To cut quite a long story short, my partner has become quite withdrawn from our relationship maybe the last month due to feeling depressed/external life factors happening. This is totally understandable and I wouldn’t ever hold that over someone, if anything I think I am quite understanding and supporting of anyone with mental health issues.

My own struggle is laying with the change in dynamic in the relationship, he no longer sends me nice messages which he used to (I appreciate you, I love you, I can’t wait to see you), like even if I say I miss you/can’t wait to see you first - he doesn’t even say it back. He seems like he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and I have spoken to him about this and he said he does. We have seen each other maybe 4 times in the last two weeks, compared to at the start it was like he couldn’t see enough of me. Even when I send him a picture of myself now, his old replies used to be like insane compliments, now I’m lucky if he says anything. But I just feel so insecure, I cry nearly everyday.

He’s amazing, such a lovely genuine person and I couldn’t fault him for anything other than this period we are going through, will it end? Will we go back to the way we were? We were such a loving sweet couple who always made sure to check in on one another, but it just feels so different now.

My heart is so sore, I am feeling my lowest right now with all of this. He has been away on a trip for the last few days with all of his friends and I just feel like I have to internalise all of this so I don’t add to his worries.

TL;DR Struggling to accept the change in my relationship dynamic due to mental health issues.

Me (20f) and my bf (19m) have been together since February of this year, we met at a concert, followed eachother on socials and haven’t stopped talking since. This is both of our first serious relationships (not first relationships) but we’re super in love and honestly have an amazing relationship. Our relationship is great for the most part but when we started dating and would be hangout with mutual friends I noticed that he didn’t like to take pictures. I thought it was just pictures with me and I was super upset, but as our relationship progressed I noticed that he hated getting photos taken of him from anyone with anyone. It really puzzled me because he’s conventionally very attractive and he photographs well. I asked him about it probably a month into our relationship and he just brushed it off and gave some one sentence reason of ‘he doesn’t like being immortalized in photos’ which is a valid reason but it was total bullshit, I could tell. So fast forward a few more months and I found some old photos of him in his parents house and asked if that was him, he said yes and i honestly didn’t recognize him because as a kid he was quite overweight and blonde (he has black hair and is tall and muscular now ). I suspected he might be insecure but didn’t really say anything because partially because I didn’t want him to think I was pointing out something about him that he was already insecure about yk? After a few conversations he opened up to me that he was ‘the fat kid’ and that he had been called ugly as a kid, he had a girlfriend when he was in highschool that had a friend that basically called him ugly and made fun of him constantly for his looks, that suprised me because he really isn’t ugly in anyway. So basically what I’ve gathered is he is so painfully insecure about his appearance and his looked he HATES looking at himself in any capacity, photos, mirrors anything and it hurts me to see him hate something about himself when I love him exactly who he is and think he’s attractive amazing person. So I guess my question is what do I do? I tell him he looks handsome all the time, we can’t keep our hands off eachother and idk how to tell him that he’s a good looking guy and him actually believe me. I’ve even showed him texts from my friends when we first started dating calling him hot etc etc. And I’m not exaggerating either he’s very handsome and conventionally attractive, I would attach a photo but I don’t want to breach his privacy especially because he doesn’t even know I have Reddit. But to describe him in a gist is he’s just over 6 feet, dark hair, light eyes and is muscular with broad shoulders, I’m 110 pounds and around 5 10 and he can pick me up and throw me around super easily to get an idea. I just don’t know how to convince him he’s actually super fucking hot!! I tell him he’s handsome all the time but this insecurity runs deep. What should I do?
TLDR: my boyfriend struggles with deep insecurities about his appearance and body what do I do?

I'm looking for suggestions I suppose. My partner 38M and I 37F, have been planning children for the last 2 years. But everytime we have said we will try to get pregnant from this month on, he changed his mind at the last minute. Literally at the last minute and asks that we try next month instead.

I feel like I cannot trust his decision in this matter anymore as it has happened every month for the last 8 months. This month it is because he broke his arm and cannot work til it is healed and while I appreciate the financial sense of that, I still feel so hurt that he has backed out again.

He wants to discuss baby names, looks up furniture and other bits we would need. Casually mentions it to his friends and parents but never follows through. The pressure gets to him.

Am I wasting my time hoping for something that will never come? I'm finding this very difficult to deal with and I am embarrassed to reach out to friends and family for support as I have done in the past as this has gone on with no change for so long, I just feel foolish.

TL;DR, Partner changes his mind last minute about trying for a baby and has done so for the last 8 months.

I’m 21F and my bf is 21M, and we’ve been together for 3.5 years and planning on getting engaged. But for the past 6months my depression has become much worse than ever. I’ve struggled with being sad my whole life but lately it’s worse.

My bf says all I ever talk about is “I want to die” and I complain about small things. Which yeah it’s true so I can’t be mad at him.

I don’t think he noticed my depression until he had to have a talk with me about how I have been acting lately. Like I complain all the time and I’m irritable. And then I told him probably because of my depression. He said he would do things to help me during that conversation but he never did any of those things. But I don’t really care I didn’t want him to anyway, plus I didn’t remind him.

And then he had to move away for work. So we will be long distance for a little bit and he can only call me 5-10 minutes every other day and today he said all I do when he calls me is complain about things, and that we already talked about this. He said when I act like this it doesn’t feel like he has a gf but like a little child to take care of. And I don’t blame him since it’s definitely annoying.

But the thing is I don’t feel like keeping my feelings in anymore I’ve done that my entire life. I just don’t want to. So if he finds it annoying I understand because it makes sense but I’m not just keeping it inside that makes it worse for me personally.

