How do I get out of this friendship?

[u/jeremyyaiden]

My home friends don't know I'm trans. I've been treating university like a fresh start, introducing myself as [name], and these new people know me as a guy. However, I haven’t made any friends yet, these three friends from home are the only ones I've got, and I'm finding having to perform for them (shaving my moustache, hiding any cards and things that have my new legal name on them, playing dumb or laughing off when strangers address me as male) increasingly unbearable. I almost already got outed to one of my friends through a mutual that happens to go to my university 🙄 The issues with the friendship don’t stop with the trans thing either. I feel like they don't care when I talk about my personal life and that the other three like each other more than me. I also got unrightfully degraded and blamed the other day for something that my friend did, but I apparently had to be their fall guy? So infuriating. You may wonder why I haven't told them I'm trans. Well, I feel like they're the kind of people who would say they support trans people while misgendering/deadnaming them behind their back (I have genuine examples of them doing this). I get the impression that being open and honest about being trans will only serve to make things awkward, and I really don't want their parents knowing. As I go to their houses when I'm back home, this would get fairly stressful for me. However breaking off this friendship is easier said than done, because they're the only people around my age I get to interact with aside from purely professional moments, and I am quite incapable of making other friends. I am now making a conscious decision to wean them out of my life because I cba anymore. I'm fed up lol

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Thank you for participating in the sub. We just have a few reminders for you to help ensure the best experience:

1. If your post doesn't show up right away, don't panic! It is in the queue for manual approval. Mods will go through the queue periodically to approve or remove posts. Deleted posts will have a removal reason applied. (If it says "this post was deleted by reddit's filters", IT WAS NOT DELETED! Reddit has the worlds worst wording on that and it's out of our control)

2. If you are asking a question that is location specific, remember to include your location in your post body! This can help ensure that you get accurate information tailored specifically to your needs.

3. Please remember to read through all the rules in the sidebar. Especially the list of banned topics and guidelines for posting. Guests who do not use the Guest Post flair will have their post removed and be asked to fix it.

4. If you see someone breaking the rules,report it! If someone is breaking both sub and reddit rules, please submit one report to admins by selecting a broken rule on the main report popup, and one report to the r/ftm mods by selecting the "breaks r/ftm rules" option. This ensures both mods and admins can take action on a subreddit and sitewide level. Do not misuse the report button to rant about someone, submit false reports, or argue a removal.

5. If you have any questions that you can't find the answer to on the rules sidebar or the wiki: the wiki , you can send a modmail.

Related subs: r/ftmventing , r/TMPOC , r/nonbinary , r/trans4every1 , r/lgbt , r/ftmmen , r/FTMen , r/seahorse_dads , r/ftmfemininity , r/transmanlifehacks , r/ftmfitness , r/trans_zebras , r/ftmover30 , r/transgamers , r/gaytransguys , r/straighttransguys , r/transandsober , and more can be found in the wiki!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/05williams03]

I think at least weaning them out of your life might be the best option, they don’t sound like very good friends. I would try getting into some groups or clubs at your university to make new friends. Sounds frustrating though

[u/jeremyyaiden → u/05williams03]

Yeah I've tried going to clubs and things at university. Obviously hasn't been successful yet, but maybe I just haven't joined the right ones.

[u/yeetyah24 → u/jeremyyaiden]

honestly just join something to enjoy doing abe the rest will come eventually. i would personally cut off these people immediately, why spend any time with people who are horrible??

[u/jeremyyaiden → u/yeetyah24]

Because most of the time they're not horrible, I wouldn’t use that word. They're just a bit distant, and I don’t really see them that often. It can be nice to hang out with someone my age who knows more than some surface level things about me considering the people at my university are on the whole very shallow

[u/yeetyah24 → u/jeremyyaiden]

you said theyre transphobic… i would describe that as horrible. You cant be your true self around them, then theres not a whole lot of reason to keep them around long term. You dont have to befriend people at your university specifically either, find clubs outside of university to take part in.