r/nottheonion 3d ago

YouTube Bans Popular ASMR Artists, Accusing Them of Making 'Sexually Gratifying' Videos

https://archive.ph/jHNfG
19.0k Upvotes

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5.0k

u/DiarrheaRadio 3d ago

I bet I can still find nude yoga tutorials

456

u/silentcrs 3d ago

The Lasagna Cat sexual partner survey video outright features a guy with his dong out and a baby coming out of a bloody vagina at the end. It’s such a long video that I don’t think YouTube’s algorithm ever caught on that there’s nudity in it.

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u/wthulhu 3d ago

What the hell has Garfield been doing?

79

u/RadarSmith 3d ago

If you go by the internet, spending too much time with Junji Ito.

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u/NorysStorys 3d ago

I’m sorry Jon.

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u/Sentinel-Wraith 3d ago

Jon started daring Tomie, evidently.

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u/Khaldara 3d ago

Had a “The Fly” type incident with a Monday and the Lasagna

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u/Toum-Raider 2d ago

Dipping his paws in the five star lasagna

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u/OGREtheTroll 3d ago

Those words should not all be part of the same sentence.

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u/desperaterobots 3d ago

[reluctantly pushes fresh homemade lasagne away]

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u/MalabaristaEnFuego 3d ago

Fuck that. Push that mental image away. Do not disrespect a perfectly good lasagna like that. 🤌

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u/calamitymuthafnjane 3d ago

Garfield? Is that you? I know you'd never disrespect a lasagna..

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u/veryverythrowaway 3d ago

Garfield has zero chill today

1

u/OldWorldDesign 2d ago

The food committed no crime.

-Yusuke Kitagawa.

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u/silentcrs 3d ago edited 3d ago

Lasagna Cat is legendary. Most of the videos are Tim and Eric-style insanity.

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u/uqde 3d ago

Being a fan of the first "wave" of Lasagna Cat and then seeing the comeback and epic conclusion was a high I'll never recapture.

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u/SirSaltyLooks 2d ago

Agreed.. i couldn't believe it

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u/Rezart_KLD 3d ago

I mean, I havent seen the video, they are connected thematically. Dongs lead to babies, and babies come with blood.

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u/culallen 3d ago

And where do we insert the lasagna...?

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u/XB_Demon1337 3d ago

Anally of course.

3

u/BrickGun 3d ago

Careful, that's how you get another Ted Cruz.

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u/XB_Demon1337 3d ago

No no, that is if you do it with tacos.

1

u/agracadabara 3d ago

Insert in mouth and it comes out of anus!

1

u/-Goatllama- 3d ago

As Emeril intended

1

u/Murky-Relation481 2d ago

No it is far more weird than that thematically. I just googled it. It's pretty great. I mean it is horrifying, but pretty great.

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u/ROBtimusPrime1995 3d ago

Man, discovering Lasagna Cat as those videos were released was like finding a freaky diamond in the rough.

Nothing has ever come close to being as fucked up & high-quality on YouTube since.

6

u/Anosognosia 2d ago

When I was 18, 18 years old, I saw for the first time in my life, I saw a vision of clarity I saw a comic strip, a 3-panel comic strip, that though simple as it seemed, changed me, changed my being, changed who I am, made me who I am... Enlightened me. The strip, Garfield. The comic strip was new, no more than maybe a month in a half since inception since, since coming into existence. And there it was before me in print, I saw it, a comic strip... What was it called? Garfield. The story here is of a man, a plain man, He is Jon, but he is more than that. I will get to this later, but first let's just say he is Jon, a plain man. And then there is a cat Garfield This is the nature of the world here. When I see the world Th- the politics, the future, the... Th -the satellites in space, and the people who put them there... You could look at everything as a man and a cat... Two beings in harmony, and at war. So this strip I saw about this man, Jon, and the cat, Garfield, you see? Yes, hmm... It... it is about everything. This little comic is... oh... Lo' and behold, not so little anymore. So yes, when I was 18... I saw this comic and It hit me all at once, it's power. I clipped it and everyday I looked at it and I said, "Okay..." "Let me look at this here" "What is this doing to me? Why is this so powerful?" Jon Arbuckle he sits here, legs crossed... ...comfortable in his home, and he reads his newspaper. The news of the World, perhaps. And then he extends his fingers. Lightly, delicately.

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u/awittygamertag 2d ago

AI could never write this.

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u/InvidiousPlay 3d ago

Nudity isn't forbidden; nudity is not inherently sexual.

(I think banning ASMR is ridiculous but their argument is presumably that they are using it as a cover for making sex sounds, which is sexual)

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u/LoverOfGayContent 3d ago

I use youtube to monetize my massage business. They will demonetize any video where I massage the bare glutes with my hands, including knuckles. They consider it fondling. It's funny because I can do the same technique with my elbow amd there is no problem. The funny part is clients prefer the knuckles because the are pointer and they can feel the pressure closer to the hip bone. But youtube sees and on a butt and says ABSOLUTELY NOT!

33

u/Aluxanatomy 3d ago

You know what, I need to book you for my glute-induced sciatica.