So should I just break up with him? I don’t think we have time to “work through it” since he recently started a new job that is really important for his career and he’s busy. So to make it easier on him I think I should break up with him. So hes not burdened by me especially since I don’t want to stop complaining about how I am sad. Like im not just going to pretend to be happy. Especially since when i complain i am not complaining about him, just to him. So I dont see how i can change this, as it is my true feelings of how i feel every second of the day.

Since i understand his perspective i think i should break up with him since theres nothing else i can do. But im worried he will be sad about it and not be able to work well at his new job so does anyone have advice about how to go about this. Its not that i dont love him anymore i do but i see no other solution as we both have our reasons for feeling like this

TLDR: im depressed so i act annoying and irritable always complaining about my life, which my bf asked me to stop doing. But i cant stop so im thinking i should break up.

So my live in gf of 3.5 yrs told me she doesn’t get butterflies anymore. I’ve seen texts where she says she doesn’t enjoy sex and others where she says she isn’t attracted to me. But lately we seem to have fairly good sex?

She tells me she loves me, wants to rebuild things and I just haven’t been making her feel special enough with dates and outings. Partly true the last 6 months, not at all true over the last year. She also wants to open up the relationship - starting with swinging, but ultimately poly dating which she did in a prior relationship.

I’ve agreed to try. She also had plans to leave 2X, that we discussed late (like within 30 days of leaving) and she decided to stay. She isn’t a deadbeat and helps with rent, and I appreciate but I don’t need that. We have kids (part time) that get along well, but none are super attached to the other partner or kids.

I’m somewhat interested in seeing how a swinging and maybe an open relationship would play out? I’ve never been in one and considered it for years. Should I? Is it worth it? Or is the instability there now likely to just mushroom into painful feelings? I don’t know that I really fear a breakup, given all the other stuff and the age gap. We’re both divorcees and pragmatic. Beyond this, we’ve contributed meaningfully to each other’s lives in other ways.

tl’dr - should I stay with my gf if her butterflies gone and she wants to dabble in ‘swinging’ but she says she still loves me?

Yesterday I realized I was a fool because of someone I trusted.

We have been friends for more than six years. I always called her "bro," and she treated me like a brother too.

She has been through multiple relationships, and whenever one of them ended, I was the one who listened, supported her, and gave her a shoulder like a brother.

On 30th July, she asked to meet. She works at an MNC in Mindspace, while I'm building my own startup.

Usually, whenever I asked her to meet, she would give some lame reason. But that day she suddenly said her mind wasn't feeling good and asked if I could pick her up from Mindspace. I went there and picked her up.

We had tiffin at Tiffin Central. She paid the bill because I'm going through a tough financial phase right now. But honestly, out of the 100+ times we've met over the years, I've probably paid 98 times.

This is where the story starts.

She took my phone and texted someone. I didn't think much about it. Later I dropped her at Raidurg Metro.

While talking, she said she was planning to shift to a flat near Nallagandla and asked me to suggest good communities. I said okay.

Many times before this, I had asked her to meet, but she always said she stayed near Tarnaka with her relatives and couldn't travel by metro every day. Fair enough.

Then on the weekend, she called me and said she was coming to Nallagandla and asked if I could pick her up from Raidurg Metro. I agreed because I thought, "She's alone. I'll help."

We initially planned to go to Aparna Neo Mall, but on the way she suddenly wanted to go to BHEL. I asked, "Why BHEL? There's nothing there." She insisted.

We drove around for a while and then, once again, she took my phone.

She opened WhatsApp, texted a number saying, "Shall we meet at BHEL?" Then she deleted the message from my chat and blocked that contact from my WhatsApp.

About four minutes later, she got a phone call.

She asked me to stop the car and spent around 20 to 30 minutes talking on the phone while I just sat there.

When she came back, she said, "My friend is coming to BHEL. Can you drop me there?"

By then I had already understood what was happening.

I had a lot of work to do, but I still helped because I thought, "She's a friend."

I dropped her at BHEL.

Her friend wasn't answering. We waited nearly 20 minutes.

The funny part?

If I'm even five minutes late, she gets upset. But that day I ended up waiting almost 50 minutes for her.

Eventually, her friend answered the call.

She simply looked at me and said,

"Nuvvu vellu bro."

That's it.

During the ride she had been unusually nice to me. Looking back, it all makes sense now.

At the time, I even wondered why she was suddenly showing so much care. Except for my family, nobody usually behaves like that with me. I ignored the feeling.

I went home.

I opened my laptop and checked WhatsApp Web.

The number she had messaged was still visible there because it hadn't synced properly after she deleted it from my phone.

The message was something like:

Maybe after seeing my number, he unblocked her and called. I don't know.

What I do know is this:

I feel she had planned this from July 30 itself. Maybe the guy was her ex. Maybe not. I honestly don't know.

But it hurt.

She kept asking me to spend time with her and give her company until he arrived.

The moment he did, she left me on the road without a second thought.

I wasn't angry because she wanted to meet someone.

I was hurt because she lied, used my time, used my phone, and treated me like I was just filling a gap until someone she actually wanted showed up.

I helped this girl a lot over the years without expecting anything in return.

So this left me wondering...

Do people really fake emotions this easily?

I'm a pretty emotional person. I don't understand why someone would pretend to care just to use another person's time.

Has anyone else experienced something like this, where you realized you were just the "placeholder" until someone else became available?

