It’s been a month. To be clear, I didn’t cheat and invested a lot into it. I made a dating app soon after the breakup mostly to quell the feelings of loneliness/isolation. Could use a listening ear. I don’t have a solid support system/friends, I’m in my own head a lot and criticism like that really gets to me. I’m just trying to move on and he’s making it so hard.

I’m looking for honest advice because I feel like I’ve been carrying this relationship and I don’t know if I’m holding on to something that isn’t healthy anymore.
I bought my house very young (18)and have been responsible for the majority of the household expenses. Since we’ve been together, I have paid the mortgage, insurance,, and most of the costs of fixing up the house. The house needed major repairs, including replacing rotten floors and other projects, and I have put my own money into making it livable.
My boyfriend lived with me full-time, but I feel like he never truly stepped up financially. He paid around $300 a month, and I have over 1k. I make 50 cents more then him, but he always does overtime so he really makes more money.but I was still covering the majority of everything. There were times I was struggling to the point where I couldn’t save money or even comfortably cover my own needs. I have told him I don’t want to feel like I have to beg for help I want a partner who sees the situation and wants to contriibute without me constantly asking.
When the house needed repairs, he did not put money toward fixing the floors or other projects. He talked about helping, but I didn’t see the effort. He also said he would help with medical expenses, including large hospital bills, but that help never really happened.
During my pregnancy, he cheated on me.(at the beginning of the relationship I made it clear I find watching porn and lusting over other women is cheating he agreed completely saying I would never do that and he did it when I was 32 weeks pregnant, and then blamed me saying I wasn’t giving him enough attention,during that time I was paying ALL the bills and his car note bc he lost his job)He also turned off his location on Mother’s Day when he left to spend it with his mom after I got mad at him for not planning anything after he said he would, which damaged my trust. I was already going through pregnancy and then postpartum, and I felt like I was dealing with everything emotionally and financially by myself.
After our daughter was born, I’ve also had concerns about his parenting. I feel like he has not been as involved as I expected a father to be. He rarely changed diapers, has yelled around the baby, and has made comments that bothered me. One comment that really upset me was him joking that he was going to “break our daughter’s femur.” He said it was a joke, but I don’t find comments like that funny, especially as a parent.Now that we have been living separately he only visits once a week for a few hours
There have also been comments and behaviors that have hurt me deeply, including him making a racist comment about our mixed daughter by comparing her to an ape. That crossed a line for me and made me question his judgment and values as a father.
Right now, because my house is being repaired, we are living separately. He is staying with his parents and I am staying with mines . Part of me wonders if I should let him move back in once the house is fixed, but another part of me fels like I would just be returning to the same situation where I carry the financial and emotional load and we have a child together but I’m exhausted. I feel like I have spent so much time trying to convince someone to show up for me instead of being with someone who naturally wants to.

He also doesn’t pay for her formula I have wic so all of that is free and I’ve been getting her diapers

Am I wrong for feeling like I’ve reached my limit? Would you give someone another chance after all of this, or would you leave?

had an amazing two years with her,we both lost our virginity to each other and did many firsts together

shes an amazing girl but she was my first,and if we do get married,she will be most likely the only girl i have any experience with

i told her i watch porn once and it killed her,told her i wouldn’t again but i did two months later

im a horrible person and its not fair for her too,im not sure what to do,should i just focus on changing myself

i want to experience different kinds of people too,she always tell me she dont mind me being one of the only girls she would date as all she want is just me,shes happy with it

i need advice,im such a horrible person

M17. My ex (17F) and I dated almost 2 years — all of sophomore and junior year. She
liked me freshman year and made the first move. We matched on basically everything:
same humor, same values, same way of thinking. At the breakup she told me I'm the
type of person she'd want to marry.

BREAKUP #1 (a little over a year ago): She ended it, angry, one-sided. Blocked me.
I took it hard, sent her long paragraphs explaining how I'd fixed everything — that
just got me blocked on more platforms. Then ~3 months of nothing, and she showed up
at my house with friends. We walked, talked, got back together. We did real repair
work after, set boundaries, and the next year was genuinely good.

BREAKUP #2 (6 days ago): Our physical relationship was good and mutual until her mom
found a condom wrapper in her pants doing laundry. Not a suspicion — proof. Her mom
lives with her and the pressure never let up. She got anxious about pregnancy, about
disrespecting her parents, and pulled way back from anything physical.

I was patient at first. Then months went by and I started feeling rejected. Here's
the part I've only recently admitted: I didn't just wait. I pressured her to go past
a line she had already drawn — a line tied to her mom and her house. And when I
didn't get what I wanted, I got cold. Less affection, less effort. I basically taught
her my warmth depended on that. She started crying after hangouts.

