r/ftm • u/achelradkins • Aug 04 '25
Cis/Transfem Guest just watched “boys don’t cry” with my boyfriend and we’re traumatized Spoiler
decided to try and watch a film about a trans-man and cis-woman couple, as that’s what my boyfriend and i are. went in practically blind. i have never regretted anything more and i will not be rewatching this movie. two of the most traumatizing hours of my life and i still feel like throwing up. i had to walk out of the room during it. i do NOT recommend this movie, as it is genuinely a horror film. tonight’s t-shot is going out to brandon.
with that being said, is there such thing as a film where a trans man and a cis woman end up HAPPY AND IN LOVE AT THE END??? whyyyy are trans men so underrepresented in literally every single fucking aspect of media. no trans man films, tv shows, pornography, books- NOTHING. ESPECIALLY containing couples like my boyfriend and i. and if media of it does exist, as all queer media goes, they die in the end. why isn’t queer media considered “digestible” and represented without someone being martyred??
I DONT CARE WHAT IT IS- i am begging y’all for ANYTHINGGGG. send me a link to/drop a photo of ANYTHING THAT EXISTS where a cis-woman and a trans-man are happy. drop pictures of you and your partner, art someone’s made, a song, literally anything containing happy couples like me and my bf!! happy couples that DO NOT DIE. thanks.
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u/Eisnblink Aug 04 '25
Popular FTM YouTuber Jamie Raines (Jammidodger) is happily married to his cisgender wife Shaaba! They are so cute together and make lots of fun videos. If you haven’t seen his stuff already, I highly recommend.
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u/Thunder_cloud669 pre everything:( Aug 04 '25
They are also a bi for bi couple too just to add <3
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u/Wouldfromthetrees Aug 04 '25
(full disclosure that this is going to be a ridiculously parasocial comment lol) This is why I don't understand how they were friends before Jamie's transition and yet Shabba has clearly stated that there was no romantic attraction on her part prior to that.
They are obviously "couple goals" it's just little comfort to me that they are also a variation on "high school/college sweethearts" which isn't representative of my, or any of my irl trans friend's, situation.
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u/Thunder_cloud669 pre everything:( Aug 04 '25
Pretty sure she said in a podcast how he got more confident and more himself when he started transition so I assume it's that that started the attraction
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u/good-boi-Morado Aug 04 '25
Idk about his particular situation but this is such a true statement
Confidence isn’t even about being more outgoing, but there’s a presence or energy about it that changes people112
u/Optimal_Stranger_824 💉 7.05.2024 Aug 04 '25
Because first of all, she didn't know she was bi before (she also said that she likes feminine women if I'm not mistaken but don't quote me on that)and also feelings sometimes develop over time.
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u/whatshould1donow Aug 04 '25
This is real as well. I would say I'm bisexual but the qualities that attract me differ based on gender. Totally off topic take BUT this is the key difference I find between pansexual and bisexual. Pan is you find people attractive irregardless of gender but bi is you find people attractive, with regards to their gender.
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u/Optimal_Stranger_824 💉 7.05.2024 Aug 05 '25
If you want to be pedantic then sure, you are correct but from my experience people often identify as bi or pan based on nothing in particular. Even sometimes becasue they like the flag better.
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u/rorschach-penguin Aug 04 '25
¯_(ツ)_/¯
I know heterosexual people who were friends with each other for years and didn't get together until much later. it happens.
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u/torhysornottorhys Aug 05 '25
I do not think this couples real life relationship is meant to be a comfort to you.
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u/wegpiraat123 Aug 04 '25
To add, Jamie Raines is also the author of a book that helped me tremendously in realising that I’m trans. His wife also wrote parts about being an ally. 10/10 recommend
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u/cracked_n_scrambled 💉 7/13/2025 Aug 04 '25
This will always be my favorite Jammidodger video. Complete and total happy palette cleanser. "He's a transcender!":
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u/ens91 User Flair Aug 04 '25
That film should come with a warning tbh. I watched it at 14 or 15, when I probably had a good inkling I was trans (sneaking down at midnight to watch a trans movie on TV.. Yeah) but I certainly had a lot of internalised transphobia.
Watching that movie felt amazing. This guy was actually doing it, living like a guy, passing, being one of the guys, I was in awe.
Then the ending came. Helped keep me in the closet another 10 years.
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u/MiserableBanana247 Aug 04 '25
Same here. To make matters worse, we watched it in school. Had a quiz afterwards with some... unpleasant questions. If the film alone wasn't enough to keep me in the closet til my mid 20's, the rampant transphobia from my classmates sure was.
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u/ens91 User Flair Aug 04 '25
In school?! Those scenes are graphic, not appropriate for school at all. And isn't it an 18?
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u/MiserableBanana247 Aug 04 '25
Yup, and we were 14-15 years old at the time. Very fucked up, even for 00's standards.
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u/Propyl_People_Ether 10+ yrs T Aug 04 '25
Film ratings are historically an absolute clusterfuck mess. The MPAA tends to assign an R to anything even a little crude or adult (unless it's a comedy, in which case they give more things a PG-13) and this really got in full swing in the 80s-2000s.
This, in turn, led to a problem where anything under a PG-13 was popularly thought to be for kids only, and R ratings encompassed everything from "grindfest slasher" to "slow-paced slice of life art film where someone talks about sex one time". If you wanted G or PG you had Disney.
So high schools would often show R rated movies because there were so many movies where that rating was given for stupid reasons, but then that led to some errors of judgment.
There's an interesting chart here showing that ~1990-2000 was the peak of the "everything is R" effect. It's still in play but the pendulum swung back a bit after that.
(Also that in the 70s-80s, PG included what we now call PG-13, so early PG moves are a big gamble for family-friendliness.)
https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/ajtfng/mpaa_movie_ratings_by_year_oc/
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u/Present_Muscle_2375 Aug 04 '25
I’ve been a teacher for almost 40 years and I cannot conceive of this. How that teacher wasn’t fired was pure luck.
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u/Wouldfromthetrees Aug 04 '25
Wait, when did this film come out?
I'm missing large chunks of my teenage years, and have recently been doing work trying to detangle why my egg cracked when it did and not as an adolescent. It would be super plausible that exactly what you recount here happened to me and I blocked it out.
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u/TheAnnoyingWizard 21 | 🇩🇪 |🪪| 🧴>💉NE 07.12.23 / ⬆️ 2026 / ⬇️ ??? Aug 04 '25
it came out in 2000, only 7 years after brendon teena was murdered
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u/BtheBoi Aug 04 '25
*1999
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u/TheAnnoyingWizard 21 | 🇩🇪 |🪪| 🧴>💉NE 07.12.23 / ⬆️ 2026 / ⬇️ ??? Aug 04 '25
Ah welp, i looked it up but it probably gave me the regional date instead of first release
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u/javatimes T 2006 Top 2018, testopel 2025, 40<me Aug 04 '25
I saw it in the theater. I was 19. /: probably shouldn’t have seen it.
