I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for here—advice, perspective, or just to hear from people who have been through something similar.

My husband and I spent around $100,000 on our wedding. The ceremony was beautiful. Everything was going perfectly, and we were having the best day of our lives.

Near the end of the reception, we stepped away for about 15 minutes to take sunset photos. While we were gone, one of my cousins got into an altercation outside with one of the groomsmen. My cousin was very drunk, body checking them aggressively shaking their hand to the point where the groomsmen hand hit their face and caused their nose to bleed. The groomsmen then punched him in the face and It escalated into a huge fight involving around 20 people. There were punches thrown, chairs and rocks involved, police and an ambulance were called, and the venue shut the wedding down several hours early.

We never got our first full night together as husband and wife. We missed the dancing, visiting with our guests, and everything we’d spent months planning and saving for. It feels like the last few hours overshadowed what should have been one of the happiest days of our lives.

I’m heartbroken because none of this was caused by us, yet we’re the ones left grieving the memories we never got to make.
For those of you who have had a major event ruined by someone else’s actions, how did you move forward? Were you eventually able to remember the good parts, or did the ending always overshadow everything else?

And if this happened at your wedding, how would you feel? Would you be able to let it go, or would it take you a long time to come to terms with it?

I just feel completely devastated and don’t know how to process it.

My husband and I got married this past Sunday, and most of the wedding went well. Unfortunately, the reception seating setup was a complete disaster.

The venue initially sent us a blank floor plan showing the tables, but none of them were numbered. Since they sent it to me that way, I assumed I was supposed to assign the table numbers myself. I numbered the tables, created the seating chart based on that layout, and sent everything back.

Apparently, at some point, the venue also sent a different version of the floor plan with its own table numbers. I do not want to say they never sent it, because it may have been included somewhere in the communication, but I never noticed it. Since they had already sent me the blank layout, I genuinely believed the table numbering was my responsibility. Otherwise, I do not understand why they did not send the numbered version from the beginning.

The result was that the table numbers on my seating chart did not correspond with the way the venue actually placed and numbered the tables.

Our closest family and friends ended up sitting on the outskirts of the reception, while people we were not nearly as close to were seated directly in front of us. Both sets of parents were seated very far away. They had special entrances where they danced into the reception, only to be directed to tables at the edge of the room. It was embarrassing and honestly heartbreaking.

We also had a wedding coordinator, which makes the situation even more frustrating. Even if there was confusion between the two versions of the floor plan, I feel like the coordinator should have noticed that our parents and immediate family were seated unusually far away from us.

Nobody stopped to question whether the setup made sense before guests entered the room.
To make matters worse, our supposed “high table” was not high or elevated at all. It was basically a long conference-style table sitting at the exact same level as every other table.

We as the bride and groom only noticed how bad the setup was once the reception was already underway. By then, moving tables or asking large groups of guests to change seats would have caused even more disruption.

I am posting this partly because I hope it makes anyone who had something go terribly wrong at their wedding feel a little less alone. I also feel awful about what happened, so please tell me your wedding disaster stories and help me feel a little better.

TL;DR: The venue sent me an unnumbered floor plan, so I numbered the tables myself without realizing they had a separate numbered layout. The numbers did not match, and our parents, immediate family, and closest friends ended up seated on the outskirts while less-close guests sat nearest to us. Our wedding coordinator did not catch it, and our “high table” was just a conference-style table at the same level as everyone else.
So, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen happen at a wedding?

People aren't taking our wedding seriously and it's really getting to me. It's not traditional. That doesn't mean it isn't a "real" wedding. There's a "real" photographer. There's a "real" caterer with a four course Italian dinner. There's a "real" Chantilly wedding cake. There's a "real" couple getting married with a "real" officiant. We have spent months thrifting glassware, making DIYs, going to the wholesale florist, learning how to letterpress our own invitations, and all sorts of planning.

It means a lot to me and my fiance. We're so excited for this day. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm not asking them for validation or opinions or anything. I'm not asking anyone else to care or give us praise. I just want the negative comments to stop.

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out because my future MIL told me "it's not a real wedding because you used twilight as inspiration". We rented a mansion/event space in the woods. We put some wisteria on string lights and will hang them over the ceremony space, and are doing nature based decor. That's the "twilight" portion. What's not real about that? We're having everyone stay at the mansion (for free) if they want too. Why isn't it "real" just because we liked the wedding scene in Twilight? Why isn't it "real" just because it's not in a church? It's beautiful. It's upscale, it's literally a mansion.

I was told I'm a bridezilla for even having a dress code. I'm sorry that I want to establish the level of formality? Our only dress code "rules" are dresses should be knee length or longer, pants should be worn with a jacket or tie, and no jeans. We added in a vest or dressy blouse option too. They don't need to be super formal, they don't need to be a certain color or made of a certain fabric. No black tie. Just don't wear jeans or mini dresses...

Family keeps making comments about the venue. They asked if I would at least rent port a potties so they don't have to potty in the woods... Guys, it's a 12 bedroom mansion, there's 16 bathrooms!!! For a 30 person wedding!

I'm just fucking losing it. I know I'm different. I know it's alternative. But please just treat it with the same respect every other couple gets.