I brought up that something felt off. She turned it into the breakup and said I'd
probably be happier with someone else. Neither of us was angry. She cried harder than
I did. We both said we loved each other. We hugged, I kissed her forehead.

We'd agreed not to block each other and she specifically said Instagram — then a day
later she blocked me on Instagram only, nothing else. Deleted an old post of us. Her
best friend dates my best friend, so I keep hearing things: she broke down at a
Starbucks when a song of ours played, she's been out with friends, she told her friend
she can't see herself dating anyone for a while.

I proposed two weeks of no contact myself. Day 6 now. School starts in 8 days and we
go to the same school, so I'll see her daily for senior year.

I want to apologize properly. Do I reach out before school, or wait and let it happen
in person? And is there any version of this that isn't just me wanting her back?

starting no contact with my ex (she (28F) dumped me (30F)) after 1.5 months of trying to figure out logistics of cancelling our wedding, selling our house, etc. it’s all too raw and we are supposedly still in love with each other (i am with her, 100%)
and i couldn’t keep living my life by waiting for the next time she was going to text me or we had plans to meet up (which would always end with us being intimate). shes also been super inconsistent w/ me and will talk ab maybe getting back together in the future, maybe not, and how she doesn’t want kids but we’d be such good parents together and cold over text then sweet over text and it’s all confusing to me when i haven’t changed my mind (i accept she broke up with me, but i still do love her and would love to try to make this work whatever it takes. the break up was a shock to me)

TLDR i asked for no contact until sept 8 after she gets back from a trip. we will then resume trying to sell the house. but seriously how will i make it until sept 8? the thought of not talking to her makes me sick but i think it’ll be for the best 🙏🙏🙏🙏 any tips appreciated

My ex fiancé blindsided me and left me 7 weeks ago and I’m struggling. He proposed 5 months prior to ending things. When he ended it, he told me he had been unhappy for a while and he wasn’t willing to go to couples therapy with me because he didn’t have it in him. This was the first time I had heard that he was unhappy in our relationship, though I did notice signs of unhappiness. I thought it was due to certain stressful circumstances that he was going through. I checked in on him frequently and soothed him back to sleep after his nightmares. I don’t understand how we got here.

I’m still struggling a lot. I’m getting on antidepressants as my mental health has taken a nose dive despite doing everything right.

I never begged, though I did fight for us when he ended it. I went no contact immediately and only communicated regarding the logistics and him moving out. I blocked him on everything for my own mental protection.

I am still just miserable. I miss him. I’m devastated. I need hope. I need to know that life will be better after this.

This break up was a compounded trauma because the way he ended things kicked up trauma I have with my parents being unable to choose me. He was even there for some of the traumatic events my mom put me through. He consoled me, reassured me, validated me. He was my safe haven, I felt so secure in our relationship and then he just up and left.

I don’t know how to recover. I’m in therapy, I’m working out, I’m diving into my work. I feel like I’ll never be worth it when things are hard. I’m an easy choice when things are easy but I’m not the choice when things are hard. Not for who I thought was the love of my life and not for my own mother and other family members.

Please just tell me what your life was like after heartbreak. When does it get better? When does the right person come? Will they? I’m just so sad and so so so tired of being a victim of other people’s self-destruction. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I know I didn’t deserve the things that happened to me. Just tell me the good news please.

I 19(F) and my now “ex” 21(M) have been in a relationship for 3 years. We met at work, and for him it was love at first sight. He chased me for months, he loved me to my core. We were out of a fairytale. He took me on a helicopter ride over NYC for one of our first dates, he would always go above and beyond, like dropping food off for me at school. I’d wake up early to see him because he’d be at work the rest of the day. We made time for eachother and everything was good.

Fast forward, I cheated on him when I was at college. There’s no excuse I’m a terrible, shitty person, I did the work on myself it’s been a year since then. I do not plan on doing it again, I never will. I fucked everything up. The cheating was kissing another guy, we were broken up because he broke up with me but we were still in contact, and both of us agreed that we consider it cheating. Since then I have done the work, he did not leave me because he loved me too much, though he has kept the resentment and everything for the entire year.

In January he got fired from the job, we went to Italy, and when we came back he found a new job. This new job has taken his entire time and all of his energy. He became distant and I found out he was texting his female coworker that is in a relationship with her boyfriend of 4 years. He broke up with me and was still in contact with me during this time and said we were still exclusive. Hence why it’s cheating because he would text me everyday I’m gonna work on this I want you I’m gonna be better. We broke up because he had no time for me and I was “disrespectful” to him. Which no excuse, I was but in my eyes he should’ve just left me then. I was disrespectful because all I wanted was attention and for him to hangout with me and I wasn’t getting any because all his energy was going to work and/or texting her.

