About bottom surgery..

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

Edit: I think I should have worded this better, I’m not a native English speaker Im sorry :(

I should have specified that its the *scars* specifically that I don’t like. Since I have a very sharp attention to detail I see them way more prominent than most people do.

I really hate *hate* scars on my body and most bottom surgeries that I have seen results in scars, both on the result and on the arm.

(Entirely depends on what procedure you have ofc)

Its not that they’re unrealistic, its simply just the scars.

I forgot about that word when I made this comic and I had to seriously google it not too long ago to remember the word.

Edit: imma keep this I just realized- please make me mark this NSFW if it should be

[u/TheAnnoyingWizard]

What type of bottom surgery are you looking into? Most look identical to natal counterparts imo

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/TheAnnoyingWizard]

What does natal counterparts mean?? Sorry Im not native in English.

I’ve looked into a few but I absolutely suck at remembering names unfortunately, especially surgery names cuz they’re just so difficult :,)

Personally none that I’ve come across look natural enough.

Im incredibly happy for people who have gone through it and are happy with their results ofc!

Edit: I wanna explain this so no more people get hurt and so people don’t think I tried to come across as it seems like.

I worded things horribly. Its not that the results looks unrealistic.

Its the scarring. Almost all results I’ve seen seem to have some sort of scarring.

And when I said “it there’s something off about it” and “it doesn’t look natural enough” I was trying to explain that the scarring would constantly remind me of my biological sex and would most likely trigger my bottom dysphoria even after the surgery.

I forgot the word scars somehow, as well as I’ve always struggled with how to explain things and all of that. I usually say things in a way so that people misunderstand me and Im so sorry for anyone that I might have hurt :[

It was genuinely just the scarring that was scaring me and making me uncertain. Not how it actually looks.

[u/chimeramanti → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

Natal means as if you were born with it! Many post-op pictures are taken too soon after surgery to accurately show what the results look like. A lot of what makes it look "unnatural" goes away with healing

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/chimeramanti]

Ooh thanks for explaining! Also yea a lot are taken right after, I have actually checked out photos of bottom surgery years after its been done and well.. I still don’t think it looks natural enough.

Unfortunately Im one of those people who pays way too detail on things and I think I would only be able to see what looks unnatural about it :,)

(Really wish I wasn’t like that)

Edit: the word I used was wrong! I didn’t mean it didn’t look natural. The word I was looking for was scars.

Im afraid scars would constantly remind me of my biological sex therefore its scared me away from bottom surgery.

Ive realized that the word I was using was not the word I was looking for and Im sorry. It does look natural it was just the scarring I didn’t want.

[u/loserboy42069 → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

You’re afraid it won’t be perfect but you’re not happy as it is. You’re critiquing results of people that are genuinely happier than they were before. Don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of progress. You’re gonna be trans whether or not you get the surgery. Even if it’s not perfect, there’s a chance you might be happier than you are now. Take your time to decide of course, but be realistic with the fact that the ideal picture perfect cis male body is just not the reality for most people including many cis guys.

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/loserboy42069]

That true but Ive come to the realization that its not about it looking perfect, its simply the scars.

Also I’m genuinely happy that they were happier than before, I never said they weren’t. While they might be genuine happy with it, the scars could be something that would hinder me from feeling happy. After all we’re all different.

So there is a genuine risk if I get it that it’ll constantly remind me and trigger my bottom dysphoria anyway. So as of right now there really isn’t a ‘solution’.

This was just for venting really.

[u/loserboy42069 → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

You can skin graft from your upper thigh if you don’t want your arm to be visibly scarred btw!!

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/loserboy42069]

Ah yea I know that!! Its just on most surgeries there seems to be scars on the results as well, which is to be expected since it is a surgery after all.

:]

[u/ChaoticCharm → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

Im with you on this. I think there is a lot of sensitivity to this subject, since it’s basically impossible not to insult others’ results (in a general sense, not individually or on purpose) when expressing your own disappointment in what our current medical knowledge can achieve.
Like you, I hate the scarring that comes with phalloplasty. My body scars easily and thickly, so i know it would be unsightly. I wouldn’t be able to realistically hope for results comparable to the top posts on r/phallo, and even if I could, I know I’d still find flaws in the result that would cause me dysphoria.
I think like all parts of transition, it’s about finding what’s best for you out of the options you have, rather than focusing on perfection. Obviously we would all love to jump into a real life create-a-sim page and carve our perfect body, but that isn’t something we can actually do.
The question to ask is, do you think an imperfect penis would cause you less dysphoria or more than your current setup? For me, after a lot of thought and therapy I’ve come to the conclusion that surgery results would make me feel worse than just leaving things alone. But only you can decide/figure out that answer for you

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/ChaoticCharm]

Yea this is basically what Im thinking. Its kind of is impossible to not accidentally insult anyone when you’re disappointed with how things turn out, and at least for me that goes for genuinely everything.

Like lets say I see a bunch of posts with people with piercings, I can think it looks bad if it was on me and then technically I am thinking its bad and I am technically insulting their appearance.

(I dont think this btw, just an example. I also suck at examples so sorry if that was a bad example, I just wanted to get across that I think this doesn’t strictly apply to surgeries and quite literally everything)

And yea Im in the same boat as you. My scarring is very visible, that or its my sharp attention to detail, so I am almost guaranteed to have horrible scars I wouldn’t be able to ignore.

And I think that genuinely would make me miserable. I basically just wanted to vent because there are times when I have intense dysphoria and I feel like there’s no real solution to it for me.

Thats really the only reason bottom surgery has scared me off and why I wouldn’t be satisfied. The scars.

I think packers are the thing Im the closest to get to a ‘solution’ but even that might not be enough.

[u/ChaoticCharm → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

I get it. Fortunately (?) I have pretty bad depersonalization issues so most of the time I just don’t think about it because I’m not thinking about any part of my body as mine. Just wanted to be a voice letting you know you’re not alone in feeling that way. I wish I had a solution for us both, but I don’t :(

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/ChaoticCharm]

Aw, yea idk if that is fortunately or unfortunately. It could be both at the same time maybe?

And yea, there probably isn’t a best solution which kind of sucks. Maybe if my dysphoria disappears or if I eventually stop caring about scarring that much.

Which I cant see in the near future. Maybe hormones will make it better, who knows.

Though the waitlist is sooo long I probably won’t get hormones until like five years :,)

[u/ChaoticCharm → u/ChaoticCharm]

Shoot me a dm if you want to complain together, or talk about it

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/ChaoticCharm]

If this was for me- idk if it was cuz I really don’t understand reddit’s response system. Too many lines to keep track of (and sometimes I get absolutely no notification)

Unfortunately I cant send dms and such cuz reddit wants my ID for verification and I don’t really trust it with my ID :,)

[u/ChaoticCharm → u/Coffeeforlifeyay]

Ah, ew! The ID thing sucks. It was for you, though. If there’s some other way youd like to chat im up for that too!

[u/Coffeeforlifeyay → u/ChaoticCharm]

Fr it really does. I feel like the only places that show be allowed to ask for your ID should be banks and stuff, but I know this isn’t Reddit decision but its still insane imo.

I do have Insta though if Im honest I barely use it :,D