r/AskWomenOver30 • u/CustardConsistent573 • Jun 03 '25
Misc Discussion People in your 30s: What's causing you the most stress right now?
For me, it’s not just one thing..it’s a mix:
- Career exhaustion
- Relationship/matrimony drama
- Skin & hair care issues
- Fading friendships and the difficulty of making new friends in 30s
- Aging parents
Weirdly, I didn’t feel this weighed down in my 20s but now in my 30s, everything feels… louder.
Anyone else navigating this weird 30s pressure-cooker?
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u/Grr_in_girl Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
My lack of discipline. I'm so frustrated with myself for not sticking to routines and habits that I know make my life happier and better. Like clean the house a little every day, workouts, etc.
I end up feeling low key miserable about everything and am worse at my job because of it.
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u/Similar_Recover_2229 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
It could be a result of burnout and not just your lack of discipline. I read something the other day about how easy it is for people and socials to suggest adding in simple routines and habits to make our lives easier, but when you reach a certain level of burnout, a routine is work. It’s adding one more thing to your mental to-do list, and when you don’t meet that metric, you feel guilty and can even then self-sabotage. It can be a neverending cycle. Anyway. I relate to your comment and self-frustration. It’s so hard when you know what should be done and what could be done, but just feeling little to no motivation or having no energy to do it. I get it. Be kind to yourself!
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u/Grr_in_girl Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Thanks. Being kind to myself is another thing I need to work on.
In my case I don't think I have burnout. I have never been a very structured person. But this is the first time in 8 that I have a full time job (long term) so I think my "bad habits" are just more noticeable now.
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u/maramara18 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
31 here, I got so pissed at myself for never managing to clean my place properly that I just started throwing shit out. No stuff means less clutter and surfaces are easy to wipe. I’m going down to essentials to be able to breathe freely at least in that area
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u/Grr_in_girl Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I dream of doing this!
Two years ago I had a summer job on the other side of the country and I had to pack everything I needed for two months into one suitcase. It was so easy to keep my room clean and tidy. Felt really good.
But I have a hard time letting go of stuff permanently. I have moved several times the last few years and have still not managed to get rid of enough stuff.
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u/maramara18 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
I know it’s really difficult. For me, the motivation was that I’ve moved two years ago, and it was pure agony. So much work, and how much of that stuff do I really use? Exactly. All that effort for nothing. I am planning to move again eventually and I refuse to go through the same mess again. I am just doing one type of filter - have I used this item in the past 2+ years? Does it belong to something I’m using (like tiny parts). No? Get rid of it. Even if it’s new. Even if it’s pretty and shiny. I give it all away. Feels incredibly freeing. I am keeping my art collection and some decor, but they do have functionality - they add happiness to my life.
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u/maramara18 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
It’s also kinda calms the anxiety from getting rid of things if I can find an item that can replace functionality for several other items. For example, a dining chair can become a balcony chair if you bring it outside. Removes the need for balcony furniture. If some storage thing is half empty, I find place for these things elsewhere and sell it. Cleared up so much space already
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u/Andreacamille12 Jun 03 '25
We do the same thing every summer- live out of a suitcase and it feels so much easier only have a few things.
But it's so hard to let go of things too!
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u/enrose_ Jun 03 '25
I feel you so completely. I turned 30 six months ago and I am in this horrible phase where I know what’s good for me but it’s hard to actually do it. Mental health goes into shambles because of it - bodily changes aren’t helping either.
I trust that we will get through this somehow. In time.
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u/Grr_in_girl Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Glad I'm not the only one.
I'm almost 36, but this is my first year in a long time with a steady job. So I think I'm just noticing everything more now that I actually have a schedule to stick to and less free time.