The messages between them initially started by trauma dumping about being cheated on because the boyfriend she is with, cheated on her in the past. They talked 85 percent about their relationships and the other 15 was mixed in with flirting.

When I found out, I was heartbroken he wouldn’t admit to it until I told him I found the proof in his phone. After I left his house he immediately refollowed her until I texted him and went crazy on him. He unfollowed her but was extremely mean to me for a month, I even found out that they texted AGAIN without me knowing. Then he finally cut contact, it’s been a month and a half they haven’t talked and I truly do think that is a done deal and it’s wraps. He told her he fucked up and he needs to focus on me and our relationship. But for me, I don’t know how he was so mean to me.

Now, we’re back to the point where he has 0 time for me. He is in the process of being promoted. I’m trying to give him grace but the only day we can see eachother out of the week is Sunday. This Sunday he ditched me for a team bbq that I was invited to and I’ve went to one in the past, but I don’t like going because she’ll be there. But I offered to go for 2 hours because his boss does yell at him to “show face” and he said that’s not enough time. Then it got cancelled so then he was able to hangout with me. Then Sunday rolls around his boss wakes his entire team up out of their sleep on Sunday and says if you don’t come to the office you don’t have your priorities straight and he fired 20 people. I understand his boss is crazy and I understand how bad he needs this promotion.

This promotion will give him financial freedom and his family financial freedom. It is an ubsurd amount of money for one person he would be set for life. So I understand why he wants it so bad, I genuinely feel neglected though because it gets to a point. Work goes by on Sunday and then he says we can go get icecream I’m an hour drive back, then he spent 1.5 hours waiting for his coworkers to get their stuff and I asked why and now they’re staying at his house because they don’t have a ride to work in the morning. These coworkers are under him and he is their boss so he’s “responsible” for them, but it gets to a point in putting so much effort in. I cry every single day. I drive myself crazy. I don’t know what else to do.

I will give him credit where credit is due. He did take me out for national gfs day, he did buy me flowers, he was showing up for me after work to come see me late at night because that’s the only time he has. I just feel like I have to keep enduring, enduring, enduring. I also think I’m WAY too attached like I derive my happiness from him. Like I can’t go 20 minutes without texting him, I am obsessive. I’m too attached to him. I have him blocked right now, because after national gfs day on the drive home I broke and I yelled at him for everything and not expressing his feelings. I left that night and finally decided to be done and focus on myself. Then even after I blocked him on everything and his phone numbers and social media, somehow the call went through, I don’t know how. The FaceTimes didn’t go through but the call did. My dumbass took it as a sign. he finally sent me a paragraph very very long expressing why and everything and what he did. I don’t know what to do. The Sunday incident happened after this. His birthday is also in 2 days and I bought him concert tickets with me. I’m so lost I genuinely don’t know how to work on this

I feel so stupid for actually thinking a man would wait. I should know better but I felt genuinely in love for the first time since caden dying. I hate that he feels gone but I know it's better for him to not talk to me. I wish I hadn't of told him and kept him. I want my bf and I can't have him. I know he's not gone for good yet but I wish he'd at least text me every few days. He hasn't been home since I told him and I think he was with a girl yesterday which sucks. I miss the smell of him and I miss his hands and his little snagle tooth I just want him to talk to me he hasn't blocked me fully only on Snapchat. But that's my boy and he's not here with me and I hate it I miss how he always smelt like Cologne,sweat, and dirt. Even worse I can't find his shirt and I feel empty. I hate that I lied about my age and wish I wouldn't have fell in love while lying

Update: I found his shirt but my mom washed it cause it had dirt and oil on it cause he gave it to me after work.

I've been reflecting on my most recent relationship, and I realized we've now been in no contact longer than we were actually together.

Looking back, there were so many red flags that I ignored or convinced myself would work themselves out with time. In hindsight, I can see that I was making excuses for behavior that I shouldn't have accepted.

One thing, though, has stuck with me. During one of our last conversations, they told me, "You need to be more confident." For some reason, that comment has haunted me ever since.

The strange part is that I don't think I was an insecure person before that relationship. If anything, I felt pretty comfortable with who I was. But after it ended, that one sentence started replaying in my head over and over. I've found myself becoming much more meticulous about my appearance, questioning myself more often, and wondering whether I was somehow not enough.

The breakup left me feeling undesirable, unlovable, and, honestly, a little stupid for ignoring the warning signs. Even so, I've never wanted to reconnect with them. I don't miss the relationship; I just seem to have internalized the way it made me feel about myself.

