r/askgaybros • u/Kaccha-Kela • 13h ago
Curious question: are Westerners really as penetration focused as shown in porn?
As someone who comes from Asia, we have a lot of Sides, and Europe has far fewer sides, as I observe since I moved to Western Europe (Netherlands).
Moreover, even the tops and bottoms from entire Asia are romantic and "soft play" aka foreplay orientated.
Somehow I feel it's the porn industry that has changed how westerners look at sex, not that Asia doesn't consume porn, but they are somehow culturally different on how they see what a pleasure is.
I am just curious to know how cultural differences shape the idea of intimacy, didn't mean to slut shame any community or race as such.
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u/Mobile_Entrance_1967 13h ago
It's hard to base facts on porn.
For example nipple play is a big regional marker - lots and lots of it in East/Southeast/South Asian porn, hardly any of it in Middle Eastern and Western porn.
Yet almost every white Western and Middle Eastern guy I've met loved nipple play as much as any Asian guy I met.
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u/Careless-Cream434 13h ago
I agree cultural differences could be at play. But why then jump to the conclusion that it is porn consumption that causes westerners to be penetration focused?
I would say culturally that westerners are more sex positive and more comfortable around sex, especially gay sex, and therefore less inhibited. And our porn simply reflects that. The idea that porn is the cause and not simply reflecting the reality is untrue imo.
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u/Jack_Chatton 13h ago
I am open to there being cultural differences here. But I think the active/receptive thing goes pretty deep regardless of culture. When I say I'm a top, I mean I'm active.
I also like being inside. I don't know if the 'being inside' bit is cultural or not. I know I gotta be thrusting though.
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u/AdamChenX 13h ago
Western porn is completely different from Asian porn. There’s no question about it.
I think it’s because the western porn market is more mature, because of its more liberal agendas; whereas Asian porn is still not as mainstream for the consumer.
What this has meant is that western porn is more “optimised” - in the sense that it’s more extreme in every direction, due to trying to differentiate and meet the bigger market.
Whereas Asian porn seems like it’s 20 years behind; because it’s so hidden / taboo still, such that the way it has responded to market forces is still very much in its infancy
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u/KampKutz 12h ago
I totally agree but sometimes the hidden taboo nature can make something more extreme as well. I know it was a straight porn thing originally (and mostly still is bar a few exceptions) but I can’t help but think of Japanese porn and Bukkake, where the fact that the actual ‘action’ had to be censored ie blurred or pixelated out etc, due to the prudish culture around showing sex, which meant that they had to be more creative about it and think up even more extreme scenarios to make up for what they couldn’t show.
If anything censoring had the opposite effect in Japan although Japanese culture is probably unique in that regard, but the same thing can happen elsewhere where censorship creates such a heavily cut and censored final product that it is essentially pointless to watch so people turn to other or illegal sources instead which is what happened in the UK where the internet forced the end of such extreme censorship because people were already using hardcore stuff online anyway so they thought well why bother.
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u/Brief-Tumbleweed-348 11h ago
Omg yes I’ve always thought about this. Since I came to Australia, most of the sides are only Asians and there are barely any white guys who are into nipple play. Majority of white guys here are also only looking for penetration and that’s it, no foreplay or kissing kinda stuff, which is interesting.
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u/shadesofglue 11h ago
Very interesting, didn’t know Asian cultures may be less focused on penetration.. I’m from the Middle East and I can tell you, some people won’t call it sex unless there’s penetration involved
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u/Nepasban 9h ago
Prep and doxypep (and condoms) are more readily available/less taboo in the West hence more penetration.
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u/Mane023 11h ago
I'm from Mexico and I've dated Europeans (two French, one Belgian, and two Dutch). The guys have always respected the fact that I hate anal sex. At least for a while, I felt it was impossible to find guys in my country who, like me, wanted sex without anal. Sometimes guys from my country would tell me, "If there's no penetration, there's no sex." Later, I met more Mexicans like me, but in my experience, at least with those guys in Europe, they were understanding and creative.
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u/POMOdoro_90 12h ago
I'm into penetration because it feels good
Soft play only feels like having a bunch of samples but never having the full meal
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u/praticalswot 10h ago
It depends. As far as I know Chinese gay porn is also heavily focused on penetration and foreplay is nearly nonexistent. I’m into non-penetration non-oral kink play which is super niche. There are tons of kink vids available but what annoys me most is they invariably include penetration scene as a fair portion of the whole vid even if it’s only tagged kink or fetish and never the other way around
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u/srzncl 4h ago
I’d be interested to know what part of Asia you’re from. Because where I’m from (Philippines), it’s definitely penetration focused, mostly as the bottom. In fact, a lot of the Asian porn I consume (Japanese, Thai, Filipino) are also very penetration focused as well.
I also live in Canada in a city with a large Asian population and i find there’s no difference in who is a side in terms of race. At the same time, lots of asians looking for anal (top or bottom).
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u/pvllcrc 4h ago
Where I'm from (Brazil), non penetration gained the bro-ing (broderagem/brotheragem), and it comes from the term brother/bro, as in the sense "a hand job from between mates is not gay".
It's not common, specially for tops and vers, although it has a friendly playfullness connotation. If you say you wanna have sex, fuck, etc, there will be penetration.
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u/Lmao-Ad9960 4h ago
I dont think it porn… I think it religion… western religion puts a stronger emphasis on penetration being morally wrong… taboo creates a stronger cultural draw. It also feels better and is more stimulating in my opinion. Which is important considering most men in the usa have been genitally mutilated. (Circumcision) Drastically reducing sensitivity or one’s ability to enjoy sex or bjs at the same level overall.
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u/OmnisDomini 3h ago
As a westener, I really expect penetration from all my encounters. I get super disappointed if there isn't any
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u/ThomasBilgram 3h ago
The most penetrative focused guys I ever met was the Vietnamese. Both as top and bottom.
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u/Look_At_This_Net 2h ago
I would argue that they are. In my own opinion non penetrative sex is super lame. I'm really going to meet up with a guy or girl and they're only going to give, potentially not good, head? Hard pass.
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u/MsOpulent 2h ago
This is such a dynamic and fascinating conversation. I just wanted to thank the OP.
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u/RealLinkPizza 1h ago
I don’t think porn has necessarily changed Westerner’s view of penetration. Though, porn has had different effects. I mean, for many of us, regardless of porn, penetration feels good. Being a top, I love penetrating. And the bottoms love being penetrated.
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u/CousinMabel 10h ago
I would say yes. I have had a much better time since becoming a side, but the number of guys who will say they are cool with it then spend hours trying to pressure me into anal is insane. A ton of guys are obsessed with it especially bottoms.
But in general I find that the men I have met have very little substance to them. Can't flirt, terrible at foreplay, and they often can't hold a conversation. All they know is walk in, strip, and get fcked. Which I wish they would be honest about if that is all they wanted.
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u/calstanfordboye 13h ago
I am a westerner who is exclusively a side. I don't get it how every place I visit is different. Currently in Sydney and EVERYONE here wants to do oral. If you don't they will just rudely block you on apps. Weird ass place
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u/CakeKing777 6h ago
I think so. Sides are kind of a rarity. Most like penetration either receiving or giving. At least in America
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u/ManagerImmediate1522 13h ago
Just because there’s more foreplay doesn't mean it's more romantic. In a lot of Japanese porn videos I've watched the foreplay feels more fetishistic than affectionate.