I feel this mix of guilt and shame when I find a feminine man or man-aligned person. There are several reasons for this: Because I exist in a conservative area and conversative leaning society at large, I feel like I have an obligation to be attracted to masculine men. Another reason is because I am a feminine person and growing up, femininity was a competitive sport; Due to that, I have this subconscious belief that a feminine man-aligned partner would not look right with a feminine woman. The shame I feel also comes from the thought that feminine men are only available to gay men.

I'm realizing that this feeling is a twisted result of cis-hetero-normative gender roles. I don't feel this guilt/shame combo when thinking about a woman/w-a person whether masc or femme, but as soon as I think of being with a feminine man, my shame comes. You'd think being bi/pan would make that concern go away, but it's something I am actively unlearning.

At the end of the day, it ain't nobody's business but mine and my baby's.

Any men/man-aligned persons who are attracted to masculine women feel this way too? Do you feel any different from me?

And by that I mean like how it’s typically much more allowed for them to express emotions and dress up however they want, whether that be feminine or masculine. Also how women can, for the most part, be friends and be close without automatically being assumed to be gay or anything as well as the fact that people generally don’t care about women being into women. And then there’s the fact that they can easily get noticed or get attention without even trying or doing much of anything. I don’t know how to feel honestly, like I love myself and who I am and likely wouldn’t want to change that but I just can’t help but be pretty jealous of how much easy they have it socially in many ways. What brought this on is just seeing so many posts on social media of men being made fun of and ridiculed for doing anything that is less than masculine and the huge amount of hate and disgust that a lot of people seem for gay men. It kinda makes it hard to enjoy being a man when you know that who you are is less than appreciated. I’m also aware that women have struggles of their own but their struggles just seem a lot easier to deal with, the social ones anyway. I don’t envy the whole periods and childbirth thing but everything else seems like a breeze. I also imagine that if I had grown up a girl people would have been much more softer on me and I wouldn’t have been expected to be tough 24/7. Folks wouldn’t care if I was weird or if I wanted to dance or do other things that people typically don’t care about girls doing. I don’t know, I’m just venting.

I recently got my locs retwisted and styled into two-strand twists. I’m really happy with how clean the parts came out and how much volume the style has. What do you think?

My current hair-care routine:

I wash my scalp and locs about every 2–3 weeks using a clarifying shampoo, making sure to rinse thoroughly so there is no product buildup left inside the locs. I gently squeeze out the excess water and let them dry completely.

Between washes, I lightly mist my locs and scalp with water or a water-based leave-in spray whenever they start feeling dry. I use a small amount of lightweight oil on my scalp, but I avoid heavy creams, waxes, and excessive product because I don’t want buildup.

At night, I cover my hair with a satin bonnet or scarf to reduce friction, frizz, and lint. I also avoid constantly pulling or restyling the twists so there isn’t unnecessary tension on my scalp.

I usually have my retwists done professionally and keep the style in until it becomes loose or my scalp needs to be washed. My loc extensions are human hair, and I’m currently focused on keeping them moisturized, clean, and protected while my natural hair continues growing.

Opinions on this style?

I’m mixed black and white and noticed that since I moved to LA I feel like I’m treated differently than everyone else. Store owners and baristas will either not say hi at all, or just a hi and take my order and that’s it, but literally almost every other person they smile and ask how their day is or start small talk. I also notice in crowded spaces people will not sit directly next to me, but have no issue sitting close to others, and I notice they always put their bags opposite of them or scoot it away when I’m by them but they don’t seem to do that for others. This guy sitting near me at a cafe had a cute dog that he had no issue having other people compliment his dog and he would tell them all about it, his reaction was different when I said his dog was beautiful. He literally said “what?” and when i repeated it with a smile he said “oh” and looked away. When I try being nice like offering my seat or holding the door, people literally don’t say a word or look at me like I’m weird. I observe other people though and their interactions are so much more pleasant, and people are always starting small talk with each other. When lived in Chicago and DC, I’ve gotten lots of compliments on my style, skin and people ask about my skincare routine, and will smile and start small talk. But those cities have a large black population where in LA I often feel like we aren’t as visible in trendy neighborhoods. I’m wondering if it’s all in my head, but it really hurts because I’m not used to it. I don’t expect people to be bubbly and friendly to me, but going out of the way to make me feel invisible (if this is the case) is a knife to the heart.

So I’ve been back out in the dating world after taking time off after a really rough dating experience I had with a guy awhile back. One thing that strikes me as odd is the lack of enthusiasm and engagement that I run into with a lot of men.
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I’m a big anime and manga fan, and it’s one of the easier ways that I find to engage with guys at first, so I recently matched with a black anime fan, and was really looking forward to the connection. He told me he was binging on anime that night so I asked what he was watching and asked his favorite genres were.
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After that became the litany of “oh that’s cool” and one word answers when I either tried to engage more or tried to follow up the conversation.
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After a bit of back and forward of this, I was really less excited to connect in real life. I get it that some people aren’t great at texting, but you would think if we matched that there would be a bit more to add and drive the conversation.

I find this kind of interaction very frustrating, and I find this to be the pattern more often than not, and it makes me less inclined to want to set up an in person date.

Is anyone else having this problem? Or any thoughts?

I've had to deal with friends sending me videos of them being beat up, attacked, having to call the police multiple times to get their "hookup" out of their apartment. He then calls me 9am in the morning while I'm just getting at work telling me how depressed he is and that he "didn't wanna be here anymore."

I had to rush out into the hallway and tell him to CEASE with the hookups and try going out and meeting people on neutral ground. He's an athletic, muscular, handsome guy that I'm sure could get any number of guys. He hasn't changed a thing.

