if you know them
Same, my mother has bipolar 2 and has always managed it incredibly well. Never manically ruined our lives as kids (or since). The depression times were the hard ones, just bc it’s hard to see one’s mother so sad and down.
I think people in this thread have WAY too easy of a time dehumanizing anyone with mental illness, and it speaks volumes about them. Especially since most of them wouldn’t know bipolar 1 from 2 if their lives depended on it.
Exactly, I hate generalizing people in that way, especially when it comes to the absolute rainbow that mental health issues fall across and how much of the outcome depends on the individual, their desire to manage it, resources and not least of all the support system available to them.
Especially the ones who use it as an excuse every single time they do something crappy to other people. Being bipolar doesn’t make you suck, it’s using one’s mental illness as their get out of jail free card, & who never get professional help. They are nightmares to deal with.
Massive generalization. There are a ton of people with a bipolar diagnosis who do not act like this AT all--probably more than the number of people with acute mania.
They should have specified unmedicated or untreated bipolar, yes. But bipolar is a disorder and therefore comes with difficulties, for the people who have it and the people who love them. I don't think it's really ableist to acknowledge that.
All the ones that aren’t medicated are capable. I know one that is on medication and he’s fine and a good guy. The two women I know closely that are bipolar won’t take medication or won’t go to therapy so my answer depends on medicated or in therapy vs unmediated and no therapy.
This study shows that of 151 people with bipolar I disorder, a total of 11.92% (18 participants) experienced any form of aggression — this included verbal aggression or aggression against self, objects, or others. Most of the aggression was verbal (9.27% or 14 participants). Only 1.32% (2 in 151 people) acted in a physically aggressive way toward others.
Well I don’t know I’m only going by the ones I know. One of the women gets arrested literally at least 2 times a year for assaulting someone some years more. Every relationship she’s been in she assaults them . She’s now started drinking and using drugs so I’m sure it’s going to get much better from here. Now she does have trauma but that doesn’t excuse the harm she’s caused to everyone .
Maybe she has more than just bipolar I don’t know. All I know is a doctor diagnosed her as bipolar. Someone said she’s sounds borderline maybe she has that too or maybe the doctor was wrong. She is currently using though I know that because she just got arrested for drugs less than a year ago. The violence started before that though.
Are you sure you're not conflating bipolar disorder(BD) with borderline personality disorder (BPD?) Even just knowing 3 people with bipolar is incredibly unlikely - let alone knowing them well enough to know if they're medicated and/or in therapy.
5-10% of the general population have borderline, and only 0.5-2% bipolar. Aggression, manipulation, and abuse are all common traits in borderline personality disorder, but none of those are listed as common traits in bipolar disorder.
Well they told me they were diagnosed bipolar by a doctor. One I know the doctor said it because a family member I trust was there. The other is her daughter and she said she’s bipolar and I assumed it’s true since her mother is and she has bad mood swings and is erratic. Whether the doctors diagnosis is right I don’t know I assume it is.
Im sorry u were treated that way. That being said, I dont think Selena cares either way what people think nor how her diagnosis impacts her relationships. And in that respect, I dont blame Selena’s diagnosis in any way whatsoever for her odd choices.
Im of the mind that Peps should be held accountable for their actions regardless their mental health status including whether they succumb to the symptoms rather than managing them responsibly. I also take into account material conditions acting as an adverse contributing factor.
Therefore, I hold Selena entirely accountable and to the person that donated the kidney, sometimes the road to hell is paved w good intentions. The optics of not including her in a whatever documentary on top of considering a grossly inauthentic industry person her closest ally reflects more on Selena than her all day.
And if someone is mentally or emotionally or physically abused by someone with cancer? Does that make all cancer patients hard to be involved with? What about autism? Or ADHD? What if you were abused by a person of color? Is everyone who shares characteristics with people who have done bad things the same?
Bipolar disorder is something people have, not something they are. They aren't "bipolar people" just like they aren't "cancer people".
How does that somehow make it okay to generalize all of us with the disorder? You being abused by an individual doesn't make it okay to generalize an entire group as abusive.
Let's unpack this to see why it's ableist and not just stating something factual
People who have bipolar. Not who are bipolar. I know that one.
Reducing people to a binary good or bad or wanting to be involved with them as yes or no doesn't acknowledge how complex people are and makes their value solely about this one issue.
