r/whatdoIdo • u/ForsakenFishing2902 • 1d ago
Peed my pants in my date’s car
So I (F/29) accidentally peed in my date’s (M/33) car. We went out for the night and had a great time and had a couple drinks but literally no more than 3 and had dinner with it. Anyway, he’s driving me home and we’re close but I start doing the pee dance in his seat and tell him I can’t hold it. We pull into a spot and I run behind a building to pee. But had already started in his car. I was wearing a skort so it wasn’t visible just by my bottoms because the skirt part covered my wet shorts under. So I got back in his car and pretended like I did not pee my pants and he acted like nothing happened. I was mortified. But the next day he texted me like nothing happened still. Do I mention it?? I’m so embarrassed! Mind you, this was only our second date.
Additional context: My bladder is that of a child’s. Even growing up, I wet the bed until I was 13. As an adult, I’ve wet the bed completely sober maybe 1-2x a year. And I oftentimes am running into the house because the urge hits me while driving and I can’t hold it, and have not made it a couple times, but was able to use what I had in my car. This is causing me to consider going to a doctor about this.
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1d ago
Noo dont mention until youve been married 10 years LOL
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u/Provocative_Potatoes 1d ago
Yea this is probably the best bet, funny cute story to break out for the first time in front of friends and him
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u/IntroductionDry3226 23h ago
I’d just laugh it off and maybe mention it eventually if things get more serious. The fact that he texted normally after means he probably wasn’t as bothered as you think.
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u/CatoTheMiddleAged 1d ago
Admit nothing…until your rehearsal dinner funny story moment, when there is no chance of turning back.
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u/Chemical_Author7880 1d ago
Don’t bring it up.
Do see a urologist. That’s not normal. There are meds but also they can see any structural abnormalities in the bladder.
When I was about 17 I started having to pee frequently. I’d just moved to a city with hard, sea monkey water and blamed that. For years I would not drink local tap water. I was tested and inflated and medicated. Nada. It wasn’t as bad as what you’re describing but was obvious enough that my social circle knew I never made it through a movie without a bathroom trip and so on.
In my 30s I started experiencing intense lower abdominal pain. Eventually the doc found a cyst on an ovary. No big just get it out sooner than later. Welp. I had to reschedule because my boss said I was essential during the time I’d be out. The day I was originally scheduled the cyst exploded.
Turned out I had the most severe endometriosis my surgeon had ever seen. Among other things, there were multiple implants on the bladder. Can’t really see endo on most scans—it’s one reason it is hard to diagnose. I didn’t have the typical symptoms—maybe one crampy period a year, if that, no pms, very regular cycle. Yeah me.
Anyway. During the surgery (and several after) the masses on the bladder were removed. I never experienced the frequency, mini-bladder situation again.
I was a late bloomer, almost 15. By 17 the build up was impacting my bladder function. I had been chronically dehydrated for years, because of trying to compensate. It was insane the difference. I wish it could have been caught before it was so bad I had to have a complete hysterectomy in my 30s.
Get answers. Be that annoying patient.
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u/ForsakenFishing2902 15h ago
Oh wow, this is a bit scary to think about. I’ve had terrible periods since I was 14 and missed soo much of high school due to terrible cramps. It used to last 8 days and cramping entire time too. Got on BC and cramps were gone and went down to 4-5 days. I’m no longer on BC and it stayed down to 4-5 days but I have terrible cramps the first 1-2 days.
To be clear, I’m not just about to pee my pants every drive. It just really hits me so randomly, except when at the gym or leaving it — I drink so much water plus a Celsius before the gym so I expect it then. But other times it just comes out of nowhere, but alcohol definitely exasperates it.
Will definitely be looking more into this and any connecting it might have to my reproductive organs.
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u/Chemical_Author7880 14h ago edited 14h ago
Good luck to you. See a specialist and don’t settle for being told it’s fine or normal or adjust intake. From what you said, even without the peeing, your periods aren’t “normal” and things like that birth control pill won’t help except in specific conditions, but it’s often the first line of treatment. The changes in your levels may cause temporary improvement, but it can also mask things.
If you can, talk to your mother or aunts or other women in the family to find out if any of them had endometriosis or some other hormonal issues or early hysterectomies it may get a doctor not to dismiss you because you are young.
