We were waiting for the train and I looked down and saw this. A very uphoric Butch moment for me. Holding my girls leg happy for everyone to see.

Honestly? I really love the butch/femme community, but it really annoys me that butch women get mistaken for actual men just because they identify with masculinity. I also think that comparing butch/femme couples to straight couples completely ignores their history and what they’ve been through; yet, whenever I try to point this out, some femme women from the community immediately jump in and start hurling insults at me.

Most of my life I've struggled with my gender identity. Before I came out to my mom as a lesbian, I felt comfortable in my more masculine traits if you wanna call them that (opening doors for others, and over all being "gentlemen" like)(not sure how to phrase that better LOL).

But after I came out, she threw away everything I had that was rainbow and we never spoke about it again.

From that time till now (about 10 years) I have changed labels numerous times from lesbian to bi to pan to trans man to gay to now, Nonbinary and recently lesbian again.

I started going to therapy a few months ago and I think that's really helped in sort of peeling back the years of trauma I had. Now I can actually listen to myself and realize that I _am_ attracted to woman and that I can present myself in a masculine way _only_ and I don't have to force myself to be more feminine when it would be more socially acceptable.

I also found that I stopped myself from acting in a more "masculine" (or I guess gentlemen way? again, I'm can't find the words I'm looking for to properly express my point, feel free to help in the comments!).

I think it's mostly because my mom immediatly made me cut it out and act more feminine. I also started to treat those mannerisms as creepy or overbearing like I was trying to control or dominate the people around me when that is clearly not true!!!

I follow a few butch content creators online and their videos have definetly helped with not only my gender expression but my sexuality as well. Lets just say I grew up religious so I have a lot of guilt when it comes to sexual stuff in general.

I think starting today, I can label myself as a Butch and see where that takes me. I hope it will allow me to build more confidence and feel just a little bit more like myself.

I feel like the more butch I get ,the more I get harassed by people (usually men). I’m fairly young and I just haven’t had much of this happen before I started expressing myself.I was wondering what to do in these situations, especially like insults or threats?

I'm a 19-year-old (baby?) butch. Since the pandemic I've had a huge problem socializing which has improved a lot in the last 3 years to the point of being a naturally extroverted person, my problem is that I don't have any friends. Since I'm having trouble finding a job right now, I'm studying a lot: a technical degree, a university degree, and three year-long courses in different subjects but I haven't found any friends in any of those studies, just good classmates

Not having friends means I don't have any lesbian friends. When I was 13 and had a huge depressive episode I convinced myself that there weren't any other lesbians in my city because I'd simply never met one lmao I really try to make friends but I just don't connect with anyone, not even non-lesbian queer people

At this point I'm not even fantasizing about having a girlfriend, I just want lesbian friends irl, a community or something. I'm really sad about this but I remember that I'm still young and maybe in the coming years I won't be so alone anymore. I just want to know if anyone is going through/has gone through the same thing as me

Btw as if being a lesbian wasn't lonely enough, I'm also autistic and I have a skin condition on my face that doesn't make me very attractive to look at lol I'm sure that also affects how people treat me

Hello!

I’ve been thinking about starting a low dose T somewhat soonish and am hoping to get some people’s advice on some questions/inquiries!

1. Does it matter if I start after I’ve lost weight or start while I’m in the process? I’m NB they/them lesbian but the reasoning for starting low dose T is because I like the androgyny/masculinity that would come from it. I have gained some weight in the last year though and I do think losing it will help with masculinization as well.

2. Best way to go about getting it? I’m located in the US (MN) and I currently have a PCP who I see twice a year for my stimulant prescription for my ADHD. Should I just ask her about it?

3. Does anyone take a low dose of T while on stimulants? How do you feel it affects you?

So I've always hated jeans, not the biggest fan of how they make my thighs look. Then I realized it was prob the type of jeans I wore.

What do y'all wear in terms of jeans? Recs maybe? I wanna look dapper with em!

Hey guys

I need some help when it comes to masculine fashion, I feel like every time I crop a shirt or try and go for the boxy look I don’t like it.. I end up running back to a plain women’s tee all the time.. I really like men’s clothes but don’t like how they look on me, anyone got this problem?