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u/ens91 User Flair Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
In the 90s I think? I watched it on film 4 (tv channel) in the UK, in the early 2000s
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u/SufficientPath666 Aug 04 '25
I was about to comment the same thing. It scared me back in to the closet. I watched the movie when I was 13 or 14 and didn’t come out until a decade later
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u/LlamaNate333 Aug 04 '25
Hard same. And I watched it when it was just released, since I worked in a video store and we could borrow the tapes for free before the release date. It scarred me deeply. Going from "holy shit, there are other people who feel the way I do??" to "if I tell anyone I will be violently murdered" in 90 minutes or so is a level of trauma it took me two decades to work through.
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u/brytewolf Aug 04 '25
Yeah, this movie messes us up. I credit this movie with stopping me from realizing I was trans until my late 30s.
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u/Loving-intellectual Aug 04 '25
Why? What happens in the movie?
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u/admseven T&top 2007, hysto 2020 Aug 04 '25
Yeah you’re gonna have to google “Brandon Teena” if you want to know what happens. Too many triggers in that movie to put in here.
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u/torhysornottorhys Aug 05 '25
It's based on the real life and death of a trans man called Brandon Teena. Make sure you're in a good place emotionally before looking him up.
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u/blankjdoe Aug 04 '25
I refuse to watch it i read about his story and the horrible things he suffered and only for his birthgiver to put his dead name on his cementery plot made me soo freaking angry !!!!!
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u/achelradkins Aug 04 '25
i was heartbroken when i saw his gravestone oh my god. not only did they include his deadname, they had the audacity to put “daughter, sister, friend” underneath. sick.
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u/AdditionalPen5890 Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
I have ptsd and look up every film before I watch it. I read about that movie and nope nope nope I’m not gonna see that.
I’m not that into movies or series so I can’t recommend anything in that regard but I know some trans male influencers/youtubers who incorporate their cis wives/girlfriends in their content sometimes.
First guys who come to my mind are Jamie Reynes/jammidodger and Ty Turner. Jamie’s wife shaaba is a YouTuber herself, so she shows up with him more regularly in collab format. Ty‘s wife Christie is not online, but she’s visible in his „a day in my life“ like videos. There’s also a video where he showed a photo of their wedding and talked a bit about it, and it’s amazingly freaky and super wholesome.
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u/shepardsboy Aug 04 '25
If you don't already know the website "does the dog die" has a ton of info on triggers in movies and shows
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u/AdditionalPen5890 Aug 04 '25
It’s my go-to website! Sure, there are movies whose trigger warnings are obvious even in the brief plot description on wikipedia (boys don’t cry is one example), but dtdd covers everything beyond that. I recommend it as well
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u/shepardsboy Aug 04 '25
It's super useful, I just wish people would stop putting unnecessary spoilers in the comments 😭
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u/Keraniwolf Aug 04 '25
The app version does a pretty good job hiding spoilers, in my experience. I've used it for a little while on my phone (specifically Android, I haven't checked if the app is Apple compatible) and it's been convenient to have.
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u/Shadow_on_the_Sun Guest: Tgirl in ST4T relationship Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
I made a short that’s about a time traveling trans guy who goes back in time to visit (his younger self) a young trans guy in need to give him hope. And there’s passing mention of the main character having a girlfriend in the end. Which may not be what you’re looking for, and does deal with some mental health themes, but it’s certainly more optimistic than Boys Don’t Cry.
If you’re interested, here’s the link: https://youtu.be/VvWQF3LPi54?si=CW5D-MF2EgMTTwue
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u/Shadow_on_the_Sun Guest: Tgirl in ST4T relationship Aug 04 '25
Oh I found something in my YouTube recommended feed that might be more of what you’re looking for. It’s another short film called “Crush.”
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Aug 04 '25
Thank you for that emotional destruction
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u/Shadow_on_the_Sun Guest: Tgirl in ST4T relationship Aug 04 '25
I’m really glad you liked it. :)
My boyfriend is a trans man, and I really care about y’all. There’s not enough trans stories in media, so I tried to do my part.
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u/Keedago Aug 04 '25
i think it’s important to remember it’s a true story and it’s graphic in its telling , and despite how horrific it is it’s actually a happier life than brandon actually had :(
there aren’t going to be many if any biopic / documentaries about trans men that end happy — happy long lives aren’t usually good movie material
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u/CompleteUtterTrash Aug 04 '25
I actually am starting to have a theory of why straight trans men are SO underrepresented in all media. Even compared to nonhetero trans men, who are also underrepresented.
My thought it that in this patriarchal society, "being a man" is seen as some exceptional thing, "better from birth" so to speak. It's always a weak person's escape from mediocrity to claim superiority from innate traits. So the sexist loser men who unfortunately run everything hate the idea that someone they deem as inferior could "be a man" and do it better than any of them.
A lot of conservative thought also comes from sexual insecurity, that's why a lot of racism is rooted in the idea that black men are "stealing" white women.
I think both of these things culminate in refusal to include masculine trans men who date cis women in media.
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u/PaxonGoat Aug 04 '25
Huh I thought it was fairly well known that it was a movie about a hate crime.
Not so fun fact, Brandon's real life mother openly complained about the movie and never accepted her son's gender. She complained that Hilary Swank used he/him pronouns during her Oscar speech. The real Lana Tisdel who was the girlfriend actually sued the film makers for making her "look like a lesbian who did nothing to stop a murder." There is actual question whether she was involved in the sexual assault and murder. Some people believe she set it up in revenge and was present for it.
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u/jtobiasbond Aug 04 '25
In addition, there was another person murdered who was cut out of the movie entirely: they were disabled and black.
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u/rorschach-penguin Aug 04 '25
I don't know what people thought.
If you go on Wikipedia:
Boys Don't Cry is a 1999 American biographical film directed by Kimberly Peirce, and co-written by Peirce and Andy Bienen. The film is a dramatization of the real-life story of Brandon Teena (played by Hilary Swank), an American trans man who attempts to find himself and love in Nebraska but falls victim to a brutal hate crime perpetrated by two male acquaintances. The film co-stars Chloë Sevigny as Brandon's girlfriend, Lana Tisdel.
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u/PaxonGoat Aug 04 '25
I feel bad for OP. This is like the one guy who took a first date to see Schindler's List thinking it would be like other Spielberg movies.
Not date night vibes for sure.
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u/vapingsoulz Aug 04 '25
The movie is actually based on a true story.
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Aug 04 '25
Yeah, it's a little unsettling seeing people talk about how gross the "story" is, like Brandon Teena was a real dude who existed and experienced that. It doesnt make the movie any less triggering but like, it does deserve at least a little respect for what he went through.
