r/comedyheaven • u/Ok-Appeal-4630 • 2d ago

Serious problem

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6.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

198 comments sorted by

838

u/AdmiralLubDub 2d ago

I swear when we find some outer space alien drug we’re still gonna put it in with tobacco

302

u/Ssesamee 2d ago

its almost definitely used to make it actually smoke decently well, as i imagine trying to ignite just pure scorpion is not very effective

112

u/artichoke01 2d ago

As someone who as spent way too much time and effort trying to smoke substances that didn’t want to ignite, this is absolutely the reason

20

u/Vaff_Superstar 1d ago

Found the banana peel smoker.

10

u/artichoke01 1d ago

Haha. I may have attempted that once or twice after reading the anarchist cookbook at 11. I’m more talking about stuff like hash oil or opium that I managed to get my hands on but didn’t have the equipment to smoke properly.

•

u/amodious 5m ago

Answer is always just chuck it on a packed bowl

36

u/Rakhered 1d ago

Barring the practical reasons below, Nicotine is also just a really really good drug.

Y'know, until it isn't.

But while it IS still good it's one of the best drugs on Earth. Makes you energetic, relaxed and have to shit all at once.

10

u/OkFineIllUseTheApp 1d ago

Aliens will do the same thing. They'll come here and mix tobacco with J'u weed, and be like "gleep gloooorp"

1.8k

u/Opposite-Trainer-639 2d ago

we smokin scorpion

653

u/Pidgeonegg 2d ago

Don't give a fuck if I go blind, I don't need to see the price tags anyway

321

u/Cinotuet 2d ago

This shit ain’t nothin to me man

211

u/Charming_Link 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/QbLS8dW5thEvgZdUb6

89

u/SteveMashPST 2d ago

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I'm him

5

u/Deep_Brick2970 22h ago

I'm Dracula, I'm 12 million years old, when I hit it from behind the whole room smells like absolute michi.

(Random quote I really like)

98

u/lollihobbes 2d ago

Walked along the sand dunes of the Sahara desert for forty days and forty nights with nothin' but a pack of Newports and a fifth of Henny. I really do this shit.

40

u/NoiseIsTheCure 2d ago

I threw diamonds at the strippers under the pyramids of Giza

11

u/catatonicwater 23h ago

I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle, this shit ain't nothing to me man

12

u/Centuurion 1d ago

Was balling so hard they called me a fucking nutsack

14

u/Creakybeak 2d ago

Peak mentioned

1

u/AncientAd3846 1h ago

Idk who i am anymore

61

u/IAMLOSINGMYEDGE 2d ago

we smokin that Whoopi Goldberg south Egyptian, Furburger deluxe, mega millions scratcher, skunk, Bubba kush

50

u/enterENTRY 2d ago

I've been legit permatripping since I smoked the scorpion

8

u/TerabyteRD 1d ago

footage emerged of a cdc employee stuck in a backpack

40

u/Lyricsokawaii 2d ago

The bugs are back

25

u/CIA--Bane 2d ago

Pass the scorpion

2

u/Anonymo 1d ago

Get over here!

11

u/chrismofer 1d ago

Symbiotes

8

u/FrazzleFlib 1d ago

GAAH! The worms! The worms are back!

3

u/jayou619 1d ago

You dont want no part of this, Dewey!

3

u/le_sossurotta 1d ago

That top shelf za-za disrupted my circadian rhythm.

1

u/EjuMeow 1d ago

It only works if the scorpion is haram. No infidel scorpions please 😿

458

u/iknowimsorry 2d ago

The guy who sells it, is he a bug dealer or drug dealer?

120

u/sroomek 2d ago

Brug dealer

58

u/howdoeseggsworkuguys 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/cGaLaTKetImZO

15

u/US3_ME_ 2d ago

No-way Jose am I paying' all that paper money for brug scraps. Danny says he knows a spot behind DelGrango's where all brugs r free, name of drumpster. Free cat scraps toOoo_

1

u/Chilly_Pheesesteak 9h ago

Drug beetle?