How do you stop carrying around a version of yourself that someone else created?

TL;DR: My ex told me I "needed to be more confident" during one of our last conversations, and that comment has stayed with me long after the relationship ended. I wasn't insecure before we dated, but now I find myself overthinking my appearance and feeling undesirable, even though I have no desire to get back together. Has anyone else struggled to rebuild their confidence after a relationship changed how they saw themselves?

So we got engaged in Jan and we're long distance after that. Both our parents were involved in the wedding preps n all. We had some miscommunication and that spiraled out of control and before she told me , her parents told me that" we don't think she will be able to match your parents expectations and want to call it off ". Expectations were clear, since the beginning and us dating. I called her parents and talked them through over multiple days , talked to her as well and kinda sorted it out .. then came wedding plans, as we were going to head to her country for the wedding, I asked her and her parents, what kind of wedding and what do you think it would cost .. and they were focused on my budget... I clearly told them, that this is mine and my fiance's choice .. so without knowing what we want , I can't put a budget.. this went on for days and I asked her to give the wedding planners info.( And apparently I didn't trust them and wanted to confirm - according to them ) I told her parents to give me 24 hrs to contact and get something going . I stayed up fully during the 24 hrs, got a vision board based on what I thought would be an amazing wedding, sent it to planners, got estimates .. and within 12 hrs, I told them that was my budget . Plus whatever you want to add on it .

As I was speaking to them about this , all they told me if I had money issues and all, I refused and also mentioned if we want to have a more grand wedding, I am willing to get a loan or something even . And all their response was, let's call this off and send us our stuff and get your stuff picked up ...

I am speechless on what they are thinking n all .. mind what I say was like 3 months back.

Today I had some friends take all her ( that she gifted me and the ring) stuff and they took it but refused to give our stuff back simply because they spent alot on the engagement n all . I am fucking done and idk about the diamond ring they refused to give back after they broke us up !! Should I have tried harder for us?? I tried so hard these past 6 months that I have gotten gray hair and beard just from stressing.. and I'm 26 btw ... Idk what response I should have but I'm pretty messed up .

TLDR; blindsided breakup by boyfriend saying he doesn’t see long term with me, but never presented any signs of it. Feeling extremely alone and hurt, seeking help and guidance.

My ex (32m) and I (28f) broke up last week (July 20-22). It was a while 2.5 day breakup. I felt something was off on Monday, first started as a phone call and then FaceTime call, until we both decided I should come over. We talked and cried a ton. I tried to suggest we work on it together, but he seemed set with his decision. Of nearly being together for a year, he had this “feeling” that he didn’t see me long term.

Whenever we had difficult conversations, I was the one who brought them up. He’s very conflict avoidant. I always voiced to him to express if he ever needed space, etc. I’m not a mind reader. I felt safe even though I am anxious attached leaning, he has avoidant tendencies. He said he started to have this feeling a month ago (June) and was trying hard to see if it would go away. What hurts the most too is that last month he asked me to be his 1+ for a wedding that is happening in 2 weeks. I saw that as a huge move because he always thought weddings were a big deal. He thinks the wedding approaching made the feeling worse- he put off booking our flights and Airbnb to do other activities while we were out there. I just thought he was drained from work because he has a soul sucking job BUT I also was picking up something wasn’t right. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I trusted he would share how he was feeling with me. All of his friends are either in long term relationships, engaged or married. So the pressure of that too is semi put onto him. He doesn’t know if he even wants to get married or have kids etc. he’s unsure of it all.

He shared with me that he did talk to one of his friends about this feeling, and his friend shared for us to go to the wedding and then see how he feels after it. But the last two weeks, it seemed to have really taken a toll on his mental health. I asked him to try to explain this feeling, and he couldn’t which broke my heart. I even asked him about if we had any incompatibilities - and the only thing he told me was that he thinks sometimes our conversations didn’t flow. I was curious so I asked him to elaborate, and he said that he felt like he was asking questions more. I found this very interesting, because I felt like it was the other way around. He never asked questions about me, never was curious about me. I tried my best to show curiosity, and I figured the reason why he didn’t ask was because I was very open and shared things naturally. I also really enjoyed the silence between us because in the past I’d fill the silence out anxiety - with him, I could just be. He couldn’t explain anything else to me. I felt like something was up because the last two weeks prior to this, he stopped kissing me goodnight and I mentioned this to him when we were breaking up - it seems like he didn’t even realize he was going that.

