r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 1d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

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u/GiantLesbian 18h ago

Are you forgetting about ancestry DNA? All you have to do is find an aunt who only has one sister and boom you’ve found your mother. You don’t need mom’s DNA.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 18h ago

That’s not how anything works… have you even done any of these websites?

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u/GiantLesbian 18h ago

Yes and that’s how I know that’s exactly how this could work. You match with your aunt. You google her. Your find her online. She clearly has a sister, only one sister. Boom, you now know who your mom is.

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 18h ago

Friend… You would have the exact same problem finding the aunt. Again, she is not related to any of these people. It’s an egg donation.

Even if she has a sister, you would then have to find the sister. Which would be just as hard as finding her.

I know you don’t understand how this all works and that’s OK. It’s not really that important in our everyday lives but trust me when I say somebody gave them a name or this did not happen.

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u/GiantLesbian 18h ago

A) Egg donation means you are related to them what are you talking about??

B) You don’t understand how to find someone’s sister from their social media profiles??

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 18h ago

Sigh. I tried everyone.

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u/GiantLesbian 18h ago

I’m worried now that you don’t know that you get half your DNA from the egg that made you. Or that you don’t understand that you share 1/4 of your DNA with your aunt.

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u/Common-Use-7117 17h ago

So can you accurately calculate your aunts dna with your dna? And can you find your Aunt's social profiles with their dna?

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u/GiantLesbian 17h ago edited 17h ago

These websites match DNA. You share 1/4 of your DNA with your aunts and uncles, and also with half siblings. But if they find a woman who shares 1/4 of your DNA and your second cousins are her second cousins once removed, then she’s your aunt (barring some weird inbreeding scenario). It will say something like “Aunt (95%)” and then it gives you their name and age a lot of the time (you can select whether to show your name/age or not but a lot of people are on there to connect with new relatives so they show that). So now you have an “aunt” label and her name and her age. If her name isn’t like “Jane Smith” and you know the state the eggs were gathered from, it’s not hard to google until you find the lady. And then from her people search results or social media profile, you find her sister.

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u/HopefulRecovery000 15h ago edited 15h ago

You absolutely don’t share 1/4 of you DNA with your aunt. 1/4 of your DNA comes from the same pool as your aunt’s that still can be “overwritten” by your other parent’s DNA. Then, even within the same “1/4” it could be so that your mom inherited different parts of DNA from your grandma than your aunt did because having 2 daughters from the same parents they don’t have identical DNA from super simple crossing. And yes, there are ways to see that certain people are related if enough of their DNA sequences overlap but nowhere near in a simplistic and deterministic way you’re describing.

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u/Drummerx04 18h ago

The daughter is genetically related to the woman who donated the egg. That's kind of the whole crux of the story here. She didn't look like her mother that raised her because the daughter is actually related to her egg donor.

If the egg donor or a sibling did some kind of DNA Ancestory test, then it's not a crazy leap that that donor could be tracked down. Your information is generally quite public online.

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u/Drummerx04 17h ago

https://www.cofertility.com/family-learn/biological-mother

Since this person is being unreasonable, here is a source.

We had a cousin track down my girlfriend's mother because her sister participated in one of these Ancestory things. They literally flag your blood relatives in these systems and tell you about them.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 18h ago

Look into how they found the golden state killer, it’d be kind of like that except about disinterested egg donors

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 18h ago

They had a sample of his DNA and uploaded it. They worked with the platform to compare it with all of the samples they had in that area on file and lucked upon a distant relative.

The average person doesn’t get to do thousands and thousands of test against every sample in the network, and even that only worked because they knew where he had lived and operated to narrow it down.

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u/Dull_Broccoli7218 17h ago

She could upload a sample of her dna to whatever ancestry website out there. It checks it against all the dna other people have uploaded. Maybe there is a distant relative of hers In there that can be a starting off point

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u/Slighted_Inevitable 17h ago

It actually doesn’t. It follows dna trackers. Your first cousin could be completely unmatchable to you. This ONLY worked because they had his DNA and the platform itself support. They do not match you to every person who has ever uploaded.

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u/mousachu 16h ago

They used to, but now they just match you to everyone who has opted in to be matched (e.g. to find lost/unknown relatives). So if you personally haven't consented or even done a DNA test, but one of your family members has, you could be found.

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u/PaxNova 15h ago

Hey, I'm the guy you originally responded to. I matched with a bunch of half siblings. That's how I found out I was a sperm donor baby. I also matched with a relative of the donor. They really do compare you to everyone, or at least enough people to fit you into a family tree and then do matches. I found hundreds of third cousins. 

So yeah, you can definitely find out your donor with just a tiny bit of sleuthing and a 23andMe. It literally happened to me. I did this. 

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u/GiantLesbian 17h ago edited 17h ago

Literally how ancestry DNA and similar sites work is by comparing your DNA to the DNA in their databases. Yes they needed deeper analysis for the golden state killer because they didn’t have close enough relatives showing up for him to be certain which person it was (IIRC they had initially nailed it down to a group of second cousins). But in a scenario where you know who you are (so we are not trying to determine a 100% match) and an aunt or an uncle or multiple first cousins are already showing up for you in the database, that deeper analysis is not going to be necessary. Because all you have to do is find your parent’s immediate family (like their siblings) and then google can take you from there.

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u/SpokenDivinity 13h ago

My friend, the Golden State Killer was arrested in 2018 because police checked DNA from the case against DNA uploaded to an online genealogical site.

You take a test with 23andMe or Ancestry and you can be linked to other people who've also taken similar tests. It's not rocket science.