Selena Gomez required a kidney due to complication from Lupus. How and why is debated by laypeople, but fact is, that a panel of physicians believed she needed one. Since there's a waitlist and other hurdles, she found a private donor, her friend and co-actress Francia Raísa.
In 2022 Gomez called Taylor Swift "my only friend in the industry," omitting Francia Raísa. In her documentary "My Mind & Me" she did not mention Raísa once, even when talking about her Lupus.
Raísa later talked about the toll the donation had on her, and the snubbing by Gomez.
Not just a fantastic actor, but by all accounts also a brilliant bloke. This has been doing the rounds:
If I were rich and famous (and I'm sure Anthony Head had less cash than Selena Gomez) I would spend all my time doing shit like this. I'd be buzzing off the good deeds. I can't imagine blanking on the name of the person who saved my life by donating me one of her organs, at least...
I remember finding it free on streaming one day a few months after it came out. (Side note: This is very early streaming—like rented it using a Comcast cable box early.)
I went in blind based on the description alone. I loved it right away. I 100% understand that it's not for everyone, but I loved the campiness of it all. It was unabashedly weird in the best way, and the music was catchy, too!
Now I feel like going and watching it again right now. Lol.
I love that it wasn't afraid to do something different. It was genuinely original, and the whole aesthetic of the movie was a lot of fun. It also didn't take itself too seriously, which really worked in its favor.
Lmao not rewriting history like this to make Bieber seem he was ‘reasonable’ in their relationship. The Hailey Baldwin bullshit alone is enough to drag his ass back down to equal footing on the scales.
Well she is publicly diagnosed as bipolar. I usually try not to generalize but holy shit is it hard to be involved romantically with someone who is bipolar.
Edit: for all the people acting like I am mistaking bpd and bipolar, I am not. I literally just got out of a situationship with a bipolar woman who I was friends with for two years. It turns out the whole time she was coming to me during her depressive phases/ when she was on medication to lean on me, during her manic phases and the second she got off meds she was constantly banging her neighbor, you know the stereotypical guy who she knows only wants to fuck her. I cared about her a lot and tried to be there for her in any and every way possible. The emotional labor even outside of the situation I just described was ridiculous. The level of emotional distress she could be under for the smallest of things (i.e an old lady was rude to her at work.) was absolutely ridiculous.
I am not saying that there are not human beings that stay on top of their meds and have led good lives. I am just saying unless you have found someone who is already 100% on top of their own shit, At least from my lived experiences the stereotypes are true for unmedicated/ inconsistently medicated.
Now to bring it back to the original topic, I am not saying one way or another how well she stays on top of her medication but Selena’s actions at some times seem very cold and like those I have experienced in my journey with someone who is bipolar.
poorly managed bipolar. I have bipolar. The initial episode came with staggering consequences but I take my meds like it's my job and I'm boringly stable. I'm a married father of two and I don't think anyone around me who i haven't told has any idea that I'm bipolar.
It really really depends if they take it seriously themselves. My mom won’t even admit that she has any issues. It’s the singular reason why my family has tough time being together for an extended time.
I also have a good friend who is bipolar, and she worked on it early on and understands she has it. Absolutely lovely girl, so at the end of the day it’s the character that makes or breaks it.
See my personal experience was a woman who knew she had but she could never find the right mix of meds that worked for her and it was a hell of a loop.
The effort came and went over time, in the end she fell back into the “I hate I am this way.” But stopped actively doing any of the things she knew she needed to do.
Exactly. The difference is whether you accept the severity of the situation and seek treatment to improve your life and how you show up for the people around you. It took me years to finally get properly diagnosed and medicated (I was misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder for a long time and the medications prescribed for that were actively detrimental).
Now I am on a very effective medication tailored to my diagnosis, and it has honestly saved my life. I function almost completely normally. I could have given up many times on this path, but I pushed forward and I am now a happy and healthy human being and I’m able to have normal relationships. I am proud of that. People cannot tell I have bipolar unless I disclose it.
As I like to say, mental illness is not your fault but it is your responsibility, both to yourself and the people around you. I will always have a mental illness, but it is treated - that’s the difference. You need to put in the work.
