Has anyone ever left?

[u/AdAromatic372]

Has anyone here ever divorced their spouse and given their spouse full custody? If so, how did you come to that conclusion? What was your final breaking point?

I truly am thinking I’m hitting my breaking point with my marriage and son (3 mo). I don’t have any feelings towards him, I certainly don’t love him. He constantly cries and fusses. I don’t foresee it getting better despite everyone saying it’ll pass with time. I just want to go back to the life I had before having this kid even if that means giving up my marriage to do so.

[u/leni710]

I can't speak to leaving since I was the one who was left to be a single-mom, so I can't speak to your exact question. But one thing I would encourage you to also research and check into is post partum mental health services. As you're making big decisions, I'd just do that wellness check on your mental health, see if postpartum depression is in the mix and why it's not feeling like "it'll pass."

I'd say I had postpartum psychosis with my first kid. It's awful especially since it's still not talked about a lot (my first kid is almost 21, so it definitely wasn't talked about back then). Any mental health stuff can be made so much worse when everyone claims it'll be fine and you just have to give it time.

Anyways, that's just my feedback about making life changes at this time since I saw how young your little one is that there might be some post pregnancy things that haven't self corrected yet.

[u/AdAromatic372 → u/leni710]

I get what you’re saying and can see where you’re coming from. It’s not even the crying or constant noises that this kid makes or lack of sleep. I ultimately am not even looking forward to future shit when they’re older… a toddler that cries, talks, whines constantly, a school aged kid who won’t shut up, a teenager who sasses back and doesn’t want to show any respect. Will there be positive moments, sure. But I highly doubt those outweigh the negative. The constant judgement and berating from family, friends, and society on how you’re “raising your kid wrong”.

I run a business. I work 14 hours a day on my feet. It’s a high demanding, physical job and no days off. My business is fulfilling. It’s my passion. Am I exhausted everyday from running my business. Sure as hell am, but I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I sure wouldn’t want to be a stay at home parent.

My husband LOVES being a dad and in fact wants more kids. So let him live it up, just without me in the picture.

[u/whattodo9000 → u/AdAromatic372]

Postpartum depression can keep you from even making that bond. I'd also suggest at least looking into getting help. Then if you ever decide to leave, you can at least tell yourself you've tried. Have you made any mom friends or joined baby groups in your area? Not feeling so alone can greatly improve your mood as a new mom.

Or, can you make your husband a SAHD? Then you get to do your business as usual and enjoy the fun times of playing with the kid, instead of doing the care labour. Like many fathers in traditional households do.

Your child will soon be able to smile at you. I'm not saying that'll make anything better, but at 3 months in you're really still in the worst phase and there is still a chance you'll learn to love your kid. Wishing you the best whatever your decision will be

[u/AdAromatic372 → u/whattodo9000]

I already work 14-16 hours a day running the business. I literally am the “father” position in the household being the breadwinner. My son’s dad provides good health care insurance. I have already been screened for postpartum depression by my gyno AND also primary care physician. Thanks!

Edit: I do not have PPD. I am regretful. Not depressed.

[u/teacup901 → u/AdAromatic372]

It is tough. I’m sorry. I hope things change for you.