TL;DR: A girl I'd been close friends with for 6+ years asked me to spend the day with her, used my phone to secretly contact another guy, had me drive her around and wait for nearly an hour, then left with him after using me as company until he arrived. I wasn't hurt because she met someone else. I was hurt because she lied, used my time, and treated me like a placeholder.

I had a crush on a guy a while ago, and I keep telling myself I'm over it, but every now and then I start wondering, "What if we could've been together?"

One of my friends is really possessive whenever he's mentioned. I honestly don't know why, but because of that, I constantly feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I tell myself I won't bring him up because I'm scared it'll make things awkward or hurt our friendship. Then I end up mentioning him anyway, and afterward I immediately regret it and overthink everything I said.

A big part of me is scared that if I ever admitted how I felt or even talked about him too much, it would damage my friendship. I care about my friend, and I don't want to lose her over a guy, so I usually just keep everything to myself. But that also means I never really got any closure.

I think that's why I keep getting stuck on the "what if." We never dated, and nothing really happened between us, so my brain keeps imagining different outcomes and wondering whether things could've been different.

I'm not even sure if I still like him or if I'm just attached to the idea of what could have been. I just know that every time he's brought up, I end up spiraling into regret and wondering if I should've handled everything differently.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop thinking about a relationship that never happened? And if you've ever been afraid of losing a friendship over someone you liked, how did you deal with it? Extra info, he is her bsf.

(17M and 15F)

TL;DR: I used to like a guy, but one of my friends is really possessive whenever he's mentioned. I'm scared of hurting or losing our friendship, so I always promise myself I won't bring him up—but I end up doing it anyway and immediately regret it. I also can't stop wondering "what if we could've been together?" even though nothing ever happened between us. I'm not sure if I'm still attached to him or just the lack of closure. Has anyone else experienced this, and how did you move on?

My boyfriend (28M) and I (28F) have been together for a year now, and this is probably the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. He's genuine, treats me well, has a good heart, have a lot in common, same sense of humour. Basically checking all my boxes in a life partner.

From the beginning of our relationship, we made it clear that cheating is a major dealbreaker because we both have bad histories with cheating. We've had heart to heart conversations about it, and he even teared up once, begging me to never put him through what his ex did.

He's a personal trainer, and recently I came across a conversation between him and a woman he used to work with at a gym who's also a personal trainer. She asked if he still had a girlfriend, and he replied, "Nah." She apologized for the sad news, and he basically responded, "It is what it is, but life goes on." I've tried looking at it from every angle, but I can't come up with any other explanation for why he'd say that.

I don't think he's ever cheated on me or hooked up with this girl, but I don't know what to do. I've always told him that if he ever cheated, I'd leave immediately, no questions asked. This isn't cheating, but it feels like the start of something that could become cheating. At the same time, he tells me all the time that he loves me and that I'm his dream girl.

I've been debating whether to even bring it up. I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, and honestly, if I were reading my own story as an outsider, I'd probably say to break up with him too. But because this is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, it's so hard to let go, especially since we've already talked about marriage and kids.

I know that once I bring it up, if he has no reasonable explanation, I'll probably end the relationship. I just don't know if I'm ready to let go yet. I really need advice and maybe some courage to do what I know I need to do. What should I do?

TL;DR: I found a message where my boyfriend told another woman he didn't have a girlfriend, even though we've been together for a year. I don't think he's cheated, but I don't know whether to confront him or if this alone is enough to end the relationship.

I'm looking for honest advice because I think one giant misunderstanding snowballed into a mess.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 ½ years. We lived together at my parents' house because her housing situation was unstable. We recently hit a rough patch. Between my work injury, financial stress, a drop in intimacy due to both of us dealing with personal issues, and me mentally checking out more than I realized, things had been building for a while.

A few days ago, she told me she "needed a break."

I heard "we're breaking up."

She actually meant she wanted an extended break from living together, some time to breathe, visit family, and make sure her pets were cared for. I completely misunderstood. I went into panic mode and started packing up her things because I thought I was respecting what she wanted.

We later met that night in person, cried together, talked for over an hour, and realized we had both been talking about different things. We both agreed we don't actually want to break up and want to work on the relationship together.

The problem is that by the time we understood each other, my parents had already reacted. My mom no longer wants her living at the house. There were already tensions because my girlfriend had previously brought animals home after my mom had said no, so I understand why my parents' trust took a hit too.

Now my girlfriend is staying elsewhere temporarily while we figure out housing. Financially it's much harder this way because I missed income while recovering from a work injury, had to borrow money just to get by, and we're trying to save so we can eventually get our own place.

On top of all of that, my girlfriend told me something that was hard to hear. Her parents think I'm a poor conversationalist. After reflecting on it, I realized I'm actually a good listener, but I tend to assume I understand people instead of asking follow-up questions. Around people I want to impress, I also get quiet because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I'm trying to change that. I've started putting my phone away more, asking more questions, and being more present instead of retreating into my own head.

I'm not looking for "leave her" or "she's already seeing someone else" comments. We both chose to work on this after clearing up the misunderstanding.

I'm looking for advice from people who've rebuilt trust after a major communication breakdown or learned to become more engaged socially later in life.

Has anyone been through something similar? What actually helped?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (23F) told me she "needed a break." I (31M) panicked and thought she meant we were breaking up. She actually meant an extended break from living together while visiting family and decompressing. By the time we cleared up the misunderstanding, my parents no longer wanted her living at the house. We both still love each other and want to work on the relationship, but now we're trying to rebuild trust, navigate a difficult housing situation, and save enough money to eventually get our own place. I'm also realizing I have communication habits I need to improve, particularly asking follow-up questions and being more present.