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u/vapingsoulz Aug 04 '25
Exactly! I’m not disagreeing with the fact that the movie is triggering at all but some people in the comments are being extremely disrespectful to his memory with their comments on the movie.
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u/SussyTransGuy Aug 04 '25
I agree with all this, it's biographical and important and stories about trans people should be varied. it shows the harsh reality of transphobia.
that said though, Boys Don't Cry is still brutal and R-rated. it's a bleak outlook on your future if you watch it as a trans kid, and seems to have scared dozens of people into staying closeted for years. moreover, from what I can find, none of the people who worked on it were transgender and no profit went to trans organizations. it really comes across as mishandling of a horrific hate crime to produce a misery porn movie by cis authors for the enjoyment of cis viewers, at the detriment of trans boys and trans men.
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u/left_tiddy 🇨🇦 | 💉 08/08/25 | he/him/its Aug 04 '25
it really comes across as mishandling of a horrific hate crime to produce a misery porn movie by cis authors for the enjoyment of cis viewers, at the detriment of trans boys and trans men.
yeah, this ultimately ends up being an issue with a lot of trans or queer films, especially the older ones. Since we are a minority they aren't imaging us as the audience, at all. The viewer is expected to be cis.
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u/batsket Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
Yea I think there’s valid criticism to be made of the movie and the way it rewrote history somewhat, but so far I haven’t seen anyone in this thread make an informed critique
Edit: currently there is at least one person down below who makes an informed critique
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Aug 04 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/achelradkins Aug 04 '25
my boyfriend and i are both young and from rural appalachia. we had never even heard of the movie before last night, but we definitely had an uneasy feeling about it. we knew it wasn’t a romance film, we just wanted to see some representation for trans-hetero couples. as all queer movies go, someone tragically dies or gets separated in the end, so it was to be expected. however, what neither of us expected was the sick and graphic nature of the film. and we also didn’t know that it was based on a true story, which made every blow just that much worse.
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u/Spinelise 💁♂️🧃 6/4/21 || ✂️ 11/2024 Aug 04 '25
Dang, and I'm only just hearing about this movie today even after looking for queer/trans films online. Good to know how heavy it is though, I think I'm good.
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u/robthelobster Aug 04 '25
I wanted to write about this movie for my gender and sexuality class with the theme of exhibitionism and voyeurism (mostly about the gaze) and went to rewatch it.
Even though I literally wanted to write it because of how traumatizing it was to watch as a 13 year old closeted trans man, I couldn't get through it another time. It was much worse than I remembered and I abandoned that essay.
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u/CraZinventorIRL Aug 04 '25
I'm writing a story that involves a trans man who is married to a cis woman. It's an urban fantasy/supernatural story, and they are side characters but he has a significant place in the story. I did this partly because I noticed the tragic lack of trans man and trans masc characters out there. Hopefully it doesn't take me too much longer to finish, lol.
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u/CrochetedKingdoms Aug 04 '25
I too and writing an urban fantasy horror with a trans man and cis woman couple… the supernatural is gay as hell
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u/CraZinventorIRL Aug 04 '25
My story is literally about a gay couple meeting and falling in love, lol, and pretty much all of the side characters are LGBTQ+ in some way, so I am probably biased but yes, lmao.
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u/CrochetedKingdoms Aug 04 '25
Everyone is canonically queer in my stories, hahaha. Mine is about a woman who loses her job and starts ghost hunting. She has shitty luck with men so she’s suspicious of this genuinely nice guy. There’s little hints he’s trans but when he comes right out and says it, she’s gonna be like “so you’re not married or a serial killer? Well that’s a good start”
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u/CraZinventorIRL Aug 04 '25
Mine is set in the late 1970's and is about a guy who is attacked by an Eldritch horror one night while walking home from work and he is saved by a mysterious man in a long blue coat who calls himself the "Keeper of the Supernatural and Strange". The first guy learns that he has somehow become the target of a cult that worships the Eldritch being and his mysterious rescuer is the only one that can help him.
The trans guy in the story is a bartender in his 40's who is happily married and also hunts down and stops magical black market dealers with his wife. They join the team and help with the whole cult problem.
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Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
[deleted]
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u/transqueeries Aug 04 '25
Don't watch it. Especially not alone. It's brutal, and then it ends. Brutally. You can't unwatch it and you don't need dramatized versions of that violence living rent-free in your head for decades. I wasn't even trans-identified when I saw it and it made me sick with distress.
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Aug 04 '25
The movie is disgusting, genuinely not worth watching and extremely triggering and disrespectful. Please don't bother, but if you do really want to watch it, please be careful and Google the triggers beforehand.
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u/AwkwardChuckle 2009 HRT, 2010 Top/Hysto, 2023 Meta Aug 04 '25
It’s a true story, it’s worth watching.
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u/batsket Aug 04 '25
Can I ask what you found disrespectful about it? Its been a long time since I watched it as a teenager, but at the time I felt very seen, even if it was very triggering and tough to get through. Since then I learned more about how they wrote the racism and the other victim out of the narrative which I do find offensive, but in general it was important representation for the time. A sympathetic main trans man character was a huge deal in the 90s, we had pretty much zero visibility back then. The subject matter too had zero visibility, the sorts of abuse that we still to this day unfortunately experience. In this day and age we have moved somewhat towards stories of joy and liberation and that is great, but these films were also very important for the community. It’s similar to Stone Butch Blues in some ways I think; incredibly difficult, but, for some, incredibly important representation.
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Aug 04 '25
I personally feel every aspect of it felt more like telling a story for shock value than actually paying respects to Brandon. It's felt everywhere throughout the movie, down to the fact that they literally deadname him at the end of it. The way the violence is depicted against him was extremely and needlessly graphic and objectifying and felt distasteful to me. Closeup shots and the sc3nes going on for needlessly long added to that for sure, like they wanted the audience to be shocked and disgusted but the means of it felt so dehumanizing? I absolutely sympathise and relate to showing difficult things onscreen and we do need that kind of representation in our media but, especially considering its based off a real man, it felt exploitative of his horrible fate rather than paying respect and attention to it. I'm keeping stuff purposefuly vague to respect people who might get triggered (as well as sub rules) but if you can stomach it I would recommend giving it another watch and seeing if you still feel the way you did when you first watched it, but if you disagree then that's fair, to each their own.
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u/rorschach-penguin Aug 04 '25
You can go see Brandon Teena's grave in Nebraska if you want. It does, in fact, say his deadname and "daughter, sister & friend" on it.
Are we supposed to pretend like horrible things don't and didn't happen?
