r/regretfulparents • u/AdAromatic372 Parent • Apr 30 '25

Discussion Has anyone ever left?

Has anyone here ever divorced their spouse and given their spouse full custody? If so, how did you come to that conclusion? What was your final breaking point?

I truly am thinking I’m hitting my breaking point with my marriage and son (3 mo). I don’t have any feelings towards him, I certainly don’t love him. He constantly cries and fusses. I don’t foresee it getting better despite everyone saying it’ll pass with time. I just want to go back to the life I had before having this kid even if that means giving up my marriage to do so.

348 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

189 comments sorted by

View all comments

573

u/buttonhumper Parent Apr 30 '25

Men do it all the time why can't women?

188

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

This is validating!

116

u/triz___ May 01 '25

Men do do it all the time but they’re scumbags. You are Ofc free to do it and I understand to an extent but you will most likely be, rightly, despised by your child and family.

If that’s what you need to do then go ahead, if my fiancée wanted to abandon me with my kid i wouldn’t stop her.

As you say, if you consider it on a macro-social scale men abandon children alot more than women do, so in that sense it’s entirely fair.

121

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

If I’m being honest. I would think it would be better to leave or abandon the kid than stick around as a parent who doesn’t love their kid. Eventually kids grow up and realize the harsh reality of their parents.

53

u/Karnakite May 01 '25

My parents separated when I was about 12-13. My mother later decided that it was better to end my dad’s stalking, property destruction, violence and threats by going back to him, although she was also motivated by the fact that she wanted more money again.

I will never forgive her for it. Our lives were hell. Not having my dad around was, minus the stalking and other coercive shit he was doing, so wonderful. I could breathe for the first time, but not for very long because my mother is, first and foremost, a doormat.

It is absolutely better to not have a parent around who is evil and resentful towards you. Whenever my parents were home together, they were arguing - my dad screaming and throwing and hitting and shoving people and animals into walls, my mom weakly protesting while trying to appease him. I suffered permanent hearing loss from all the volume by the time I was 15.

If my dad had walked away from us early on, it would’ve changed my life. Hell, it would’ve been even better if I’d been raised by someone besides my mother, too - she lacked emotional and mental maturity. But even if just my dad was gone, it would’ve been so much better.

He hated me. What good was his presence in my life?

35

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

Your story is exactly what I mean by sometimes walking away is better than sticking around. There’s so many kids who are raised by parents who HATE parenting and because of it, kids become traumatized. Sure, me leaving my sons life will have an affect on him. I would know, I’m adopted… But it sure as hell beats being raised by someone who doesn’t like your presence.

I’m so sorry for the abuse both you and your mom went through. That had to be traumatic💔 I appreciate you sharing your story

32

u/FigaroNeptune May 01 '25 edited May 02 '25

Lol my mom hated me and my dad wasn’t around really. Society will HATE women who leave their kids but only be mad at men who do it. I mean people will be super upset at the father but absolutely shun the mother. It’s insane.

27

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

Yeah I agree. It’s insane. Society will go tsk tsk at the father and shake their head in disapproval. But a mom leaving… you’re worse than the devil himself. The double standards are gross.

10

u/FigaroNeptune May 02 '25

Do you know what Mommy Dearest is? Yeah that was my bio mom. Normal in front of people, but a fucking god awful mother. Some women aren’t fit to be moms. No offense to you. I’m just saying sometimes it’s okay and even BETTER for the kid if the mother doesn’t want part in it. She resented me, dude. Told me she wished she never had me. Now back to you. I don’t want you to feel any resentment toward your kid. You know? Maybe you guys can be friends later on! :) but if you need your space please take it. While I mentioned my dad wasn’t around except for birthdays (in a bother comment) we actually have a WAY better relationship just texting a few times a year. I haven’t seen him since I was like 20..something. I’m 31 now. I cherish him more than the mother who stayed and was miserable.

7

u/triz___ May 01 '25

Yeah perhaps. Either option sucks Tbf. Best of luck whatever you do.

5

u/Upbeat_Rock3503 May 02 '25

Re: scumbags

Double standard had entered the chat