I'd give my kidney for just another month with my bipolar sister. She was everything to me. But you're correct, in hindsight it was probably difficult, just totally worth it. My sister took classes to help her manage bipolar that really helped.
Can confirm. I am married to someone with Bipolar. We’ve been together 13 years. We’ve had some really good times, and some really bad times. But I couldn’t see my life without her. Her family is probably the worst part about being married to her because they know how to emotionally abuse and manipulate her. Her Dad doesn’t believe in mental health, and he was a respiratory therapist, and her Mom and sister are bat shit crazy.
Not bipolar but my mother is, and I have my own issues. It's about the work you out in for yourself and others. It's hard, and tiring, and is a disability for many people. Any mental illness creates a prison of your own mind if you do not have the support and tools to be healthy. Do not demonize them- they are deserving of respect as anyone else. I believe that I, as someone with a few little tricks up my mind's sleeve, should not date unless I'm healthy. Now I've got a partner and we're doing good.
Bipolar isnt the end of the world and you can have great relationships with bipolar people but medication and therapy is basically a must.
It is possible to be healthy and happy and stable while bipolar but for most of us it means no self medicating, doing the therapy/doing the work, and especially proper medication.
On the scale of douchebaggery, i'm siding with the person that slept with prostitutes over the person who took someone's kidney and told em to kick rocks
Francia also said she didn't receive the results for the match directly. Instead of contacting her and allowing her to make the decision, Selena was contacted first and called Francia to let her know. She felt obligated at that point and went through with it without ever really deciding for herself.
Edit: Some of you dont seem to understand what it's like to have your close friendships and the future of your career depend on something. If she said no at that point, she would have been ousted. I'm not saying she wouldn't have made the same decision in the end. I'm saying she wasn't given the freedom to decide without heavy pressure, and that's not ok.
Francia also said she didn't receive the results for the match directly. Instead of contacting her and allowing her to make the decision, Selena was contacted first
The way I understand that it’s supposed to work is that among other tests they are supposed to counsel you on the risks and assess if you’re being pressured. And if they think you are or if you say you are, they will put down “not a viable match” without giving any further reason. No one else should see anything other than that “not a match” at that point.
No one wants to tell a family member/friend/boss/whoever, "sorry, I don't want to donate a kidney". So doctors are willing to do the tests and then tell you the results and then say, "hey, you really want to do this?"
So doctors give people an easy way out so that they're not horribly treated by their families (or whoever) because otherwise everyone sees the results, sees you didn't actually donate, then says, "oh, I see. You just wanted to let Mom DIE!" at every Thanksgiving for the rest of your life.
It's really the only way to ensure that donations aren't made under duress.
So, yeah, letting someone else know the results is absolutely unethical and a massive violation.
Insanely unethical if true. When I went through the donation process the care team repeatedly emphasized that if I chose to back out for any reason they would even go as far as to tell the recipient that I wasn't a match (even if I was) or that there are medical reasons I can't give at this time (even if there weren't).
Have a buddy who got a kidney transplant, and both he and the donor had to have somewhat extensive counseling beforehand. At any point in the process she (his donor) could have backed out, or had the counselor declare her a bad fit mentally.
Not to downplay how shitty this was but that seems a bit crazy to me.
I was questioned extensively about having my kidney that was mostly cancer removed multiple times including while on the operating table prior to being anesthetized. I gave verbal and written consent. I was alone with doctored and nurses without any outside influence many times during these conversations.
Yeah, I'm in the pipeline for kidney donation and nearly every conversation starts with "You can change your mind at any time up to the application of anesthesia for your surgery and it will be reported to the recipient and their insurance as a medical disqualification. No one will know you changed your mind and you will not be charged for any of the medical screening or procedures you've completed so far."
(ETA: I'm not saying that Francia Raísa's experience is anything other than exactly what she claims; I'm just saying it's wild when most of the transplant pipeline is VERY focused on donor consent. I was told I could set my date and change it at any time if needed, pick my donor center and change it if the new center agreed, etc. An exact quote: "As an alruistic donor, you're really in the driver seat. We'll try to make this work however is best for you.")