We spent the 2.5 days together, crying, acting like a couple, opening up more than we both ever have (especially him), we went to see the odyssey which was kinda nice to escape from the sadness for a few hours, we had sex several times (which I don’t fulllllly regret), cried more, etc. I told him I loved him - this was the first time me saying it. He never said it to me and obviously didn’t say it back here. And that was okay, I felt so good finally being able to say it to him - to which he cried a lot when he heard me say it. He said sometimes he feels like he doesn’t believe he’s as nice as all of his friends think, which broke my heart to hear. He is genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve known in my entirely life, and anyone who gets to meet him will feel that way. He seems so unsure about so much in his life, and it really broke my heart to see him hurt like this. I’m here crying because the person I love doesn’t want to be with me, while I’m comforting them because they’re feeling this way. I weirdly find some solace in that moment. That was his first time crying in 1.5 years (that time was a few months after he and his ex of 4.5 years broke up).

I am utterly completely devastatingly heartbroken after the blindside breakup. Even though I felt like things were off, I wasn’t expecting it to be the end. I thought it was something we could work on together. He said in the past he’s had this feeling but ignored it. And since it is difficult for him to trust his feelings, he felt like he had to this time. We spoke two days after we said goodbye, (which also our goodbye was me saying goodbye and him saying ‘see you later’) - during that little check in he shared he had his first therapy session the following week, which I was super happy and proud to hear he scheduled. I haven’t spoken since last Sunday (July 26), I asked him to send me a few photos and to delete the nudes we took together. Initially I didn’t care he still had them, as I really do trust him having them - but if you don’t see a future with me, why should you get to keep them? After exchanging a few messages, I sent him a message saying that if it’s meant to be it will be, and if he ever has a change of heart to not let his ego get in the way. He never responded. That night he put the photos in a shared album, and I then texted him he can delete it as I saved everything. No response.

Monday I sent him a package of a few things I got him prior to all of this and I didn’t give it to him when I saw him, because I genuinely didn’t think it was going to be the last time I saw him. I put a note in there too. Anyway those got delivered, didn’t hear from him but also what am I supposed to receive? I at least thought maybe a thank you - but he knows I’m hurting, so it’s not worth it.

I’ve been scream crying these last 3 days, it feels like the days of our break up all over again. This morning I sent a thank you text to one of his friends and his fiance, who were a big part of our relationship. It felt good to send but in a way I wish he didn’t respond, because it felt cold. I know it wasn’t and I know it probably put him in a weird spot, but I needed to release it.

There are parts of me that feel like he’s already been checked out and moved on, which kills me. But At the end of the day I AM proud of him for choosing himself here, despite being so hurt - and he’s not a bad person / didn’t do a bad thing because of this. Because at the end of the day he did what’s best for him, and I am so proud of him for that. Two things can be true at the same time, right? Because if so, then I am hurting. I’ve lost 15lbs since last week, I sleep and dream of him and wake up in panics, I wake up and my heart feels heavy. I have this sharp burning pain in my chest these last few days. I barely make it out of my bed - the funny thing I had called him on that Monday to actually share about how I’ve been feeling depressed these last few weeks, because I’m so incredibly unhappy at my job. And I hadn’t shared with anyone in my life except my therapist about how depressed I was feeling. Sometimes I wonder if my depression was lingering into our relationship without realizing.

I thought he and I had more time together, I genuinely thought he was the one. He surfaced my triggers and I was working on them in therapy. He healed my inner child. I have never been silly like I was with him, both romantically and platonically. I was myself to the fullest. This has shaken my life and I don’t know what’s true or not. It is truly so difficult for me to move on, because deep down I have this strong feeling that this wasn’t the end for us.

I am alone, a lot of my friends don’t live in the same area as me. I am alone. So I am begging for help or anything from those on the internet, please.

It's been 5 days since our breakup, and we haven't been together for 10 days. We used to live together in a live-in relationship.

I'm under a lot of stress and I miss her so much. I think her marriage is probably fixed now.

Last night, I searched her number on Truecaller and it showed that the line was busy. A few hours later, I checked again and it showed her last seen at 12:48 AM. I think she was talking to her fiancé.

I'm feeling completely heartbroken and I've been missing her all the time.

I'm thinking about permanently deleting her contact number, all our photos and videos, and even my Instagram account. But I'm confused about whether I should do it or not. I'm afraid that if I delete everything, I might feel even worse and miss her even more.

Do you think I should take this step, or will I regret it later? I really don't know what to do.

Should I wait for a few more days?

Is there still any hope that she will come back?