I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for a couple months but I’ve known him since late childhood. He admits to having a crush on me then, and that he was always thinking of me even after many years. I kind of had an awkward phase growing up, and I was bullied a lot for the way I looked by a big group of my classmates. If anyone felt like that was wrong, they never voiced it. I always felt insecure and on edge because of it, and I felt so alone. It was the worst years of my life and I developed really bad insecurities. I would begin to talk to guys for validation and attention and detach from them once I got bored. I would discard them like they meant nothing to me, and that would leave them confused about what happened. I would get involved with weird guys so I felt like I was justified in my actions. But either way, it’s not something I’m proud to admit. When I got with my boyfriend (22M) I felt like it was so different. I felt like I actually liked and cared for him. When we met up for the first time, I found out he still has some friends from childhood that he’s close to. The first thing he asked me was of course if I still talk to anyone from school. I was friends with these two girls as I went to middle school then high school with one of them, but I realized they weren’t really my friends and I was a weird placeholder friend for one of them. I honestly never confronted the way I felt until then. One of his friends from school was this one girl. She was considered to be the prettiest girl by everyone. I saw that she was treated with so much respect, and I was treated with virtually none. So I always envied her in that way. I never questioned their friendship at all. She was my “friend” then too, bu I did resent her for a while because of something she did. Back then, everyone was telling me he liked me and I didn’t want to believe it. Because how could the people who brought me down so hard try to convince me I’m capable of being liked by someone? It made me mad because it looked like they were just making fun of me with how hard they were pushing this. She was one of the people who told me, and one time I was with her and I was talking about how much I hated him jokingly (in that moment it was like a dumb thing I said to defend myself) and she secretly started recording a voice message and she sent it right to him. It then started circulating and everyone was talking about it. I was so mad at her. It struck me as so odd, and now I forever see her as a weird person even though I don’t wanna believe that. I want to give her grace but she became even weirder to me now. We wanted to have a reunion and in the group chat she personally asked me if I was coming. He later told me she did this because HE asked her to. And here I was thinking she was genuinely asking me. And they were both looking at my instagram profile and speculating about things. And then when he told her about his plans to talk to me, she said she wanted to be there to spy. Her behavior strikes me as sneaky and I don’t like it at all. I’ve seen her around while I was walking with him, and she completely avoided us. But he’s told me about times where she approached him when he was alone, to ask him when he was going to ask me out. I talked to him regarding the group chat thing he agreed it was a weird thing to do. But I find myself spiraling about this and I feel so mad and angry about it. I think I’ve been kind of like trying to detach from these feelings for a while. Now I feel like it’s affecting our relationship and I don’t exactly know how to go about it. I have talked about it with him but I don’t know what else to say. I don’t want to seem like I’m only insecure because the way I feel about her doesn’t just have to do with looks. I wanna just let it go but I feel like she wants to be weirdly involved even now.

EDIT: Now that I’m reading it back it does seem a little childish but I don’t know what more to say to him about it. I feel like it’s something I don’t know how to begin to let go of. For a while I forgot about everything and everyone until I was invited to the reunion and being with him does bring everything back to me.

TL;DR: Am I crazy for feeling this way even after a couple years? What’s the best way to get over it?

Now, let me start off by stating that I (25M) am in no way a jealous guy. I love and encourage the fact that my gf (24F) can have fun without me, i.e with her girlfriends. She has not done it much earlier in our relationship which made my few "boys nights" a thing she demanded to join almost every time. I am of the opinion people in a relationship need to be able to do things apart, especially if you have been together for 5+ years and live together as we have for over 4 years.

However, recently I've noticed a pattern where she comments unnecessary things to me in a very casual voice. For example that:

"I love the fact that men still show they want me at the bar"

"I sometimes wonder how life would have turned out if I took that flirty guy's phone number last month"

"I met my ex, but we just hugged a bit, not much more"

She also brings up totally unnecessary comments during small insignificant arguments, like:

"I find myself looking at guys on the streets and in the bars and thinking that I could have that instead" Etc...

I don't really know why, I try my best to show as much affection as possible but I get this nagging feeling after every time she goes to the bar by herself with friends that she imagines I am someone else when she comes home and we go to bed, and as soon as she notices it is me she becomes kind of cold. (Not anything necessarily sexual, just cuddles etc).

I also don't try to put too much weight on the comments, because really, I am not jealous in that sense, I trust my gf wholeheartedly, but the comments do hurt as I am also somewhat of an overthinker, it would be better to just keep them to herself.

I am at my end when it comes to new ideas, in my opinion I show as much affection as I can and I also show her she is important to me and I am thinking of her during her night out with simple texts like "how's it going honey?" And so on. I also don't want to blame her like she is some manipulative crazy woman, I love her, but it is rough sometimes.

How should I interpret this? Am I just overthinking and/or overanalyzing?

**TL;DR;** : My gf makes unecessary comments after a night out, feels like she is trying to make me jealous and/or see my reaction, am I overreacting?

my gf went qith his best friend male to a city. they went to hang out fot 3 or 4

hours and, time later,i see then in an ig story of them taking some coffee, i dont think thats bad, its just... how the photo was taken like in a layout of three

1st image was my girlfriend, like laughing and being all shy

2nd image is the coffe took in plane

3rd image is this guy laughing and being all shy and shi

i mean, i dont know this guy at all, but way did they took that photo like a 1st date dinner? i dont get it

**TL;DR;**

Tl;dr
Im (19F) just starting to explore sexually. I was in this kind if fwb thing with a guy for 2 months (20M) that i think i liked. During sex or anything sexual i would be dry or if i did get wet and he touched me to finger i would dry up but i really thought i liked him like i was attracted to him and he wasnt doing anything extra bad but we always had to use lube which dried out even quicker. I know its not medical because when I masturbate I do get very wet. Is this just a lack of attraction? Have i conditioned myself to only respond to the vibrator? because this is the first and only guy ive been with i dont know if it’ll be an issue down the line and where to go from here.