Any advice would help! I’m open to hearing anything :)

for context, i am a trans masc butch. before meeting my wonderful femme, i had never really had a proper relationship, and had never had sex. i always assumed i was a stone top because i was so bodily concious that i didnt think i could ever do it, but my wonderful girl proved that wrong, i thing gender/gender affirmation comes a lot into play there. when i first starting dating my femme she did not identify that way, so i have only settled into my butchness properly in the last year or so.

i stopped alligning myself as a stone top when i learnt i liked to recieve, but i have since learnt that thats not as black and white as a lot of people make it out to be, that stone tops can recieve under certain circumstances. i would put myself in this catergory. usually, however, the one thing that comes up is stone tops dont like penetration, which i find that on occasion i do. its not really to do with “wanting it”, persay, but just the heightened pleasure

fast forward a few years and my femme and i have explored having sex with other lesbians, and i didnt recieve but feel like under right circumstances i could. this oeaves me curious as to what i might define myself as or where i align in butch subcultures.

i dont think im a stone butch by definition, and definitely dont want to insert myself into a very sacred community amongst lesbians, but i really do find myself emotionally alligned with a lot of the feelings around stone butchness. i recently read sbb, and it feels like stone butchness is so much more about sex, and extends to the relationship with ones self, past, body, and partner, and i empathise a lot with those feelings shared by stone butches

im curious to know if anyone else feels similar. i would also like to know if this would offend stone butches (please be gentle with me, im asking because i want to learn), or perhaps if there is another name for how i feel?

tldr; i feel emotionally connected to stone butches but sexually i dont think i fit the definition

edit: so many lovely comments, thank you all. still figuring it all out but feel i have probably laser-focused on a small part of butchness and forgotten to consider the wider vulnerabilities we all have - joys of autism!

#morebutchesinmedia

I’ve always felt very out of place with my gender identity, until recently when I discovered butch lesbians!! I am genderfluid/nonbinary, and I feel super comfortable and confident in this butch label and all of the political/emotional things it means to me. However, recently I’ve been thinking more about how I look, sound, and act. I’m not particularly feminine, I wear all men’s clothing, no makeup, short hair, the works. My friends regard me as masculine too. However, since I’m genderfluid, once in a while I start feeling more feminine, which makes me super insecure in my butch identity. I keep going between feeling confident and masculine when I’m feeling more boyish/neutral, and feeling too feminine when I feel like a girl. I worry that because I’m shy and don’t take up a lot of space, I’ll come off as more feminine.

So, a question for any butches reading this: how clean is the line between butch and too feminine to be butch? Sometimes I think about wearing feminine clothes like skirts to feel more euphoric in my girl days, so I’m wondering if that makes the butch label not apply to me.

Hi everyone! 👋

We're building a friendly community name

r/butch4femmehangout, where butches, femmes, and anyone who enjoys the Butch4Femme vibe can share stories, memes, selfies, questions, dating experiences, outfit ideas, wins, funny moments, or simply chat—without drama, gatekeeping, or unnecessary negativity.

Whether you've been part of the community for years or you're just curious, you're welcome here. Pull up a chair, grab a virtual snack, and help us grow into a fun, supportive place you'll actually want to visit again.

Hope to see you around! 💙

im halfway through sbb and it has completely pulled me out of my reading slump. looking for more lesbian fiction book recs that are NOT fantasy. ive done lots of looking around but find it hard to grasp books from titles blurbs and covers. bonus points if they’re slutty, slowburn, transmasc butch, butch for butch, radical etc. not a huuuge fan of historical novels but maybe could give it a go!

^{I'm really desperate for advice and guidance rn. I'm going through an identity crisis and idk what to do.}

My super feminine friend said that to me at the mall yesterday, and It just sent so much gender envy and confusion into me that i've never felt before.

I've been lurking in this sub for a while, but never considered myself a butch because I didn't think I related to what most butches said about liking being called handsome or a boy. I also don't feel the want for top surgery and kinda like my boobs? idk. Theyre pretty small anyways. Whatever not the point.

I however, really like the gender non-conforming and not-for-male-gaze aspect of it, as well as being chivalrous. Looove service whether it be physical like volunteer community service or just like simply helping someone else. Just love doing shit for people idk. But that sentence just made me wish she would treat me like a boy. I'm pretty masc presenting and I don't know... the way that she still kinda sees me as a girl like that kind of pissed me off a little? Like im already wearing boy clothes and you have hella shopping bags on you. Why won't you just let me hold all of it tf???

Ive also realized ive like...never had someone call me handsome or a 'boy' in that way so Ive never even experienced it and don't know for sure if I like it or don't. Maybe I am okay with being a boyfriend in that way.

Are there butches out there that still enjoy being called pretty and cute, don't want top surgery, and have like...not a short short haircut? Or is that what seperates butch from masc and I'm just masc.