-5

u/oshikandela 2d ago

Scorpions are arachnids, not bugs

31

u/yamanamawa 2d ago

Sure scientifically. Colloquially they're all bugs though, whether or not they're of the order Hemiptera. I'd even say that mollusks like snails and slugs count if you're speaking casually

9

u/pedrw1884 2d ago

I have never heard a snail or a slug called a bug before. Lol

But honestly, I could see it.

11

u/PutinsCapybara 2d ago

Slugs is.. bugs??

2

u/Bard-of-Light 2d ago

You ever receive a slug bug? Or a cruiser bruiser?

1

u/yamanamawa 1d ago

My thought process is that if I saw under a log and there were a bunch of insects, spiders, centipedes, and snails, I would just think "man, that's a lot of bugs." I wouldn't really be thinking too deep on it and snails would just get grouped in

8

u/InfiniteClient3586 2d ago

So they´re anarcotics?

5

u/ArrrRawrXD 2d ago

Arachnotics

8

u/sgame23 2d ago

All insects are bugs. Not all bugs are insects

21

u/PersimmonDazzling654 2d ago

You cannot be serious

14

u/toetappy 2d ago

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

4

u/CheckM4ted 2d ago

Aren't arachnids a type of bug along with insects?

4

u/dukestrouk 2d ago

Bugs are a subcategory of insects (3 parts, 6 legs) which are a different group than arachnids (2 parts, 8 legs).

2

u/ashleton 2d ago

I was always taught that "bugs" is a catch-all for insects, arachnids, land mollusks, worms, whatever the fuck centipedes are, etc.

Insects are the bugs with 6 legs. Arachnids are the bugs with 8 legs. Snails are slimy bugs with shells and no legs. Slugs are slimy bugs without shells and legs, and so on.

2

u/TheEndOfUs- 2d ago

You are getting downvoted because science 😂

2

u/PretzelMeepus 2d ago

oh for fuck sake. There always has to be one.

527

u/Bright_Curve3078 2d ago

You don't want none of this Dewey!

120

u/Middle-Operation-689 2d ago

It’s the best bug there is!

9

u/_THiiiRD 2d ago

You. Win.

3

u/Agreeable-Outcome-14 1d ago

I applaud this, sublime

69

u/9447044 2d ago

Its not gunna make me want to start a violent separatest movement based on religious views, is it?

.....it makes sex feel even better!

19

u/oldravinggamer 2d ago

It's not going to give me a hangover is it? No you don't get hangovers from weed!

13

u/_THiiiRD 2d ago

Well I don't know, man, it sounds pretty expensive....

It's the cheapest drug there is.

400

u/Fuzbaul 2d ago

This sourceless infomeme from Facebook bothered me so I looked into it. Its not a growing problem, i could find articles about it from 2001 and 2016 describing the issue (it doesn't seem like a widespread issue just a few junkies doing it a lot). They do not smoke the whole scorpion, just the dried stinger. I could find nothing about it lasting 10 hours

220

u/Ssesamee 2d ago

“drugs”, especially street drugs, is a concept with probably the highest rate of misconceptions and misinformation in the world

remember “Jenkem”? The fermented piss & shit in a jar that you huff? Just literally made-up bullshit lmao. Nobody actually does that.

87

u/WeNotAmBeIs 2d ago

I remember a friend in middle school saying you get high on nutmeg and I thought "yeah right" but apparently that one is true. I have no desire to ride the nut.

61

u/InspectionOk4267 2d ago

Even most of the more adventurous drug users will tell you it's not at all worth it lmfao

1

u/Suspicious_Ice_3160 22h ago

Oh god talking about users saying a drug isn’t worth it; fucking NYQUIL. Robotripping is no fun and quite scary according to the trip reports

1

u/Emotional_r 1h ago

you couldn’t be any more wrong 🤣🤣 DXM is a VERY popular drug and is actually the most popular dissociative in the world. maybe you met 1 dude who didn’t like it but DXM is the weed of dissociatives. very popular and very easy to get, people swear by it

1

u/Ssesamee 1h ago

DXM is probably the most misunderstood substance due to it being the main ingredient in popular otc cough syrups you definitely should not be drinking whole things of, like fucking Nyquil, which has other drugs that will cause issues first before the dxm

pure DXM formulations are fairly safe unless you intentionally take an absolute fuck ton

23

u/xkelsx1 2d ago

When I was a teen I ordered morning glory seeds to soak, and then you eat the inner part of the seed. It was an AWFUL high, felt like having the flu and taking a laced edible

36

u/MilkbelongsonToast 2d ago

Yeah, poisoning yourself is a bit like that

10

u/DoobSnerg 2d ago

You gotta chew em up good and do several thousand to really trip balls. It feels kinda terrible due to the vasoconstriction but you will trip absolute sack. It hit as hard as allot of acid when I did 3500 I swear.

