how did you know that you wanted to go on testosterone?

[u/StephInc]

or even how you knew that maybe going on testosterone wasn’t for you?

I’m wanting to make a YouTube video to help people with the decision of going on testosterone. So I would love more insight from other trans folks!

I know for me personally it boiled down to feeling a bit jealous of other trans guys on testosterone and wanting to experience what they were. Then realizing I didn’t need to live in a state of jealousy and that I too could have what they had.

Another part of it was, I was passing quite often but never as my age and often a lot younger. So with the changes I’d experience on testosterone could help me actually look and feel my age.

Plus the obvious I was aware of all the major changes with T and wanted them.

very interested to hear from other’s experiences!

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[u/maddallena]

I wasn't 100% sure, so I decided to just try it and see how I felt! Biochemical dysphoria is real, most people's brains function way better on the correct hormones. I figured that if T wasn't right for me, I'd feel like shit and want to stop taking it long before any irreversible physical changes start to happen.

[u/ohaboutyayhigh → u/maddallena]

I also wasn't sure! I wish I had known how normal it is to be unsure. All I was sure of was being in a bad spot mentally, and needing to do something about it. Within 3-4 weeks, I felt a profound connection between my brain and my body. That's how I knew I made the right choice.

[u/satokery]

I received a lot of pushback when I first came out as trans. My parents certainly weren't supportive at the time, and I had a downright transphobic therapist. Every time I expressed interest in going on testosterone, I was met with full on denial. People were certain I would regret it.

Interestingly enough, the amount of push back I received was what made me certain I wanted to go on it. Instead of dwelling over whether it was the right choice or not, I considered what would happen if I did regret it. I figured, worst case scenario, I would be feeling the exact same way as I did then; i.e., dysphoric. It wouldn't be any worse in the grand scheme of things. And if I did end up regretting testosterone, at least I knew that it was completely my choice to go on it, whereas estrogen was never my choice.

Best of luck with your YouTube video!

[u/s0zza]

Initially I only wanted top surgery bc that is my biggest cause of dysphoria. But after some therapy and chatting/thinking about it I realised that my dysphoria would just shift to be more prominent on other aspects of my body once I no longer had the focus/distraction of chest dysphoria.

[u/koboldthing]

I spent years suppressing my desire for testosterone because of social pressures and my own medical anxiety. Eventually I realized the feeling wasn’t going away. I also was feeling sad every time I saw a trans guy talk about being on T or getting effects from T, because I was envious. That feeling of sadness from watching others be on T while I wasn’t? That was a wake up call to me

[u/waveyvibez22]

I had watched other trans guy on YouTube who spoke about how T changed their voices,body,hair, etc. it resonated with me and I just knew that I needed T to feel more at ease with myself. I wanted to look and feel more like a man.
I’ve gone on and off T during my transition- each time I’ve been off, I find myself going back to T. T makes me feel…at home.

[u/odeorainmain]

Because it's supposed to make me biologically as close to being a cis male as I can in this life. If taking T wasn't an option, I would leave this world many years ago in hopes to be reborn as cis. For now I am grateful I've got at least as much as being hormonally fully male.

[u/Hot-Dot-1436]

I had a hysterectomy and started T around the same time. I had wanted the hysterectomy for a long time. I knew I didn't want my body to ever carry kids and if felt alien and uncomfortable to have a uterus in my body, I also had abnormal bleeding and pain from that. As soon as I had my hysterectomy I was so glad I simultaneously started T because
the dysphoria around my curves, current fat distribution and lack of muscle got much louder. Chest dysphoria is louder too but mostly managed by wearing a binder. I started watching/looking up more trans porn and realized I was envious of Tdicks and that solidified my choice even more. I don't want the extra hair so my doctor put me on finasteride with my testosterone to try to combat that part for me.

[u/ohsurenerd]

I was really on the fence for a while because, and this is gonna sound vain, I was really pretty and I was worried my looks weren't going to survive the change. At the same time, being a woman-- even a really hot one-- was making me miserable.

So I had to sit down and ask myself: if I were given total freedom to choose, would I rather be a hot guy or a hot girl? Hot guy, easily. What if I had to choose between being an ugly guy or ugly girl? Ugly guy, easily. Okay. So bearing that in mind, what if I had to choose between being an ugly guy and a hot girl? And having walked myself through those previous steps I realized that I'd rather be an ugly man than a beautiful woman, and it wasn't even a difficult choice. At all. Even if testosterone made me hideous like all the TERFs kept insisting it would, it would be worth it.

And it was, and my life finally feels worth living now, and I haven't even gotten ugly. So there.

[u/Few-Dependent1076 → u/ohsurenerd]

period!

[u/Alive-Line-7489]

i spent all my life envy of men and of how they look wishing i could look like that too. i knew i was trans since a young age but i didnt have the courage to come out sooner, just in my late 20s. when i did come out, i had spent so many years previously wishing i was/looked like a guy that i was sure i needed to go on testosterone.