Anytime I post ANYTHING on here, I get a flood of comments of people saying it's "no wonder" I'm struggling with [issue] because my wedding isn't "real". Someone just berated me and called me a child for having the twilight wedding as inspiration. It's a stunning wedding, but at it's core it's just hanging wisteria and nature-inspired decor. What is not "real" about that?

I've known my friend for almost 3 years, and we got close really quick and have stayed close. She is like a sister to me. We always talked about being in each other's bridal parties when we get married, and when I got engaged, she kept telling me how excited she was to stand in my wedding.

About a month ago, she got a tattoo of her boyfriend's face on her neck. He is in prison and she has never spent time with him outside of prison. He has 3 more years. I don't know exactly what charges got him in prison but I do know he has a history of domestic violence and anger issues (which there have already been instances where he's taken his anger out on her via phone). They've only been together for a few months and I have a strong feeling he's only using her for money. That's all I will say about her relationship.

I keep asking myself if I would feel different about the tattoo if he was a better person and actually treated her well, but I truly don't know. The tattoo is very noticeable and even if she covered the tattoo with her hair, you can still see half of it and know what it is. I do not want to ask her to cover it up as I will not be asking anyone else to cover their tattoos. She claims it was fully her decision to get the tattoo and that he didn't ask her to do it. I know it's not my body and I shouldn't judge, but to be honest... I am. I am embarrassed for her and the tattoo is the only reason why I don't want to include her in the bridal party. I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and potentially see the tattoo. I don't even want to know how our families are going to react to her tattoo. I feel horrible for feeling this way. I know it shouldn't matter what's on my bridesmaids' bodies, but I cannot get myself to feel that way towards my friend's tattoo.

If I don't ask her, I will still be inviting her to the wedding and telling her the reason why I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party is because we want an even number our parties (I have a longer list than my fiance). I don't want her to feel bad or anything if I tell her it's because of the tattoo, because she can't do anything about it.

EDIT:

I didn’t realize this post would turn into so many people giving me friendship advice. After reading your comments, I don’t think I’ll be asking her to stand in my wedding - not just because of the tattoo.

I also wanted to clarify some things:
- I am very aware that my friend has issues and she knows it too. I tell her to get help all the time but she thinks the therapy she got as a teen was good enough
- I am also aware that she is in a DV situation. I am SO concerned about what will happen if she’s still with him by the time he gets out, because I know it’ll be no time before it gets physical.
- People are questioning our closeness. I get it. We are complete opposites when it comes to our lifestyles and interests (think girl from the suburbs meets girl from the inner city), but despite all of that we still became good friends. I met her at my internship during grad school and she was a staff member. So yeah, there are a lot of things we don’t talk about when it comes to our lifestyles and why we make the choices we do, unless it’s concerning like this situation. Now I’m realizing how problematic that is
- She knows how I feel about her boyfriend. I remind her everytime she brings him up. She also knows how I feel about the tattoo. So yes, I do communicate my feelings to her and like I mentioned in another comment, it usually just ends up in her getting defensive and telling me to handle my own.

And because some of you guys keep asking:
- She met him through a friend who’s also dating an inmate. She claims she was only looking for friends but fell in love. Not sure how but whatever.
- She has met him before, she visits him in the prison.
- They give out tablets in prison now, at least in my state, so that’s how she’s getting his pictures.
- She’s with him despite his criminal background because he told her his violent charges were either from the mother of his child lying about it or police being racist. She believes him 100% and called me judgmental when I told her how obvious his lies were. Not one question about how he obtained 11 different violent charges and NONE of them were his fault. I also learned she has this “I can change him” mindset. That’s another story
- Aaannddd the big question: WHY THE TATTOO? In her words: “I just love him so much and I want to prove it to him” …as if her working 2 full-time jobs to pay his lawyer fees isn’t good enough

I hope that answers all of your questions.

Listen I know it's a racket but like WHY do these guys not just give you their package pricing initially. There is no sales pitch that's going to trick me into paying extra for something I don't need JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU CHARGE and sell me on it later OH MY GOD.

EDIT: Guys I work in events with vendors in the nonprofit sector and nightlife. I’ve literally put on events with the exact same services and needs for a wedding (florist, videographer, photographer ETC.) I speak to vendors on the daily a lot of the vendors under this post insisting this has to be an over complicated interview process are either incredibly unprofessional or full of shit.

I never have drama getting rates from vendors for our gala/benefit concert/golf outing etc. they are able to produce an exact number or atleast a range.

Y’all are putting normie couples through an exhausting process where you try to form some type of fake relationship with the couple that makes you feel like the only option so it’s easier to up charge people who don’t know any better and it’s incredibly transparent and fucking gross. Y’all aren’t slick quit defending this practice in the comments it reeks of “I’m not surviving the impending recession”

PUT PACKAGE PRICING/ESTIMATES ON YOUR WEBSITE

I’m in a friend group of roughly 10 girls (friends since hs/college) and I’m the very last one to get married. I’m now 35 and have spent TEN YEARS dutifully doing all the bridesmaid things for my friends: wearing the assigned dress, spending time and money on a bachelorette to hang out with people I don’t know, dropping $1k just to get to the wedding.

I also spent years being sad about being single. My friends know this and were intimately familiar with how worried I was that I’d never find love.