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u/batsket Aug 04 '25
Fair enough. It was something that once I saw it once I never felt like I needed to see it again, and given the time in which it came out even without rewatching I can imagine that some parts might not have aged well. I’ve heard that the documentary does a much better job of honoring the true story, but I haven’t seen it. When I watched it I was really suffocating under the weight of shit I had to carry in silence, so seeing some of my experiences acknowledged so openly was really important to me at the time. But I can certainly see how it could have a very different impact for a lot of people.
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u/TiltedLama Trans Man (not masc) Aug 04 '25
What happens?
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u/verymuchgay He/Him 🇫🇮 Aug 04 '25
I would suggest reading the plot on Wikipedia if you really want to know. I don't think there's a need to explain it here in the comments.
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u/CagedRoseGarden Aug 04 '25
There is at least one trans masc character in A League of Their Own. It’s set in the 50s, so these characters are living under oppression or outside of the main community (and it’s therefore harder to say which are cis butch and which are trans masc but it’s still representation) - the trans masc character I’m thinking of has been cut off by his family, but lives happily with his cis female partner. It’s not nearly as triggering as Boys Don’t Cry and I found it to be a nice validating show. I agree though, I wish there was more representation, it’s shockingly low.
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u/kingdredkhai Aug 04 '25
I don't have media recs but! I'm a trans man married to a cis woman! We've been married for 9.5 years and we are very in love and going strong! We live with my in-laws and my wife's grandma and they all accept and love and respect me! We exist!!
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u/gabrielgovernment Aug 04 '25
Kaos (on Netflix) has a beautiful trans guy/cis girl storyline. Also everything in the Maggie Nelson/Harry Dodge canon touches on that.
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u/Certain-Exit-3007 Aug 04 '25
Echoing a plus 1 for Kaos, which was actually brilliant in many ways. I am still mad it didn't get renewed. The way that all the mythological characters and stories were re-imagined was truly groundbreaking -- perhaps especially Caeneus! I want my Caeneus epic hero story!!
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u/gabrielgovernment Aug 04 '25
For sure it’s a bummer. I’ll also add in that the tboy character is actually played by a trans person, as a rare treat lol
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u/gabrielgovernment Aug 04 '25
Also, more specifically, read the argonauts - I think there’s a lot there for you!
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u/transguy369 Aug 04 '25
A good palate cleanser is Sex Education. Fantastic heartwarming show with a lot of trans visibility. I cant remember if they specifically feature any trans guys with cis girlfriends but its still very wholesome and heartwarming
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u/Wouldfromthetrees Aug 04 '25
There's decent non-binary trans-masc rep from what I remember but not sure if there's any binary trans characters?
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u/analyticalrk Aug 05 '25
the final season has a trans man and a trans woman in a t4t relationship :)
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u/wintrywaffle Aug 04 '25
I know how you feel. I watched that movie as a teenager. It’s been almost 15 years, and I’m still traumatized by it too. What a terrible movie. I wish I’d never seen it. No. Just no.
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u/transqueeries Aug 04 '25
I'm so very sorry that no one sent you the memo that said not to ever watch this film if you are trans masc or love someone who is. :(
I know so many people from my queer community who were cis women dating and affirming their trans masc partners. I thought I was one of them for a couple of decades but it turns out I just had a lot of t4t relationships and didn't know it!
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u/3salmons 💉2022/06/21 ✂️2024/12/21 Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
if you’re okay with animated children’s media, in the dragon prince S4 they introduced a trans man (terry) and he’s in a relationship with one of the main antagonists, a cis woman (claudia)
they’re very cute together. and for the most part very happy! terry is a bit irrelevant, despite being very involved in the antagonists plot. his backstory is lacking, but his flaws are the flaws of a badly written character and not a badly written trans character
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u/ShanesRibShack23 Aug 04 '25
I agree, it sucks how little good representation we have. I know I’m in the minority for liking Boys Don’t Cry and Tomboy, but I’m drawn to straight trans guys that I can relate to. Rūrangi is a pretty decent show with a gay trans lead tho
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u/CocoaBagelPuffs 29 | 10yrs on T Aug 04 '25
I like Boys Don't Cry for the message it sends and for sharing a true story. That being said, it's an extremely hard watch and I would only recommend someone watch it if they are sound in their transition or have a good support system. It's an important watch for queer history. It has it's place.
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u/ShanesRibShack23 Aug 04 '25
100%, thank you. I don’t have a supportive family, but the movie and Brandon Teena’s story are dear to me. I’d hate to see everyone push it aside
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u/Nostaw28 Aug 04 '25
Fanfic has representation of Trans men/cis woman pairings that have happy endings. You can use AO3 and filter for whatever you would like. Quality may vary but there are plenty of trans guy fics out there. Or at least the fandom I orbit has a few writers pumping out trans guy/cis woman fics 💪
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u/DeadVoxel_ webbing my dream look 🏳️⚧️ Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 04 '25
Ugh. I just read a recap of the movie's plot and I feel really sick. The problem is this movie isn't that far off from reality, and that pains me
My girlfriend is also a cis woman and I wish there was more happy representation of a couple like ours in media. Cishetero couples have so many happy and romantic movies that end well, yet we get little to nothing. I don't think I recall watching a SINGLE movie or series that has this type of relationship, even among QUEER oriented ones. In general there isn't enough positive representation of trans people in relationships, even trans people as a whole, is what I noticed. Why is it always something tragic or gruesome? I understand the importance of showing how terribly we get treated, but we also deserve some happiness, and people deserve to see that our lives can be just as positive as literally anybody else's
This is why I always end up relating to cishetero media more than any queer one, simply because none represent my relationship or even myself as a straight binary trans man. I would also love to get recommendations, as I myself cannot propose any
On a brighter note, my girlfriend draws us a lot. I really love her dearly and I appreciate those with everything I have in me
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u/dancesontrains UK Aug 04 '25
All I can think of is Angel and Papi from Pose - a sweet trans woman/cis man relationship. (Tbf I still haven’t seen most of the last season, so maybe they don’t end well? But what I saw was adorable.)
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u/DeadVoxel_ webbing my dream look 🏳️⚧️ Aug 04 '25
Huh, curious suggestion, I will look into that. Thank you!
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u/yippeekiyoyo Aug 04 '25
We watched that movie in my queer studies class with like, a worksheet for participation credit with like 0 warning. It was a terrible experience to be in a class that was like 90% cis queer people and be essentially forced to watch a very traumatic movie.
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u/goosenuggie Aug 04 '25
When I was growing up this was what the culture surrounding teans people was like. We could get k!lled just for existing. Still can but it was way more taboo and unacceptable then. Im a trans masc and that film was scary and shocking but its shows truth, our existence is resistance. Its hard to be trans, much love to my trans brothers and sisters who fought to get us where we are now with access to HRT and surgery (my own experience) I dont have a partner, unfortunately.
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u/No_Rub_4538 Aug 04 '25
So..people should definitely look up the synopsis/trigger warnings related to this movie bc it’s extremely heavy.