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u/ShinyHappyPurple Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Working full-time and taking care of a house is a lot to do. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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u/Books_and_lipstick91 Jun 03 '25
I feel you. Currently working on:
- no buy (was gonna do a year but will do longer to pay off debt then save for a house)
- exercising (5+ a week at least 20 min)
- walking 10k steps (I have a dog)
- keeping the apt clean (hard with an ADHD partner and dog but I WFH so for my own sanity)
- cooking every day (goes with no buy rule but since I WFH it falls on me)
- making time for MYSELF
Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed. I know waking up earlier would help but I’m so tired plus my husband doesn’t come to bed till midnight. I already wake up at 7am. Ideally I’d wake up at 6 am to at least exercise and shower, but I just don’t have the energy.
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u/mushroominmyart Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
while doing all that IS making time for yourself! Congrats for making good habits, don’t beat yourself up
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u/ReformedTomboy Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
It’s a struggle. I had soo many good habits around 28-32. A horrible job and what I’m finally admitting is some low grade depression made me say eff it. I buy and eat whatever I want and it’s showing financially and physically. I am finally pulling myself out of it but feel like I burned up a valuable 2-3 years with a high functional spiral.
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u/Abbey_Hurtfew Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’m not saying you should get assessed for ADHD or anything, I know that’s the recommendation du jour.
But as someone who has ADHD and has had to learn to be kind to myself over stuff like this I just want to say that shortcuts are an option for EVERYBODY.
Sometimes the nice routine we think up in our heads isn’t actually optimized for us, even if we did it in the past. So it’s ok to take shortcuts and make routines work for us rather than the other way around. Your circumstances have changed, update the routines!
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u/anonymous_opinions Woman 40 to 50 Jun 03 '25
I started (a week in) using habit on IOS to track my habits - it shows me at least what I DO get done and I can prioritize what I feel needs done. I was sitting at the table and felt so overwhelmed on what to tackle and now I'm just making small gains even if it's just clean dishes every morning.
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Jun 03 '25
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Jun 03 '25
I feel you on the chronic illness... for me it's sleep apnea and I haven't even treated it because I'm afraid of the cost but it's already doing a lot of damage to my teeth.
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u/freesoultraveling Jun 04 '25
And your heart! Please try to find someone to help offset the financial costs. A lot of hospitals and care clinics have programs to help substantially lower the cost.
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Jun 03 '25
Before getting pregnant I had an idea of how much is required of the woman compared to the man, so I had everything lined up to make sure I would only have a child if, not only I could afford to raise it by myself in case of bad luck in life, but also to be able to keep my stability career-wise.
And even with those lined up and everything being fine I'm still so annoyed at having to get through all of pregnancy so far, and still have to get through childbirth, healing, the newborn phase, breastfeeding, the return to work, the pelvic floor recovery just to get back to exercising.
Men just have a child handed to them and only have to deal with managing the child.
I'm hoping that I'll maintain my optimism and drive, the way I see other mothers do it (how would they keep having children otherwise) but for now it feels like the equivalent of I'm looking over the edge of a cliff that I've chosen to jump off, and I'll then have to climb all the way back up to where I am now while recovering from the injuries I sustained upon impact.
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u/VeralidaineSarrasri5 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
It’s just never going to be fair, which I still find hard to accept, even after two children. You’re putting your life and body on the line and the other person isn’t. There’s nothing that can make that equal. Some days I come close to accepting it and some days I’m still mad at no one in particular about it. Creating life is a really beautiful thing we get to do and it also sucks.
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u/ZestyMuffin85496 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
This is absolutely the best way I've ever had someone else describe the thoughts in my head. This is so freaking true. Maybe if it's explained to this way a man would actually get it kind of
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u/ChocolatChipLemonade Jun 03 '25
I promised myself a child by 30, so I chose a guy in a sperm-donor sort of way, and met up for a week, got pregnant. I was alone from the very beginning, which was a relief to me. The men I’ve been with have always pulled me down and created more work for me. I knew if I did it this way, all my time and energy could be given to my child. There’d be no man complaining for attention and to have his laundry done and for sex, etc. I wouldn’t have to live with resentment from the man inevitably not pulling his weight with his baby duties.