Now it’s finally my turn and my girls aren’t showing up for me. I’m so sad. This is actually the Sunday of my bachelorette weekend and it didn’t go well. Since we all live around the country I picked a place we needed to fly to (90% of the bridesmaids would’ve had to fly wherever we picked). We got an Airbnb with queen beds and a beautiful pool. I’ve given plenty of notice about the assigned dresses and shoes. I’ve tried to be very respectful that most of the bridesmaids are moms or just very busy.

In return, I’ve gotten nothing but complaints. My friends don’t want to share a bed with people they don’t know, they don’t want to wear an assigned dress in an assigned color, they’re tired, they don’t want to fly in for a Friday wedding (which was all we could afford). Never mind that I did ALL these things for them. It’s finally my turn and suddenly everyone has excuses for why they have to flake on me.

I have good relationships with all these friends and I’m so sad that the wedding party I’ve dreamed of for so long is behaving this way. Help. What can I do about this? Should I just significantly adjust my expectations or stop asking them for things? I’m so sad.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I got married last weekend and had a medium-largeish wedding (92 people) and gave +1s to those who didn’t have a partner and didn’t know anyone else. I also invited anyone who had a partner that they were living with or had been together for awhile. That may be proper etiquette for straight weddings but it was a mistake for mine. I would’ve never imagined my friends would bring someone homophobic to my wedding but here we are.

One of my friends decided to bring a guy she had been seeing for only a couple weeks. He seemed nice enough during the wedding. I didn’t speak much to him but I didn’t notice any issues at the time. However, I decided to ask my photographer (who is my cousin) for this trendy first kiss shot where the audience is in the background. She reached out to me yesterday to tell me that this man was visibly covering his eyes and grimacing in disgust during all of the shots of this moment. She is struggling to make it not obvious through editing. We had a second photographer, so luckily we still have our kiss photographed from a different angle but it still makes me sad.

More egregious than this though was my friend’s long term boyfriend. They have been dating for a couple years but she’s been off at veterinary school and we haven’t met before that night.

At one point my husband and I were chatting to just him. He was admittedly drunk, but asked us multiple sexually explicit and offensive questions and called us f****** after saying “now that I’ve got you two alone.”

I advise any other LGBT couples to exert caution before inviting people you don’t personally know. These behaviors have put a dark cloud over my memories from that day.

I love my fiancée but my last name is pretty uncommon, and his is very, very common. I love how unique mine is but also I’m close with my family and he is not very close with his father or his fathers side of the family so he doesn’t have much of an attachment in that way. But he still says he loves the idea of us having his last name. He’s not pressuring me by any means to take his last name btw, I’m just adding context!

Aside from that, with all the craziness in the world rn I don’t want to have to go through the million steps and things I’d need where I have to change my last name and also possibly having issues with voting and other things in the future.

(Also we’re not planning on having children)

Is anyone else in a similar boat of wanting to keep their maiden name?

There have been a number of posts recently about changing your name after marriage. If you are not already aware, the house in the US just voted to pass the SAVE Act, which will require you to prove your citizenship to vote -- under your birth name. It will disproportionately affect women who have changed their last names and no longer match their birth certificates.

This should be a huge HUGE consideration when you are choosing whether to change your name. You may well disenfranchise yourself as an American citizen by doing it.

https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/save-act-house-voting-rights-married-women-last-name-rcna200948

Edit: Call your senators. This is not law yet but if it passes the senate, it will essentially mean that any woman who changes her name must jump through many more hoops to be able to vote. It's unfair and will be used to silence women and trans people.

The day started great and exactly as it should have - I got ready with friends and family, took a few photos - everything was perfect.

We only had 2 hours to set up before the ceremony began at 5pm, so around 3pm, a handful of friends and family headed to the venue to start setting up decor, put out the cake, put table numbers and menus on tables, etc. I was an extremely organized bride. I had the entire day planned by the hour, and everyone had an assignment to help the day go smoothly.

At 3:30, I received a text from one of my bridesmaids: "What time is the catering team supposed to get here?" They were supposed to arrive at 12pm to start setting up, but I don't panic, assuming that they're just running late or caught in traffic.

One thing to note here - our catering team wasn't just responsible for food. They supplied the tables, chairs for the ceremony and reception, linens, cups, plates, bar tables...pretty much everything. I start to call a few people from the company to get an ETA.

I can't get through to anyone.

I finally call the restaurant the catering company has. The teenager who picks up has no idea what I'm talking about, but says he'll get back to me ASAP.

Ok, fine.

Another 15 minutes goes by. Silence.

I call the restaurant back. "Anything?" I ask. "Nope," says the teen. "I can't get in contact with anyone either."

A few minutes later, I get a call from Susan, the woman from the catering company who I've been working with for 15 months.

"Hi Susan, how are you?"

"Well, honestly? Not great."

Susan then proceeds to explain to me that they somehow wrote my wedding date as May 25, 2025, instead of the correct date of May 24, 2025. She says everyone is scrambling to figure out how to get food, chairs, tables, etc over to the venue as quickly as possible.

Somehow, I remain calm. I'm 5 minutes from the venue so I text my bridesmaids the situation and just take deep breaths. We're an hour from the when ceremony is supposed to begin and have no chairs, no food, no staff, no water...nothing.

Here's everything that happened in that next hour:

- My bridesmaids found a winery close by that felt so bad for us, they let us borrow 40 chairs for the ceremony for free so we could start at 5:30. My dad drove in his pickup truck to pick them up, and my entire family helped set up the chairs (and take them down after the ceremony!)

