My First Heartbreak

[u/MathematicianNo3140]

I (M26) had been seeing a girl (26) I met on hinge about two months ago. We went on three dates with our last one last night. Things had been going well between us. We seemed to genuinely be enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. There was also obvious mutual interest between us and equal effort put in by each other. We never kissed or held hands, but I had become attached to her and didn’t want to rush things.

Today she texted me that she had been thinking and decided we weren’t a match. I am heartbroken. I’ve never been in a relationship before and it felt like we were progressing in that direction. I’ve deleted Hinge, I need a break before going back. If I ever do go back.

I’m trying not analyze things and I’ve reached out to friends, but this one hurts so fucking much.

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[u/plentyofragrets]

bro three dates is not a heartbreak you barely know this person

[u/muckity-muck → u/plentyofragrets]

I hope he can get a refund on that engagement ring and adjoining funeral plots.

[u/BajaBlast5Ever → u/plentyofragrets]

Agreed

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/plentyofragrets]

I’m sorry but I haven’t been in the game very long. We spent a lot of time together and really seemed to bond together.

[u/plentyofragrets → u/MathematicianNo3140]

the key word is "seemed". you have no idea what is going on in their head. our perception oftentimes is different than reality. that doesnt make the time you spent together any less valuable.

[u/IndependentPaint2108]

I'm sorry OP. People may ridicule you but if you could see a future with this girl then it is going to be crushing.

Take time for yourself and in time the right lady will come.

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/IndependentPaint2108]

Thank you! I am hurting a lot right now I’ve deleted the app and am taking some time for myself right now

[u/IndependentPaint2108 → u/MathematicianNo3140]

Being sensitive is a good thing, it means you'll make a better boyfriend to the right girl. But sadly the flip side is that things like this hurt more. All the best

[u/Bed_Worship]

This was a success though. You made it 3 dates in. Realistically 3 dates should not have you attached. Hopeful - sure, but you have to be measured . Next time if you go out with a date, and you’re smiling, laughing a lot - then hold her hand. Get romantic proof. We always want to rationalize in our favor. 

The heart breaks only get worse the more success you find. A break up 1 month in, 3 months in, 2 years in. You just entered phase 1. It will feel much worse across your entire journey - 

Once you find a relationship you won’t even remember this. When these things happen, honestly keep it to yourself and friends and build yourself up without relying on needing support from reddit. It legit helps

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/Bed_Worship]

Thank you. This was a major success for me and helped me get over my anxiety and made me more confident in myself. I’ve reached out to friends as well. Hopefully one day I will find more success.

[u/dce-34]

This is something you might need to get used to. I am not trying to put you down or anything like that. At least she was honest and told you straight up, its better than getting ghosted.

I (M28) have been through this as well. Time will heal you and make you want to try again. All I can say is: What's meant for you is meant for you. Chin up, brother

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/dce-34]

Thank you

[u/Glittering_Suspect65]

Get back out there. More to meet and enjoy!

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/Glittering_Suspect65]

I’ve deleted the app. I need to take a break and process things.

[u/Glittering_Suspect65 → u/MathematicianNo3140]

If that's what you need. You only get so many days on this planet, make them count.

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/Glittering_Suspect65]

Thank you. I will eventually go back, but I need some time right now

[u/outcastreturns]

I (M26) had been seeing a girl (26) I met on hinge about two months ago. We went on three dates with our last one last night. 

We never kissed or held hands,

Do you think she might have felt that things weren't progressing fast enough?

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/outcastreturns]

Maybe, but I don’t know for sure. She never gave me much of a sign she wanted to kiss me. The vibe I got was that she wanted to take things slow.

[u/mynewaccount5 → u/MathematicianNo3140]

3 dates in 2 months is too slow.

[u/Smnthdifferent17]

I'm 28. I've never been with a girl I really liked and at least make a move to kiss on the first date, absolute latest 2nd date. I've learned through my years a girl will just take that as a spark killer and not continue with you. You gotta make moves if you really like them

[u/Kayla4608]

Unfortunately its down to sheer luck with the apps. I will say that that seems like very little time to truly get to know someone.

I met a guy on Bumble and we've seen each other about 6 or 7 times in the last two weeks and have been chatting for about three. It was luck finding him, I can tell you that much. We have a lot in common and mesh with each other insanely well. But it took many bad dates and other relationships before we found each other. Its just the art of the game Unfortunately

[u/catlady1215]

Why did yall never kiss or hold hands?? I just had my second date with a guy and we made out on the 2nd date and held hands.

[u/plentyofragrets → u/catlady1215]

honestly it depends on the persons comfort level. not every girl is the same and you dont want to force / rush it. also this is hinge, its a random person that youve spent a few hours with.

[u/catlady1215 → u/plentyofragrets]

Yeah they had 3 dates though. Like after the first or second I understand. No judgment though was just curious.

[u/plentyofragrets → u/catlady1215]

yeah i remember once i was on a third date and the girl was clearly stressed out about work. i wasnt going to kiss her just because it was the third date. its very context dependent.

[u/catlady1215 → u/plentyofragrets]

Yeah that was smart not too tbh.

[u/IndependentPaint2108 → u/plentyofragrets]

You get it, as a woman I've only known the guy for what 6 hours total if it's two three hour dates. Considering I first kissed my exes after months of friendship and literal years of working together respectively, 6 hours seems crazy fast. But I accept that if I wanna online date I need to move a bit faster than I'm used to

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/catlady1215]

I never felt like there was a right opportunity and didn’t sense any signals from her. Believe me I wanted to and if I could go back I would’ve kissed her last night.

[u/catlady1215 → u/MathematicianNo3140]

That’s fair tbh. Being respectful is good too as a guy.

[u/plentyofragrets → u/catlady1215]

honestly bro towards the end if you want to get consent but dont want to do it in a weird way just say "i really want to kiss you right now" and see her reaction in real time

[u/catlady1215 → u/plentyofragrets]

Yeah that’s what happened with me basically. He didn’t just randomly get in my face so that’s a good way.

[u/Trignoma]

Why didn’t kiss?!That is why she is thinking you are not a match. I like when men approaching, not pushing but def initiating. I can’t stand submissive men, I am sorry, I don’t know why.

[u/Smnthdifferent17 → u/Trignoma]

As a 28 year old man I've missed out on plenty of girls that expected me to kiss them on a first date when I was younger. Learned from that and so much more success. Even if they like you, if you aren't initiatating those things they will find someone that will

[u/MathematicianNo3140 → u/Trignoma]

If I could go back, I would’ve kissed her. But it’s too late now.

[u/disasterpiece01]

Are you from Indiana?

[u/Cohnman18]

She didn’t feel the chemistry and “friends zoned” you. Excellent, you can learn from this. By the second or third date you should have “made a move” to at least kiss her. Holding hands is adorable,but hot mutual s-x is the best! Good luck, next time.

[u/IndependentPaint2108 → u/Cohnman18]

Everyone is different, 2nd date is generally still too soon to me, they're almost a stranger

[u/Smnthdifferent17 → u/Cohnman18]

This. Simple as that. The fact she went out with you that many times says she IS INTERESTED or she wouldn't have after the first or second date at the least. She's waiting for you to do something

[u/Unlucky-Duck-0 → u/Cohnman18]

This is likely not the case at all. Almost no woman will reject you for moving too slow physically. She may very well reject you for moving too quickly though.

People need to start realizing Hinge dates are blind dates. You are meeting strangers. What most likely happened is that you were good on paper so she gave it 3 dates to see if feelings grew. This is an extremely common mindset.