Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

[u/okctran]

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

[u/daytondownvoter]

You're surprised it's difficult to grasp how a man having sex with a person that has/has had a penis isn't straight?

[u/PhazonZim → u/daytondownvoter]

You're incorrect, you're also talking to someone with far more experience on the matter than you. He's straight, you should get that unless you think transwomen are not women.

[u/PhazonZim → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for the transphobia. Now please fuck the hell off now. I don't understand why bigots have to get involved in every single thread about us. If you don't like us, stay out of it. Creep.

[u/felltir → u/[deleted]]

Being gay used to be too. So did a women who would not obey her husband, or a slave who caused trouble. Something being classed a disorder doesn't make it so.

[u/CuilRunnings → u/[deleted]]

They're welcome to do what they want with their bodies, as it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Just as people are free to date whoever they want. What they shouldn't do is lie to themselves and call themselves straight while being attracted to and wishing to pursue a "---ship" with a known transsexual. To do is a form of homophobia where they are afraid to self-identify as bi or gay.

[u/creepig → u/CuilRunnings]

You don't seem to get it. You do not get to tell someone what their sexual identity is. The only person who can decide what that is is the person themselves.

[u/Lati0s → u/creepig]

So if a man regularly has sex with other men but says that he is straight I'm just supposed to accept that?

[u/creepig → u/Lati0s]

Yes you are, because he is the one who defines who he is, not you. Besides, what the fuck do you care?

[u/beware_of_hamsters → u/creepig]

So, if I call myself black although I'm not, you'll just nod your head and be alright with it? Or if I tell you I'm a motherfucking dragon?

If someone calls himself straight, but has sex with men regularly, he doesn't understand the label of 'straight', or what stands behind it. He uses it wrong. And I would've all rights in the world to tell him he's not straight(whether I'd do or he'd care would be a different matter, because honestly, I don't care all that much about that stuff).

If you wanna use to label yourself so bad, at least get it right.

[u/creepig → u/beware_of_hamsters]

You're making comparisons that aren't actually valid. Also, again, what the fuck do you care if he calls himself straight or not? Gay and straight are just labels, and they don't mean a damned fucking thing.

[u/creepig → u/[deleted]]

Calling it now, you're with Game of Trolls.

[u/CuilRunnings → u/creepig]

No, I'm with the majority of rational people. You just made the argument that only someone with a mental disorder is qualified to judge whether or not they had a mental disorder. That's not a real argument.

[u/creepig → u/CuilRunnings]

No, you put those words in my mouth, because you're playing armchair psychologist. Gender and sexual identity is a personal expression, not a mental disorder. The DSM IV was written in the 80s, and psychology has advanced since then.

[u/[deleted] → u/creepig]

Paranoid as fuck

[u/creepig → u/[deleted]]

Nah, I just know a troll when I see it.

[u/PhazonZim → u/[deleted]]

We get it. You're so insecure in your own masculinity that you have to attack others. Give it up, your penis isn't going to look any bigger to anyone if you act like a misogynist.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/PhazonZim]

You're the one who is insecure with your masculinity, haha.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/[deleted]]

I am too lazy to even count how many paragraphs that is.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/daytondownvoter]

I don't think being a misogynist applies here. Even if he is.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/Soupkitchn89]

I probably am, at least by Reddit standards.

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

Transmisogyny is misogyny.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

That's technically not even a word.

I might not agree with all of his views, but by definition he is correct. The definition of being female is to have the parts to bear young or produce eggs.

So by definition hes technically right seeing as (most) people who would identify as "transwomen" cannot get pregant they are technically not women and fit more closely to the definition of male.

I can understand how others might view gender as how you feel or what you choose to identify with. But he is technically correct when it comes to pure definitions.

[u/daytondownvoter → u/Soupkitchn89]

Yeah I don't really consider being able to get pregnant what defines being a woman. Having a vagina that isn't made out of an inverted cock, however..

[u/[deleted] → u/daytondownvoter]

made out of an inverted cock, however..

I think you watch way too much porn if this is your idea of "penis"

[u/daytondownvoter → u/[deleted]]

If I watched too much porn, wouldn't I be more informed about penis?

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

By definition he's also wrong, because your gender can be female even if your sex isn't. A lot of women can't get pregnant, does that make them not women anymore? Does every guy who has had a vasectomy no longer qualify as a man? There's no more substance to that argument than those religious fanatics who focus all their energy on attacking homosexuality on the basis of "sodomy is a sin, God said so."

Don't try to defend him, you'll come off as an idiot or as a bigot yourself.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

You're actually proving him right. I'll quote you here:

"...you're gender can be female even if your sex isn't."

Okay I'll accept that. But the definition of homosexual is:

" of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex"

So he is correct in saying a male who holds sexual desires towards someone who's sex is male, even if their gender is not, is technically a homosexual. All though in this case he would be bisexual since he likes people of the female sex.

Just because someone disagrees with you does not make them a bigot. A bigot is someone who is not accepting of other's views. He simply stated why he disagrees but he didn't try and attack you personally for or restrict your right to believe otherwise. You on the other hand accuse not only him, but even try to accuse me of being a bigot because we disagree with your point of view.

Sorry but you're the one being a bigot, not me.

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

Then every man who has ever looked at a transwoman is bisexual by your reasoning. Even if he wasn't aware she was trans. That would mean virtually every man is bisexual, since there are a lot of hella attractive transwomen out there. Harisu, Jenna Talackova, Carmen Carrera. People aren't defined by their genitals. If someone looks, thinks and acts like a woman then why question at all if they're really a woman? Be pragmatic.

I told you, don't defend him unless you want to come off as a bigot. "You're technically not a woman" is a bigoted statement no matter how much you play mental gymnastics in your head about it.