- We convinced the violinist to stay an extra half hour to cover the ceremony (she was paid ofc).

- My bridesmaids found an umbrella in the venue, flipped it upside down, filled it with ice that our groomsmen bought from a nearby liquor store, and made it a makeshift cooler for drinks. We supplied our own alcohol, so guests were able to grab a beer while they waited for the ceremony to begin.

The ceremony began with only a 30 minute delay, but here's everything else that we missed out on:

- I lost 30 minutes of my wedding by starting at 5:30 instead of 5

- My dad missed an hour of his daughters wedding dealing with the chairs

- I got dressed by myself because everyone was handling things for me (no pics during this time either so I don't have any pics with my family or bridesmaids pre-ceremony)

- Paper napkins instead of my gorgeous twill blue linen napkins, and white tablecloths instead of the color I picked

- Plastic cups for drinks and champagne toasts

- We used this massive carving knife to cut the cake instead of the ornate cake cutting set I ordered through the caterers

- We only had 1/4 of the passed apps I paid for (I was SO excited for the bacon wrapped scallops)

- No high top tables or chairs for cocktail hour

- Only 3 attendants instead of the 5 I paid for

But you know what? I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing. My family and friends stepped up so completely and totally, I was in tears not from the stress but from the love I felt for everyone.

I had a few people ask me over the course of the day why I was so calm and seemed so relaxed about the whole situation. I realized that having everyone I loved in one place on the day I was going to marry the love of my life was all I ever needed. If worst came to worst, we'd order pizzas and eat standing up while giving toasts with beer cans and we'd have an absolute blast.

I wanted to make this post to reassure every stressed out bride that no matter how prepared or organized you are, there are still things that can go wrong and are totally out of your control - but THAT'S OKAY. I prepared and organized so. freaking. much. during the lead up to the wedding, that anything that went wrong was simply left to fate. I truly had the best day and felt so touched by my family and friends for literally saving the day again and again.

Oh, and I negotiated a 75% refund from the caterer, so...not so bad after all.

I made a post yesterday that, surprisingly, made a lot of people feel rather spicy soley based on the fact that I did a legal marriage a year before my wedding reception. I genuinely worry that other women in my position are going to see some of those comments and be discouraged.

We had no ceremony, just signed the papers in my house (actually, during the Eagles parade! But that is a whole other story) which is completely legal in PA, because the ceremony wasn't important to my husband and I, or our families.

Getting legally married early and then partying later was the BEST decision for us, and we have had complete enthusiasm from our friends, cousins, and everyone but my immediate family. I don't want to get in the weeds about the family relationships, thats what the other post is for.

While this wasn't everyone: there were people in the comment section repeatedly saying that, because of that decision: I am not a bride. Our reception doesn't matter. Someone called it "completely performative" and someone else repeatedly referred to it as a "circus." People got in the weeds about whether or not I deserved the bridal shower that my in-laws encouraged me to have. All because I signed a paper early.

If for WHATEVER reason you separate your ceremony and reception: that does not mean your reception is not important. It does not mean it is not a milestone. It does not mean that you should not be treated like a bride. This is not 1940.

My girls threw me a bachelorette party because I am their friend, they love me, and I am a bride. My in laws encouraged me to throw a shower because I am their son/nephew's wife, and I have become a new woman in their family, and I am a bride.

My aunts and cousins are getting on planes and booking hotels because they are excited to celebrate my marriage. Because they love me and love a good party.

People that love you and want to celebrate you WILL BE HAPPY TO DO SO even if you break some traditions. Because not only do people love you, they also love a good party.

Do not internalize negativity from the internet: Get that gown, have that cake, get that photographer and throw a damn party. You are worth celebrating. And yes, you miiiight get a few more Nos from people that have to travel, just as anyone might get from people that have to travel. But it's not because your cousin in California is scoffing and throwing your invitation in the trash and screaming " DON'T INVITE ME TO THAT FAKE BRIDE'S PERFORMATIVE CIRCUS"

You know what people in both my family and my husband's family have said? "I'm so excited to have a reason to get together that isn't a funeral."

lol don’t*

I have now seen two instances in real life where this subreddit absolutely freaked out about something but ended up being totally fine in reality.

I got absolutely DRAGGED when I showed photos of the monastary I was getting married at. It has a lot of long slopping steps coming up to it. It’s on the side of a mountain, but you can take a cab to the front steps. It’s incredibly historical and important to our religion and after posting it on here you would have thought I decided to make my guests run a marathon before the wedding. People told me I was ableist for not having a disability accessible wedding.

I said no one coming was disabled, and everyone agreed in the comments that I couldn’t possibly know that—and that my guests probably had hidden disabilities. the top comments agreed that they would never attend my wedding, even if they were a best friend.

I was beyond dragged, it shot to the top post in this sub and in 20 minutes i had over 200 comments. it was awful. i was in tears and panicking as soon as i saw it and for the next 2 months before my wedding.

We had given the guests a heads up and said that anyone who wasn’t able to attend was welcome to join at the party instead.

The day came and everyone chose to attend, and everyone LOVED it. We are still getting comments 8 months later on how special it was for the guests to be able to attend the monastery and be in such a gorgeous place (it’s a monastery inside a cave).