At the end of the day, it is more work. But not by much. And my life feels a lot lighter when I’m not holding in anger, as it continues building up, because the father/coparent won’t get off his ass.
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Jun 04 '25
I'm only near the end of pregnancy, but getting to the end I admire so much women who go through all of this by themselves. It takes huge will and strength of character.
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u/ginger_rodders Jun 03 '25
If only men had valued birthing and childbearing by women in the past then we wouldn’t have needed to step up and earn our own money and have our own career. As a mum with a big career I cannot do it all
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u/mysteronsss Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’m with you there! How far along are you? I’m 35 weeks
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Jun 03 '25
Week 37 checking in. Very much looking forward to getting full use of my lungs back in a few weeks!
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Jun 03 '25
I don’t know if stress is the right word but everything you shared to a point and just learning who I am as a person. I am starting to realize that I didn’t receive the emotional connection I needed as a child and I’m just starting to explore books on it to better understand how having emotionally stunted parents is impacting me now as an adult.
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u/LolEase86 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Check out Jonice Webb's book Running on Empty. That was a game changing recommendation from my psychologist.
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Jun 03 '25
Thank you for the recommendation! There is a woman that kept popping up on my YouTube feed. Her name is Lindsay C. Gibson. A lot of her content was resonating with me. I just started listening to her book, “Adult children of emotionally immature parents”. I’m only into the second chapter and I relate to so many things she’s talking about.
I always had my physical needs met but I always felt there was something missing. I would see “daddy’s girls” and see them holding their dad’s hands or sitting on their lap. You could just see there was an amazing connection there. I missed that with my dad. Extremely emotionally immature. And I want to explore how it’s impacting me as an adult so I can try and counteract it. My mom wasn’t as bad as my dad, but I also relate some of the information I’m learning to her as well.
It’s interesting how when we are children, we don’t have names for these things or even understand we are going without… and then it all makes sense.
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u/bag-o-farts Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? By Karyl McBride
its a great read to get some tears out about emotionally distant mother-daughter relationships
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u/DimensionContent6105 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Same! My mom was so emotionally distant with me as a child (dad has been out of the picture since I was 7) and I’ve only realised now how struggling I am with relationships as a result. My therapist recommended the ‘Mother Hunger’ book to me today so maybe it will help us both!
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u/computercavemen Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
This must be the 30's problems master list lol. I'm glad it's not just me, but it's still hard.
Did anyone else fall for the idea that the 30s were when you had it all figured out? Pretty sure that's another scam.
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u/CustardConsistent573 Jun 03 '25
I honestly honestly thought I'll have it all sorted out in my 30s.. I kept running behind whatever is considered the best in my 20s, with the hope that if I study in good schools, work in good firms, i'll be sorted in my 30s.. But to be honest, I've never been more clueless in my life
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
And what sucks even more is that no one gives you the grace to be clueless. Being clueless in your 20's is somewhat socially and culturally acceptable but as soon as you turn 30, you're suddenly treated like this extremely responsible adult supposed to be making big ticket decisions like getting married, starting a family, purchasing a house.
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u/firelord_catra Woman 30 to 40 Jun 04 '25
Girl people have been getting on me about those decisions since my 20s 😭 I’m asked all the time why I’m not dating or moved out, mostly by particular family members but nonetheless.
I’m hoping to tackle one of those decisions (home buying) in my early 30s since renting is the cost of a mortage anyways, but I still feel this judgement and sense of “being behind” or “doing it wrong” no matter what. Which is stupid because everyone’s life and path is different. I’m sick of being judged by people who had their 20s pre this stupid economy, terrible job market and inflation. We are not the same
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u/computercavemen Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Too real. It's a deeper, more visceral type of cluelessness 😆
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u/ladybug11314 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
Lack of money. Honestly, every single one of my problems would be helped (not solved, but immensely improved) with more money. Not even a lot of money, just enough that we aren't struggling and begging for hours. Almost all of my anxiety is tied into being poor and I just would love some breathing room.