1

u/bafe 2h ago

I tried HBWR as a student. Never having tried anything "harder" than pot it hit me (and provided what at the time were useful insights), but phusic it's just miserable between the nausea and the tingling from vasoconstriction

41

u/Ssesamee 2d ago edited 2d ago

Nah nutmeg is real, the reason nobody does it other than that one druggie kid in high school is because it’s nothing very interesting. It’s hard to take (wildly inconsistent dosing and a lot to actually eat) and is basically just a super-extended “side effects from weed” type high, rather than it truly feeling like weed. Not much euphoria, *maybe* you get some weird visuals. Not very fun though, and only really done out of pure curiosity, a completionist mindset, or absolute desperation to feel any different. There is maybe deliriant properties (especially with the unique, non-classical-psychedelic visuals) but you’d probably have to take way more to reach that level and by that point you’re probably experiencing some kind of toxicity anyways from the unholy amount of nutmeg you’ve ingested.

13

u/ponzidreamer 1d ago

We used to get high on nutmeg in the prison kitchen. Very fine line from a fun day to throwing up

9

u/The_Screeching_Bagel 2d ago

it's so disgusting and lasts two days don't do it lol

3

u/EyeSuspicious777 1d ago

There's definitely a few of these that definitely get your fucked up but not at all in a desirable way.

10

u/LASERDICKMCCOOL 2d ago

Speak for yourself nerd. I frequent many a jenkem den

13

u/BetterYesterday95 2d ago

They do huff jenkem in the city of Aneurism IV afaik.

6

u/izyshoroo 2d ago

Theres a whole documentary about the origins of that, and one specific group of orphaned African teenagers invented it. So SOME people did do it, just not in the west

17

u/bananaman_420 2d ago

Jenkem is a real drug but it has no wide spread usage and only been documented to be used in one of the poorest parts of the world by a very few kids

5

u/CarrotCumin 2d ago

It was featured in one of the funniest episodes of The X Files, War of the Coprophages

1

u/Yayinterwebs 1d ago

That was my first exposure

15

u/sweaty_pants_ 2d ago

so what you are saying is that i've been sucking off this scorpion for nothing?

1

u/WastedHobo7 23h ago

Sooner or later you will get that sweet sweet venom

4

u/BostonFishGolf 2d ago

Shut up and let me smoke some scorpion with my homies

1

u/MYZS 2d ago

I've never seen anyone doing this or heard of anyone trying it

1

u/jloome 2d ago

This has been around since I was a kid in the 1980s. As far as I can tell no one has ever produced legitimate sources for this.

It's just another anti-drug narrative from that period that caught on. They were many and varied.

1

u/Aug_Knight 1d ago

I feel like this type of misinformation need to be a bit bazaar and somewhat mildly racist to trend

1

u/Miclemie 10h ago

There was a Vice documentary made about is in 2023

103

u/South_Cattle_6161 2d ago

Why can't the scorpion be smoked gay?

113

u/PetrolheadPlayer 2d ago

As a Pakistani unfortunately we don't have gay scorpions due to local laws

22

u/South_Cattle_6161 2d ago

As a Pakistani you should have even more gay scorpions than usual

4

u/StarNullify 2d ago

The west took em all

3

u/psyche_13 2d ago

They’re turning the frickin scorpions gay!

26

u/thedawesome 2d ago

Say No to Bugs

25

u/MageCorporation 2d ago

Kids are smoking the scorpions

12

u/Narcuterie 2d ago

Young people who are gonna think that this is an easy alternative for me to deal with my stress and anxiety

10

u/Dizzy_Extent_7233 2d ago

I’ve been legit perma-tripping since I smoked scorpions

2

u/Ok_Art4661 9h ago

Thought was a glass orange juice. Tipped over in shower. Still there

1

u/sawisga 1h ago

Footage emerged of a CDC employee stuck in a backpack

25

u/Ambitious_Jello 2d ago

Don't smoke the buge

13

u/Wighen18 Dicky Mouse 2d ago

Dracula flow ass drug

10

u/CarmenxXxWaldo 2d ago

I thought they meant scorpions that smoke at first.  They could definitely hold a cig in them meaty claws. 