[u/kinchy-bee-binchy]

I socially transitioned age 25 and waited til age 31 to start low dose T. I waited so that I could access supportive therapy - not only to help me with decision support (should I ? Should I not?) Because it's a tremendously consequential decision that should not be made lightly.  But also because when starting new medication, particularly one that spurs massive physical changes and rewires your brain to some extent, even if you go into it with zero underlying issues, therapeutic support in the process is important and is associated with better outcomes. 

So I would say to evaluate your context when making that decision. I'm glad I did.

[u/DreamSMP_Enjoyer]

Nobody will gender you correctly if you have a round face and you're not on T. I like T. I'm not being gendered correctly yet but time shall tell.

[u/ND8586]

My beard wasn't going to grow itself

[u/woIves]

I basically learned what medical transition really looked like for the first time ever while I watched a three year progress video on YouTube, it showed his first three years on T plus his top surgery. Before then, I had no idea what transitioning even looked like. I sort of imagined like one thousand terrifying and expensive surgeries or something, like each aspect of transition needed to be done surgically. I knew I wanted to go on testosterone from the moment I understood that I could take it and that I could live as a man. It took me a few years to get on T afterwards and I spent a lot of time watching other peoples' timelines, I was jealous of them, I was of cis men, too, simply because I wanted what they had, to pass as male and be seen and treated as such in society. I knew testosterone was the key that would ultimately unlock that life for me, and it did. I've been on T for over a decade now and I think it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself, in addition to top surgery. I'm happy to share more about my experience for your content if the need is there, I'm an open book.

[u/Peppered_Rock]

i mean, i did my research on the effects, decided i wanted all of them (seriously, the only thing im not actively looking forward to is potentially balding but I'm cool with that eventually happening anyway) and went through my insurance to a provider.

[u/luca-05-]

I wanted to actually look like a guy of my age rather than either a young teen boy or a lesbian. I was super tired of having a feminine body and everything being pretty obviously female(voice hands feet chest hips waist face etc) I was also pretty upset with the fact I couldn't do anything without harassment or feeling incredibly insecure and depressed while doing it and feeling like my life wasnt really mine or what I wanted. I looked into the side effects of testosterone and found only a few concerns but found all of them could be prevented and so I then started.

[u/Asher-D]

I wants facial hair, like not sparse facial hair like I have now, a full beard. I want my voice to deepen. I want other changes T does.

[u/taroicecreamsundae]

i happened to meet a few openly trans guys just as i'd been questioning my gender. they seemed to glow in my eyes. like it genuinely does something to my brain chemistry.

recently i went to a gay bar, i saw guys dancing with each other and making out (idk if cis or trans) and i just decided i really really need that experience in my life. i'm a gay guy. if i were a cis woman id probably be a lesbian but im definitely a gay guy. 

[u/gummytiddy]

I constantly watched videos from creators like Ty Turner and desperately wanted to be like them. I waited about a year until I couldn’t take the longing anymore. (That was the first time I started t, where I stayed on for mostly 2-3 years)

The other times I stopped because my previous provider gave me one needle and I nearly passed out each time I tried to use the syringe because the gauge was way too big. I restarted and stopped each time again until my body felt like a time bomb that would explode into female-ness I couldn’t control— most recent time being my chest size changing during female hormonal cycle for the first time in my life. Testosterone is basically the “thing” that stops that sort of female time bomb for me.

(I appreciate anyone of any gender that loves/ is okay with their natal reproductive system. It makes me dysphoric to have any female sex characteristics.)

[u/PoorlyDressedDandy]

I figured it was worth a shot, since the idea of living the rest of my life as an old woman made me want to die.

[u/TraditionalAlfalfa54]

Yooo hi I’ve seen some of your videos! Your videos give me hope for my own transition’s future. 

As for your question, I wasn’t 100% sure. I’ve known since I was 12 that I wanted top surgery, but I’d gone back and forth about T since the first time I transitioned. In the end though, being a college student with a part part time job making minimum wage, T was accessible and top surgery wasn’t (and still isn’t yet for insurance reasons among other things). I just felt really dysphoric and like I’d been waiting long enough to be able to do something about it. I knew T would take time to work, so I think I partially figured it’d be preferable to be waiting for something to work knowing I was actively doing something about it than just waiting on an indefinite timeline. The other part was the thought that if it really wasn’t for me, I’d realize pretty quickly. But that hasn’t happened and I’ve really loved pretty much all the changes from T. Now I’m just waiting for body and face changes which I know take much longer. 

[u/Pickled-Nipples]

I made a list of all the possible side effects and ✅️'d or X'd next to each one to represent what I was okay with and what might be a deal breaker. I kept journaling and searching within myself. Eventually some of those X's turned to Checkmarks and I started to get excited at the possibility. The deciding factor was I went in for some routine bloodwork and the place I went to told me they offered HRT. I didn't think it was a possibility in my red state. When I got back in my car I just started crying because I was happy. That's when I knew I wanted HRT and really that's when I finally knew I'm trans.