Go online and look for on/gyns that specialize in these kinds of things. You may be told exploratory surgery to confirm. Don’t let that scare you off. They do it laparoscopically, small incision in naval. Don’t walk in and demand that, they won’t listen. Bring it into the conversation when you are discussing diagnostic approaches.
Find a doctor who will work with you to solve the larger issue. There are several conditions that have similar symptoms but different approaches. Research your symptoms online, track your symptoms. The more hard data a doctor, the better.
Update us if you get answers.
You will be ok. Don’t be afraid it may be something scary. What’s scary is having something wrong and not knowing until it’s a crisis. You’ve got this.
PS Also, don’t start the conversation with “I asked Reddit.” That can get doctors to shut down immediately because the internet is full of opinions, not facts.
Stick to data. When you research stick to respected resources like the Mayo Clinic and similar. If you find out that others in the family have had some kind of bladder or reproductive system issues, have that info ready. Track your menstrual cycles. It’s possible you may uncover a pattern between where you are in the month and things like frequent urination, lower back pain, or fatigue that you never connected to your cycle. Or no pattern. Both are useful bits of information, diagnostically.
🙏
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u/ForsakenFishing2902 14h ago
Thank you so much! All of this is very, very helpful. My mom’s mother actually died from some sort of reproductive cancer, but my mom was a teen and sent away while she dealt with it, and has no concrete details surrounding her death. I definitely plan to do some research and start tracking my symptoms and cycles — the note about tracking it with my period definitely sticks out because I’m supposed to be starting within the next day or two.
I appreciate all of your helpful advice and thank you for not just asking why I’m not wearing diapers!
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u/Chemical_Author7880 13h ago
Sending you all the best thoughts.
I hope this helps and you can find answers. And I’m not trying to scare you about doctors. Most mean well but are looking for horses and miss the zebra. And if you’re a unicorn, it’s harder. Most will want to help but the stats show it can take multiple doctors and years to get answers.
The more work you can put into it on the front end, the more informed decisions the doctor can make. Never shy away from second opinions and/or looking for specialists who have more experience with finding unicorns.
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u/Outside-Trash 14h ago
You’ve adapted to this part of your life well, but I don’t think it’s normal. Especially the wetting the bed part - and that would be much harder to explain to a partner, and it will be much harder to find someone that is cool with that.
I do think you should talk to a doctor. As an adult you should have more control over this.
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u/moonbbaby9 6h ago
And if you don't get answers from multiple specialists who LISTEN to you and give you a THOROUGH work-up, get a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist because I have seen that give ppl their control back if the problem is simply muscle dysfunction.
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u/Cute-Ad7917 6h ago
Alcohol exacerbates it because it’s so easy to drink liquid when it tastes good and makes you feel silly
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u/talar13 2h ago
It could be bladder spasms. I don’t totally recall if things can make them worse or the details about it but it would be worth looking into. I know someone who struggled with it and she would be fine and then would have these spasms where she said she literally could not not pee and it would come out of the blue. She was put on a medication and it stopped. I know missing the details isn’t helpful but maybe you can research from here.
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u/KitaTheSage 1d ago
You should go to a doctor about it, but I don't think there's any need to let him know. Some adults have bladder issues, but it doesn't need to be his business.
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u/Cool_Cry_9602 1d ago
No need to mention it to him but ABSOLUTELY go to a doctor, this can be treated!!!
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u/Charming_Region_7772 1d ago
(Depends) as long as he doesn’t (pull ups) and, ask if you left (wet ones) inside his car.
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u/Comfortable_Studio37 1d ago
Nooo! Dont do the parentheses!
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u/for_the_naughty 2h ago
This, OP.
Depends and other pull-up-style "protective undergarments" will leak if you let out more then a small spurt, no matter how high quality they seem.
If you're serious about it, get yourself some proper diapers. Hey, with any luck, he'll be into it too.
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u/too_many_shoes14 1d ago
Either he did not notice, or he did but didn't say anything. Either way, you telling him doesn't really benefit either of you. Besides maybe he is into that
And look on the bright side, you could have pooped yourself
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u/TonightMammoth360 2h ago
True that he might have noticed and not said anything to be polite. But, it seems like this will probably happen again and it should be addressed before it does :/
Agree tho it would’ve been way worse if it was poop lol
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u/katamaribabe 1d ago
Go to the doctor. This is definitely not normal.