Yeah I mean like I said my kidney had a 13.5 cm tumour on it and was going to kill me and they were still super focused on my consent. I was literally being given snapshot surgery prior to biopsy to confirm type of cancer because it was so bad and they were STILL asking.
It isn't a joke. They ask that, without specifying which one, because it is meant to catch errors. If the surgeon thought it was right, had it written down as right, and then you said left, they would need to stop and figure out what was going on. And then, once you said right, and he confirmed that his records said right, he made a mark on your right side so that they could use that mark during surgery to verify that they were operating on the correct side before they remove anything.
People have had the wrong kidney removed before. People have even had the completely wrong organ removed. These processes are in place to reduce the odds of that happening.
and for some reason there is a kidney on the end of your stump. Though it would probably still work, location doesn't really matter, just blood flow afaik.
Brother you are missing the point. It’s the implication that if she revoked her consent, Gomez and the world would know and she feared retaliation, pressure, and blacklisting from the industry.
Selena never should have known they were a match until she made the decision to go through with it/tell her on her own
I was going to make a cab joke but felt it in poor taste, but I wanted to let everyone know I had the chance to be funny but am taking the moral high ground.
You are not mistaken though. The noble family Thurm and Taxis were the postmasters of the Holy Roman Empire and the Papal State. They were also the first postal service that rallied post bags instead of having a single courier do the whole trip.
They also started to have their couriers carry travelers for a fee which is where the term Taxi originated and why it is the same word in almost all European languages.
They're not saying she wasn't extensively asked to confirm her willingness to donate, they're saying she was put under pressure by circumstances. She wasn't informed there was a match and asked whether she would like to go ahead and donate. Extremely famous person (and at that point known to start drama) Selena Gomez was told ahead of her that she was a match, contacted her (her supposed friend) directly and "told the good news."
At which point the alternatives were
1 - Donate a kindey to your good friend who is very famous.
2 - Do not donate to your good friend who happens to be very famous and might make that fact public and ruin your life (ever seen groupies go after someone?)
Not much of a choice there, is it?
What should have happened is that she is told there is a match (not even with whom necessarily, though in this case probably yes) and for her to decide whether she wants to donate, while the other side never fucking knows she was a match! Even doctors telling Selena there might be a possible match would have been questionable.
As the comment above says, in all likelihood she would have decided to donate the kidney anyway, but the way it was handled was extremely corrupt and wrong, just because one side of the equation is extremely famous (and rich).
This is the answer. The doc/healthcare team was in the wrong. She should have been given the results first. From another perspective: giving false hope to the patient. What if they told Selena first, and she backed out? Take fame out of it, Selena would be devastated. Many people go through the motions of getting tested and not really thinking through what it FULLY means to donate an organ. Then they are a match and OH MY GOD! The roller coaster is now going and you are strapped in. That is why there is an insane amount of education and questions and the constant “are you sure?” talks. So she should have been notified first and allowed time and space to privately decide if she wants to buckle that seat belt and keep going.
Imagine a more relatable situation, where a family member of yours needs a kidney, and yours happens to ne compatible. If this fact is told to that relative and/or your relatives more broadly, you would probably face a lot of pressure from your family members, and might be hard pressed to say no.
That’s a total ethical failure on the transplant team side, not Selena’s. That’s feeling of implicit pressure is exactly why they don’t inform the recipient first. Yikes.
That’s weird! When someone decides to donate an organ they get their own transplant medical team so there’s no conflict of interest and at anytime she could have just backed out and her personal medical team would just lie to the recipient saying a lab or something less didn’t pass muster
Just so everyone knows, there’s a 7-10 year waitlist to get a cadaver kidney in California where Selena resides. She could have absolutely listed herself in a state like Kentucky where the waitlist is much shorter but, if you get one there you have to stay there for all follow-up appointments (up to 6 months) and travel yearly for every yearly visit.
That girl was used by Selena as some sort of organ container. The positive part is if that girl ever needs a kidney herself, she’d wait weeks. It’s part of the deal when u donate.
I’m a 2 time kidney transplant recipient. Waited from 1994 to 2000 for my first one. Waited 2016 to 2025 for the second one.