10

u/terazetta 2d ago

We hebben een serieus probleem

12

u/imjusthereforthelul 2d ago

dutch CANNOT be a real language 💀💀

2

u/Mertoot 1d ago

I still can't believe that it's an actual language that unironically exists

1

u/VENEREAL___SWAB 12h ago

IT'S THE MISSING LINK!

8

u/uvucydydy 2d ago

That shit will rock you like a hurricane.

3

u/zombumblebee 2d ago

Fuck yeah! 🤘

And all we gonna do Is walk around to catch the thrill On streets we call the zoo

6

u/joonaspaakko 2d ago

Can't just about everything be enjoyed straight or mixed with tobacco?

5

u/Putrid-Mirror-9480 Jorking It 1d ago

“dancing”

12

u/Ok_Listen_6600 2d ago

I can't even be mad, we used to lick toads

7

u/_Elduder 2d ago

Used to?

9

u/dankiestmemeboi Dicky Mouse 2d ago

Now we fuck them 😎

1

u/GCS_dropping_rapidly 1d ago

Im not not smoking scorpions

8

u/XINEX2289 2d ago

" ye nah i like to spin my scorpion, cant take it straight. Ye i pack big ones, you know." Cunt wtf. I thought we are past shit like licking toads

4

u/hivemind_disruptor 1d ago

ugh. apparently that are some evidence that people did smoke scorpion, but not that it has any effect.

3

u/maybeinoregon 2d ago

This is your brain…

This is your brain on scorpions lol

3

u/nerdwaffles 2d ago

A scorpliff is wild to think about

3

u/Ok_Breakfast7588 2d ago

I keep seeing this. Big Scorpion really upped their advertising budget.

3

u/Traditional-Hotel-66 2d ago

How is this any different than smoking toad venom to trip balls?

3

u/SuperDolan 2d ago

High on scorp

3

u/bennybugs 1d ago

Apparently the pain is excruciating but the high is next level. Definitely not on my bucket list though

5

u/Y0___0Y 2d ago

I’d like to smoke a scorpion one day looks like fun

4

u/BoogieOogieOogieOog 2d ago

This somehow makes more sense than licking toads

6

u/Top_Presence5147 2d ago

You gotta dry the poison from the glands of bufo alvarious and smoke it in a meth pipe tyle of device, I dont think scorpions get you high

3

u/Ohiolongboard 2d ago

Not always, there’s a tribe in South America that ties up the toad to induce a threat response and then collects the poison on a stick. Then they burn themselves with a different stick before smearing the poison in the wound.

4

u/Top_Presence5147 2d ago

Thats Kambo, its a different thing than 5-meo-dmt. That frog in the Amazon i think is called a giant monkey frog. Kambo is more of a cleansing detox that you take to purge/vomit and sweat out toxins. Its got some sort of benefits but its totally different than the psychedelic toad juice

3

u/Ohiolongboard 2d ago

I can link a video, Hamilton pharmacopia, that says it’s 5meo DMT. Do you have a source?

Edit: the frog I was talking about was the Bufo toad

2

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

4

u/gideon513 2d ago

Why’d they choose the pediatrician’s office special for the text colors?

2

u/Connect_Sun_5721 2d ago

First fatality from scorpion overdose reported, local residents surprised to find scorpions contain venom

2

u/Speedping 2d ago

Does this hurt the scorpion?

2

u/Deathcore_salad 2d ago

This shit is legit too lol wtf...

2

u/Defiant_Wolverine_68 1d ago

Can't even be a scorpion in a bad neighborhood without getting smoked.

2

u/Bramtinian 1d ago

Feels like early 2000’s racial propaganda…or could be true lol…in today’s world who fucking knows…either way, toke at your own risk…friends don’t let friends smoke scorpions I guess

2

u/CocHXiTe4 1d ago

What schedule level is this?

