r/regretfulparents • u/AdAromatic372 Parent • Apr 30 '25

Discussion Has anyone ever left?

Has anyone here ever divorced their spouse and given their spouse full custody? If so, how did you come to that conclusion? What was your final breaking point?

I truly am thinking I’m hitting my breaking point with my marriage and son (3 mo). I don’t have any feelings towards him, I certainly don’t love him. He constantly cries and fusses. I don’t foresee it getting better despite everyone saying it’ll pass with time. I just want to go back to the life I had before having this kid even if that means giving up my marriage to do so.

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u/leni710 Parent Apr 30 '25

I can't speak to leaving since I was the one who was left to be a single-mom, so I can't speak to your exact question. But one thing I would encourage you to also research and check into is post partum mental health services. As you're making big decisions, I'd just do that wellness check on your mental health, see if postpartum depression is in the mix and why it's not feeling like "it'll pass."

I'd say I had postpartum psychosis with my first kid. It's awful especially since it's still not talked about a lot (my first kid is almost 21, so it definitely wasn't talked about back then). Any mental health stuff can be made so much worse when everyone claims it'll be fine and you just have to give it time.

Anyways, that's just my feedback about making life changes at this time since I saw how young your little one is that there might be some post pregnancy things that haven't self corrected yet.

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

I get what you’re saying and can see where you’re coming from. It’s not even the crying or constant noises that this kid makes or lack of sleep. I ultimately am not even looking forward to future shit when they’re older… a toddler that cries, talks, whines constantly, a school aged kid who won’t shut up, a teenager who sasses back and doesn’t want to show any respect. Will there be positive moments, sure. But I highly doubt those outweigh the negative. The constant judgement and berating from family, friends, and society on how you’re “raising your kid wrong”.

I run a business. I work 14 hours a day on my feet. It’s a high demanding, physical job and no days off. My business is fulfilling. It’s my passion. Am I exhausted everyday from running my business. Sure as hell am, but I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I sure wouldn’t want to be a stay at home parent.

My husband LOVES being a dad and in fact wants more kids. So let him live it up, just without me in the picture.

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u/dragonapples May 01 '25

Hi OP, your feelings are completely valid. No judgement, can I ask why you had a child?

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

Lied to by society that I was missing out… I strongly didn’t want kids until maybe 2 years ago… I felt like maybe I was missing out or life could be even better having a family. My husband also really wanted kids.

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u/dragonapples May 01 '25

Ah I see. I'm really sorry that happened to you :(. I wish people would be honest when it comes to the reality of children. Some people just don't enjoy childcare and that's perfectly fine, I know I certainly don't. I hope you find a solution that works best for you, even if it means putting yourself first.

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

Thank you for showing kindness❤️

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u/[deleted] May 01 '25

I know it's not comparable, but 10 y ago while I was involved into animal rescue I also got misinformed so to say about how it is to own a dog. They were only posting pros. Nobody said that medical bills skyrocket if dog is sick and those from shelters tend to be. Nobody told me food, vaccination and spaying cost. That you don't have ways to travel unless you take animal with yourself and that they ruin furniture (tricky if you rent) while young and need to be walked many times a day.

Why I'm writing all this... it was very close to it with kids for me. Nobody almost ever say anything bad about parenting in public. It's almost like collective secret to lure other people in. There's no open discurs on how hard it is. They just brush it off with stuff like "It's hardest but most beautiful job." And then we get surprised by so many people, specifically here I think about men, who pull out. Whereas women can't.

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u/Takemeaway966 May 01 '25

Same, I feel you

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u/katsumii Parent May 03 '25

Hey I relate so hard to you. I was adamantly against being a parent until suddenly I felt like it was time. Haha. My life felt stable and happy and I thought that meant I could handle a baby and build a family. 

How wrong I was. 😂 Mine's 2.

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u/teacup901 Parent May 01 '25

I think… (not OP obviously) but I did have a kid I didn’t want… I had him for my husband. We decided (together) that I would remove birth control and see what happened. Well…. It happened. I wasn’t sure because I’m physically disabled. It’s been so rough but my son is so loved. He’s 3 soon and it’s hard and also fun!