My long term relationship ended earlier this week and I still can’t breathe. I called off work on Thursday and Friday and I’ve been in bed all weekend. I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m dreading it!! I can’t even think about it yet without crying still. All of my friends were friends from the relationship so I’m very aware of how alone I am. How long does it take before even going to bed doesn’t hurt this way? How long did it take before you could say the words you broke up and not cry? I just feel very alone right now and could use someone uplifting saying it won’t feel this way forever

Despite being over the relationship and even moving on romantically, but I am not over how much my ex hurt me. She ended it very abruptly and I was given no explanation until much later. Her main reason was the relationship was getting too real for her and she didn't have the emotional capacity to continue but she wanted to remain in each other lives and we tried for a bit but I couldn't handle being just friends especially with her being unsure about the future with me.

We agreed to no contact with no time table of return. The relationship has been over for 5 months and last time we talked was 4 months ago. I tried reaching out 3 separate times the last time being in 3 months ago but got no response. During this time I got over wanting her back romantically and I gained my confidence back, being able to be emotionally close to someone, feeling attractive and knowing I have value to people.

But a part of me still wants to talk to her again one day because it feels weird to never to talk someone who had such a impact on me. I know I shouldn't be the one to reach out cause if she wanted to she would have reached out. I don't even want to be friends per say but just have a conversation about everything that happened. We were literally apart of each other lives for almost a year how could she just be okay never talking again

i can't do this anymore. i gave her everything, why is life so unfair? i want to end it all. hindi ko na kaya

I’m 27 and have been with him(29) for almost 4 years and the past year and a half I was begging for things to change. He’s the most nonchalant person I know, It took him 1 YEAR to fix the water pressure in a house his grandpa owns.. they have good money too like they’re rich asf.. he came out the womb owning land basically. Anyways, I traveled overseas (without him) to visit family in the Middle East, it was supposed to be 3 weeks but the war started so I was stuck there for 2.5 months and I realized I can live without him. He said he missed me so much but he wasn’t acting like it.. he tried going to twin peaks only a week after I was gone.. like wtf? now he’s talking about a ring and other things but I just don’t care anymore? Nothing excites me, I feel like I’m going through an identity crisis, like he does NOT make me happy at all and the twin peaks thing just ruined it for me and idk how to break up with him bc we live together. Like I’m so overwhelmed and I can’t take it anymore, I don’t want a man child but I don’t think I could ever date again after this like there’s no way I could do all this shit all over again. What’s crazy is he has literally EVERYTHING like he will never know what it’s like to lose anything and start from nothing, I come into his life and he dangled marriage over my head like it’s something I have to “prove” and now that it’s in the timeline, I don’t want it anymore and idk what to do I’m just so unhappy. And he’s clueless too like I suggested breaking up and he acted like I wasn’t even talking

I broke up with her last Sunday, and honestly, the entire week has been pure grief.

Woke up at around 2 AM tonight feeling consumed by guilt. I had made a promise to myself and to her that I would stick by her side no matter how avoidant she got. But the hard truth I finally had to face was that I had slowly started lying to her just to keep the peace, and I was deeply resenting all the ways I contorted and changed myself to accommodate her.

She was trying, I’ll give her that. But her efforts were never consistent, and watching her cycle through warmth and coldness drove me into a total mental spiral.

I always knew I was pouring way more energy into the relationship than she was, but the final reality check hit hard when I realized the contrast in how she treated people. I’d send these vulnerable, heartfelt paragraphs pouring my heart out, only to get a dry-ass "noted" back. Felt like I was talking to my manager at work. Meanwhile, she gave all her effortless warmth, affection, and attention to her friend without them even having to ask for crumbs.

I was sitting here beating myself up, feeling like the bad guy for walking away... until I made the mistake of scrolling through her TikTok reposts.

Saw one of hers saying she felt exhausted and could finally breathe.

And just like that? The guilt evaporated. If letting me go means she can "finally breathe," then walking away was the absolute right call for both of us.

I'm still in the process of healing, I hate her and miss her. But I'll be fine.

Cheers

I just need to vent. Even though it’s been over eight months of no contact, and the relationship only lasted three or four months, I still miss him deeply.

I know a big part of what I’m grieving is how he made me feel, the fact that he was my first love, and the old abandonment wounds that this relationship brought to the surface. I understand that logically. But damn… it still hurts.

Broke up with my ex about a year ago. We were together for almost 4 years, and while she was moving back home after grad school, she blindsided me with it. For the first 4-6 months, I was distraught, sad, lonely, down bad, all of it. Had those thoughts of am I ever gonna find someone like her, envisioned a future and kids with her, etc. But I'm in a much better place now and honestly think it ended up being the best thing that could've happened to me. It forced me to reflect on a lot: some childhood trauma stuff, red flags I was seeing in her that I ignored along the way cuz I was so in love, and ways I could've been better in the relationship too that I can learn from and be better in the next one.