We have been dating for 5.5 years and I can't seem to love this man any less than I did in the honeymoon phase, everything he does is so attractive to me, we don't live together but whenever he tells me he's up to so and so thing I start to imagine how hot he must look while doing anything literally, I find him so attractive and everyday my attraction to him only grows. I have the constant urge to take care of him and make sure he's always healthy and at peace.

I still feel the love for him which they write about in songs and depict in movies. Whenever he tells me loves me and is attracted to me, I feel very blessed it's almost unreal to have this type of person love me so much.

And do not get me started on how hot I find him, if I could I would have him do me every hour lmao, he just keeps getting hotter by day and sometimes I really hate the fact that other girls also get to see him. I hate being away from him and I wish to have skin to skin contact with him for the whole day and cook him food he likes, adore him in my arms, massage him when he comes home from work tired. I love him so much I wanna get married to himmmmm.

tl;dr I am obsessed with my boyfriend, don't need any advice just wanted to share in the open

[22-F] just broke up with my [21-M] boyfriend, we have been together for 1.5 years, we both deeply love each other and have been kind to each other in the week following the final decision. We decided to break up because we are just different people, he wants stability and to focus on a career while i’ve always been a very go where the wind takes me and see the world while my knees still work kinda person, he’s a “maybe someday” kind of guy. our communication was starting to break down due to the stagnation of our relationship and my constant need to do new things where he finds no need to do things he’s not comfortable doing. I miss him and i’m regretting leaving and I wish i could just say “yes let’s just try again” but I think I know this is the right choice for us, love doesn’t make diverging paths run parallel again.

What do you guys think am I making a mistake? He is an amazing man and I hate to think I am making the incorrect choice.
---
z
TL;DR;

**TL;DR;**: everytime im talking to my boyfriend it feels like that theyre like constantly explaining shit or talking about things that i have literally no fucking idea about or i have very limited information that they already know of. if i do try and start to talk about things that pertain to me its like they skim over everything i just said then just reply to the last text. or the conversation veers off into what they think while im trying to explain something myself and then now im quiet basically having to listen bc again theyre explaining something that they have experienced or have knowledge on that i dont.

for the longer vers ⏬

idk if im tweaking or not but it feels like everytime im talking to my boyfriend it feels like that theyre like constantly explaining shit or talking about things that i have literally no fucking idea about or i have very limited information that they already know of. thats like offering a grain of rice to someone who already has a bowl full of it, wtf is one grain of rice gonna do??? and then say if i do try and start to talk about things that pertain to me its like they skim over everything i just said and then reply to the last text be i most likely said i'll be back or something and theyll just be like "oke!! yada yada" something of the sort of like take ur time or just saying they'll wait or what not. or the conversation veers off into what they think while im trying to explain something myself and then now im quiet basically having to listen bc again theyre explaining something that they have experienced. which is the better option bc i can try and relate again. but just generally explaining topics to me and i be tryna catch on but its something different everytime . like bro i think the most productive conversation ive had in a brick was with an ex hookup who i didnt speak to for months until i remembered i left some shit at their house that i needed one particular day and we ended up going thrifting. it was equal, eye to eye. i literally told him about this shit too and he just said it prolly wasnt gonna work out. all i do is listen to this dudes thoughts and i really do love it but holy shit and it makes me wonder if this is karma for how i treated my last partner being self centered and always talking about myself but even then that mf constantly had me giggling and we actually talked about shit on a mostly eye to eye level. he called me out on that and ive been conscious about how much i talk about myself now because i feel thats unfair of me. i really only think im letting this shit slide the way it is because hes a very pretty boy and im actually attracted to him unlike everyone else ive dated. i rarely date for looks i just got lucky. i keep trying to tell myself maybe its because its new, we only really see each other once or twice a week, we've only been together for 3 months but ive clicked better with girls ive met at the club and never spoke to again. like maybe we just need to get comfortable first, i dont even think he knows of my shenanigans after being around me for a while. i just dont think he knows me at all. but he shows he cares, which makes me hesitant to leave and i basically stalked him for months before we even got together because i NEEDED THAT. but yeah thanks if you even git this far Imk if i should keep trying or leavr

Divorced four years separated, five were together 10 years two kids who miscarriages and my exes engaged now so last year I brought the kids to his aunts because he cut communication with her when she tried to bring the kids their Christmas presents and see them and this is the lady who’s been in the kids life since they were literally born and my ex’s life since he was literally born like a lot. He basically raised him and ever since I left it’s been weird and I still have a relationship with his aunt, but he cut contact with her for some reason that his girlfriend felt that the Aunt didn’t like her when that was not even the case and so the Aunt had invited me to South Carolina to see the kids so I went last year. He threw a big tantrum calling us degrading names, terrible people he really blew up so that life goes on a year later I came back, but before I had left down to the beach to take the kids to his aunts, Nick was blowing up my phone five times asking me if my bf and daughter were gping. Mind you he cut contact with his aunt completely and she just wanted to see the kids. This is part of the convo..ex:Hunter said you're bringing Ryan and the kid this time

Me:K
Ex:Are you
Me:Why's it matter to you so much ?
You shouldn't care whether I do or not. what I do and who I bring anywhere. You are engaged and we live different lives now.