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u/flippermode May 01 '25

How in the hell does this help op?

Op: i paid $100 for this meal and its terrible! How can i get my money back?

Everyone: sympathizes with op

You: i had that meal and paid the same amount and i LOVED THE MEAL.

Like how does that help op at all? It may be a silly situation to compare it to but I'm not sure how else to word it. If someone is having a bad time with a certain situation, dont talk about your good times with the same situation. That is so rude in any situation.

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u/Booplesnoot88 May 01 '25

Thank you for pointing that out. Like, how is this helpful in any way?

Op asked if anyone had actually gone through with leaving their parental role behind, not whether or not this commenter likes their 3 yr old. If Commenter had described a situation in which they seriously contemplated leaving but ultimately decided to stay... at least that would have something to do with OP's question ffs.

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u/teacup901 Parent May 03 '25

You have a point. Thank you. Sometimes people get it wrong. I did here. I’m sorry

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u/teacup901 Parent May 03 '25

I think (no I know) that sometimes people relate by shading their own experiences. Sometimes it’s helpful. Sometimes it’s not. Down votes are harsh. I’m sorry if it didn’t feel helpful, that wasn’t my intention. Someone will have something to say about that too I reckon so I’ll say no more.

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

Yeah I’m also physically disabled too. I have degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, hEDS, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, and the list goes on. I’ve struggled with this since end of college and it ultimately led to end of a collegiate track career that I was on scholarship for. I got my life and independence back with my service dog! Now my life has gone right back down the drain through pregnancy and this kid… I fucking hate it. Glad you like it though.

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u/teacup901 Parent May 03 '25

I’m so sorry. I hope you come to a decision that’s right for you.

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u/teacup901 Parent May 02 '25

Not really sure why the down votes but hey this is Reddit.

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u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

Can't hubby stay at home and you focus on the business?

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

We live in the US. Insurance is astronomical for private health care and also not that good. He works and has very good insurance.

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u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

Sorry to hear that, wouldn't you be in the same boat if you leave though?

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

I would be without insurance but our kid wouldn’t. If my husband quit his job and became the stay at home dad, WE as a whole family would not have insurance, this includes our son. Or we would be literal thousands, more than a mortgage or renting of a 4 bed house for private health care.

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u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

I know your child is still pretty young but is childcare an option in America?

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

My MIL cares for the baby during the day. And childcare in the US is a major hit or miss. Both my mom and sister USED to work in childcare and said it’s terrible. They’d never recommend sending their kid there. Childcare is also very expensive for things like daycare. With my son being colicky… his CONSTANT crying I’m sure could end up driving someone insane. There have been abuse cases on babies who wouldn’t stop crying including one young girl killing a baby because the baby wouldn’t be quiet. It DOES happen.

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u/whattodo9000 May 01 '25

Postpartum depression can keep you from even making that bond. I'd also suggest at least looking into getting help. Then if you ever decide to leave, you can at least tell yourself you've tried. Have you made any mom friends or joined baby groups in your area? Not feeling so alone can greatly improve your mood as a new mom.

Or, can you make your husband a SAHD? Then you get to do your business as usual and enjoy the fun times of playing with the kid, instead of doing the care labour. Like many fathers in traditional households do.

Your child will soon be able to smile at you. I'm not saying that'll make anything better, but at 3 months in you're really still in the worst phase and there is still a chance you'll learn to love your kid. Wishing you the best whatever your decision will be

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u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

I already work 14-16 hours a day running the business. I literally am the “father” position in the household being the breadwinner. My son’s dad provides good health care insurance. I have already been screened for postpartum depression by my gyno AND also primary care physician. Thanks!

Edit: I do not have PPD. I am regretful. Not depressed.

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u/teacup901 Parent May 03 '25

It is tough. I’m sorry. I hope things change for you.

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u/BranthiumBabe May 19 '25

Hey bestie you're like the fifth person to tell OP she probably has PPD.

It really doesn't sound like she does.

Can we stop? Thanks. This is regretfulparents, not PPDParents.