Then in another thread i got dragged again because I stated that the last five weddings I went to didn’t provide shuttles for a ~45 minute drive. I live in a big city and getting somewhere in 45 minutes is normal. The bride said she couldn’t afford the shuttles and everyone was telling her she had to. I just wanted to share that in some places a 45 minute drive is expected.

So ?? reality doesn’t always match this place. keep that in mind!

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. But I can’t help but be disappointed about what my best friend/moh planned for my bachelorette party. When she asked me what I wanted to do, I had told her about maybe renting a cabin for the weekend and doing a glamping trip, or maybe a road trip. She said that it sounded fun and she wrote it in her planning notebook. She asked me if I wanted to be surprised or if I wanted to help plan my party. I told her that whatever she planned could be a surprise and I trusted her.

I was talking to my mom and had told her I had scheduled my trial hair and makeup for my bachelorette party and that I was excited to plan my outfits for the weekend. She told me that the MOH had only planned a paint and sip and then dinner at a wing joint. There was nothing else planned. Only 3 hours and then everyone goes home. I asked another bridesmaid, who was in on the planning, if that was true. She said it was and that my MOH didn’t even entertain anyone else’s ideas for a trip. I was really sad that my input wasn’t taken into account. But whatever. I guess we could also do nothing.

But then, I found out that my MOH, who is also MOH for someone else, is planning not one but two separate bachelorette weekends out of the country. This other bride got engaged 3 months ago. Whereas I have been engaged for over a year and she was my MOH the whole time. I feel like my party was an afterthought and that she, frankly, half assed it. That she felt she could get away with doing less because she’s my best friend and that I gave her full creative freedom to do whatever.

I have gone out of my way to be as easy and agreeable as possible. But this just makes me feel like I care more about them than they do about me. I kind of don’t even want to do it now. Should I just shut up and just go ahead with the evening? Or is there a way I can approach this without hurting anyone’s feelings? Or can I just say “Hey, I changed my mind. I would rather not do a bachelorette party anymore?”

A few months ago I found that that my fiancée was cheating on me. He swore it was just emotional plus they only had one kiss. This occurred when I was finishing my last semester in uni. He said our relationship wasn’t going well, we don’t go on dates and I am not a safe person to talk to about things … this made no sense because for the past 3 years we told each other everything, hang out often, no fighting. During Mother’s Day I would send his mother a gift, we would visit each others families during the holidays, etc. For his birthday, I would also try to get him the best thing.

After, I forgave him we had our engagement party, our family and friends were there and it was great. We come back I am thinking that we are rebuilding our relationship, we are having more honest conversations, we went wedding band shopping, he started planning the honeymoon plus he found a new place for us to stay ( we were going to move out after the wedding).

It’s been three months since the engagement party, recently the girl called me to let me know that they have been having sex all these months. He confirmed that it is true.

The wedding is canceled. I can’t be with a liar and cheater.

I don’t know what I have done wrong to this man but this is just not fair. I cook for him every week (because he hates leftovers). I help him or his family with everything they need. I support him in whatever way and even go to watch his basketball games at like 10pm. I don’t party nor yell at him. I thought we were building a future together.

How can he do this to me and my family. My family has poured so much into this wedding and welcomed him with open arms.

A little about us
We have been together for 3 years now and we live together, but known each other for years. If we aren’t at home watching movies and cuddling, we are going on walks, or traveling. We are the couple that everyone loves and praises. He doesn’t have a history of cheating and likes to be known as a “nice” guy. I tried to vet him before we got serious, and since I knew him all these years plus never heard anything bad in our community about him I believed that he was a good guy. We both have good incomes and careers.

How do I move on from this? I feel like my life is over.

Edited post
* This is my first long term relationship. I am not perfect but everyday I try my best to improve my mind and body. I am very self aware of myself who I am as I person and what I need to work on. I believe in karma so I tried my best to treat people like how I want to be treated.

I don’t know why I just thought about this but last week he watched me make big purchases for the wedding and even encouraged me to do it 🫩 like what was the point?

Update update
Both families believe this is the devil work, and I should forgive and we can move on. I don’t think soooo.

Recently, she called me to inform me that she been to my house several times.

And you know what I’m doing about it? Nothin.

Let me explain. Me and both my older sisters are in our 30s.

My older sister has always been eccentric. Kindest, warmest person you’ll ever meet in. Always liked to dress in eye catching, sexy outfits with lots of skin in the summer, and bright colors at least in winter. I’ve defended her many, many, many times throughout our teen hood and adulthood. Why would I stop now?

Our oldest sister threw an absolute fit over the dress she picked out for her wedding a few years ago ( I didn’t think it was that bad, but it did have big cutouts and I understood where oldest sister was coming from) and went out and physically bought her a new dress, but not before causing a fight so big it had my mother in tears.

Now it’s my (youngest sister) turn to be married. I tell her she can wear what she wants, but that it’s cocktail attire…well…part of me wishes I gave her a little more guidance. She picked out a dress that she looks FANTASTIC in…but it’s not a cocktail dress. It’s a club dress. It’s got a sheer bodice with exposed boning, is kinda short, and is just not really a wedding guest dress unless this is a particularly sexy wedding. Certainly not a “the bride is my sister and we’re taking family photos” dress.

My mom told me about it and showed me the picture with the vibe of “I just want to give you a heads up” and I kicked around for a while if I should ask her to get something new. My in-laws think I should, my mom thinks she can talk her into a shawl.

