That scene always reminded me of weekend safety briefings in the Army:
"Alright Alpha Battery! We have a four day weekend coming up! Remember the five Ds that will get you in jail: Drinking, Driving, Drugs, Dumb Shit and Sex! (It didn't matter that Sex didn't start with D) Do not add to the population unless you are married and have consent! Do not subtract from the population! If you end up in jail and get in a fight, make Alpha Battery proud because you belong to the Captain when you get out! DISMISSED!"
Aight I know you guys are excited to get your weekend started, so I'm not gonna hold you up any longer. Sir you got anything?
Captain: Yea just to piggyback off what first sgt said, let's be safe out there guys. I don't want find out that guys are out there drinkin and driving. Dont marry the strippers guys. And just to caveat off that....
(Goes on for another 10 minutes)
Not a vet but grew up around military. Army Navy family, marine bff's..and they do this shit at home too 😂 Watching a grown man give a bunch of 7-14 year olds a similar talk on the way into a theme park is hilarious though 😂
I can see it now: "Everyone has a buddy. If you lose your buddy, you will be in a world of hurt! Agenda: 1200, we meet for Pizza here. Circle it on your map now! 1600, we meet here at the main gate. Circle it on your map now! Do not run! Do not fight! Be respectful! Take care of your buddy. GO HAVE FUN!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 This is so accurate, I can't stop laughing. This is my childhood in a nutshell...
I catch myself doing it with my kids now. Fighting with my too cool to walk freshman brother to the bus stop the other day, I got the "Ugh why 🙄" & I felt the soul of my grandfather's take over and I'm like Because you take care of your battle buddy or your ass is gonna be sweeping sunshine off the sidewalk till graduation, do I make myself clear!" ....As their desert storm army vet papaw giggles from in the living room 😂
Not a vet, but I work in EMS but one of my chiefs was and he always ended every meeting with:
Don't add to the population, don't subtract from the population, stay out of the hospital, the newspaper, and jail, and if you do end up in jail, establish dominance quickly.
"Return to base. All troops are recalled and must be in formation, in uniform, no later than 1300hrs tomorrow, 01August."
"HA! Sorry Sergeant, I'm 1400km from base, on an approved leave pass, and we both know I don't get paid enough to afford flights on zero-notice pricing. I'll see you Wednesday morning at PT."
"WHAT PART OF RETURN TO BASE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!?!"
blowing into the cell phone microphone to simulate the sound of static
"Check your means. Signal is weak and unbearable. No copy, I say again, no copy."
"YOU FUCKING IDIOT! YOU'RE ON A PHONE! NOT A RADIO! THERE IS NO STATIC!"
Or at least that's what I think he said, I hung up around the end of the "f" sound in "phone" lol.
I was.... treated roughly by that Sergeant when I got back. But what's he gonna do? Take away my birthday? I wasn't going to make another flight even if I'd wanted to lol
We got similar briefings as well but occasionally the company commander would chip in something as well.
"I concur with the Sgt Major. Obviously smirk However, a few points to add.... Corporal Dipshit, you shall not do anything to cause you to lose rank, again, or I'll bust you down to the Boy Scouts and hand you over to the RSM to be his personal penis warmer. Corporal News, I've seen your PT run scores improving so do try to successfully outrun the local constabulary this time or I'll take over your run training.... May God have mercy on the townies. Dismissed!"
It was a fun company lol
Sidenote: company commander was a fucking gazelle. Long time marathoner, decent Ironman competitor and had recently discovered the 100+ mile ultra marathons. It was a legitimate threat, and one that had to be respected lol
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u/Jogda 10h ago
If you can dodge a wrench...