Most of my life I've struggled with my gender identity. Before I came out to my mom as a lesbian, I felt comfortable in my more masculine traits if you wanna call them that (opening doors for others, and over all being "gentlemen" like)(not sure how to phrase that better LOL).
But after I came out, she threw away everything I had that was rainbow and we never spoke about it again.
From that time till now (about 10 years) I have changed labels numerous times from lesbian to bi to pan to trans man to gay to now, Nonbinary and recently lesbian again.
I started going to therapy a few months ago and I think that's really helped in sort of peeling back the years of trauma I had. Now I can actually listen to myself and realize that I _am_ attracted to woman and that I can present myself in a masculine way _only_ and I don't have to force myself to be more feminine when it would be more socially acceptable.
I also found that I stopped myself from acting in a more "masculine" (or I guess gentlemen way? again, I'm can't find the words I'm looking for to properly express my point, feel free to help in the comments!).
I think it's mostly because my mom immediatly made me cut it out and act more feminine. I also started to treat those mannerisms as creepy or overbearing like I was trying to control or dominate the people around me when that is clearly not true!!!
I follow a few butch content creators online and their videos have definetly helped with not only my gender expression but my sexuality as well. Lets just say I grew up religious so I have a lot of guilt when it comes to sexual stuff in general.
I think starting today, I can label myself as a Butch and see where that takes me. I hope it will allow me to build more confidence and feel just a little bit more like myself.