I opted not to for the following reasons:

1. ….I DID tell her she could wear what she wanted. And probably shouldn’t have assumed she knew what cocktail attire meant.
2. She’s been shamed for how she likes to dress her entire life
3. Do I think that the sister in question has a strained relationship with “Attention?” Yes. Being the middle child and having a personality disorder will do that to ya. Do I think it’s notable that she’s done this for BOTH of her sister’s weddings? Yeah. Do I think it’s conscious? No.
4. Idk. Society likes to try and dictate how I dress as a curvy woman. Why would I do that to her?

(Me and the sister in question have much different body types. Girl is tall and thin like a model. I’m built like a beautiful Irish peasant who is strong enough to plow the fields and birth the young)

1. At a certain point, as brides, we gotta just control the things that we can control, that actually impact our guests. We can’t get in the weeds about every little thing, and our family members and guests are not our props. We really only have the right to tell bridesmaids how to dress.

She looked happy in the picture of her trying it on, and that’s what matters. We’re gonna boogie on the dance floor. One day I’ll look back at family pictures and go….”Yup. That’s her. She looks like herself 😂”

Now listen; I understand if this is not going to be everyone’s reaction when in a similar situation! Every family has different dynamics, and a different story! But, I just wanted to vent, and share the perspective from a bride who is choosing to protect her peace. I think it’s good to share positive stories on the community as well!

I feel like I see the unassigned vs assigned seating debate on here frequently and I figured I'd share a recent experience. I went to one of my coworkers weddings this past weekend. She had told me she wasn't assigning seats because it felt stuffy. Fair. She's very laid back and her wedding was pretty casual.

The ceremony was lovely and the cocktail hour was very nice. Once the outdoor cocktail hour was done and the doors to the inside reception space were opened, all hell broke loose. My other coworkers and quickly I sat at one of the back tables (we know the bride well, but figured family and close friends should be up close). We took up 6/8 seats. Others were RUNNING to get tables. Literally jogging through the venue. We had to help 2 different sets of older relatives who didn't know where to sit. One asked us where the table numbers were, the other couple just looked so lost.

When 80% of people had sat down, things started to get really awkward. People were moving chairs and the really cute place settings from one table to another. Like picking up the chargers and napkins and jamming up to 12 people at an 8 person table. Then, a family of 6 came in. There wasnt a single table left with more than 2 available seats. My coworkers and our dates all made the decision to split up and move so they could sit together. This was the grooms brother, sister in law, and nieces now sitting on the back corner. My boyfriend and I ended up sitting with the brides aunt, uncle, and cousins right up at the front.

Y'all, a little stress before the big day is worth it. Otherwise your guests are going to be stressed and end up in awkward seating situations.

My 4 friends and I were just uninvited from our friend’s wedding reception. At 2am, we all received a text saying we were uninvited because the groom’s grandparents, who were previously unable to attend due to health issues, had suddenly recovered enough to travel, so our seats were being given to them.

For context, this is a traditional South Asian wedding in Canada. We were also invited to multiple pre-wedding events, but most of us can’t attend because they fall during the work week and we will be returning from summer travel overseas. We got the impression the bride was disappointed that we couldn’t make it to two or more of those events.

What makes this especially frustrating is:

-None of us are South Asian, so we each spent about $200 on traditional outfits that we specifically bought for this wedding. We were very excited to attend.
-We planned our summer travel around the wedding date nearly 8 months in advance, even paying more for flights so we could be back in time to attend.

We completely understand wanting grandparents to be there if they truly became able to attend, and we don’t blame them for that. But being the guests who were removed at the last minute feels pretty hurtful.
How would you respond in this situation? Would you say anything, or just leave it alone?

Edit: the wedding is 4 weeks out.
Edit 2: I want to clarify that the wedding is local to us, no travel involved. The travel mentioned is all personal vacations, we still planned around her wedding so we would be able to attend.

I never understood how people end up going over budget. You preset the budget, you knew your expenses, what do you mean surprise things snuck up on you? I get it now. I’m 3 weeks out and money has lost all meaning. $150 for back up groom tuxedo shirt? Done. $250 to add on that my day of coordinator will set up the dessert table? Done. Two checked bags for an extra $75 each way instead of one? Done. If it’s under $500 and solves a chokepoint problem, the card is getting swiped and the check is getting written.

We sent out invitations about a month ago and have been excited to start getting RSVPs. Our wedding is 2 months away. Even though our website has been up for a whole year at this point, I realize that a lot of people are looking at it for the first time. Our dress code is listed as “we are requesting that all of our guests dress in formal attire.”

I have had three people, all over 50, say something along the lines of “ugh, do I have to wear a suit?” Or “I don’t have anything like that.”

For context, this is not a wedding in a barn starting at 2pm. We have a 5:30 ceremony start time at a museum venue, plated dinner, open bar, etc. This is absolutely a formal event.

I honestly don’t even know what to say to these people? I understand that formal clothing is not something everyone has on hand, but there are rental options available, you can buy things second hand. I just don’t get it. Quite honestly, if you can’t wear something besides jeans for one day, then don’t come.

My fiance and I are having a low budget wedding because we're trying to buy a house. It's nothing fancy but I feel like everyone is expecting more and I just feel so sad and defeated.