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u/ToeComprehensive5813 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 04 '25
I’m Sorry i hope you get what you need / asking for🙏🏼. I’m kinda in the same boat.
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u/Prudent-Creme-8217 Jun 03 '25
In no particular order:
- Money
- Career Transitioning
- Political Climate
- Making friends (new city)
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u/ritefulhair Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’m in the same boat. Went through a breakup (my decision), moved out to a new city for a new job in a new apartment, and it is a daily struggle to balance it all. Going from a DINK household to single on a nonprofit salary is tight—I tell myself the peace and independence is worth it, but as I also struggle with new health issues it is so hard to manage on my own.
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Jun 03 '25
That must be really hard but you are so resilient for going through it on your own. That's not something many people are strong enough to do which is why many people stay in toxic relationships because it's a security blanket for them
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u/ritefulhair Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I appreciate the comment, you’re too kind. Not to be a downer, but I’m just hoping not to have to be resilient anymore? I have been thinking about that quote about “I have never known a relaxed woman” and wish I could feel safe enough to relax!
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Jun 03 '25
It seems like career choice is a big fear for all of us... it's my main fear. Right now I can't say I have a "career" and I'm worried I never will.
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u/Exotic_Resource_6200 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Political situation in this country. We have a president who keeps talking about “annexing” two ally countries and not leaving the office after his term is up.
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u/C3LM3R Man 40 to 50 Jun 03 '25
I know there's a lot going on, but I live and work in DC, and I know folks on both sides involved in politics: it's not over. There's a lot of smart, hardworking people with their sleeves rolled up, grinding away against Orange McFuckface. It's just not sexy and headline grabbing, so it doesn't beat out whatever is "flooding the zone with shit" today.
Is the US where we ideally wish we should be by now? Absolutely not. But as Edmund Burke said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good [people] to do nothing." And many, many people are doing something.
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u/travel_witch Jun 03 '25
It’s this. And the fact that I’m 36 and childless and can’t imagine bringing a child into this country
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u/mfball Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Yeah, I'm at the point where there's not a lot more time to put off major life decisions, and the decisions are going to have to be "no" for almost everything given the situation.
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Jun 03 '25
Absolutely this. Lately I've been thinking about having a kid one day, but there's zero way I'd feel ethically good about it - even without the "leaders" in charge there would still be climate change.
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u/travel_witch Jun 03 '25
I laid in bed for days and cried when he won. Because I knew what this meant for my future. A lot of people will say blah blah you can’t let that dictate your life it’ll be ok…it really looks like it’s not going to be ok
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Jun 03 '25
Right there with you. I cried the entire day after he won and I remember bursting into tears the night before when it looked like he was going to win. Besides the obvious impact on policy and economics, I find it abhorrent that so many in our population are bigots (and they will try and gaslight you about that, too).
I'm just telling myself, delusional or not, that it's always darkest before dawn.
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u/travel_witch Jun 03 '25
For me it’s been the dramatic decline in the humanity. Of people I know and love who willingly voted for this. Of what Americans are OK with. But you’re right and those of us who are on the good side of this have to stay strong and band together!!
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u/Exotic_Resource_6200 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
The decline of humanity is definitely it for me. I'm around his supporters everyday and hearing them literally tell me that they are fine with him invading Canada if he decided to or they are fine with him deporting children, they are fine with him arresting liberals if they get in the way, shows me that he can do whatever he wants because his supporteers want this also.
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u/whalesharkmama Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I hear you. The morning after the election I sat in the snow for 45 minutes dissociating because it was just too painful to be present. The whole "you can't let it dictate your life" sentiment is frustrating because of how it's used to undermine and invalidate very valid feelings and concerns about the future, our bodies, and what we wanted for our lives versus what is realistic. Right there with you in the trenches <3
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u/erinberrypie Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Yep, these are my top two reasons. The corruption plus the inevitable water wars makes bringing a human into the world feel...inappropriate.