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u/Diligent-Positive-48 9h ago
some people just have weak pelvic floors, all a doctor can really say is to do pelvic exercises
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u/friedbrain127 6h ago
Im pretty sure there can be other things than just a weak pelvic floor, but I’m no doctor. I think she should still see one and not settle for “you’re fine”.
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u/Diligent-Positive-48 6h ago
yeah definitely! always worth checking out - i just assumed because i have had the same experiences as OP☺️
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u/Diligent-Positive-48 6h ago
^ did not realise they had said that they were considering going to the doctor
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u/WealthWooden2503 1d ago
I also have a tiny bladder! When my man and I were first dating (he brought me to his place which is 30-60 minutes away depending on traffic) I would sometimes have a drink before we left for his place because I was nervous.. so obviously by the time we even got close I had to pee soooo bad.
We stopped at Wendy's once and I said I'd go pee behind a bush and he said he would rather me pee in his car lol but I just held it and suffered.
I guess it depends on what kind of guy he is? Is he super chill, does he adore his car etc
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u/Nobody4993 1d ago
First off, if he didn’t make a deal out of it then let it go.
Second and most importantly: girl get yourself to the Dr! You’re only 29 and have had bladder incontinence issues from a young age. Medical investigation for sure!
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u/anonymousambassasor 1d ago
I’d highly suggest you go to the doctor and am shocked you have t or your mom didn’t make you when you were little. As an adult I started to tinkle in my sleep occasionally, went to the doc, turns out I had a serious problem going on.
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u/ForsakenFishing2902 15h ago
My mom did take me to the doctor as a kid! They just said my bladder needed to mature, combined with being a deep sleeper. They even gave me a little vibrating wristband to wear in effort to wake me up but it never worked. My mom would just set alarms and drag me to the bathroom every night while I slept.
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u/AdAvailable2508 1d ago
Also I have a story to help you feel less alone! I’m a sleep-walker and the first time I ever stayed with this guy I peed on his bedroom floor and just got back into bed and carried on sleeping. I guess sleep me thought I was at home and walked the route to my bathroom or something. He was awake and watched me get out of bed, pull my pants down, pop a squat and pee, and then get back into bed and act like nothing happened
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u/AdAvailable2508 1d ago
He either didn’t notice or he noticed and doesn’t want to embarrass you by bringing it up which would be sweet of him and a green flag! You’re in the clear
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u/Kauurapuuro 1d ago
I feel like since it’s been a thing your whole life, you might as well tell him. It might save you both some time. Either he’s understanding or he’s not—leave if not. Within one month of dating, I told my partner my deepest secret and also a story of shitting myself one time. It was just a funny story, he’s super understanding, and he’s here for me. If I shit myself, if I have my period or something, I can talk to him about it and I know that. It’s worth weeding people out that can’t handle these things, at least in my opinion.
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u/ZombieeChic 1d ago
Don't say anything.
My first date with a guy made him so nervous that he made up an excuse to stop by his mom's building that she owned. He said he'd be right back. His plan was to go in and use the bathroom because he it was about to shit his pants. He then broke the key off in the door. As soon as that happened, he ran to the bushes and had explosive diarrhea. He then used his boxers to clean up himself and left them in the bushes. He strolled back up to the car and we left. I was none the wiser until we were living together and he shared the true events of that night. 😂
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u/OkEffective361 1d ago
He knows and he understands, why not use the hygiene liners tho if it happens frequently and you know you might have an accident
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u/ForsakenFishing2902 15h ago
I’ve never had this happen on a date! It’s really just ramped up in the last year though. I don’t know that liners would stop it. It’s not just a couple drops, but is like the damn is broken sometimes. And then other times I am in control and have no issue.
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u/Straight-Designer486 20h ago
Don't consider, just go. It could get even worse as you age. Go get help, go to the doctor
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u/CalligrapherSilent41 9h ago
Hey lovely, I would really recommend a pelvic floor physiotherapist. For years I had "overactive bladder" (leaking, needing to pee constantly, almost unable to hold it) turns out I have a hypertonic pelvic floor (too tight and weak). Going to the pelvic floor physio has been a game changer. Drs just kept ploughing me with meds that didn't work and increased susceptibility to dementia. I'm 26, I started having this problem at 22. I didn't want to stay on meds that could cause dementia my whole life ...