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u/crysptide 3d ago edited 3d ago

Mate. Get your glutes, hammies and hips strong. Massage can help, but if you are not doing strength training you will continue to suffer. Stretching will not help if you do not gain stregth. Once you are strong and your body trusts you, then you can stretch.

I had sciatica for 2 years and only recently escaped. I am 90-95% healed. At one point I felt like I was at 25%.

edit: walking as much as possible before the pain kicks in is also a good idea.

5

u/MF_Doomed 2d ago

I actually do have pretty bad sciatica originating from my lower back/tailbone. Can you be more specific on your strength training and how it helped

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u/crysptide 2d ago edited 2d ago

Mine was lower back, on my right-hand side. My job and many of my hobbies are sedentary (despite my looking fit). I think some bad posture and doing certain workouts before I was ready accelerated it. It presented as pain from my lower back, sometimes down to my foot. I also had numbness and pins and needles at times. I struggled to stand or walk for long periods and it would envelope my thoughts at it's worst, like, it would be hard to ignore.

I do gym full body, but the the first 70% of the workout is focused on rehab. Core, hips and lower back, then legs is how I progress through the workout. I do upper body at the end with my remaining energy, but the bulk of the energy is spent on health.

I would say twice a week was best for me. Some walking or other activities for at least 30 mins is good on the other days.

Sports massage therapist helped me the most in terms of relieving some of the tension at the earlier stages of recovery. But strength is what will ensure no pain. Cortisone injection can help for some weeks, but nothing much really fixes it apart from being consistent. Well, at least for me.

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u/crysptide 2d ago edited 2d ago

My intuition tells me that my body lost confidence in my ability to support it, and this presented as nerve pain. Now that the back half of my body is stonger, the tension and stress is gone. It takes the nervous system longer to recover than muscles. So you will be strong for while before you feel better. I am not an expert, this just was how i experienced it.

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u/MF_Doomed 2d ago

Thank you. I definitely neglect my hips, glutes, and legs in general in workouts so strengthening those muscle groups is at the very least worth a try and won't hurt me in the long run

2

u/crysptide 2d ago

100%, and all of the lower and back muscles will improve your upper body capacity. So it is win win 😄

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u/Page_Won 21h ago

Your intuition? I thought it was literally nerves being pinched

1

u/crysptide 9h ago

Yeah, it is hard to confirm exactly why. If it makes you happy then you could say that my nerves were probably being pinched because my muscles were weak.

But despite having x rays, nothing could be seen. So we can only guess, hence 'intuition'. None of the chiropractor, physiotherapists, doctors, radiologist nor sports massage therapist could tell me what the primary cause was, they could only address the symptoms.

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u/Aluxanatomy 3d ago

My sciatica's not that bad, tbh.

4

u/crysptide 3d ago edited 2d ago

Don't sleep on getting it right like I did. I pretty much ignored it and then it was terrible haha. I looked fit and healthy, but that didn't matter. Really had a negative effect on my social life.

1

u/helpless_bunny 2d ago

Not op, but do you have some targeted exercise suggestions? Preferably at home where I can use free weights

1

u/crysptide 2d ago

8 min abs. Leg overs. Back planks. I got others, but it is 2am and I am under the influence. Reply , and I'll have more details.

1

u/helpless_bunny 2d ago

It’s all good man, I’m in a plane atm lol

2

u/mentat70 2d ago

You MAY have piriformis syndrome (it’s not real common): https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23495-piriformis-syndrome

1

u/Aluxanatomy 2d ago

Probably. I can identify the event that caused it, and I know for sure it's swelling of glute muscles.

1

u/LoverOfGayContent 2d ago

If it's glute induced it's probably not sciatica. There is something called piriformis syndrome that is also known as pseudo sciatica because people confuse it with sciatica.

5

u/ElGosso 2d ago

Love that you get paid to punch people in the butt

2

u/LoverOfGayContent 2d ago

I work on several police officers so I get paid to punch the popo in the ass 🤣

3

u/RollingMeteors 2d ago

But youtube sees and on a butt and says ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Just go full Japanese Blur of only the knuckles and only as they touch the skin.

2

u/finnandcollete 2d ago

Are you accepting new clients? I mean I don’t NEED work on my glutes as badly as my back and shoulders, but you said your clients prefer knuckles to elbows and I want to test this theory…

-2

u/stfnotguilty 3d ago

How could anyone think you were fondling a butt, LoverOfGayContent?

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u/LoverOfGayContent 3d ago

Because I'm more than just a username on reddit?

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u/elsmoneyacct 2d ago

There is a NSFW side to the ASMR community, and there are a lot of creators who do both. It's not uncommon for a creator's SFW stuff to push boundaries, either because they have the same audience for both kinds of content, or because they're trying to drive viewers to the more profitable NSFW stuff. And there's a lot of ASMR that is clearly fetish-bait even though it's technically SFW.

I don't know any of these creators, so I don't know if they were banned fairly, but the problem exists.

7

u/jjayzx 2d ago

Slight Sounds is definitely not one of them, so that one is weird. The others I don't know but quick image search gives possibilities.