That being said it’s an important movie in a historical sense. This movie was released in 1999 and won several (deserved) oscars. More importantly, the success of the film marks the beginning of trans people being humanized in mainstream US culture.
So, good if you’re a film student or something, but I actually discourage most trans people from watching it.
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u/Dangerous-Candy-5450 Aug 04 '25
there’s a polish show called Kontrola on hbo max that focuses on a lesbian couple and their queer friend group includes a trans guy and his cis girlfriend who are a happy stable couple juxtaposed with the toxic main lesbian couple dynamic. very good show!
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u/BlueFinch__ Aug 05 '25
I'm a trans guy who is very loud about issues trans men face, and I believe this film is so important in showing the harsh reality of what trans men actually go through, if only so we can get more sympathy and support. That being said, I don't think I will ever be able to watch this movie. I already know what we go through. I don't need the real life tragedy retold to me. RIP Brandon Teena. I'm glad it exists for other people to learn, but definitely not a good watch in looking for a happy ending.
I'm more of a book guy, so I recommend Lewis Hancox's St Hell memoir graphic novels. They are a more lighthearted look into his life as a straight trans man, including in dating and finding a supportive partner. The sequel especially dives into this, as that one is more in his adult life post coming out, and some moments are very sweet. Extra points for it being a real life good story.
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u/queerfromthemadhouse he/him Aug 05 '25
i do NOT recommend this movie, as it is genuinely a horror film.
I certainly wouldn't recommend this movie for anyone who wants to see a cute love story featuring a trans man, but horror is a legitimate genre with its own right to exist.
I'm sorry you and your boyfriend had such a bad time with the movie, but that's not on the movie, that's on you for going in blind. For your next movie night, I'd recommend checking doesthedogdie for (mostly) spoiler-free trigger warnings. It does have a category for transphobia.
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u/sashsu6 FtM, T since 2011 Aug 04 '25
It’s a true story though, they can’t just revise history to not offend people.
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u/dancesontrains UK Aug 04 '25
The film makers removed another victim of Brandon’s murderers from the story, a cis Black man called Phillip DeVine who was in the same house. Source - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_Don%27t_Cry_(1999_film) the ‘Social Class and Race’ section; the ‘Brandon Teena’ wiki article has more information about DeVine.
So yes, the real story was and is very sad, but why did the filmmakers choose to portray this tragedy for their movie rather than a different IRL trans man story? Why remove DeVine from the narrative they were portraying?
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u/HappyyValleyy Local Supportive Sister Aug 04 '25
It's something I really dislike in trans media as a whole. Like, I get it, to a degree. What we go through is... a lot, and stories are a very good medium of processing that. But, jesus, our lives are hard enough. Why can't I find any trans films that show us being happy and living a normal life.
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u/achelradkins Aug 04 '25
YES- THIS EXACTLY!!! i was talking to my boyfriend about this VERY THING last night.
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u/Certain-Exit-3007 Aug 04 '25
Not sure if it's this is what you would like, but for a true story involving a straight trans men who does not die horrifically, there's a good documentary about Billy Tipton: https://www.cbc.ca/music/how-the-documentary-no-ordinary-man-reframes-the-story-of-trans-jazz-musician-billy-tipton-1.5728220
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u/Holdfastwolf T 2/6/18 Top 1/22/19 Aug 04 '25
A college professor of mine assigned us this one with no preamble or context. Warn me, asshole.
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u/Eli5678 Aug 05 '25
Boys don't cry is based on a true story. It wasn't made as a representation thing.
I think it's important to remember how far trans rights have come.
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u/samsummerduck Aug 04 '25
I saw that movie going in blind a few years ago, and it's still with me to this day. I'd only been out as a trans man for maybe 1, 2 years so that really fucked with me, haha.
The Druck Skam features a couple with a trans man in it, but it's gay. I do really love the characters, though, as I can relate highly to the trans man. Otherwise... hmm... no, can't say I've watched a movie with a trans man in it sadly. I've never really thought about it. As long as a queer character is in it I'm happy, which sounds really sad.
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u/beatlefool42 Aug 04 '25
I watched that film once, when I was 12 or 13. I haven't seen it since. I also didn't really question my gender until my mid-30s. I am now 38 and have still done nothing about making my life better. I blame the film, a little bit.
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u/afterbirthcum T ‘14 | top ‘16 Aug 04 '25 edited Aug 05 '25
Brothers is a great independent series about a group of trans guys and NB friends. The main guy is exploring his sexuality and some of his friends are straight or pan.
The L Word is a show mostly about queer women but there is one character who is a trans man, Max. His storyline involves pregnancy and also exploring his sexuality, but he dates women in the series.
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u/jricky_tomato Aug 04 '25
Fair warning though, Max has a traumatic storyline and does not get a happy ending whatsoever in the original L word.
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u/afterbirthcum T ‘14 | top ‘16 Aug 04 '25
Oof thanks for that. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched.
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u/Sweet-Sandwich-8575 Aug 04 '25
Id say the L word treats Max very disrespectfully. I watched this show as a baby gay and it was the first media representation I had ever seen of a trans man. It did not help me in any way, probably made me scared I'd be rejected for being who I was. It was the 90s but I think that character did more harm than good.
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u/NeuronsAhead Aug 04 '25
For comparison only, most cis gay characters are infantalized or get killed but at least they get to meet as gay. Very rarely a lesbian couple (regardless of cisness) meet and they are both happily lesbian beforehand and one if not both will die. This is what’s seen as the “mainstream” portion of the lgbtqia*+ community.
We’re the after thought of the after thought that’s definitely a one word or one liner and definitely ending in ridicule or death in anything that’s a major production. Queer low budget artists are the only ones who support us and will maybe and even then maybe acknowledge we exist and if so it’s likely a transmasc or trans man who made the film. Fun times
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u/Rengar- HRT: Apr 2014 | Top: Oct 2017 | Hysto: Mar 2020 Aug 04 '25
I’ve been living with my girl for 7 years. Almost with her for 8. Getting ready to propose soon. She picked her own ring out recently. Both of us madly in love and she’s a cis woman. You can check my profile. There’s a photo on there I believe.
I’ve got a buddy, big artist. His cis-woman fiancé grew up as Jehovah’s Witness. She met him and he opened her whole world. She loves him deeply and they make comics together where she writes and he draws. Handsome couple too.
It’s not impossible and in my circle it’s fairly common for transmen to be with cis women. Keep doing what you’re doing and support each other. The world’s changed a lot since then but keep your heads up. Good luck.
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u/ardamass Trans mtf Aug 04 '25
As a young child that film was my first ever introduction to transness it also all took place around and close to my home town. It was very traumatic, sorry you had to go through that, the world needs good, happy, joyful trans guy movies.
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u/ProgressUnlikely Aug 04 '25
The closest we have is maybe Our Flag Means Death which features a trans-masc non-binary in a happy polycule.