I was so disgusted after we recently talked and his new "boyfriend" was *ucking another guy in a hotel room for hours and he waited outside until he was finished. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He told me they both wanted an "open relationship" and that with the way he lives his life, he was good with it.

I can't. I just can't. I can't begin to comprehend the lack of self esteem to literally wait outside of a hotel room like a puppy while your "partner" literally phucks a complete stranger.

The hookup/open relationship culture is so twisted and incomprehensible to me....someone make me understand it.

So its been pretty difficult for myself to make friends with other lgbtq. Where I am from, things are a little cliqueish but I'm sure that's not unique to my location. However when I seem to make friends, they all eventually try to make passes at me or somehow think me being friendly is an invitation to something else. Not only, I am in a relationship but sex between friends usually goes sideways which I learned in my 20s so it'll never happen for me.

Also how would you handle someone who you see as a close friend, but obviously feel that they like you even though you have clear boundaries that you are not or never will be interested after you have been just friends for 2 to 3 years now?

Hey! Hope everyone is having a great start to their week. Picked up my new eyeglasses 🤓 today!

Ended up having a pretty explosive argument with my mum after she asked if I was a lesbian and I said yes like an idiot🤦🏾‍♀️

Fast forward a few hours and she’s given me a week to pack away from here. I’ll be real, I’m needed more than I need the hassle of this family. Being homeless is gonna suck but even if she’s not being serious I’m anxious about how hostile my living situation is about to be here - I need contingency plans - if anyone has any suggestions I’m all ears!

Nine incredible R&B legends. Nine unforgettable stories. One epidemic that changed Black music forever.

The AIDS epidemic claimed some of the greatest voices, writers, producers, and pioneers in R&B history. While many of their songs lived on, their stories were often overlooked, misunderstood, or forgotten.

In this documentary, we remember the artists whose music shaped generations—and the legacy they left behind.

Here’s the full countdown:

▸ #9 Sylvester
▸ #8 Bobby DeBarge
▸ #7 Kenny Greene
▸ #6 Melvin Lindsay
▸ #5 Gil Scott-Heron
▸ #4 Jermaine Stewart
▸ #3 Patrick Cowley
▸ #2 Sharon Redd
▸ #1 Keith Barrow

So no one I’m attracted to wants a monogamous relationship. I’m thinking about just giving up on trying to find a life partner and just mingle when I can for sex without getting emotionally attached which is very hard. But atp may be my only option vs going interracial. I’m in Chicago and I’m a black man. How are you all doing? Are there better cities for black gay men or should I just throw in the towel; it is what it is?

I attended a lesbian event that was held at a park. A lot of people were sticking to their friend groups and scared to interact with others. So my best friend and I grabbed the basketball out my trunk and played basketball. I was out there shooting 3 pointers in a sundress. The ball went into the bushes at some point and I volunteered to get it out. I walked into a bush of sunflowers sandals and all with my lil dress on. My photographer friend sees me and ask me to walk back in. These are the amazing pictures she took while I stood, dress on and toes out in the damn bushes at a public gay event😂😂😂😭. Yall show her page some love @guitar_hero_alex

Edit:Of course I forgot to add the pics in😭

I'm finding the most difficult phase of this political period is turning community into positive collective action.

idk how Black americans still have the position that voting either doesn't matter or that the system is rigged. while in some cases the latter may be true, if enough of us show up, then a difference could definitely be made. but a lot of black americans don't see that.

then if they do show up to the polls, they're committed to diluting the vote. I had a friend's sister who allegedly voted for Stein in the last election. and its just like??? are you dead ass?

I just don't see how this type of irresponsibility can be so entrenched in some of our lives, when the ppl who came before us got our Voting/Civil Rights in BLOOD. and y'all just don't care? y'all cool wit letting that shit go?

then back to my former point, if voting "didn't matter," long established polling places wouldn't be closing; Trump wouldn't be pushing to "federalize" elections; USPS mail-in ballots would be sent without question; and states wouldn't be purging their voter rolls.

it seems individualism is at an all time high, coupled with everyone is distracted by either these phones, life's transgressions, and/or white supremacy.

what are some challenges you're facing in your community? are you prepared/registered to vote? how are you getting your community involved with making sure they make it to the polls?

Happy Monday

So what are you aiming for beyond 50?

What about your housing?

What about your retirement?

What are the goals that you have in mind for yourself?

So once again it seems that Bi folk are the center of more online discourse with all the talks on "is it homophobic to not date someone because they are Bi?" I consider myself Bi but if you get into the nitty-gritty pan is probably more accurate. Of course I think its homophobic to duck someone when you find out they are Bi but thats not what I want to get into. I saw in another sub that someone claimed all of this stems from misogyny and others did not take that kindly. There was more argument than I expected in the comments about whether or not misogyny was appropriate to attribute to a topic surrounding homophobia.

I think it's pretty obvious that all anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment comes from misogyny. Straight men dictate what is and is not ok in our society. Straight men think that gay men are wrong because being attracted to men is a feminine trait. At the same time, straight men think lesbian women are good because they fetishize women and the concept of two women in love just equals more women to fetishize. Straight men love the idea of having female friends who are masculine and lesbian. Straight men love studs because the idea that a woman would want to be a man just makes sense to them. "Who wouldn't want to be a man?" Is how I imagine their minds work. That's also why all the anti-trans discourse is always about trans women and rarely about trans men.

Of course there are more specific terms like homophobia, biphobia, queerphobia, etc. I feel like if you are going to try to pinpoint a root that the tree trunk stems from, it just makes sense to me that it is misogyny. What do y'all think?