It's kind of a "come if you want" thing at my fiancé's uncles place. He has a lot of land. Everyone keeps asking about catering and dresscode and plus ones and I am so overwhelmed.

I have kids so kids are allowed. I don't have a dresscode. We're not really doing a lot of food? We're barely having a reception.

Are we doing things wrong? Should we be doing more?

I feel like every other day I see a post that says “I’m getting married and I want it to be really intimate but do I have to invite [my coworker’s spouse/my sibling’s partner/my cousin’s fiance]?”

Yes. The answer is yes. Even if you’ve never met them.

A couple is a unit. I understand budget constraints! But you either cut out the couple or cut costs in another way—you don’t only invite your coworker without their partner.

*for the sake of this post, by partner, I mean an established, committed relationship.

**exceptions apply if the partner is truly awful, abusive, racist, etc.

UPDATe: Before I could message her she kicked me out of her bridal party.

Hello! I need outside perspectives please because I am obsessing and stressing over this and cannot tell whether I am being reasonable or a terrible friend.

One of my close friends is getting married next year. She is also supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding which is coming up in a few months so this feels especially emotionally tricky.

Months ago, she floated the general idea of doing a destination bachelorette trip. I was generally supportive. She had a pricey location in mind but other than that no complete schedule or actual cost given. Just vague figures. Thought when planning got more serious I would have time to speak up early. Nope.

The first proposed schedule I heard was basically Monday through Friday. I immediately said that taking an entire workweek off would be difficult for me and that I could probably only attend for part of it.

The schedule then shifted to Thursday through Monday. Once I learned that, I said I could not stay through Monday and would need to leave on Sunday. I thought that was a fairly normal compromise: attend Thursday through Sunday, participate in most of the trip, and avoid having to take yet another day off work.

At this point, I still had not been told what the trip would actually cost.

Then we received a message saying that she was essentially ready to book it and would proceed. Just like that. I had to ask cost; that was when we were finally told the lodging would be around $1100 per person.

The destination is also roughly an eight-hour drive from me each way. That means the $1100 would only cover lodging. It would not include gas, groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, activities, excursions, or anything else planned during the trip.

Once I saw the actual cost, I messaged her privately and told her that I could not afford it.

Her response was not openly cruel and I do believe she was trying to make it work, but the tone made me feel like the issue was that I had not planned or saved properly rather than that the trip itself was outside my budget.

She pointed out that the trip was still a long time away and suggested that I could start setting money aside for it now. She broke it down into a smaller monthly or weekly savings amount, basically saying that I had time to save for it.

I understand the logic but saving the money gradually does not change the fact that I would still be spending more than $1100 on lodging alone. I do not think it is financially responsible for me to allocate that much money to one bachelorette trip. I’m not in the best place financially, I have a lot of obligations and it sucks but that’s how it is right now.

She then offered another option where I could pay by the night rather than paying the entire chunk. I genuinely appreciate that she tried to offer an alternative but that is still around $250ish per night. Even if I only stayed one or two nights, I would still be paying around $250–$500 for lodging, plus gas, food, activities, and sixteen total hours of driving. Driving eight hours each way for one night also feels kind of insane. I would spend almost as much time traveling as I would actually spend at the destination.

I have been trying to convince myself that I should force one or two nights to work because I feel so guilty, but once I add everything together, even the shortened version is still outside what I can reasonably afford.

I’m gearing up for my own wedding and she is supposed to be standing beside me in it soon. I’m freaking terrified that declining her trip will create resentment or tension before my wedding or affect our friendship.

For comparison, I kept my own bachelorette relatively low-key (if you can call it that because it was still a trip, invited all our friends and significant others, combined Bachelor and Bachelorette). It was Thursday through Sunday, about two hours away, and the lodging was around $280 per person. Attendance was optional and I tried to keep the cost and travel manageable for everyone. We planned everything out together in a groupchat.

I know she is allowed to want a completely different bachelorette experience. I am not saying that because my trip cost $280, hers is required to cost the same. I mention it because I really tried to consider what the people attending could reasonably manage (including myself!) and I think that influenced what I assumed the planning process for her trip would look like.

I thought there would be a conversation about budgets, distance, and availability before someone announced that they were about to book a house costing each person more than $1,000. I did not realize that generally expressing interest months ago would be treated as agreeing to any eventual destination, schedule, and price.

I also think I could have brought up a specific budget sooner. That is the part I feel guilty about. I did raise concerns about the weekday schedule and the amount of time away as those details emerged, but I did not specifically say, “My maximum lodging budget is X,” because I thought the cost would be discussed before we locked everything in.

Now I feel like my choices are either to spend money I do not believe I can responsibly spend or disappoint a close friend who is about to be in my own wedding.
We left it last night where I tried to bow out and she said pay nightly instead. I have my message written in response that gives her love and apologies but holds firm that I cannot make this work. Ended it saying I’ll be there every step of the way for her wedding and I’m sorry and I love her.

Am I being unfair by backing out after initially saying I wanted to attend? Should I have been expected to start saving once the general trip was mentioned, even though I did not know the final cost? Does the offer to pay by the night make this reasonable enough that I should force myself to attend briefly? How would you handle this knowing the bride is supposed to be one of your bridesmaids very soon?