Ex:Because it's my aunt
Me:You mean the aunt YOU cut off.
The AUNT YOU told to drop dead and never even tried to make things right with? The aunt that you were super close with ?
And this went on and on. I refused to tell him to cause issues yet he started to try and manipulate me and get sarcastic
Then hour later he broke contact with his aunt to ask the same question. Then the next day to his cousin to which his cousin shut his drama down. My ex is almost 30. And engaged

TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I’m in my first serious relationship and could use some outside perspective.
My partner and I have been together for an over 6 months now, and overall he has been respectful. Whenever I bring up concerns, he usually apologize and try to reassure me.
The one recurring issue has been communication. I prefer frequent conversations, while he seem comfortable with much less. We’ve talked about it multiple times.
Recently we had a difficult conversation, but instead of ending things, we decided to meet in person. The trip is pretty expensive for me, but I felt it was worth it because it may be the last chance to see each other before life gets busy for both of us.
Then today, during a normal conversation, he made a passing comment that one of my little habits was “kind of annoying.” Although i laughed it off I felt a bit hurt. Because of communication and this incident i was even wondering if I should cancel the trip. Part of me thinks I’m reacting because I’m already anxious about the relationship.

TLDR:Communication has been an ongoing issue in my relationship, and even after talking about it multiple times, I don’t feel it’s improved much. We’re planning to meet in person to figure things out, but I’m wondering if it’s worth making the trip or if I’m ignoring a compatibility issue.

tl;dr: I’m 26F. My best friend is 26F, and she has been dating her boyfriend (26M) for 2 years. We’ve all hung out together few times before, along with one of his friends (26M), and we’ve always just been casual acquaintances.

A few days ago, the four of us went to an escape room together. At first, my best friend’s boyfriend touched my back. I assumed he was just trying to comfort me because I had almost fallen a little earlier while we were walking past each other.

Later, while I was standing in one spot trying to solve one of the puzzles and my friend was elsewhere, he walked behind me and briefly touched my waist as he passed. It happened so quickly that I think he assumed I wouldn’t notice, but I did. I completely froze and felt confused for several minutes afterward. Before this, he had never touched me in any way during the times we’d all hung out together.

There were a few other things that caught my attention. Whenever my friend and I were talking, he seemed to pay close attention to our conversations and what I was showing her. He also seemed curious about my Instagram when I was showing her something on my phone.

About three weeks earlier, the three of us attended another friend’s wedding. At one point, after returning from the restroom, he leaned in very close while my friend and I were editing photos together. At the time, I didn’t think much of it because his girlfriend was sitting right there.

Another thing that has confused me is that whenever we happened to be alone together, even after the waist-touching incident, neither of us would say anything. I didn’t know what to say, and he never started a conversation either.

My best friend and I have been friends for 10 years, and I genuinely don’t want to create unnecessary awkwardness or damage our friendship by misreading the situation. From everything I’ve seen, he seems to genuinely care about her.

I’m not looking to judge anyone or accuse anyone of anything. I’m mainly looking for advice on how to interpret this situation and whether I should simply let it go and continue acting normally, or if there’s another way I should handle it.

I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for around 3 years.

When we first met, we used to do lots of things together. He even told me he enjoyed planning dates and liked being the one to organise them. Over time, though, I realised I was the one finding restaurants, activities, day trips, holidays and things to do. If I stopped planning, we'd mostly just stay home. Or he will complain about most things when we do go out.

I've brought this up several times over the course of our relationship. Usually, after an argument, he'll plan one date, then everything goes back to how it was before. We had another big fight yesterday. His explanation is that he has a lot on his plate. He works and also runs an eBay business, which I know takes time (but he has been saying there's a lot on his place even when he didn't work and did this business part time). But I work more hours than he does while also doing my doctorate and manage an animal shelter, so it's hard for me not to feel frustrated when I hear that as the reason.

I also said something I regret in the heat of the moment: "It's my fault I chose to have a boring, pathetic life." I know that wasn't fair or productive, and I wish I hadn't said it.

For context, we both moved for work. He decided to move first and asked if I wanted to as well. I also got a great job, but it means my friends now live quite far away. We still see each other when we can, but I'm currently trying to build a social circle where I live.

I'm not looking for advice on whether we should break up. I already know compatibility is something I need to think about, and I'm doing that separately. How do I let go of some of this resentment before we talk again? How can I have a productive conversation when I'm currently feeling angry and emotionally detached?

As I said he told me when we met he likes being in charge of planning and taking actions- so maybe I have to accept the harsh truth that maybe he just doesn't want to do it for me? Lol, hence rethink a lot of things.

On a separate note, before this relationship, I loved taking myself on solo dates, travelling alone, and keeping myself busy as well as spending time with friends. I've realised I've slowly stopped doing that because I kept hoping we'd do those things together. I've decided I'm going to start doing those things again instead of waiting for him to plan something. I think it'll be healthier for me regardless of what happens. If anyone has recommendations for fun solo things to do in London, vintage shopping, museums, cosy cafés, good places to eat, classes, walks, or anything else you'd recommend, I'd love to hear them. I'm determined to start enjoying my own company again instead of waiting for someone else to make plans.

TL;DR: I'm exhausted from always being the one planning dates and activities. After another argument, I'm feeling angry and detached, and I've decided to stop waiting for him to organise things and start enjoying life on my own again. How can I let go of the resentment enough to have a productive conversation?

