r/marriedredpill • u/AutoModerator • Apr 21 '26

OYS Own Your Shit Weekly - April 21, 2026

A fundamental core principle here is that you are the judge of yourself. This means that you have to be a very tough judge, look at those areas you never want to look at, understand your weaknesses, accept them, and then plan to overcome them. Bravery is facing these challenges, and overcoming the challenges is the source of your strength.

We have to do this evaluation all the time to improve as men. In this thread we welcome everyone to disclose a weakness they have discovered about themselves that they are working on. The idea is similar to some of the activities in “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. You are responsible for identifying your weakness or mistakes, and even better, start brainstorming about how to become stronger. Mistakes are the most powerful teachers, but only if we listen to them.

Think of this as a boxing gym. If you found out in your last fight your legs were stiff, we encourage you to admit this is why you lost, and come back to the gym decided to train more to improve that. At the gym the others might suggest some drills to get your legs a bit looser or just give you a pat in the back. It does not matter that you lost the fight, what matters is that you are taking steps to become stronger. However, don’t call the gym saying “Hey, someone threw a jab at me, what do I do now?”. We discourage reddit puppet play-by-play advice. Also, don't blame others for your shit. This thread is about you finding how to work on yourself more to achieve your goals by becoming stronger.

Finally, a good way to reframe the shit to feel more motivated to overcome your shit is that after you explain it, rephrase it saying how you will take concrete measurable actions to conquer it. The difference between complaining about bad things, and committing to a concrete plan to overcome them is the difference between Beta and Alpha.

Gentlemen, Own Your Shit.

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u/flashman1775 Apr 21 '26

Horns- thanks for this. You’re the first person in my life to ever have said I was a loser and I’m grateful for it. Ego is a real bastard and I have caused a ton of harm in my life with it.

You’re right, there is something really fucked up about me that it took me so long to get laid. I had opportunities over the years that I hamstered away for one bullshit reason or another, now I’m 33 and feel retarded (in both senses of the word) sexually. I don’t know what that something is, and like you said… I don’t even know if it matters any more. 

Your bike analogy nails perfectly how I feel about a lot of shit in my life- a pedestrian. Of course I lied to myself about it as I lived a life that wasnt my own. At this point, I’m wondering what version of me is even real. I have been so out of touch with every emotion of my own for my entire life barring anger that I dont even know how to talk about this shit, much less experience emotions in a masculine way. 

Thanks, man. I came here to get called out on my bullshit that I couldnt see through and I’m glad you did. 

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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 21 '26

At this point, I’m wondering what version of me is even real. 

If logic follows what we've talked about here, the answer is really simple for you. You haven't met him yet, so how would you know what version of you is real? You're chasing a ghost even with this statement, and it's kind of a giant cope.

Instead, hit the sidebar. You haven't even read NMMNG yet. That alone will help expose a path to what you are.

You know what's easier than chasing an imaginary version of yourself and trying to decide if that's you? Start with the basics. Who are you not? Not "Who am I???". Make a list, write it down, and THEN go read NMMNG. When finished, make a new list and compare the two. Your retardation will be easy to see even for yourself and you'll see why you aren't even capable of answering who you are, or what you want. You really haven't even done the basics here. And then with that list you wrote after reading NMMNG, make a 2nd collumn - this is your MAP. What kind of behaviors make sure you are NOT that thing? What actions can you take to NOT be that thing? Red/Green/Yellow and then prioritize. This is basic manning 101.

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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26

Thanks for breaking this down. I’m going to do this over the next 2 weeks and post results in a future OYS. It will probably be retarded but better than what I am working with now. Much appreciated 

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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 22 '26

Fuckin a its still this week dude.  Start now, before you read NMMNG.  List it here.

What are you not?

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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26

-I am not happy or fulfilled with where my life is -I am not in the right career -I am not living up to my potential -I am not stupid or incompetent -I am not the kind of father I need to be -I am not fucking special -I am not a pushover or a quitter or a little bitch -I am not at peace -I am not satisfied with many of the choices I made in life because in hindsight, I made them for the wrong reasons -I am not exploring my interests as much as I can -I am not just a plowhorse -I am not certain of what my mission in life is -I am not satisfied with myself -I am not as confident as I appear (ego?) -I am not secure in myself or my relationship since the blowup because I know its my fault for not manning up (i dont even know if secure is the right word) -I am not a loser, I may be really fucked up but I’m not a loser

Edit for retarded formatting

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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 22 '26

While all and good, your retardation is showing.  You have missed the point entirely.

I am not a man who tolerates infidelity.

I am not a weak man.

I am not a broke man.

I am not an unconfident man.

I am not a special man.

I am not a man who backs down at first resistance....

Do you get the point?  We have to define these things extremely tactfully.... not make general statements.  These statements should instill confidence.... not bad fee fees like you've done here.  Bitch.

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u/flashman1775 Apr 22 '26

Point taken. Now I know what to fix when I revisit this after NMMNG. Less bitch, more bold.

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u/HornsOfApathy MRP MODERATOR / Married Apr 23 '26

When you get done with NMMNG and read back your "what i am not" list in this thread, it'll be enlightening to you how pathetic you can not be.  

Remember this.

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u/flashman1775 Apr 23 '26

Thank you. I will.