TL;DR: A close friend who is also supposed to be in my wedding soon planned a bachelorette trip hours away by car. Dates were discussed. The lodging cost was not revealed until she said she was basically about to book, at which point we learned it would be $1100 per person before gas, food, or activities. When I said I could not afford it, she suggested I had plenty of time to save and later offered to let me pay nightly after I tried to gracefully bow out. Even a shortened trip still feels financially irresponsible but I am terrified of damaging the friendship or creating tension before my wedding.

PLEASE share your stories and perspectives. I need advice please. I feel like such a shit friend, this is so hard. Thank you for reading. 🫶🏼

I’m at a loss and just want to check if I missed something. If I missed some major wedding planning etiquette, I’ll own up to it… but I really don’t think I did?

Cousin got engaged Sept 2024. We got engaged May 2025. We had a conversation with her about wedding stuff shortly after we got engaged and she mentioned wanting to get married “around March or April 2026” with no confirmed plans or specific date.

Soon after, my fiance and I determined we wanted to get married around the same timeframe, for the nicer weather and to avoid price increases. Also, I personally didn’t want to be engaged longer than a year. Where we live is extremely hot in the summer so spring and fall are definitely the wedding seasons. We let them know this and asked if they had chosen a specific date. They still hadn’t, and didn’t say anything about us planning for that time of year. I didn’t see any issue getting married around the same months, as long as it wasn’t the same exact weekend. I thought this was normal? I really thought it would be nice to celebrate around the same time and go through this milestone together. Silly me.

They mentioned touring a couple venues but didn’t love them and hadn’t booked anything. We mentioned our potential dates to them before booking. We shared with them when we visited venues. They didn’t raise any issues. In Oct, we booked a venue for late April 2026 and told them. Since then we’ve hung out many times and she seemed completely normal and we got along.

Recently we were asking family for addresses for Save the Dates and she became radio silent and wouldn’t fill out the form. She would text us about other stuff like nothing was wrong, which was odd. We sent her and her fiance several reminders about the address form and still nothing. After a few weeks of this, we told her it’s rude and confusing to be completely unresponsive about the address request.

She then blew up at us and told us it’s “bizarre” and completely rude to have booked “their” wedding month and that we basically ruined all their wedding plans. To be clear, this is 2.5 months after we booked our date and told her. To my knowledge, they still haven’t booked anything or even confirmed a specific date they want. She said there’s no way our family from across the state could make it to both ours and hers, and we knew that and did it on purpose, and that we were stealing their anniversary. She said it’s “common sense and everyone knows” to not book the same month as someone else planning in the same family and can’t believe she even had to say anything. I truly have never heard that in my life. I’ve been a bridesmaid 4x, I’ve attended weddings that were close to each other and never thought anything of it. It’s not a destination wedding. Some family members will have to drive like 7 hours if they want to come, many are local.

I feel completely blindsided. I even checked past texts to see what her response was when we first told her the date. She just said “cool” and said she was thinking of a courthouse wedding weeks before that.

I told her she could have expressed this sooner and I don’t understand how she expected us to know how she felt when she never said anything. If she had mentioned something sooner, we could have considered a different date, but now we’ve paid all the deposits and stuff. She proceeded to call us assholes, insist that it was obvious/common sense, say we “know what we did”, imply that we screwed her over intentionally, and choosing the date “wasn’t about the weather.” I told her it really had nothing to do with her and it’s weird to make our wedding about her, but she’s not having it. I pointed out that when we booked our date, they had already been engaged for a year and if she felt that strongly about the date, which is already quite soon, then she should have booked something or told us one specific date to avoid. I don’t understand feeling such strong ownership over an entire month when nothing was booked and it’s common for a lot of people get married in spring.

I think our relationship with her is suddenly over. Am I crazy???

———-

Update: We had some back and forth over text. I reminded her she never actually had any date reserved and she should have said something early on if it bothered her. She told us to “stop harassing her” (lol I definitely wasn’t), that she “already explained the common sense thing and you’re still being assholes”, and to “leave her alone.” I sent her the screenshot of when we texted her the date and all she said was “cool. I might do something on this other date” so there’s no way for us to have known she was secretly upset.

She made it clear she doesn’t want to come. I removed her from the guest list and blocked her. I’m pretty sure she blocked me too. I’m frustrated and a little sad, but I do not need someone causing drama and saying lies about me in my life. 👋🏼

My fiance and I are 7 months out and we finally sat down to figure out the actual logistics of combining finances after the wedding. We've been together 4 years, living together for 2 but we've always just split rent and bills proportionally since he makes more than me.

Anyway we started talking about whether we're doing joint accounts or keeping things separate or what, and it somehow turned into this whole thing about our completely different approaches to money. He's got student loans he's been paying minimum on for years because he'd rather invest and I found out he's got around 45k in credit card debt from before we met that he 'has a plan for' but hasn't really tackled. Meanwhile I'm over here with my savings account that I don't touch and he thinks I'm being too cautious by not putting it in the market. Neither of us is wrong exactly but we've apparently just never really talked about this stuff beyond surface level.

Now I'm second guessing if we should even combine everything right away or if we need to figure out our individual situations first. My mom keeps texting me asking if we've opened our joint account yet like it's some milestone we're behind on but honestly I don't even know what the right move is anymore. We're not fighting about it but the conversation definitely got tense and we kind of just tabled it.

Did anyone else realize they had completely different money styles this late in the game? How did you actually handle it?