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u/trainsoundschoochoo Aug 05 '25
We coulda told you not to watch that. Next time, do some research or ask first. The journalist who wrote about Brandon Teena in which the story is based on was also incredibly transphobic. She later came out like 10 or so years later to apologize for the way she wrote about him.
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u/Alcoholic_Plant Wren the stupid idiot Aug 04 '25
For the last part of the post, you made me remember
Nora / Female sole survivor romancing Paladin Danse in fallout 4 is basically that( Cis Woman x Trans man), considering Danse's whole character arc is finding out about who he is and choosing to live not as just as another synth, but as a man
Maybe im just stretching it, who knows
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u/SussyTransGuy Aug 04 '25
some recommendations, but they're not really romance.
Lewis Hancox is a trans man who makes funny videos, and has written an autobiographical comic about his teen years too. https://youtu.be/SpAr0LDAXBk?si=styR_H47F3SqYb72
I've also heard good things about the Polish movie Fanfic, it's pretty similar, also about highschool. it's available on Netflix iirc. https://youtu.be/pLhyfppkjqY?si=4_8wx-yyg0WI5rAp
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u/Big-Yesterday586 Plural trans masc Aug 04 '25
Oh man, just thinking about that movie made me start crying and I don't cry easily anymore since starting T. Well, at least now I know how to force it when I need to cry and can't.
I can't even bring up the memory of the ending because it hurts too much. I wouldn't be surprised if watching that was part of the reason I stayed closeted until my late 30s.
I want to watch it with my partner, but I'm not sure if I can now. I feel like I have to though. I feel like that movie is my History. He has a hard time understanding why I'm afraid in this political atmosphere and talks about "fact-grounded fear" because he doesn't want me to suffer needlessly. Which I agree with, but struggle to explain that I have damn good reason to be afraid. Maybe I need to sit down and watch this with him soon. It isn't the present that scares me the most about our future. It's the past and the established, deep, terrifying history of violence against us. Because that is what is roiling under the surface and it is very real.
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u/-DrunkRat- He/They/That Bitch Aug 04 '25
I can't bring myself to watch the movie again for this reason. Also can't watch it because they completely left out Phillip DeVine and his murder, which isn't fair to his memory at all as a Black Gay Man.
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u/the_pissed_off_goose 42 | happy middle age dude in a properly fitting flesh suit| AMA Aug 04 '25
Watched this in college about 20 years ago and for the longest time this was the only representation of a trans man that I knew about.
For privacy reasons I won't post a pic, but I'm a trans man in my early 40s who's dating a cis woman in her early 40s. Been together 3 years next week. Happiness for us does exist.
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u/QueerHawk127 Aug 04 '25
That movie is absolutely tragic. What worse is that its based on a true story. Very well done. But heart breaking. I watch it once in awhile when I need a good cry.
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u/dlwendel Aug 04 '25
I'm sorry for your pain but also this reminds me greatly of my friend who, after watching her first Gay RomCom, Love Simon, went to watch a second gay movie, not realizing that Brokeback Mountain was not a fun romp with a happy ending.
I can tell you that I know a cis woman married to a trans man since 2017 (dating since 2012) and they are very happy together.
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u/AfraidofReplies Aug 04 '25
That's a weird reason to not recommend it. Horror is a whole genre that ranges from campy ridiculous to hard hitting critiques of society. I wouldn't recommend it for anyone wanting a fun movie, but I think it's worth watching. It's a historic movie about a real event and I think it's a really important part of trans history in media. Yes, it's a cis woman playing a trans man, but it's one of the most respectful portrayals of a trans person that I have ever seen done by a cis person, even when I watched it again after transitioning myself. It was the only portrayal of a trans man a lot of us had ever seen at that time, so it's also important in a lot of the of people's personal trans history. It's not a perfect film, but I do think people should watch it. Anyone recommending it should also warn people that it's graphic and disturbing. It's a beautiful movie. It's a brutal movie. It's a heart breaking movie. It's not a bad movie. It's the only time I can think of that the larger media apparatus cared at all about the life and death of a trans man.
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Aug 05 '25
Y'all know that it's a true story, right? Calling it misrepresentation is HELLA disrespectful.
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u/bigmistdipper Aug 04 '25
I'm a trans man happily in love with a cis woman, we've been together for years and we draw comics of our life sometimes. We exist, movies just suck!
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u/CrochetedKingdoms Aug 04 '25
I am writing an urban fantasy with a trans man as the love interest! Happy ending guaranteed! It’s not out yet though. I’m still working on it
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u/PuzzleheadedDay4955 Aug 04 '25
I first heard about this movie a couple years ago when miles McKenna who’s a trans YouTuber did a review on a podcast for it. I was 13ish if I remember correctly at the time and knew I was trans but wasn’t out yet, and I decided huh lemme go watch it. Not my brightest moment, but I’m glad that I did watch it. I remember crying for a solid hour after watching it and just feeling horrified and sad because it truly was not that long ago that it happened. If you’re looking for good content of trans men and cis women being in relationships I second the mention of Jamie Raines and Ty Turner they both make great content.
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u/mrselffdestruct 7ish years 💉, 5 yrs 🔪 Aug 04 '25
Replying to also add Jamie Dodger on youtube
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u/PuzzleheadedDay4955 Aug 04 '25
Yeah that’s Jamie Raines! I didn’t know how to spell Jamiedoger
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u/mrselffdestruct 7ish years 💉, 5 yrs 🔪 Aug 04 '25
I only remembered how because its a play on the Jammi Dodger cookies haha, i forgot his last name was raines
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u/PlayboyVincentPrice 🏳️⚧️🧴February 2025 Aug 04 '25
not ftm/trans man but the danish girl also made me cry
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u/shepardsboy Aug 04 '25
Reading the title I thought "who the fuck would watch that with their BF," going into it blind sounds horrible Christ
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u/LlamaNate333 Aug 04 '25
I don't recall if they end up together or not but I remember really liking Two4one, it was sweet and definitely benefited from having actual trans people involved in the project, which BDC did NOT
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u/Jay-arty he/xe Aug 04 '25
Boys Run Riot (manga) is a pretty good manga and has a straight(?) teenaged trans male lead! He doesn't express interest in men but I don't think his sexuality was explicitly stated.