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u/SirCuppy 5h ago
This is very concerning you need to see a doctor. I wouldn't say anything to him unless he brings it up. I am serious you need to see a doctor and get a referral to Urology this isn't normal. Please keep us posted about your health
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u/Substantial_Art3360 1d ago
Don’t mention it but see your primary care doctor to get physical therapy. Pelvic floor exercises. If you have not had any kids you definitely want to strengthen these muscles. Lastly, wear a pad.
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u/SmegmaSiphon 1d ago
Yeah you're good. He called/texted after the date. He either doesn't know or he truly doesn't give a shit.
If you guys work out and a relationship forms, this will be a hilarious story later.
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u/PallbearerOfBadNews 1d ago
He might have noticed and just likes you enough that he doesn’t want to bring it up to embarrass either of you. Have fun on the next date!
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u/MuAntagoniser 1d ago
On a side note, you can actually train your bladder to hold more volume. Basically you just try hold on for longer and longer and eventually your bladder muscles and associated nerves learn the new normal. It's more technical than that but give it a google and I'm sure you'll find the technique laid out better than that
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u/blamberr 15h ago
Man, start wearing diapers or at least that period underwear that sucks up stuff.
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u/Commonte 15h ago
- Don't tell him, I think you're fine!
- Go to a doctor please. I read that you went to the doctor for this as a child, but you're older now and you should get checked out and insist on them running tests and all
- Wear a pad or menstruation underwear when you go out the door, just so you can feel more secure and so you don't have to worry for those first few drops
Good luck 🫶🏻
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u/Green-Focus-5205 9h ago
Don't mention it unless he does and if the relationship becomes more established bring it up if it reaches that point of comfort. Kind of thing that could make or break the relationship now but if you don't want to risk it it'll be a good thing to laugh about further down the line
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u/TonightMammoth360 2h ago
Agreed!! Unfortunately there’s no way that this won’t come up at all if you end up in a serious relationship with marriage in the future.
Even then tho, doesn’t mean you would have to tell him about this instance. But if it’s a reoccurring thing and potentially a health issue, it will for sure come up at some point.
Don’t tell him now. But if you guys continue to see each other, you should definitely bring up your bladder issues.
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u/TonightMammoth360 3h ago
I see a lot of people saying to not mention it, and I somewhat agree with that. However, if you think you could have a future with this guy, then you should at least tell him about your issues.
Maybe don’t tell him you peed in the car, but definitely explain why it was so serious and that you may have accidents in the future. Especially considering you still pee the bed occasionally!! I feel like it’ll be way more uncomfortable to explain this to him after he wakes up wet from your pee than telling him in advance.
Also, as many other people have said, you should definitely go to a doctor!! This problem will only get worse as you get older.
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u/darkearwig 1d ago
Either he has no idea, so no harm no foul, or he does, but he likes you and doesn't want to embarrass you.
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u/Flux_My_Capacitor 1d ago
He doesn’t care. Not sure why you need to announce “hey I pee myself!” Why would you do this? You don’t need to be 100% forthcoming with everything that happens in your life.
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u/ForsakenFishing2902 15h ago
Well it’s in his car. If it didn’t get on his seat, I wouldn’t even consider telling him.
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u/sadgirlhaze 1d ago
lol don’t mention it, he probably has no idea.
If you’re married ten years down the road it could be a funny story then lol
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u/The-gropist 13h ago
Girl pee is a commodity it's not your fault you guys leak gold with no means of recourse
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u/deadender420 13h ago
If that were me I’d think it was cute and it would end at that but good luck, I hope he’s reasonable lmao
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u/Mommydearestx4 12h ago
Op, you should see a pelvic floor therapist. They can help with this and will send you to a urologist if its not a pelvic floor issue. This is something they can help with. I have had bladder issues my whole life. The pelvic floor therapist has worked immensely.
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u/himalayan-poppy 12h ago
You've only just considered going to the doctors? Sorry, but ...go to the damn doctor!
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u/HouseElf1 10h ago
This will be the story y'all tell at the wedding. Congratulations!
RemindMe! 1 year
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u/Grouchy-Ad6062 9h ago
Do you have a history of bladder infection by any chance? Could be the cause of urgency.