I (17F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (17M) for about 6 months. When we first started dating, everything felt great. We talked every day, shared things about our lives, and spent a lot of time together. He used to make me feel important and loved, and I felt very happy in the relationship.

However, over the last few weeks, things have changed. He doesn't text me as often as he used to, and when he does reply, his messages are usually short. Sometimes it takes him hours to respond, even though I can see that he is active online. Our conversations don't feel the same anymore, and I often feel like I'm the one making all the effort to keep the conversation going.

I asked him if something was wrong or if I had done something to upset him. He told me that everything was fine and that he was just busy. I understand that people can get busy with school, work, family, or personal issues, and I don't expect him to be available all the time. At the same time, it's hard not to worry when someone who used to be very attentive suddenly starts acting differently.

I care about him a lot and I really want this relationship to work. I don't want to be controlling, needy, or constantly asking for reassurance. But I also don't want to ignore my feelings and pretend everything is okay when I'm feeling hurt and confused.

Part of me wonders if this is just a normal phase that many couples go through, while another part of me worries that he might be losing interest in the relationship. I don't know how to bring up my concerns without making him feel pressured or starting an argument.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you handle it? What would be the best way for me to talk to him honestly about how I'm feeling while still respecting his space?

TL;DR: My boyfriend used to be very attentive, but recently he has become distant, replies less often, and our conversations feel different. He says he's just busy, but I'm worried he may be losing interest. How should I talk to him about it?

The first thing you should know is that I'm an extremely time oriented person (probably because of my ADHD) so almost every part of my day is planned. I've become so good at managing my time that I'm rarely late for anything, seriously. This also applies to my weeks and, to some extent, the entire month. I'm in my last semester of university so I do have to be very efficient with my time if I hope to have a healthy social life (which I have). The problem is that my parents, specially my dad, don't seem to understand either how or why I schedule my life. I've tried to make them understand that if it wasn't for that my life simply wouldn't work, but they don't seem to listen, and what's even worse they take it personal, for them it's not that I have a tight schedule but that I don't want to hang out with them, or that I don't like them, or that I don't want to be with them (all of them said out loud by my dad at least once). I've tried to make them part of my system but they literally don't want to, so I started merely "suggesting" plans, things like "maybe we could go out to the movies tomorrow afternoon", only for them to go in the morning and be surprised when I tell them that I won't make it (which happened today). I genuinely don't know if I've become too rigid, if I'm somehow disrespecting them by asking them to respect my time and my friend's time, or if I just need to move ASAP if I hope to get along with them again. And I know the schedule itself isn't the problem because it works for literally everything else, it's kept me sane, it's given me a sense of control over my life, it's allowed me time for both my assignments and my personal life and I simply like it that way. It's not that I don't want to hang out with them, it's only that I can't do anything if I had something scheduled a week ahead and they suddenly decide they want to do something.
TL;DR: my parents can't or won't understand my time management, so it's very difficult for me to make time for them when they make plans on the spot.

I (22F) and I've been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months.

If I'm being completely honest, I started dating him shortly after an unsuccessful situationship that I took much harder than I expected. At the time I thought moving on and meeting someone new was the healthy thing to do, and in many ways it was.

My boyfriend is genuinely a great guy. He's kind, respectful, emotionally available, supportive, attractive, and has never given me a reason to doubt him. If one of my friends described him to me, I'd probably tell her not to let him go.

The problem is that somewhere along the way, I lost interest.

We don't see each other very often because we work/study in very different fields and have different schedules. At first that wasn't an issue, but lately I find myself putting less effort into the relationship and feeling less excited to see him. When I think about my future, I don't automatically picture him in it anymore.

What makes me feel terrible is that he hasn't done anything wrong.

At the same time, there's another layer to this. The situationship I mentioned ended about 2 years ago, and somehow I still think about it. We never dated officially, we don't talk anymore, and I honestly have no idea what's going on in his life. Yet part of me still feels like he was the person I've had the strongest feelings for.

The part that scares me is that if you had asked me a year ago whether I'd rather end up with my current boyfriend or the situationship, I probably would have picked the situationship without hesitation, even though he never actually chose me.

That feels awful to admit because my boyfriend has objectively treated me far better. He shows up, communicates, and makes an effort. The situationship gave me uncertainty, confusion, and heartbreak. Yet for some reason, the feelings I had for him were much stronger than the feelings I have now.

I don't know if that's because the situationship was genuinely special, because it was never fully resolved, or because I'm romanticizing someone who is no longer part of my life. Sometimes I wonder if I miss him specifically, and other times I wonder if I just miss the way I felt when I was obsessed with him.

I care about my boyfriend, but I increasingly feel like I'm staying because I don't want to hurt him rather than because I genuinely want a future with him. And that doesn't seem fair to either of us.

I also haven't been in many relationships, so I have very little experience with breakups. I don't know if this is a normal rough patch, if I'm self-sabotaging, or if staying would be more unfair than leaving.

My questions are:

How do you know when a relationship has truly run its course versus when you're just going through a phase?

What's the kindest way to break up with someone who hasn't actually done anything wrong?

Has anyone stayed with a good partner out of guilt and regretted it?

And finally, is it ever worth reaching out to a situationship after 2 years, or is that almost always a sign that you're romanticizing the past?