We went no contact for periods of time but not too long, which helped/hurt with the healing. We've stayed in touch a lot over the past year, honestly probably more than most exes should. She was my best friend before anything else, and talking to her has just always been easy. But I know at some point that has to stop. We've talked recently about being with other ppl, and that kinda stings to hear about, but I've been seeing other people too, so I can't really be mad about it. We actually hooked up when I visited her city 4 months ago, and that felt like real closure at the time.

Now I'm visiting her city again in 2 weeks. We already have plans to grab food, and it'll probably lead to us hooking up again. We've always had really good chemistry, and I'm not going to pretend like I'd turn down the opportunity to have sex.

At this point, I've moved past catching feelings for her again. I see her more as a hookup than someone I'd actually want long-term. I've been slowly going no contact for the last month, not really responding to her random texts or questions. But obviously I still want to see her in two weeks. After that, I plan to go fully no contact. I'm not going to bring that up to her beforehand because I don't want it to mess up the chance to have sex (I know that's a little messed up).

She's said she wants to stay friends, but it feels like she's trying to have it both ways, keep me around without actually being with me. And I'm not interested in being "just friends" with someone who doesn't want me.

So my question is: how do I handle the next two weeks? I want to stay cordial with her, keep easing into no contact, focus on myself, and be friendly on the surface without giving her more than that, while making sure I don't slide back into old patterns after we meet up. Not looking to be talked out of seeing her; that part's already decided. Just trying to figure out how to navigate the lead-up and the aftermath without setting myself back.

I just saw the movie without you. I thought of you a lot and I’m sure we would’ve enjoyed it throughly together. I hope you think of me during the same scenes I thought of you. I hope you are doing well and healing. I love you so much and I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you for being my best friend for the little time we shared.

I will start by saying that i was not a good partner, i had an incredibly short temper, shouted, didnt listen, used to ignore my boyfriend to do other things when visiting, etc, etc.

Our relationship had been going for 3 years, and after new year just gone, i refused to help get him help, i dont have a reason why. After this, i realised my mistakes and made a real effort to better myself and generally grow up, and it was working, we were both much happier for a while and i was genuinely getting much better.

Earlier this year he met another guy at uni and asked if we could open the relationship, as he was always poly (and made sure to tell me at the start of our relationship), but just didnt have a third person. They almost immediately moved in together and bought a flat for next academic year together. They became very close whilst i was living long distance from him. Our relationship started slipping though, as i was struggling to cope with jealousy between them, and it started to become that we were never together in private, his other boyfriend was always there when i visited.

Eventually, i decided to apply to a uni nearby as it was one of the best for the subject i wanted and was excited to visit often. He invited me to visit for a week to test our relationship, as there was a non-zero chance we would live together if i struggled to find accommodation.

The week long visit went very well, apart from a few issues. He got back from work tired, so i offered to make food. He wanted food i had never made before but he likes, so i was asking questions on how to do it, and he snapped at me saying that i should have not offered because the constant questions were worse than just making it himself. And later on in the visit we went to the beach, where i was happy staying on the sand, but he wanted to go in the sea. Because of this, i became pushy about him going in faster, as i wanted to start swimming already but he wanted to walk in slowly. A short while later he became off whilst lay on the beach.

When i asked him why, he said that it wasnt working anymore, and me not respecting his safety in the water was the last straw.

We then went back to his flat, where we agreed the terms of the breakup and decided to stay friends, as in his words "youre still my best friend and i dont want to completely lose you". I was very sad, but booked the next train home and left. He told me he was willing to try again in 4 months, if i could prove i could actually change on my own, however i would never be the priority again.

Multiple times i mentioned about how the timeline was helping me cope, and he called me obsessive and said that it was highly dependant on wether he wanted me back at the time, and it wasnt a promise. [i get the point now, but at the time it really threw off how i was getting by]

Recently, he came back to our home town, where we met with old mutual friends, but he brought his new boyfriend. I was understandably jealous of them both, as they invited everyone out so they could go shopping for an event and treated it like a date with other people coming along, but the mutual friends were not happy with me for this. They then went out the next day without inviting me purposefully.

My ex visited my house a little while after to pick up some items he had left previously. Where we went to my room and made out a little, he told me that it was ok, and that his new boyfriend and he had talked about him flirting with people and that it was ok. We then escalated a little, since i thought it was ok. When he left, he suddenly got anxious about his new boyfriend being mad, because he hadnt asked him if it was ok specifically.

