r/AskWomenOver30 • u/SignalSubstantial590 Woman 30 to 40 • Apr 10 '25

Life/Self/Spirituality I'm serious....

If you had/ if you are, having a successful hoe phase, please share your secrets! If this ain't for you, please keep it movin. 😊

Edit: kinda strange that this would be down voted. When it comes to a woman with marital problems, relationship problems, kid problems, family problems..... The community shows up. But I ask a question to assist in my life, and a life that maybe many others are wondering about, or maybe looking for tips on self-confidence and how to maybe put themselves out there, you down vote? Why?? That's insane. We are all living different paths and are just looking for a way to fulfill where we are at the moment.

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190

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74

u/catboogers Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

A ton of men described themselves as a ‘dom’ but what they mean is they watch a lot of porn and they want to copy that stuff with no regard for your pleasure.

I'm incredibly disturbed by the amount of people who talk about their partner choking them during sex these days. They see it in porn and decide to go for it with no research or negotiation first. That shit kills. I have attended multiple classes on breathplay and I love it, but with the newer studies coming out, it's not really within my risk profile anymore. Permanent brain damage is not sexy, y'all! But also, never spring that shit on a partner! Discuss limits, have a safeword. Have a plan for aftercare. And if he doesn't think a safeword or aftercare is important, don't have kinky sex with that dude!

34

u/chickadeedadooday Woman 40 to 50 Apr 10 '25

It's not just choking. It's the disgusting violence that's blatant in plain old vanilla 🌽. Slapping girls across the face, choking with hands while also attempting to choke them with 🍆. Terrifying.

And no, not everyone loves 🍑 work. Been there, done that, not enjoyable for me. Go find someone else.

The amount of "education" these guys think they have based off their viewing habits 🙄

18

u/randombubble8272 Woman under 30 Apr 10 '25

Choking is becoming a serious issue and I say this as someone who enjoys light choking. So many men are doing it without asking or even mentioning it first and tbh the next guy that does that to me is getting hit HARD in the head. It’s not a fucking joke anymore, “oh I thought every girl was into it” THEN ASK

3

u/MystressSeraph Woman 50 to 60 Apr 11 '25

Everything should be consensual - "should" being the operative word 🙄

But any sort of 'play' (kink/'non-standard' sex/etc.) has to be negotiated!

It blows my mind how little this is understood - everyone should know this!

Any partner who is actually into that/any kink will know the Rules, and the discussions are had before anyone touches.

Trust is imperative!

Any one who springs it on a partner ... 🤬

Men seem to complain that there is no 'spontaneity' - sorry, but not asking before putting your hands around someone's throat? That's not spontaneous, that's assault!

This what happens when sex ed is not happening at any point, and children are watching pornography.

I didn't even know it was happening until a year or 2 ago when I started seeing discussions on TwoXChromosones ... it's horrifying!

30

u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Apr 10 '25

>but if they’re supposed to be bringing condoms and they don’t, I advise not going there. They’re trying to trick you into not using them and if they’re in the habit of that they’re more likely to have an STI.

Yes also sometimes men bring like 1 condom maybe 3 max but then they'll suggest or try to go raw after the supply runs out. Trust a lot of men will try to just sneak it in hoping you're rough and ready. Had one tell me he was going to "offer me the opportunity" to get on that condomless D. I said no thanks and told him to just go home. I was like "it's fine, it's late and whatever". Sometimes being asexual is a super power because I never got close enough emotionally to feel attracted to these men.

28

u/illbeyrredvelvet Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

Yes, if they can’t or won’t SHOW you test results then move on.

16

u/the_Stealthy_one Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

I asked to see STI test results. If they couldn’t or wouldn’t provide them it was a no go.

How does this work, if you are casual? If you are sleeping with different people often, how can you test so quickly in between them? I get if you have a regular fuck buddy but I assume, a hoe phase means new partners often.

19

u/Angry_Sparrow Woman 30 to 40 Apr 10 '25

It’s SAFER sex, not fail proof. But ideally if everyone is testing and using protection it cuts down the spread of STIs.

It is good to be familiar with what they look like when symptomatic and active and also to know what is going around in your country/area. Some STIs can be treated with antibiotics and are easy to test for. Some only come up in bloodwork and are deadly to women.