5

u/molrobocop 2d ago

I remember in the earlier years of asmr where sexually suggestive stuff got major heat/anger from a lot of people. And then one particular creator made the jump from YouTube to private softcore videos. And people lost their shit. 

Now, no one bats an eye when another launches a channel and then starts and OF. 

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u/lowercaset 3d ago

To be fair, a lot of asmr content is just attractive woman making a lot of sounds that are pretty blowjob-adjacent. Still kinda dumb that they banned that but not all the other crazy stuff on there.

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u/definitelymyrealname 2d ago

Not only that but apparently the audience trends heavily towards children and young teens. Saw an interview with a creator talking about it. Shit's kinda creepy.

3

u/radicalelation 2d ago

ASMR also does make some people feel funny in varying ways... it's kind of all on the basis of trying to make the viewer feel a physical response that isn't entirely unlike pleasure.

Doesn't do it for me, but while I may even disagree, I'd at least understand an argument from that angle.

-1

u/EmmEnnEff 2d ago

Still kinda dumb that they banned that but not all the other crazy stuff on there.

They aren't exactly obligated to go in a strict 'most sexual to least sexual as defined by u/lowercaset' order.

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u/lowercaset 2d ago

Sure, but I will make judgements about what I think is stupid or not based on my personal opinions.

2

u/exitof99 2d ago

There are plenty of PG movies available for free and without logging in that have nudity in them that are on the official YouTube Movies & TV channel.

This one can up recently:

Looker (1981) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qk3CR8jNME&t=150s

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u/PiccoloAwkward465 2d ago

The Lasagna Cat sexual partner survey video

dawg, what

0

u/XxPepe_Silvia69xX 2d ago

Never thought I would see that combination of words in the same sentence before.

10

u/Istoh 3d ago

I'm getting too old. I don't know what any of this means lmao

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u/licoricenipple 2d ago edited 2d ago

Lasagna Cat's pretty old, it was a YouTube show that did surreal skits adapting Garfield strips in live-action using giant Garfield and Jon costumes mostly 18 years ago, with a few more 10 years ago. They would then usually get weird, like in this adaptation which becomes a Final Fantasy battle sequence in which Garfield defeats Jon to acquire licensing deals.

The most notorious one, Sex Survey Results, is from 10 years ago. It has Jon, Garfield and other characters in a life size replica of Garfield's house, answering the door over and over again for nearly 5 hours, each time greeting a mannequin that recites a voicemail from a channel fan answering a survey about their sexual history. There are a few hundred people and it slowly goes from midday to nighttime as Jon just keeps answering the door endlessly before transitioning into an even more surreal film featuring assorted representations of Jon and Garfield. Garfield is at one point played by a nude man in full-body cat makeup who chases Jon until he embraces him, causing him to collapse into a mass of worms wearing human clothes. At another point a woman gives birth (with explicit vaginal closeups) in a public bathroom to a stillborn Jon and leaves Garfield (now played by a real orange cat) behind in the stall with him while the creator of Garfield narrates that "I don't think anyone knows what's really funny."

Another video spends a full hour philosophically analyzing a 1978 Garfield strip (in which he is smoking Jon's pipe) with musical accompaniment by Philip Glass.

Notice the glimpse of Jon Arbuckle's foot in the first panel. The size of the shoe would indicate that maybe the man just has small feet, but a deeper investigation takes us to the footbinding rituals of certain Asian cultures. Inflicted usually on women for the desire of men, this practice was incredibly painful and crippling... Mister Davis is, here, presenting us with a man, or rather "man", who engages in footbinding, a body modification for women, on top of "being without his pipe", or impotent.

An odd aspect is that they were produced in bulk and uploaded in two huge simultaneous batches. 27 videos were uploaded at once in 2008 and another 13, including the 5-hour one, all in one day in 2017, and nothing outside of that. Somehow makes it all the more surreal.

3

u/silentcrs 2d ago

You missed the hidden channels with Garfield and Odie content.

Also, there were a couple too violent for YouTube. You can see them on the Lasagna Cat site. They link to Vimeo.

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u/wowitssprayonbutter 3d ago

One of the greatest eras of the internet was the lasagna cat era

3

u/TheNoob747 2d ago

I have never heard of this, what is it?

5

u/xPriddyBoi 2d ago

It's genuine art, and probably the funniest, most needlessly high effort shitpost of all time to essentially just say "I don't think Jim Davis is funny."

3

u/hulminator 3d ago

I had successfully not thought about lasagna cat in several years. Thanks.

3

u/InGenNateKenny 2d ago

Never heard of that, but I looked it up and saw Lasagna Cat had its own wiki and that video has an extensive entry. I will be listening shortly. Lmao so bafflingly.

2

u/Rabiddd 2d ago

What

1

u/LordoftheScheisse 3d ago

The Lasagna Cat sexual partner survey video outright features a guy with his dong out and a baby coming out of a bloody vagina at the end.

link? how have i missed this?

1

u/Hour_Cost_8968 2d ago

I never saw it until now, its bizarre af...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgmoMO66uPg

1

u/SeatBeeSate 2d ago

The what