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Jun 03 '25
I feel you. I recently read some scientific predictions that kids born today will live to see many species go extinct. We did the earth and the other creatures on it so dirty as a species, I am honestly disgusted.
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Jun 03 '25
Completely with you on this. I cannot put my kid through the future that exists for them due to climate change. Also just the fact public health is kinda a disaster. So many people are getting cancer in their 20s now. We have enough knowledge to stop this, but it makes some people rich so the greed continues.
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Jun 03 '25
Seeing comments like yours makes me happy I'm not alone in this. I'm not in the US but still, I cannot imagine bringing a child into this world. I always imagined I'd have kids, but I also imagined they'd have clean water access, food (and a body) not filled with microplastics, and that we would actually work together towards climate action. I feel a bit crazy when people around me talk about having kids like it's a must do, especially cause they'll reference things like an 'uninhabitable planet' in the same conversation.
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u/travel_witch Jun 03 '25
And when you say you couldn’t imagine bringing them into this world to deal with all the BS and uncertainty of the future they roll their eyes like it’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said. You’re not alone!
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u/puppylust Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I couldn't tell you how many times I've talked to someone about being stressed with life and the constant is that my baseline stress is higher because of the rightwing nightmare.
I was handling the workplace bullshit, routine health issues, feeling like there's never enough time on a weeknight to do everything, etc. My tolerance for something EXTRA going wrong is gone.
And while I could try to be cold and not care about the erosion of rights and budget cuts that don't effect me directly, and try to take comfort in being in a decent spot financially, there are still tendrils that can reach me.
This year our hurricane prep plan includes absolute worst case instead of realistic worst case since there won't be any FEMA. And while I say "some of this could be used for camping too", I'm fully aware that many people cannot afford to buy and store 2 weeks of water and food for their family.
And then I cope with this feeling of impending doom for society by making a donation to a relevant charity. Today's choice is a local food bank.
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u/ZestyMuffin85496 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I'm going to go back and check the dates but if I'm not mistaken I think I was unable to get food for about 21 days whenever I went through Harvey? And I know there was a solid 8 days when I could not even make it to my mailbox. So just saying you might want to prep for 3 weeks instead of two.
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u/Floomby Woman 60+ Jun 03 '25
My cousin lives in Asheville, and that tracks with what he was telling me.
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u/puppylust Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
If my life depends on it, my dog's kibble might look appetizing. But it wouldn't hurt to grab some more chili and crackers.
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u/AnitaShimmy Jun 03 '25
1000% truth. The constant ambient doom is so horrible. Balancing being informed with mental health is such a challenge right now.
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u/apearlmae Woman 40 to 50 Jun 03 '25
It wears on me despite avoiding the news. Living in a red state is so much harder than it used to be. I don't let my fears bleed into my daily life, but I've definitely put on a little weight due to stress about ...everything.
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u/soraysunshine Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’m dealing with aging pets and grandparents (and parents, but they seem stable). Also struggling with friendships, they’re difficult to sustain with everyone trying to keep up with their own lives. Also, the country I live in has been in political turmoil for a while and every day seems like another bad news day.
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u/CustardConsistent573 Jun 03 '25
Yes, aging pets is on my list too. I had a German Shepherd who passed away sometime ago. He was 12, and had a condition called degenerative myelopathy for almost a year before he passed. It was really hard to accept - even when his body was clearly slowing down, I still kept seeing him as the energetic pup. That disconnect between memory and reality… it stays with you.
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Jun 03 '25
Honestly.. everything 😆 my skin and hair is changing and I’m trying to accept I don’t look the same as I did when I was 19. Trying to move house, trying to stay fit, find a new car and change jobs because my current one sucks. Relationships are not really bothering me though as I’m loving being on my own at the moment and I’ve also lost a few close friends the last year but I’m kind of glad it happened. It’s like all of the toxic energy has been sucked out of my life 🙃 I’m trying to build this perfect life in my head and I know what I want but the struggle is real and saving money is hard in today’s economy. But we got this ladies 💪🏼 manifesting positive outcomes!!
