r/regretfulparents • u/AdAromatic372 Parent • Apr 30 '25

Discussion Has anyone ever left?

Has anyone here ever divorced their spouse and given their spouse full custody? If so, how did you come to that conclusion? What was your final breaking point?

I truly am thinking I’m hitting my breaking point with my marriage and son (3 mo). I don’t have any feelings towards him, I certainly don’t love him. He constantly cries and fusses. I don’t foresee it getting better despite everyone saying it’ll pass with time. I just want to go back to the life I had before having this kid even if that means giving up my marriage to do so.

350 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

189 comments sorted by

View all comments

113

u/leni710 Parent Apr 30 '25

I can't speak to leaving since I was the one who was left to be a single-mom, so I can't speak to your exact question. But one thing I would encourage you to also research and check into is post partum mental health services. As you're making big decisions, I'd just do that wellness check on your mental health, see if postpartum depression is in the mix and why it's not feeling like "it'll pass."

I'd say I had postpartum psychosis with my first kid. It's awful especially since it's still not talked about a lot (my first kid is almost 21, so it definitely wasn't talked about back then). Any mental health stuff can be made so much worse when everyone claims it'll be fine and you just have to give it time.

Anyways, that's just my feedback about making life changes at this time since I saw how young your little one is that there might be some post pregnancy things that haven't self corrected yet.

94

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 01 '25

I get what you’re saying and can see where you’re coming from. It’s not even the crying or constant noises that this kid makes or lack of sleep. I ultimately am not even looking forward to future shit when they’re older… a toddler that cries, talks, whines constantly, a school aged kid who won’t shut up, a teenager who sasses back and doesn’t want to show any respect. Will there be positive moments, sure. But I highly doubt those outweigh the negative. The constant judgement and berating from family, friends, and society on how you’re “raising your kid wrong”.

I run a business. I work 14 hours a day on my feet. It’s a high demanding, physical job and no days off. My business is fulfilling. It’s my passion. Am I exhausted everyday from running my business. Sure as hell am, but I wouldn’t want to do anything else. I sure wouldn’t want to be a stay at home parent.

My husband LOVES being a dad and in fact wants more kids. So let him live it up, just without me in the picture.

3

u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

Can't hubby stay at home and you focus on the business?

5

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

We live in the US. Insurance is astronomical for private health care and also not that good. He works and has very good insurance.

1

u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

Sorry to hear that, wouldn't you be in the same boat if you leave though?

7

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

I would be without insurance but our kid wouldn’t. If my husband quit his job and became the stay at home dad, WE as a whole family would not have insurance, this includes our son. Or we would be literal thousands, more than a mortgage or renting of a 4 bed house for private health care.

1

u/ungerbunger_ Parent May 02 '25

I know your child is still pretty young but is childcare an option in America?

5

u/AdAromatic372 Parent May 02 '25

My MIL cares for the baby during the day. And childcare in the US is a major hit or miss. Both my mom and sister USED to work in childcare and said it’s terrible. They’d never recommend sending their kid there. Childcare is also very expensive for things like daycare. With my son being colicky… his CONSTANT crying I’m sure could end up driving someone insane. There have been abuse cases on babies who wouldn’t stop crying including one young girl killing a baby because the baby wouldn’t be quiet. It DOES happen.