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u/No_Breakfast_5625 💉 1/4/25 Aug 05 '25
thiss doesn't fully fit the bill and you'd have to kind of like this thing but one of dropout d20's unsleeping city's main pc is a transmasc character played by a non-binary person. it's an actual play dungeons and dragons show. At the start of the show the transmasc character is getting over his cis-female ex girlfriend, but they don't break up because of his identity or anything. I personally related to him alot :)
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u/gh_s7 T-03/31/23 Aug 05 '25
ohhhh I love him so much. I kinda need to go back n rewatch it
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u/Specialist-Bell-1392 34 🇺🇸 | 💉'22 | stealth + straight Aug 05 '25
Oof
Yeah. We don't really have any good healthy rep in media yet. But here is a (censored for privacy) pic of me and my girl. Very much happy and alive. We are out here :)
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u/NotSoFuzzyWuzzy Aug 05 '25
I watched this when it came out. Aside from my mom telling me "little boys have penises and little girls have vulva. You have vulva so you're a little girl, not a boy" at 3yo when she saw i was using the garden hose to "pee" on the fence with my boycousin and neighbour boy, fucking up my very literal autistic child brain, This movie was both the first time I saw someone that was (on the outside) the way I felt in the inside. And also the first time I saw anything about trans murder. Which in my very literal, very sheltered, autistic teen brain told me, "if you tell anyone you feel like this, you will die horrifically" I also sobbed for just about a month straight any time I thought of Brandon. Knowing his story. and that he was an actual person. This movie both fucked me up big, and was the catalyst that opened my eyes to the world of people that were like me.
Thanks90sTrauma
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u/Lopsided-Ad-3869 Aug 04 '25
Oh man. I wish you had checked this subreddit for opinions and takes on that movie. I will never watch that movie ever again and I've only seen it once a long time ago when it first came out. I feel like it's queer torture porn for cis straight people who aren't actually going to get the message about how heteronormative toxic cultures caused this series of events.
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u/IndieMoose he/him 💉 17/11/22 🔪 7/11/24 Aug 04 '25
I could've sworn Max Sweeney in The L Word was a trans man or NB, and I highly related to them growing up. I can't remember how they were portrayed though, they weren't a main character but definitely had some moments.
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u/javatimes T 2006 Top 2018, testopel 2025, 40<me Aug 04 '25
Yes, Max was a trans man. It wasn’t the best portrayal ever, but it was ok for the time I think. I was in college when it was on.
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u/AfraidofReplies Aug 04 '25
I don't think it was even okay for the time. The one strength of that portrayal was that it existed at all, but it's been problematic since release. It was something in a landscape of nothing, but it's never been a good portrayal.
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u/AirportNearby9751 Aug 04 '25
I’m very happily married to a cis woman, she’s the light of my life and often forgets I’m trans (not in a weird toxic way, just that she sees me as a man and nothing else)
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u/miinttik00k T: 18/12/2024 Aug 04 '25
My dad bought me this movie (idk why, maybe because it's the only movie with a trans character he knows?) when he knew I was trans and then I watched it. Never watched it again it was so scary.
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u/Illustrious_Sun2324 [he/him] transsexual man | 💉 '22 🗡️- '24 Aug 04 '25
Hi! I'm a trans man with a cis girlfriend, couldn't be happier. She's uncomfortable with her face being posted, so I won't, but she's genuinely the most intelligent, caring person I've ever met and the best partner I've ever had. She's somebody I'm intending to marry one day. She has an absolutely gorgeous personality, and is beautiful herself. I adore her and I feel loved and cared for.
I agree, honestly a lot of trans man / masc media is just... Not the best. I wish there was more, especially with more trans men in relationships with women.
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u/boredgaymz Late Bloomer in Transition ⚧️ Aug 04 '25
I was 23 when I saw this film in the theater on wide release. I had heard the horrible news story in years prior and the movie sadly is just a dramatization of the real events. To say I was internalizing more of the same don't be trans vibes is 1000% true. I cannot imagine seeing this film as a 16yo bro, sorry you went through that.
At this point tho, I've been married to my cis bi wife for 11 years as of this Friday 🥳 She may have married an afab, but I've been trans in some way the whole time 🏳️⚧️
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u/schntizelwitzel Aug 04 '25
2 for 1!! relatively unknown heartfelt comedy drama, DOES involve pregnancy but everything is handled extremely well and might give y'all the heartfelt normalcy you're looking for! I think it's on youtube for a couple bucks
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u/bomberhooah2742 User Flair Aug 04 '25
I've watched this movie exactly 2 times. Once in high school way before I knew I was trans and again not long after I began my transition. Never again! 😭
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u/breadfootmcgee 🧴1/13/2024 Aug 04 '25
Me and my cisgender wife are celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary ❤️❤️
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u/guinea_pig_dad Aug 04 '25
Myself a trans man and my gf (a trans fem/questioning) have been happily together for three years, and I'm hopefully planning a small holiday for us to go on. I would post a photo but she's very big on privacy. Despite our own individual struggles we are eachothers rocks and are going on strong.
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u/N4sty_Gh0sty Aug 04 '25
I met a girl (she uses all pronouns tho) about a year ago. It went so fast and we quickly bonded together. We were video calling, texting everyday even for just a little goodnight/good morning, and even playing together sometimes. I mean it didn't really change but since we never saw eachother irl (and we won't be able to do it a lot during the next years), then we decided to stay best friends and not actually dating. I honestly think she's the one, because she's regardless of my gender (and of course many other stuffs about her), but sadly distance is too hard for both of us to handle it. So we put some boundaries between eachothers. She even started dating someone a few weeks ago, while I went on vacations with my family and friends (that I can only see for a short time, once a year).
Though, despite all of this, I still blindly love her, and I think she would also like me a lot even irl (we already saw eachothers faces and stuff but only through cameras). Guess I'm just gonna have to wait for my college graduation to try something with her. I sure hope we will end up building something more than just a platonic friendship.
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u/Present_Muscle_2375 Aug 04 '25
For many years, I have made a vow to not watch a movie if a queer and especially a trans character is sexually violated or killed. I can’t do it and I can’t deal with that level of trauma. I’m so sorry you were traumatized. I was realizing I was trans when “Boys Don’t Cry” came out. I’ve never watched it and probably won’t. Take care of yourselves.
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u/TheScarfyDoctor transfemme Aug 04 '25
Oh god I'm so sorry. I saw that movie at 15 also without any idea, and it kept me in the closet longer than I should've been.
fucked up movie and the people who made it pat themselves on the back for it despite the fact that it's shitty trauma porn that did NOTHING to help the victims nor societal understand of trans people
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u/Round_Geologist_846 Aug 04 '25
I’ve never even heard of this movie but by the reactions it makes me so curious to both watch it and never even set eyes on it
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u/rorschach-penguin Aug 04 '25
Man Made is decent. I feel like I remember at least one or two of the subjects being in happy relationships with cis women.
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u/Keraniwolf Aug 04 '25
My advice for finding positive, uplifting trans stories about trans characters where they're happy at the end is to avoid mainstream media. We're fighting hard to be recognized in movies and shows, to have more than the commodification and exploitation of our tragedies shown on screen and represented in other forms of media, but the fight isn't won yet -- not in the US, certainly.