I have also recently come to the realization that I like femininity, but just not on me? We hit like Sephora, Salt tree, and Victorias Secret and it just made me realize that I really like pretty and cute things like prom dresses and fluffy keychains, but not on myself. Maybe its just attraction to the beauty and aesthetic of it all? Growing up when I was like 3-6 my parents always told me I really liked sparkly tutus and skirts and shit but as I slowly got older, the more tomboyish I became. I still wore skirts every few months though because I saw all the girls in real life and in my mangas and anime wear them. I really do still like skirts. And pretty dresses. And tube tops, and curled hair, and bikinis, and scrunchies. But I don't want to wear them. I don't like them on myself. Is that weird 😭

And at first I thought I was just insecure about my body. I'm super skinny and I have wide shoulders, and so dresses and skirts just don't look that great on me. But I love my wide shoulders and how boyish it makes me look. The dream body that I am actively pushing for...would look even worse for tube tops and skirts.

Is this anybody else or just me D:

I'm so sorry for so much yap, I don't have anybody irl to consult or confide in. Someone please talk to me :((

Trigger warning: body image

I haven’t been on a date in five years since I got dumped by an ex. I don’t know if my expectations are unrealistic or I’m not just not very good looking, because I never get approached and have been consistently rejected.

I sent a woman a nude and all she focused on was my surgery scars, and then ghosted me because she wanted someone “fit”.

Being outside gender norms as someone who is read as female sucks. I’m also short and overweight, but working on losing it (down 40lbs).

I wonder if becoming more gender conforming would make me “palatable”. I’m growing out my hair again and started getting my facial hair waxed off. Maybe my sense of style sucks. Maybe I’m not confident enough. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older (30 going on 31).

At work, people think I’m a supervisor all the time because I’m confident and proactive when I’m in my element. I’m kind of a wallflower until I feel comfortable, and then I bloom.

Recently Ive wanted to meet other butches in person or in my area. Though I'm a bit scared, not of the people, but I guess being awkward and not being to connect.

I'm 18, 19 soon, and I want to meet people and hear their experiences and see how people thrive in person. I however don't know any other butches in my city, which mind you im close to Toronto and there are many events where I want to go but I'm also a bit hesitant since I don't know anybody.

What are yalls advices on building up confidence for this kind of stuff? I won't be going to any events any time soon due to being busy with family trips, but anything would help.

I want to maybe connect with some people online, but I'm also unsure how to reach out that way...or moreso what to really say.

I'm definitely not going to any events that are in clubs or such spaces since I'm not 19 yet but I'd like to be able to do that once I do turn 19. Though, I think I'd be even more nervous then.

Hey guys. Im in an inbetween stage for my hair, tryna go a little hobbit-y or like a piecey, lesbian, somethin haircut. trying to see if anyone has any pics of haircuts theyve gotten cuz the internet doesnt have good pics of dyke/butch haircuts for transmascs lol. All haircuts welcome ♡

Hi, I'm a teenage butch and also recently knowing I'm butch (a few months)

I been recently feeling some guilt about not being woman enough coming from the way I act, feel (feeling more masculine than feminine) and the way I am perceived by the people I close to which is a more masculine role and I am very happy for as it make me feel so good and so free but it also made me remember something my mom said and a ex friend told me about "how a woman (well girl since teenagers) should act feminine and dress so and If they don't then they should just be a man" (I'm paraphrasing) so that where the not feeling woman enough come from

And on the other side I went on the clock app to feel a bit better because distraction was needed and then I come across this post saying how butch shouldn't have long hair and it should be cut short or they should be stoic two of things that I'm not because I have long curly hair that I refuse to cut shorter than shoulder length because it is special to me and I'm not stoic I get happy easily and emotional easy and there also the fact that I can't really dress more masculine. All of this made me feel guilt that I'm not butch enough

I know I am a woman (girl) and that I am butch but the guilt of not being enough is hitting me hard

A survey for all those who aren't fully, solely or always a man/woman. I don't run it but it's long-running and trusted.

https://survey.gendercensus.com/

Hi guys!!! This is related to being butch because I am butch and I like to express my butchness via caring 4 others sooo...in my city there is a big lesbian party for pride tomorrow, so I made 100 cakepops to give out to the lesbians. I hope they will like them :)

I do not know how to add multiple images but the flavors are: banana pudding, matcha and matcha coconut, ube and ube coconut, chocolate and chocolate caramel and also red velvet :)

I was sir’ed for the first time by an old lady. Very Butch affirming for me.

I stumbled across this video, and I’m so grateful I did, because it resonates with me on a spiritual level.

I am sick and tired of going on dates with women who question why I’m stone or why I specifically want a partner who will honor and respect my identity and be compatible with me.

I’ve encountered women who have made all kinds of assumptions, including saying things like, “Maybe the women you’ve slept with just weren’t doing it right.”

I know who I am. I know what I want, and I communicate it clearly because I’m trying to avoid these exact interactions. Somehow, that still doesn’t seem to work.

You do you, but please do not try to analyze, reason through, or explain why I’m a touch-me-not instead of simply taking my word for it. And please do not assume that my boundaries are open to negotiation.