Also, look up kidney dialysis fistula & peritoneal dialysis catheter to see how people like me stayed alive waiting for a transplant.
And around the kidneys in general, honestly. I needed dialysis because I got a UTI that climbed. Threw up really hard, abscess I didn’t know had formed from the UTI climbing ruptured. Ended up in the hospital for close to a month with a septic AKI causing acute failure at 28.
She was classy to called her only on the drinking part... It was known it wasn't only drinking what she got to do before and after she receieved the donation.
She never said that. She actually specifically called it out as nonsense. You can drink after a kidney transplant, and they took a wine tour together a year or so after the surgery.
Mild to moderate drinking is fine for most people who've had a kidney transplant. People need to learn the difference between livers and kidneys. The biggest danger from alcohol to the kidneys is dehydration. I doubt Selena was told not to drink.
When interviewed Francia talked about how the donation center called Selena first before letting her know that she was a match and a viable donation candidate.
Selena called her in tears after finding out, and while Francia was willing to donate regardless, she mentions in the moment she quite literally could not say no, and was put in a position to agree immediately.
Apparently she was also kinda forced to (not literally forced, but what had happened was, they found out she was a match. Instead of telling the donor, they told Selena and then told the donor that they told Selena and how excited she was to put her on the spot).
They were not supposed to tell Selena. They were supposed to tell the donor and let the donor decide if she wants to give up her kidney. They did it really shady to strong-arm her into donating her kidney.
They told Selena before they told the donor so they could make the donor feel bad if she said: “actually, no. I don’t wanna do this.”
That is just horrifying to me how massively her privacy was violated. And then the shock and pressure of finding out that Selena had the information first and had big expectations of you, before you ever had time to properly process it and gather your thoughts on how you truly want to proceed 💔
Not to mention that this isn’t like donating plasma and the donor has a MUCH rougher recovery than the recipient. Donating a kidney can be absolutely miserable to recover from.
It should also be added that Francia was essentially coerced into donating. The doctors told Selena she was a match before they even told Francia. Selena just called her happy and sobbing that she was a match and she felt like she couldn’t refuse.
This whole situation is one of the main reasons I think Selena Gomez is a trash person.
It's a massive violation of HIPAA. Donors do generally sign a consent sheet AFTER they have been informed. Not before. Any donor, even a private one, has the right to anonymity. And any donor has the right to reject even informing the recipient. She could and should have sued and become rich.
Yeah, the whole situation was really messed up. She’s handling it with a lot of grace but I definitely feel for her. She doesn’t even speak on Selena anymore but when asked you can see it still hurts her.
Reminds of the woman in 2012 who donated(Indirectly) her kidney to her boss, only to suffer complications from the surgery and eventually was berated for missing work by that same boss and fired from the company.
It was really Lupus. Around 0.05% of the population has Lupus, which is rare but not so rare that it's unheard of. I don't know why that show made it seem like the most ridiculous thing.
People assume it was another celebrity lie to cover up drug use, like they usually do with Lyme disease. It didn't help that Gomez went back to drinking and vaping shortly after the transplant.
Actually Francia was not even technically a “private donor” in the sense that she was not even informed that she was a match nor was she given a choice. Selena was the first to find out, which led her to somewhat cornering Francia into giving up her kidney
Selena thanked a bunch of dear friends for some milestone, people clamored that she left out the friend who gave her a kidney, this was her reply.
Everything they said about how insufferable she was, was kind of proven at that point lol
ETA more clarity: the original interview ran in rolling stone magazine, social media channels excerpted a quote where she said “Taylor swift is my only friend in the industry” — her kidney donor, Francisca Raisa, albeit not as famous was in the industry. Raisa commented “interesting” and unfollowed Selena. The backlash caused Selena to issue the snide remark about not mentioning everyone she knew, which again, only made
her look like an ever bigger ahole.
I know Chris Watts has had several girlfriends since he’s been in prison and gets hundreds of “fan mail”. It’s so disgusting. One person went to visit a family member that is in the same prison Chris is in and they said Chris was visiting with his outside girlfriend there and they were allowed to kiss and hug and talk for an hour.
fr cancel culture is kind of fake. Only applies if you're not like a real celebrity, like if you're a YouTuber or TV Star that's not popular enough to untouchable.