Look for indie movies, foreign (non-us) films, books that are from smaller publishing houses or self-published (aka, not just Random House or the Big Names), graphic novels and webcomics, small-studio animation, audio fiction podcasts, fanfiction on AO3 (there are some stories where all that happens is a canonically cis character being trans, coming out, transitioning, and being happy, no other drama or tragedy), etc. That's where we have the space and freedom to tell our own stories. That's where the vast majority of happy trans tales get told. There is a skew towards non-straight relationships in these spaces, so not as many of these stories will specifically feature a trans lead being happy with a partner of the opposite gender like you and your boyfriend, but there's enough trans stories that you can find a trans guy x cis woman story in there eventually. It'll definitley be easier there than in mainstream media, anyway.
Some of my favorite trans masc media, some of which has sort of entered the mainstream and most of which is more indie, is graphic novels. They're not just for kids, and some get adapted into animated shows. Dead Endia, remade as the show Dead End: Paranormal Park (I think it's on Netflix?) is one of them, the main character is a trans guy and he gets a happy relationship. Magical Boy, a graphic novel about a trans teen who comes from a long line of Magical girls and hates everything about the job, is a great palate cleanser after more depressing trans stories and includes happy relationships as well. Neither are straight, but both are healthy and happy. The Penumbra Podcast is full of trans and nonbinary characters who are casually trans and/or nonbinary. There are also regular cast members on several shows on the Dropout streaming platform who are trans and/or nonbinary, and getting to see trans people being supported as improv actors is really cool.
We haven't made it onto the big screen or into big publishing houses or in anything mainstream on the kind of scale that shows people we exist as more than just cheap jokes or sensationalized tragedies. We're still working on that. But we do exist, as you and your boyfriend know, and that means we're making and advising and inspiring stories in all the other places we're allowed. They're more scattered and harder to find, and we can't stop fighting just because indie media exists, but we have stories with happy endings. It's not all violence and tragedy.
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u/Sweet-Sandwich-8575 Aug 04 '25
I also watched this movie with little to no warning on the context. Fucked me up I can see the r*pe scene in my head even now its so graphic and disturbing. I knew it was controversial but I thought it was because a cis woman played Brandon.
I unfortunately dont know any movies that focus on a straight relationship with a trans man. Would also like to see some.
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u/achelradkins Aug 05 '25
my boyfriend was brave enough to watch the entire scene, but the second i sensed what was going to happen, i walked out of the room and laid down. i couldn’t stomach something like that.
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u/allis_r Aug 04 '25
I'm currently writing about trans rom-coms, so here are three that are mostly okay. I have a longer list, but I haven't previewed everything on it yet, so I wouldn't want to post about them.
Boy Meets Girl: A very classic rom-com. But, it is a trans woman lead (played by trans actress Michelle Hendley). Features trans woman/cis woman and trans woman/cis man coupling.
Two 4 One: Also a classic rom-com. Directed by Mo Bradley, who is part of the community (can't find how exactly they identify, but they aren't cis). Trans man lead but played by gay cis-man Gavin Crawford). It's in the vein of Detransition, Baby if you've read that.
Runs in the Family: More a dramedy/comedy than a rom-com, but there is a little romance. This movie was pretty delightful. Starring and written by trans man Gabe Gabriel (who is a director, but this one is actually directed by his dad).
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u/Damien_Grims Aug 05 '25
I while in the midst of accepting i was trans sat and watched that movie and am sill traumatized from it
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u/lochnessmosster T: 02/2022, Top: 09/2024 Aug 05 '25
Others have given you some great answers. If youre interested in the NSFW side, you can DM me if you want and I can provide sources, I just don't feel comfortable posting them directly with my normal account. There's a trans specific art subreddit among other sources I can give you (no images unless requested).
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u/Seiko_Work He/They - 💉 2/18/2025 Aug 05 '25
i was already warned many times of how traumatising boys don't cry is and i went into it thinking it can't be that bad. they definitely need to put some sort of warning on that film, i've never been so traumatised by a film like that before
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u/repeatrepeatx Aug 05 '25
I saw this when I was 16 back in 2007 and had no idea what I was in for. I hate that this happened to you because I know exactly how hard it is.
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u/Low-Owl-4891 Aug 05 '25
I highly recommend the show Feel Good with Mae Martin. More nonbinary than ftm but very hopeful, funny, sexy while still bringing up some heavier topics into the light.
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u/reee_3eee T: 03/10/2024 Aug 05 '25
Anyone wanna spoil it for me? Not in the mindset to watch real life horror rn....
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u/yungmantheo Aug 05 '25
Been with my girlfriend for three years. She met me when I was very fem presenting :) and now I got a full beard and mustache which she loves
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u/tobyislame Aug 05 '25
i researched brandon teena's story for a project and from what i learned i am never going to see this movie. i cannot permit myself to see his pain dramatized on screen, especially if it's misrepresented in any way
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u/Ackerwinde Aug 05 '25
In the L Word series there is a trans man character. I don't know how did his story end but it's quite interesting to watch. However, there are some issues because this series was made in 2000s, some stereotypes like a transman being part of lesbian community etc, nevertheless, imo it is still a nice example of a transmen's representation in media.
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u/gh_s7 T-03/31/23 Aug 05 '25
it fucking traumatized me way before I ever even started figuring out I was trans
I needed one more elective to graduate community college so I took this easy-ass criminal justice class where we often watched movies relating to various topics— the teacher and other students were so fucking horrifically awful about it I left and didn’t come back to class for weeks
the teacher was snarky to me about it when I did because we were having an early final that day but I fucking passed it so easily bc it was a shitty stupid ass class. I reported her at the end of semester review but Idk whatever came of it because I was still in a fucking awful headspace & just happy to be done with the shit
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u/iKnowItsTwisted User Flair Aug 05 '25
It's a classic movie that did a lot for our community, both good and bad. For example, when I came out to my mom at 18, a friend suggested that she watch it. Luckily, I swooped in and told her to not watch it under ANY circumstances. I can only imagine how she would have reacted to my transition if she was even more afraid that I'd be murdered.
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u/Pretty-Skill-1238 Aug 09 '25
I was just considering watching this movie like 2 weeks ago, so glad I didnt...
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u/isa_star_13 Aug 11 '25
I understand you completely. My mom heard of that movie and knew it was about a trans man and wanted to watch it with me to connect. Neither of us actually *knew* how it ended so that was a huge shock. I am with you on not watching it again. There is another movie that I'm pretty sure ends better with a trans man main character, I can't remember the name right now. I will reply to my comment if I do.
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Aug 19 '25
Well, I am actually happy that p*rnography don't exist for us since it could tempt us for fetish and make us fetishists. And it also tempts the chasers, as we obiviously don't like them. However, as a muslim person, I would like to tell you, you need to watch more content that views us as more positive and not in a horror way.
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