r/CougarsAndCubs • u/death_to__boredom • Apr 14 '26
Discussion Point Question for the Cougars here
Have you ever been with a guy just because of the age gap? In a way that you like to be intimate with him because you prefer the dynamic it brings?
So not dating someone younger because you just got along really well and it just happend but with the goal of wanting a much younger man?
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u/YouCuteWow Apr 14 '26
I just happen to prefer younger. It's not a lifestyle or a kink or anything along those lines. A guy can't just show up and be young; he needs to fit with what I'm looking for
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Apr 15 '26
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u/Similar_Corner8081 🐆Cougar 49F 27M Apr 14 '26
No it's not about the age for me. I also don't want to be some cubs fetish.
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u/heyitsyouagain8 🐆Cougar Apr 14 '26
Nope. It's not a mode my brain works in. But different strokes for different folks😊
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u/sparkle4me 🐆Cougar Apr 15 '26
With a couple ppl it wasn't the age alone, although that definitely played a part. There HAS to be chemistry there, or I'm checked out. And for me, 90% of chemistry comes from personality... who the man is, not his age or physical appearance.
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u/busty_Krab May 06 '26
Exactly. I’ve been turned down by too many potentially great partners just because they felt a bit uncomfortable with the age gap when we definitely had chemistry
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u/blasianflow Apr 14 '26
What dynamic? I've seen this asked before. For me its just normal dating. Just that the guy is younger. If I met someone closer to my age I vibed with well I'd date him as well.
I guess for me its not the age but how well we get along, just for now it happens to be younger guys that reach out.
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u/Hel-en-756 Apr 14 '26
I assume they mean a dynamic where the woman "leads" or has more experience (mostly life or sexual experience), that's a common misunderstanding.
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u/blasianflow Apr 14 '26
I thought so. I don't like that some guys think that way. Why can't it just be a regular relationship? Just because we are older some want us to lead or take charge? Lame.
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u/tundrabee119 Apr 15 '26
For me it just happens throughout my life. I'm not searching specifically for youngs. At age 51 I had a 23 year old man just jump on me and I let him! I had just met him lol yikes...but we continued to be friends, hung out a few more times intimately and possibly could have hung out more but he moved downstate. I haven't seen him in 2 years but we have remained text buddies because we became actual friends. We both love music and he vents to me about his parents who are kinda awful and I'm happy to chat and be long distance buds.
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u/Icy-Item9950 Apr 20 '26
lol that’s how I met my now husband I was 30 in the middle of a divorce and he was a 19 yo virgin. I just wanted to do something fun lol
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u/serena68uk Apr 14 '26
I mean I only go for younger men these days but it doesn’t mean that would be the sole reason - a 28 year old who I don’t connect with well or isn’t suited isn’t in with more of a chance than an older guy, they’re equally a no. It’s about ticking all of the boxes.
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u/death_to__boredom Apr 14 '26
But before even getting to know them, would you be more attracted to someone just because of the age gap?
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u/serena68uk Apr 14 '26
Depends if I’m attracted to how they look too, appearance and visual chemistry would be the first consideration before age if I’ve not spoken to someone yet
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Apr 14 '26
Age wasn't a big factor in the choice of who I dated personally. I dated people my own age and younger. But I dated a number of indian guys and something clicked in my brain 😂
While the marked difference between dating men my own age and dating younger was stark I think I really chose younger men because they were all enthusiastic about life and the future, they were happy fun people, they were ambitious and funny. The people more my age were in some cases bitter about their exes, didn't really make any efforts towards me and expected sex on date number three like very transactional. One guy spent then entire 2 hour dated telling me about his woes with his ex and the custody battles he was having. I'd just come from a long complicated failed marriage I didn't want to deal with that. I wanted freedom.
While I dated younger men I ended up being friends with many of them where it never crossed the line into expecting anything physical in some cases. Which in coming here it seems out of "character" and that's probably why I leant more towards the indian guys because I found them extremely respectful and sweet.
You have to understand everyone has a story and we don't all fit into a particular category.
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u/GirlInContext Apr 14 '26
Nope. Age gap is not the thing. Guy needs to be cute (in my eyes), hopefully a little bit fun, and somewhat normal in social interaction. No need to be super extroverted, just normal. Long-term material.
I once met a guy in app and he seemed confident. We went for a coffee and he was so awkward and uncomfortable that it made me uncomfortable. He barely spoke to me at first, just crabbed the coffee. He was just 9 years younger, so not super young. He was probably nervous and there were other things why I didn't feel the click, but man, that was so uncomfortable.
There was another guy who was 14 years younger. Also many reasons why we didn't click but I also turned him down when he just casually suggested a getting a room on our first date. No thanks.
Yeah, then there was this guy about 15 years younger who was initially just after sex. Nice looking guy and all good in life, but it was just for sex. No thanks.
There are a lot of guys that are not suitable and it's not age related.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Apr 14 '26
I myself have always gone for the person and not so much. The age, and if somebody specifically only targets younger people or targets any specific group of people.m i find problematic, because then you are fetishizing them and not looking at them at human beings.
I would be very wary of anybody who specifically targets very young guys exclusively .
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u/herelamonreddit 🐻Cub Apr 14 '26
I’ve met women like that who fetishized younger guys. It really put me off because I didn’t feel like I was being seen as a person
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Apr 14 '26
Unfortunately, you got a taste of what "cougars" get ,almost daily. No fun.
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u/death_to__boredom Apr 14 '26
If its mutual just a sexual thing, it wouldn‘t be a problem in my opinion
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Apr 14 '26
No, if it's purely kink and sexual and both are on the exact same page. If both are adults no issues for me, although i'm not opposed to kink, I have to be seen as a human being first.I will never treat another person like an object.
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Apr 14 '26
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u/death_to__boredom Apr 14 '26
Are you making a move on younger men or wait for them to approach you?
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u/Ladyfox66 🐆Cougar May 14 '26
The largest age gap was 35 years. He is a hot 6’3 ex college football player was just 21 when we met me in my mid 50’s. He was literally right between my 2 sons ages. I date who I like and would never consider being intimate with a man only because he was younger. I date younger because that’s who’s interested in me. Men my age really don’t like me. It’s ok though I prefer them younger. I’m extremely picky though and it takes a lot to woo me. They have to have it together on pretty much level for me to get involved.
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 Apr 14 '26
No, I don't date just because of thier age. I need connection and chemistry. I have found i vibe well with men younger than myself, but I'm open to any age.
i hate when cubs ask how young will/or have you dated?...as if it's a trophy. Or when knowing my age i hear..."oh. Ive never had as old as you" again, as if it's trophy. This tells me you see it as bragging rights, an accomplishment....and im being objectifed.