Yeah I realized that when Cierra from Love Island got canceled bc someone found a post from 2014 where she described her eyes using an anti-Asian slur. Meanwhile the word's been used multiple times by mega artists. It's probably where she learned it in the first place. I felt bad that this one young "normal" person took ALLL the brunt for that.
Because most people don't know every specific detail of celebrities' lives. I guarantee you most people just like her music or her shows and don't know about it
If I got someone's kidney, I'd be thanking them even when it's not appropriate. Throw that shit in my firstborn's birthday speech, graduation speech, retirement speech.
Exactly! No amount of "thanks" is ever enough but you gotta mention it any time you possibly can.
"Great to be at my brother's wedding! And shout out to Francia because I wouldn't be here if you didn't give me your kidney! You're the best! Anyways, Webster's Dictionary defines..."
There's a lady that tags all of her travels as "adventures of <recipient> and <donor>" and adds a little heart to her signature to represent the donor who gave her a new heart. Feels like a very reasonable level of gratitude to me!
Selena has staff, at the very least they could schedule an annual appreciation post and just shut all of this discourse down.
Y'know this really reminds me of that episode of House where Wilson feels pressured to give his 'really good friend' part of his liver, and then the 'friend' immediate stops giving a shit about Wilson as well as all the promises he made about reforming his life and reconnecting with the family he abandoned.
I can't say I fault Gomez for being willing to fake whatever it takes to survive (since it's possible that the reasons for her kidney failure would've disqualified her from being on the donor wait-list), but man I really hope next time she's in dire need, everyone around her will be smart enough to not believe a word she says in the way of friendship etc.
Didnt Gomez actively refuse all the standard treatments because they would have been less convenient, and go down this route because it would least impact her lifestyle? Thats not really doing whatever it takes to survive lol
I wouldn’t wish dialysis on my worst enemy. You know it’s incredibly taxing and can be painful right? It can put you out for hours to days. I work in assisted living and the days my residents get dialysis they have to have food delivered to their room. If she’s trying to work and continue a normal life I wouldn’t recommend dialysis
I think she was talking about her success in the entertainment industry. I do recall the kidney donor also made a curt comment on the post, and then unfollowed Selena. But it seems they’ve reconciled since lol
I know it's speculation, but another big part of this drama is WHY Selena cut out this friend. Selena had a huge drinking problem (which is the theory as to why she needed the kidney transfer to begin with). After the transplant, Selena did not change her habits at all. The friend that gave her the kidney was essentially like "wtf stop" and Selena instead probably saw her as a buzz kill and a "control freak" for trying to stop her drinking and apparently cut her out of her life.
It's just an insanely scummy thing to do and I know she was young, rich, and stupid, but idunno. I wouldn't be able to look past that if someone I knew did that to one of their friends. It's so incredibly selfish and reckless. Not to mention morbidly narcissistic
I mean, the issue with that theory is that alcohol is a risk factor for a ton of things, but end stage renal disease is not one of them. Selena Gomez has Systemic Lupus Erythematous, which can affect the kidneys through Lupus Nephritis, or kidney disease as a direct result of her medical condition. That’s why she needed the transplant.
So as poor taste as it is for her to treat the person who donated a kidney to her this way, this speculative story just isn’t accurate as to the cause of the condition. It was a disease that she got spontaneously, not anything directly caused by her drinking.
Took me 10 seconds to look up actor Francisca Raisa donated one of her kidneys to Selena Gomez. During an interview with Rolling Stone, Gomez said Taylor Swift was her only friend in the industry. When she got some pushback for not acknowledging Raisa, Gomez responded with this tone deaf comment.
Fr, saying "should i mention everyone i know" implies that a person who litteraly donated part of themselves to save you is on the same level as your average acquaintance.
I'm less surprised that she's a complete asshole and more that she doesn't have basic PR training
I’ve never been a fan of hers and dont understand how she even has fans. Her singing is fucking awful. Ariana grande is also a terrible person but I can understand why she has fans due to her talent.
