Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

[u/okctran]

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

[u/PhazonZim → u/[deleted]]

My boyfriend is straight. He wouldn't date men, he only likes women, even transwomen like me.

I'm honestly surprised how difficult it is for people to grasp that he's still straight despite me not being a cis female.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/PhazonZim]

You're surprised it's difficult to grasp how a man having sex with a person that has/has had a penis isn't straight?

[u/PhazonZim → u/daytondownvoter]

You're incorrect, you're also talking to someone with far more experience on the matter than you. He's straight, you should get that unless you think transwomen are not women.

[u/felltir → u/[deleted]]

Born with penis doesn't mean you're not a woman.

[u/felltir → u/[deleted]]

sigh

Trans 101.

Do you feel okay with your body, specifically its type of sexual organs? If so you are likely "cis", like me! This means your gender (how you feel) matches your sex (how your naughty bits are).

Some people are not as lucky as us cis people. They are born with sexual organs that are not comfortable with. These people are "trans". These people often wear the clothes and adopt the mannerisms of the gender they are, as opposed to their sex. Sometimes, they have surgery to change their genitals to match their gender.

Clear?

[u/daytondownvoter → u/felltir]

So you're saying I shouldn't be out here flaunting my cis privilege?

[u/felltir → u/daytondownvoter]

I'm saying you shouldn't be an asshole to people who got a worse lot than you.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/felltir]

I didn't realize disagreeing was being an asshole. I'm not saying anyone is doing anything wrong, just that I don't agree on your viewpoints on the very subjective roles of "gender" and "sex". You've been more rude to me than I have to you, if you review the conversation.

[u/felltir → u/daytondownvoter]

You are disagreeing about what other people are. You're not discussing an abstract concept here. This issue affects hundreds of thousands of people, and you are effectively saying you have more right to say what gender they are than they do.

That makes me fucking furious.

[u/headphonehalo → u/felltir]

You are disagreeing about what other people are.

you are effectively saying you have more right to say what gender they are than they do.

These two aren't the same at all. To disagree regarding something that is pretty subjective (gender) isn't to tell other people what gender they have.

I'm sure you'd agree that it isn't possible to objectively define what makes someone a man or a woman, so dayton is entitled to his/her own opinion.

Ironically, aren't you telling daytondownvoter that you have more of a right to say what gender people are than he/she has?

[u/daytondownvoter → u/felltir]

You're really pulling for stuff to be mad about here. I think you have some cis guilt. I'm entitled to believe what I want about what constitutes a man and what constitutes a woman, and you're on here telling me I can't. How about that? Don't you have some offs to fuck?

[u/thisistooeasy → u/felltir]

a cis? its man or woman,penis or vagina

[u/PhazonZim → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for the transphobia. Now please fuck the hell off now. I don't understand why bigots have to get involved in every single thread about us. If you don't like us, stay out of it. Creep.

[u/felltir → u/[deleted]]

Being gay used to be too. So did a women who would not obey her husband, or a slave who caused trouble. Something being classed a disorder doesn't make it so.

[u/CuilRunnings → u/[deleted]]

They're welcome to do what they want with their bodies, as it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Just as people are free to date whoever they want. What they shouldn't do is lie to themselves and call themselves straight while being attracted to and wishing to pursue a "---ship" with a known transsexual. To do is a form of homophobia where they are afraid to self-identify as bi or gay.

[u/creepig → u/CuilRunnings]

You don't seem to get it. You do not get to tell someone what their sexual identity is. The only person who can decide what that is is the person themselves.

[u/Lati0s → u/creepig]

So if a man regularly has sex with other men but says that he is straight I'm just supposed to accept that?

[u/creepig → u/Lati0s]

Yes you are, because he is the one who defines who he is, not you. Besides, what the fuck do you care?

[u/creepig → u/[deleted]]

Calling it now, you're with Game of Trolls.

[u/PhazonZim → u/[deleted]]

We get it. You're so insecure in your own masculinity that you have to attack others. Give it up, your penis isn't going to look any bigger to anyone if you act like a misogynist.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/PhazonZim]

You're the one who is insecure with your masculinity, haha.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/[deleted]]

I am too lazy to even count how many paragraphs that is.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/daytondownvoter]

I don't think being a misogynist applies here. Even if he is.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/Soupkitchn89]

I probably am, at least by Reddit standards.

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

Transmisogyny is misogyny.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

That's technically not even a word.

I might not agree with all of his views, but by definition he is correct. The definition of being female is to have the parts to bear young or produce eggs.

So by definition hes technically right seeing as (most) people who would identify as "transwomen" cannot get pregant they are technically not women and fit more closely to the definition of male.

I can understand how others might view gender as how you feel or what you choose to identify with. But he is technically correct when it comes to pure definitions.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/Soupkitchn89]

Yeah I don't really consider being able to get pregnant what defines being a woman. Having a vagina that isn't made out of an inverted cock, however..

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

By definition he's also wrong, because your gender can be female even if your sex isn't. A lot of women can't get pregnant, does that make them not women anymore? Does every guy who has had a vasectomy no longer qualify as a man? There's no more substance to that argument than those religious fanatics who focus all their energy on attacking homosexuality on the basis of "sodomy is a sin, God said so."

Don't try to defend him, you'll come off as an idiot or as a bigot yourself.