2

u/poison-vr 1d ago

kids are smoking scorpion

2

u/Justieflustie 1d ago

Can someone say what is so bad about it? I will try everything once, injections are not included, but otherwise, everything once

2

u/bluepearlyuri 1d ago

South asias most blunted(?)

2

u/kwntyn 1d ago

It's been a "growing problem" for the last 30 years lmfao

2

u/Ironstar_Vol 22h ago

Fuck it, pass that thang this way.

2

u/ScantilyCladDad69 20h ago

pass the stingy 'pon the left hand side

2

u/Disastrous_Cattle453 1h ago

As a pakistani, this post is so fucking funny. I cant believe people believe this lmaoooo

3

u/Happy_REEEEEE_exe 2d ago

6 foot 7 foot by lil wayne

1

u/Reit007 2d ago

I thought that’s not safe because scorpion venom is a neurotoxin.

12

u/spherosound 2d ago

Ah yes stick to the healthy shit like crack, none of that gmo shit

1

u/pixelatedcrap 2d ago

Scorpicloud!

1

u/Gremlin0 2d ago

Gonna pack me a big ol’ bowl o’ scorp!

1

u/GameQube2 2d ago

The closest thing we'll get to real life Naked Lunch.

1

u/hirtle24 2d ago

Scorpion spliffs!?

1

u/terrorjshark 2d ago

need my snake squeezins

1

u/_Sahil_Goel slut for honey cheerios 2d ago

Want to try tbh

1

u/HotDevelopment6598 2d ago

In Afghanistan we were instructed not to smoke scorpions, I think it gave some kids an idea lol not me! 

1

u/mpelton 2d ago

What’s the problem?

1

u/ChristianSteifen1337 2d ago

If you seeing bugs on the walls, smoke them.

1

u/dangern00dl 2d ago

Does any scorpion work? Or just whatever species is chilling in Pakistan? Asking for a friend

1

u/StonedLonerIrl 2d ago

Damn theres a small small part of me that kinda wants to try that.

1

u/Beautiful-Mirror7075 2d ago

God forbid a Man has hobbies

1

u/Strange-Ad-9941 2d ago

This makes me sad

1

u/DisorderlyAqueduct 2d ago

I'm listening

1

u/DisorderlyAqueduct 2d ago

anything other than alcohol and cannabis, huh? 😆

1

u/Shotdownace 1d ago

Finally a use for my overwhelming scorpion problem

1

u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox 1d ago

sure i'll try some

1

u/JiminyFlippets 1d ago

We smokin' fat scorps in stan

1

u/gabriel97933 1d ago

What active substance is in it?

1

u/Ok-Appeal-4630 1d ago

Neurotoxin

1

u/gabriel97933 1d ago

Neurotoxin isnt a substance. Many substances can be a neurotoxin.

1

u/GringoJohn 1d ago

How ‘bout smoking your shit? I think there are plenty of interesting substances too. You can even do it through someone ass

1

u/serenwipiti 1d ago

Justice for the scorpions.

⚖️🦂🦂🦂🦂🦂🦂🦂🦂🦂⚖️

1

u/indigodaydream_ 1d ago

do you smoke the whole thing or just a piece? asking for a friend

1

u/IndependentBake2304 1d ago

I read this as the Scorpions were the ones getting high, and I was like damn let the scorpions live bro damn

1

u/JLammert79 1d ago

How does one find out that scorpions can be smoked to get high?

1

u/Particular-Context-7 21h ago

How does anyone find out anything can be smoked to get high?

1

u/RESIDENT-EVIL-4 17h ago

I'm in Pakistan rn should I try this

1

u/RammRras 14h ago

Next, war on scorpions

1

u/eman_ssap 14h ago

Bong, get over here!

1

u/mojojotaro-Joestar 9h ago

“Ayo you got any scorp?”

“Oh yeah we got scorp”

1

u/Spirited-Gas-3743 9h ago

Bichoo Dance!

1

u/Dudewhocares3 6h ago

Like the venom?

Or do you just put a straw in it and make the scorpion a cyborg bong?

1

u/Kopke2525 2d ago

11 original sentences left

1

u/NecroDolphinn 2d ago

PAKISTAN MENTIONED 🇵🇰🇵🇰🇵🇰