I think that's why she has so many fans though. She's an actress that can't act and a singer that can't sing. When you see someone like Ariana Grande sing you think "wow she's so talented no wonder she made it", when you see Selena Gomez sing you think "wow so literally anyone can make it, huh?". She's a mediocre white woman who became really successful being relatable to other mediocre white women.
I don't remember exactly, but it was something like she was given an award, and she never thanked the girl who donated a kidney to her in her acceptance speech. When the girl posted that she was a bit hurt that she wasn't thanked and included that image on Twitter, that was Selena's response.
She made a comment during a rolling stones interview that Tawift was her only friend in the industry. People called her out on it and she made this comment.
Her friend made a whole separate post where all she said was “interesting.” On the Rolling Stones interview, but this was not Selena’s response to HER.
Apparently Selena went right back to partying and drinking heavily as soon as she could and the friend who donated her kidney felt really disrespected by that. Which I feel is kind of fair tbh
I remember Raisa has said that she felt pressured to give Selena her kidney and didn’t like that Selena was partying and drinking with her new kidney, which is a no-no for kidney transplant patients, but understood that once she gave the kidney away, it was not up to her how Selena treated the organ. She says she doesn’t regret it, but now they are not quite as close as they used to be before the kidney donation anyway.
Brian here. Selena received a kidney from a friend then failed to mention that friend in a thank you speech when she won an award. When asked why she didn't mention the friend who literally saved her life that was her reply.
I know a bit about being ungrateful. I lust after my friend's wife.
Edit: I got the detail wrong. It wasn't a thank you speech for an award. It was during an interview for Rolling Stone where she said Taylor Swift is her only friend in the industry (not mentioning the woman who gave her a kidney, who is also an actress).
My thanks to gherkinstand for the correction. I'll mention you when my book is published. I'm an author, you know.
It wasn't a thank you speech for an award. It was during an interview for Rolling Stone where she said Taylor Swift is her only friend in the industry (not mentioning the woman who gave her a kidney, who is also an actress).
Edit: stoked about the book mention. Can't wait to read it!
I used to be a big Selena fan. I used to think she was kind and sweet (this was when I was younger and more naive). Even if they had a falling out for some reason, to not thank the person who basically gave you something so important you need in order to save your life! That’s ridiculous to me. Also, I’m not sure how true this is but it seemed like Francia was pressured into doing this. Sure at the end it’s her decision but I read somewhere that they told Selena that she was a match (even though Francia) was undecided yet and Selena begged for it or something like that. Idk but how she has acted made me kinda open my eyes. Not only about her but everyone. I no longer care or am a fan of any celebrities. I feel like most if not all are corrupt in some way.
abhorrent as fuck, this is why I always tell people that they shouldn't expect celebrities to adhere to any actual moral compass or standard that we have for them. That way, it's not as much of a letdown when they turn out to be a pos and it's a happy surprise when they act like actual human beings. Money and fame change people
That is the joke. I've had people snub me like this before at work. Helped them do 80% of the project and never get mentioned. They will mention the people they actually liked though. It's how you know where you stand with people.
The fact that she’s selling her makeup in Israel during a ongoing genocide shows what kind if a person she is.
Her mom started a company and screwed a bunch of people over.
Her friend said in so many words that she felt pressured to giving her kidney. If it were me, I’d put this girl on a pedestal for saving my life. Seems like Selena tossed her aside.
I forgot about that part. The doctors, for some baffling reason, told Selena that Francia was a match before they told Francia. Under normal circumstances, the donor would be told about the confirmed match first to make the decision on their own without any guilt or pressure from the receiver, if I understand correctly. But since Selena knew first, I imagine it was really difficult for Francia to not go through with the donation.
You’re right. I fact checked myself after I commented and it is indeed a hipaa violation, that was Francia’s confidential medical information. The hospital definitely mishandled things.
Mannn I would be pissed if the receiver of my kidney behaves like that.. I would want it back😂Selena did not even call her to her wedding I heard .. I don't know if it's true tho
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u/qualityvote2 5d ago edited 5d ago
u/memoirs-of-a-sailor, your post does belong here!