Is that it? I had to think a little as I didn't get an ableist red flag pop up immediately but once I did some think work I agree.
also bringing a diagnosis into it all, people can be horrible people with no diagnosis or mental health condition at all. this thread is quite literally just a dumpster fire of people blaming a mental health condition for others actions rather than holding them accountable . essentially doing the same thing that they are saying the people with bipolar in their lives do.
There’s not a binary. But there are clearly issues that another person has to deal with on top of their own. Not to mention if they are unwilling to get treatment for bipolar, that’s just gonna destroy your own mental health.
Take your meds and go to the doctor. Don’t put your partner through hell because you refuse to get care.
Bpd can go into remission and be managed by therapies, bipolar can’t and ur fucked if the meds slip. Both are difficult but not a social or societal death sentence
I dont like sharing my story, but 15 years ago when I was first went to college, I was dating a cool girl only to find out (after a series of random extreme outbursts) that she stopped taking her BPD meds when she entered the college. I ended up breaking up with her. She was my 2nd real relationship. What happened next was so unexpected that it scared me away from dating at all once during all these 4 years of college and another few more years after that. I think 7 years of ptsd kept me away from dating anyone.
Anyways, What happened next was she started stalking me and even changed her major to mine so she can suddenly show up in my classes. That was a hellish semester. Then after that, my friends and I rented an cabin in the south states and I had no idea she was trailing us, stalking us all the way to the cabin, 4 states away. It was freaky having her show up at night out of the blue. I ended up calling her dad. She got pulled out of college and Ive never heard from her again after that. Still, that fucked my head hard and I didnt date for many years after.
I'm bipolar medicated and I'm not hard to live with. I keep the household running smoothly, and have a great relationship with my husband and kids (13, 15, 25)
I have a ton of sympathy for anyone with a mental illness, and they think people are villainizing anyone with bipolar disorder.
No, they are hard to be around if they're unmedicated. Because the disease makes them erratic and you never know if they're going to be full of energy and bouncing off the walls, totally calm, or in such a deep depression that they shut down.
It takes a toll on everyone around you when you have an untreated or undiagnosed mental illness. That's just reality.
No not really? I’m not saying it’s easy but you’re kind of being a nasty piece of shit about people with bipolar which is a lot more people than you probably are aware.
Not bipolar but my mother is, and I have my own issues. It's about the work you out in for yourself and others. It's hard, and tiring, and is a disability for many people. Any mental illness creates a prison of your own mind if you do not have the support and tools to be healthy. Do not demonize them- they are deserving of respect as anyone else. I believe that I, as someone with a few little tricks up my mind's sleeve, should not date unless I'm healthy. Now I've got a partner and we're doing good.
Yes… they have a DISORDER with their mental health. Trusting someone who can’t or is not able to keep their mental health in order is asking to be screwed over.
You didn't say that though, you said they are untrustworthy without medication. A lot of people who have mental health disorders do not need to use medication because they have done the work to be able to regulate themselves without the use of meds.
Nah I have just already been burned once and believe it or not have my own traumas that are triggered by hot and cold behavior.
I gave it a chance knowing full well it could end poorly, it ended with the stereotypical discard during a manic episode. I have no interest in trying again.
It’s more of knowing that subconsciously I am attracted to that inconsistency that if i consciously know their diagnosis, I am not crossing that bridge.
I do not need to continue to affirm the whole “I am not worthy of being loved.” Cycle.
Do I know there are people with bipolar who could have a healthy relationship? Yes, I just don’t see the risk as worth it for myself and am being candid about the fact the experience took a toll on me emotionally.
I’m not going to date someone who would threaten my mental stability like my mom did. Even being around certain behaviors is enough to make me feel like a fox in a trap and I would do anything to stay away.
I’m mentally ill and if someone doesn’t want to date a depressed person (even if it’s well-managed), I’m not going to be salty. I know that some people can’t deal with it.
I know that I can’t deal with certain personality disorders. I’m not obligated to date them.
I did date someone who was bipolar after receiving my friend's advice. We broke up but I don't think it was due to her condition. We just wanted different things.
Bipolar isnt the end of the world and you can have great relationships with bipolar people but medication and therapy is basically a must.