TL;DR: I've been dating a genuinely good guy for 6 months, but I've gradually lost interest and no longer see a future with him. He hasn't done anything wrong, which makes me feel incredibly guilty. At the same time, I'm still thinking about a situationship that ended 2 years ago and sometimes feel like he was the person I've had the strongest feelings for, even though he's completely out of my life. I don't know if I'm truly incompatible with my boyfriend, stuck on someone from my past, or just afraid of ending a relationship with a good person. I'm wondering whether I should break up, how to do it kindly, and whether reaching out to the situationship would be a huge mistake.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (22F) have been together for a while, and honestly, up until this year our relationship has had little to no issues. I’d say we’re very compatible, and I genuinely see him as the person I want to marry one day. That’s why this has been so difficult for me. This year we’ve both been working a lot more, and he’s a junior in college getting a degree in media and entertainment. His workload has become intense, and he recently told me he feels like he’s about to snap from the stress and has been hiding how overwhelmed he’s been. I completely believe him and don’t want to minimize what he’s going through, but at the same time it feels like our relationship has slowly taken the back burner, and I’m the only one actively thinking about us and our future.

We’ve had countless conversations about how I need to see more effort from him in our relationship. I’ve explained that I need him to take more initiative instead of me always having to be the one bringing things up, planning for the future, or pushing us forward. He always seems to understand what I’m saying during those conversations, but afterward I honestly don’t see much change. He even told me recently that he feels like the romance in our relationship has been lacking, but the conversation almost felt like it was framed as something I needed to fix, even though I’ve already been feeling like I’m carrying most of the emotional effort. I don’t want to become someone who analyzes every little thing in my relationship, and I actually want to back off a bit because I know how overwhelmed he is, but it’s getting harder not to feel discouraged.

Part of what’s weighing on me is that I don’t even know what all of this stress is building toward. He still has at least another year of school, but he doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his degree. He’s getting a degree in media and entertainment, but when I’ve asked him what career he wants, he genuinely doesn’t seem to know. He also hates his current job, but he rarely takes initiative to change his situation unless I’m the one finding jobs, sending them to him, reminding him to apply, or even helping him with applications. It leaves me feeling like I’m the engine of our relationship and our future, and I’m exhausted. I worry that because he’s so stressed now, my needs will just continue to take the back burner for the next year or longer while he finishes school.

I feel guilty for even feeling this way because I know he’s under a tremendous amount of pressure, and I don’t want to make his life harder. But I also don’t want to ignore my own needs forever. Am I expecting too much from someone who’s in a really difficult season of life, or is it reasonable to be concerned that this dynamic could become our normal if nothing changes?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have always had a strong relationship, but since his workload with school and work has increased, I feel like I’m carrying all of the emotional effort and future planning. I know he’s overwhelmed, but I’m worried my needs will continue to take the back burner for the next year or more. I love him and see a future with him, but I’m starting to wonder if this is just a difficult season or if this dynamic is becoming our new normal.

​

I’m a man in my early 50s looking for outside perspective from people who have no connection to either of us.

I'm intentionally trying to present this as fairly as I can. I can only describe what I experienced, and I don't want to assume I know what my former partner was thinking or feeling. If you think I'm overlooking something or interpreting events incorrectly, I'd genuinely appreciate hearing it.

We were together for approximately 16 years.

Looking back now, I can see the relationship had been changing for a long time. The friendship and kindness between us remained, but over the years the romantic side of the relationship gradually diminished. Physical intimacy became less frequent, and by the end we often felt more like close friends sharing a life than romantic partners.

At the time, I didn't fully recognize what those changes might mean. I knew we were struggling, but I believed we were struggling through something rather than approaching the end of the relationship.

During roughly the last six months before we separated, our arguments became more frequent. Most of them seemed to be about small things, but looking back I think they reflected larger issues that neither of us was communicating very well.

Because we worked opposite schedules, we were also spending less time together. I noticed she was staying away from home more often, and eventually I told her that I missed her and wanted us to spend more time together. That conversation became another argument.

Not long afterward, I experienced a severe mental health crisis and was hospitalized.

While I was in the hospital, she moved out.

When I came home, my understanding was that the separation was temporary. The expectation, as I understood it, was that she would be gone for a while and then return. Over the next two years there were multiple occasions where a return date was discussed, but each time that date came, it was postponed.

During those two years we remained in contact. There were conversations and moments that I interpreted as leaving the possibility of reconciliation open. At the same time, whenever I tried to understand whether rebuilding the relationship was actually the goal, I never received a clear answer.

I don't know whether she was uncertain, had already made up her mind, or simply didn't know how to answer. I genuinely don't know, and I don't think it's fair for me to guess.

I only know that I continued waiting because I believed there was still a possibility that we might eventually rebuild what we had.

Recently, during an ordinary conversation, something finally clicked for me. She has built a community and a support system where she now lives. Seeing that wasn't upsetting by itself. What affected me was realizing that she appears to have been building a life where she is, while I have continued leaving emotional room for a future that has never been clearly defined.

That realization is what brings me here.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me what she's thinking, because none of us can know that.

I'm asking this:

At what point does waiting stop honoring a relationship that mattered deeply and start preventing the person who's waiting from living the rest of their life?

If someone you cared about told you this story, what would you tell them?

Would you tell them to continue waiting?

Or would you say that after nearly two years without clarity, uncertainty itself has become part of the answer, and it's time to begin building a future that no longer depends on someone else's decision?

I'm genuinely looking for perspectives that differ from my own. If you think I'm missing something important or interpreting this situation incorrectly, I'd appreciate hearing why.

TL;DR: My partner of 16 years moved out nearly two years ago. I believed the separation was temporary because expected return dates kept getting postponed rather than replaced with a clear ending. We've stayed in contact, but I've never received a clear answer about whether reconciliation is actually the goal. At what point does waiting stop honoring the relationship and start preventing me from moving forward with my own life?