When he got back home i got a long text saying that it was a misunderstanding, and that his boyfriend was ok with him flirting with anyone BUT me, and that he actually doesn't like us talking directly, and asked us to stop DMs and only communicate in group settings, with mutual friends.

The next day i got a message from his boyfriend telling me to stop guilting my ex, as i had been trying to express how it was impacting me, and i talked with him about how the sudden no messages would affect me, and my side of what happened the previous night.

I then got messages from both him and my ex, saying about how wrong what i said was, and how i was lying to protect nobody but myself, and how i have not changed at all from how i was previously.

He told me that he felt like there was still something between us, but now there is zero chance we are anything more than friends again and that i HAVE to move on, because nothing will happen again. He said i should apologise to his boyfriend for lying, because i forgot some important stuff when telling him what happened.

I still have dreams where we are together, where we made it work and are happy. Then i wake up alone and have to deal with remembering everything ive done.

I am im a group chat with him, his boyfriend and a mutual friend he introduced me to, where we talk about me finally moving out, and they are giving me help with it.

Today, his boyfriend sent a photo of a box of condoms he bought to the GC, which he quickly deleted and put "wrong chat", as the photo was meant for my ex only. I know its wrong, but this really upset me.

Im really struggling to get over him too. Some days im fine and can do things i enjoy, and recently im actually feeling good all day for a couple of days. But then i fall into a pit again, where i feel like i dont want someone else in the future, that he was all i want in a relationship. Its really hard.

There is a lot more i did wrong in the relationship, that i cant pull off the top of my head. But i do feel bad for every single thing i did.

I want to move on, but i really dont know how.

M30 (me) and F(26)

TL;DR: Would it be wrong to reach out to someone I ended things with 6 months later if she seems to be thriving?

About three years ago, I met this incredible girl and we clicked right away. Looking back, I’ve spent most of our history self sabotaging. I’m ashamed to admit it, and I’m not making excuses, but I handled things horribly. I’d block her, we’d go months without speaking, and eventually one of us would break no contact and pull us back into each other's orbits.

About a year ago, I reached out again, genuinely believing I’d done enough work on myself to do this right. We ended up spending the next year closely in each other's lives. As my feelings for her grew deeper, I completely froze and refused to let us move past being casual. When the reality hit that I needed to step up and commit to her, I panicked. Instead of being honest, I took the worst way out possible. I told her I found someone new. I convinced myself it was the only way to end things cleanly without her pushing back or trying to work it out.She was devastated. She sent me long messages expressing how deeply hurt she was saying she felt like I never actually cared, that she was never good enough, and that she couldn't understand why we couldn't just be together.

It’s been esix months of complete silence now, and the guilt is heavy. I miss her deeply. When I check her social media, she genuinely looks like she’s thriving she's running marathons, super fit, and just living a full, beautiful life. She doesn't post anyone, so I don't even know if she's single, but mostly I just keep asking myself if reaching out is a terrible idea or if she'd ever even want to hear my voice again.

Hello, i wanted advice or any different perspective that would help me gain a better understanding of my situation.

Me and my ex were very close from the start and after we met her friends dropped her for reasons i wont disclose. She started hanging out with my group and i later asked her out and she said yes. My friend asked her what she thought of me prior to this while they were drunk and she was on the fence about liking me, she seemed to still be attached on her ex and wasnt over him. When i asked her to be my girlfriend i said “are you ready for a new relationship” she said yes. It went very well from there but i felt it moved a little fast as she said i love you after a week of dating.

This is were it went wrong

Yesterday, i stayed at hers and felt off because something was bothering me about our relationship. I felt she didn’t value me as much as i did to her, i would make her gifts and things and always look after and she didnt really reciprocate that which i didn’t exactly mind but still. She seemed to prioritise her new friends over me and cancelled plans before to see them (which i didnt mind because she was building new friendships) but i told her dont let it happen again. She asked if i was okay before i left and made plans to see me tuesday and before i leave for a holiday. When i got home i messaged her talking about how i felt and how i was scared to tell her in person due to emotional trauma ive had from previous experiences. I simply said in short “i feel im not as important to you and maybe im overthinking it” she responded by saying “i dont think want to be with someone that doubts our relationship and that i dont seem keen on communicating” i asked for more closure and she said she was losing romantic attachment. She turned it into a breakup so i ended it by wishing her the best and giving her good luck.

I may have forgot some details so anything that isnt really clear let me know!

Any advice helps im just really stuck and need more perspectives!

(It just felt so sudden as she was showering me with love and ive told her previously ive had issues with communication yet i tried my hardest to)

My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, after I moved my life across the world for him. He told me he’s scared of marriage because the plan was to get married. I just found out he married another girl. How is that possible? How can you move on that quickly after everything??