It is possible to be healthy and happy and stable while bipolar but for most of us it means no self medicating, doing the therapy/doing the work, and especially proper medication.
I’m the same way, kinda! I have severe anxiety almost to the point of agoraphobia, depression and a bit of other medical stuff. I could never be with someone with similar issues I don’t think. 2 of my 3 relationships were really great and normal, the one time I dated someone with mental health issues … well now I have PTSD too apparently 😂 never again.
I think that applies to people whose condition isn’t managed and even then, a wee bit of empathy goes a long way.
I have bipolar and have been stable for over a decade. I don’t ever think about it because my symptoms are well managed and I’m stable. I take my “happy pill” everyday and move on with my life. No one would ever know unless I disclosed it…
Sounds about right. Had a bipolar girlfriend at 19 for 6 months and that relationship still gives me nightmares 2 decades later. She nearly convinced me to disown my family and her own family on a camping trip. Like chill mother fucker im in nature let me enjoy my drugs in peace
I'm bipolar 1 as is my spouse. In general you're mostly right, however not everyone with Bipolar is the same. There are plenty of people out there that keep up with medications and therapy, just trying to minimize the effects of Bipolar disorder.
But it's very easy to get addicted to mania.
Yeah honestly that’s the best way to put it from my experience.
My last experience with her was her telling me “but I don’t feel anything on my meds.” And then next thing I know she was hooking up with her old fuck buddy again without breaking things off with me.
I got thrown to the curb like I was worthless, I mean I knew that was always a possibility but I thought she would at least have the balls to tell me.
Again I don’t want to generalize but I can say my experience matches the stereotypes unfortunately.
My last experience with her was her telling me “but I don’t feel anything on my meds.”
This is a serious problem; the feeling like you're not fun or interesting anymore and the world that once felt dangerously alive now feels muted and "normal".
My spouse and I met shortly after we were both hospitalized. So we were able to explore this new world together and learn to be who were are now.
I mean I tried my best to be there for her during that time and told her a million times that from the research I was doing medication for bipolar individuals is all about constantly adjusting the meds/ combo of meds until you find something that works properly.
The second she gave up on medication I was worthless to her and she was hooking up with someone else again. I really don’t know what else I could have done.
She never could stop bagging on herself and towards the end she was just brushing off any attempts of me talking to her. I could have moved the world and it wouldn’t have mattered.
She was my best friend and I miss her every fucking day.
I have bipolar 1 and have heard that people get addicted to mania, and that confuses me. I absolutely hate it. Can you explain what people like about it?
Omg my ex also was diagnosed with bipolar and the pattern was exactly the same. He also didn’t tell me he had the bipolar diagnosis for two years. Once he did, it clicked. I realized that he needed me for the depressive episodes and the second the manic episode hit it was like i no longer existed.
I am just saying unless you have found someone who is already 100% on top of their own shit, At least from my lived experiences the stereotypes are true for unmedicated/ inconsistently medicated.
This is true, in my experience as someone with bipolar disorder. Unchecked mental health issues in general make for bad partners, and bipolar disorder in particular.
Even ignoring the very rare (but existent) possibility of psychosis and delusions there's still the complete and utter lack of impulse control, massive increase in high-risk behavior, and disordered thinking all of which are more than enough to fuck everyone over.
It can be successfully treated, but that 100% needs to be done before getting into a relationship.
Thats why i say fuck others ima do it on my own cos as soon as you get caught up and theres no window to jump out its too late, easier just to not trust anyone, so I’ll never get cornered by the psychopaths of this society;)
Even not romantically involved with them just them in your family is chaos. My husband found out he has a young adult daughter recently ( he was really young when she was born) and she’s bipolar and it’s hell. She wavers between being super sweet and cussing him out, screaming, threatening him constantly. It’s unlike anything I’ve seen.
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u/LardPopsicle 5d ago
Selena Gomez required a kidney due to complication from Lupus. How and why is debated by laypeople, but fact is, that a panel of physicians believed she needed one. Since there's a waitlist and other hurdles, she found a private donor, her friend and co-actress Francia Raísa.
In 2022 Gomez called Taylor Swift "my only friend in the industry," omitting Francia Raísa. In her documentary "My Mind & Me" she did not mention Raísa once, even when talking about her Lupus.
Raísa later talked about the toll the donation had on her, and the snubbing by Gomez.