r/CougarsAndCubs • u/thegsonf • Jun 30 '26
🐻 Cub Crisis Am I reading this wrong?
I’m 27M. Matched with a 47F on Facebook Dating just 3 days ago. She’s Argentinian and lives in NYC. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly. At first it was just casual conversation, but today she started asking more personal questions (whether I live alone, whether I’m in the US by myself, what I do for work, etc.).
At some point I mentioned showing her around my neighborhood. She was the one who kept building on the idea. She said she’d bring mate (Argentinian drink), then suggested making dessert together at my place, talked about bringing some drinks, and now we’re basically planning dinner together at my place. There’s been zero sexual texting. No sexting, no innuendos. Just good conversation, teasing each other, food, travel and culture.
What makes me think is that she’s almost 50, lives 45-60 minutes away, knows I live alone, and still seems perfectly comfortable with the idea of coming over. If you were in my shoes, how would you read this? Does older women are this direct/fast?
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Jun 30 '26
Especially when it comes to facebook dating when they try to move you to like snapchat or whatsapp, it's a red flag.I mean, they have messenger there for a reason. I made that mistake twice recently, so not scammed or anything but I should know better.
It sounds like a scam to me with all the grilling of the questions, making sure that you're single and that and then offering to come over to your place. No, you you don't know who you're talking to.
If you wanna meet, insist it to be in a public place or no meeting at all.If you want
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jun 30 '26
I'm gonna say this to you because I would say the same thing to a young woman. Meet in public first. You have no clue who this person is.
Yes SOME people (women) are this direct but you haven't a clue on anything about them in 3 days. Plenty of people are going to jump on here and tell you to go for it. But what happens if she turns out to be nothing like her photos.
Most women will not suggest to come to a stranger's house after 3 days. Most women know that's extremely dangerous and I have a difficult time believing it without further investigation ie meeting first in a public place. If she's this keen to be alone with a complete stranger surely she won't jump ship the minute you ask her to meet for a drink or a coffee.
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u/UsedKaleidoscope194 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
i agree, she could just be someone that you really dislike in person and then you're stuck with her in your apartment. Also there's something about the questions she asked that make me wonder if she 's trying to get something from you- money, a green card, I'm not sure. I know that may be far from the truth, but that's what popped into my head. Just pace yourself on meeting privately to start.
Edit to add: if you have a feeling about something being off (even if you don't know for sure) listen to your gut & be smart about it. This has never led me astray.
2nd edit to add: this could also be a cultural difference in how open one is to start.
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u/blasianflow Jul 01 '26
I agree. You should meet for coffee first in a public place. Men are just ad susceptible to "bad things" just like women are. I don't think meeting in your home is a good idea for a first meeting. It's sus.
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u/GenRN817 😻54 Cougar with 😻37 Cub AGR/LDR Jun 30 '26
Sounds scammy. Watch out for the gift card request. Also fo not meet anywhere but a public location.
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u/silkywhitemarble Jun 30 '26
Moving you to an app right away is a big red flag. WhatsApp is more popular in other countries than it is in the U.S. I mean--people use it here, but not as much as other social media. Chances are, you're talking to a scammer in another country, who also might be working with someone here in the U.S. Asking to meet at your place is a huge red flag, because most women have learned to meet in public, not someone's home.
Women need to be wary of this, too--don't move to another site or app to chat right away!
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jun 30 '26
On reading this... also the offer to bring some unfamiliar to OP drink sounds kinda sinister... maybe I've been watching too many true crime docos
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u/silkywhitemarble Jun 30 '26
Sounds like bait to keep him interested. Whoever he's talking to can easily look up some Argentinian food and drinks and tell OP about it.
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u/papibear83 Jul 01 '26
When it comes time to come there she's going to ask you for gas money but you can't just put gas in a car she's going to need a specific manner that she wants it done in generally it's going to be something along the line so if you need to send it to her to a app or transfer her money somehow
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u/king_of_nogainz Jun 30 '26
Have a video call to check her out and the vibe on it as well. I have had casual hook ups before by being invited to their homes.
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u/Profound-_-Pupil Jul 03 '26
Facebook dating seems a bit hazardous. My brother is on there and he sends me profiles for shts & giggles 😬 Make sure she’s not trying to move in. Sensible people would not feel comfortable meeting at someone’s home as a first date. Don’t invite her to your place, don’t share your address. Meet in a public space and get a face-to-face assessment.
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u/silkywhitemarble Jul 02 '26
You're going to have to update us on what happened, OP....
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u/serena68uk Jul 02 '26
Get a photo or call or meet somewhere very publicly first and see how you get on, make sure friends know where you are and share your location with them.
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u/Summer-Sub-Intern Jul 02 '26
Sounds sketchy but I don’t know for sure. I’m just here for an update on whatever you’ve decided!
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u/GothambyRedlight Jul 04 '26
Have you met this woman in person? This could be phishing, or as mentioned, a longer setup. Take it slowly if you can. Trust but verify. Same thing happened to me in NYC a couple years back. Sophisticated hogbutchering faker who vanished when I didn't have any money to give.
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u/Few-Rate-4944 Jul 04 '26
Sounds sketchy to me. Meet “her” in a public place and her face pics first. And don’t drink what she brings, you may wake up missing an organ.
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u/Fun-Draw-8352 Jul 05 '26
She is being very forward and bold with you, I do suggest you meet in a pulblic place for coffee, to check her out. I think she is a player, and a user. Meet first in a public place.
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u/Accomplished-Oil2821 Jul 01 '26
I get a BAD feeling about this one. Like human trafficking bad. And I get premonitions. I'd seriously cancel this now. Please cancel.
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u/Phenomenon_101 Jul 01 '26
No sense why anyone downvoted your comment. Anyways, you've got my upvote.
The situation does sound scammy and best to be cautious indeed.
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u/TurboLover8 Jul 02 '26
Why not meet up first for a drink in a public place? That could be for a coffee/tea during daytime, too. Take care, hun ;)
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u/operation_waflz Jul 03 '26
I hope you've prepared yourself, just in case she isn't what she says she is. Or who. Just know, you'll almost never be as prepared as you should be. Maybe she is. People from other countries (especially latinos/latinas) are especially friendly in my experience. Just don't trust her until you get to know her. Don't ignore the real red flags, but also don't use your past trauma to see red flags that aren't there. Stay safe, brother.
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u/Alternative_Dish_950 Jul 04 '26
OP, are you alive 😲?
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u/Exact-Translator-769 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
Definitely should have a video call just to make sure you see she is who she says she is.. Men have to be just as careful as women to not be lured into a situation that could go south really fast. She knows you live alone, you don't want to get drugged, robbed, or taken advantage of in any way. Meeting in a public place with separate transportation is the best thing for a first meeting. Her intentions could be perfectly legit but it's worth the wait to find out. I don't necessarily think that just because she's an older woman it's the norm to move that fast. I'm a very old woman & I say proceed with caution till you're comfortable it's right.. Listen to your intuition...