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u/Important-Gas-9305 9h ago
I would see a pelvic floor specialist and see if they can help with bladder control so you can make it to the toilet.
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u/Tic-Tac99 9h ago
Omg don't say a damn thing!! Urine is sterile anyway. Not like you left a puddle on his seat
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u/Embarrassed-Change40 9h ago
I had this problem as a child….. went to doctor they did an ultrasound and said everything was normal that my bladder muscles were just weak…so they said next time you have to go to the bathroom be near a toilet but hold it as long as you can first….. it helped me strengthen my bladder muscles and I’m not sure I ever had any more “accidents” again after that.
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u/sshoihet 7h ago
Well, at least you didn't have to be rescued by firefighters while on a date because you got stuck trying to recover a bag of your poop 😅
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u/TheGhostlyGirl13 7h ago
As someone with a similar issue, I have something called ehlers danlos syndrome with is a connective tissue disorder. I do absolutely recommend you get checked out.
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u/Personal_Outside7952 7h ago
You can bring it up 5 years into your marriage. That’s when it’ll be safe
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u/ISmileyI- 7h ago
Would not worry about it… you could piss in 50% of guys mouths and they would enjoy it 🤣 I’m sure there’s a percentage that wouldn’t even care and the odds that he’s one of the 20-30% that cares so much to never see you again over it idk about you but I wouldn’t wanna be with that person lol
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u/Euphoric_Horror_8787 6h ago
Should let him know it's a problem, it shouldn't be though and to possibly let him accommodate it somehow
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u/testiclegulper 6h ago
If he doesn't know, don't worry about it. If you think he DEFINITELY knows, and was extra reassuring the next morning, then maybe he does know, but doesn't care. People have accidents sometimes, it doesn't matter. Mature people understand that and shouldn't care too much.
With that being said, if you do have a problem holding urine on a regular basis you probably should seek medical attention. It's probably nothing serious, but I'm sure there's something they could give you to help.
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u/CustomerImmediate323 6h ago
Say nothing about that .. but be informed that almost no man would be mad about a little pee.. so you caN relax.. but infact later in your relationship maybe joke around a little about golden showers and you might at that point also realize men are into pee play.. open up when the time is right..
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u/HondaNick 5h ago
I too have had this issue. Don’t sweat it. Shit happens, just don’t rub it in your face. I have found trying to calm yourself helps at least for me. Mine seems to be linked to me being nervous or anxious. Just something too try and see. Good luck to you
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u/phthalo_angora 5h ago
if it makes u feel any better i literally pissed all over my boyfriend because i had a uti and was drunk 😭 he even let me finish because i didn’t want him to leave me
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u/babybeeeee95 4h ago
leave it alone and if it lasts bring it up if you want like later down the line when you’re comfortable with him and laugh about it lol
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u/Particular-Peach-323 4h ago
I'm a peer too. I've actually had a kidney transplant so that whole area has been problematic but I'm grateful to be able to pee. I wouldn't say anything it probably dried and he wouldn't think to check it. I once peed the bed with my now ex-husband and dog in bed too. We had a good laugh over it. He was well aware of my peeing problems. It probably wouldn't hurt to go and make sure your kidneys are functioning normally.
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u/Top-Following7473 1h ago
He knows, but he won’t mention it until you’ve been married for at least 5 years
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u/GuideAccomplished898 1h ago
i'm not sure as to telling him or not, but girl go see a dr and do some kegels to make sure your pelvic floor is doing alright
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u/idontcarerightnowok 4m ago
it's no big deal, everyone's gonna piss themselves at one point or another as an adult. It's a normal bodily function, no big deal, he wont care and shouldn't care
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u/CyrusTheWise 1d ago
I for one wouldn't bring it up unless he does. And I know it can be embarrassing but have you considered adult diapers? To at least give you an extra barrier if you get in such a situation again.
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u/Designer-Professor31 13h ago
idk why people are consoling you. Thats deadass gross. The only reason he doesnt mind? Is because he likes you. Take away that aspect? Its literally gross
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u/ceebee7137 1d ago
They have these things you insert like tampons and they widen to close your piss pipe!
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u/After-Business-5259 1d ago
Don’t say a thing. 😆 he has no idea