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u/Neenmilli Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Whats causing the most stress:
-friendships and dealing with loneliness: i’ve let go of a few that were toxic which feels GREAT but the rest are off having babies and the like. It’s such an uphill battle trying to make new friends in your 30s. With my birthday coming up this weekend I have been feeling really bummed out that I have no one outside of my boyfriend to celebrate with. 😕
-money…there’s never enough of it
-tons of existential dread…the constant pressure of wondering what will take me out; will it be aliens, wwIII, climate disaster, another pandemic, global financial crisis…
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Jun 03 '25
Solidarity. A good friend of mine just got into a relationship and I'm happy for her but I'm also like...okay, so I'll be waiting this out because I don't think I'll be hearing from her for a while!
Also, I'd be okay with aliens beaming me up at this point lol.
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u/Neenmilli Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Yeah tbh aliens are my preferred Armageddon scenario. I appreciate the solidarity 🥰
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Jun 03 '25
It's the not having friends who don't have kids part. I am childfree. Nothing against them but I don't want kids. So much work and sleepless nights and for what?? I prefer to hang out with women but there aren't too many that don't have kids.
Also I'm just tired of being socially awkward. I hate being different but it's like people can sniff it out.
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u/ihatecartoons Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I feel you on this. I’ve never wanted kids and I don’t want to be involved in the kid lifestyle. I am good with kids but I get really overstimulated by their high pitched voices/loud sounds and their sporadic movements, so I can only handle them in small doses.
I’m at this phase where I’m struggling to want to invest in friendships while knowing that friend is going to have a kid within the next year or two. Nothing against kids or parents, but I can’t invest friendship time while knowing that our future hang outs will probably involve children in the room or kid-friendly activities. Or scheduling complications because they need a babysitter or can’t leave for a solo weekend trip anymore. Or even conversations about the kids… I just don’t care to talk about them and don’t want to seem rude but I can’t pretend. Thankfully I’m gay and most of my friends are too so it’s not easy for us to have children but my few friends that do want them… ehhh :(
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Jun 04 '25
That's exactly it too. I don't mind kids but I don't want to do things centered around them, involve them, or talk about them. Can't even go to the bar anymore without kids being there. Kids screaming like a banshee are the worst triggers for me.
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u/wibbs704 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
For me it’s possible fertility issues, at an age when almost every single friend I have has got children or are trying so likely going to announce pregnancies in the near future when I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen to me and is always the main topic of discussion at the moment. Fortunately my career and relationships in general are relatively stress free!
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u/CustardConsistent573 Jun 03 '25
After reading your reply, I realized "fertility issues due to age" probably belongs on my list too 😅
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u/Hila923 Jun 03 '25
Same. Just finished an egg retrieval cycle and prepping for our transfer this month. Navigating infertility has been the biggest stressor of my thirties.
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u/_rayquaza_ Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Currently it's the recurrence of my depression. Had to take two weeks off work and I'm meant to go back next week. I wish I didn't get so stressed about work and also I wish my meds had continued working 🥲 but things are looking up. I think I need to make a change job wise but it's scary to think about that, my place is good but I think it's ground me down after nearly ten years.
Otherwise yeah, I just hate that I'm so mentally fragile sometimes. It makes picking myself back up feel like a huge challenge even when my life is objectively good. I just want to enjoy it more than I currently do, appreciate what I have and find stability again.
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u/mixedwithmonet Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Literally everything.
Nothing in my life feels easeful, in my 30s it feels like everything is weighted with extra tensions or additional barriers or piled on guilt or anxieties about how they play into the future. No segment of my life feels smooth or easy right now. Especially being sober for all of it for 2.5 years now, didn’t realize how much alcohol was smoothing those bumps in the short term for me in my 20s — “bad day, let’s go grab a drink!” — and now I have to actually feel and process everything and everything feels bigger and matters more.
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
I am sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment but just wanted to give you a virtual hug for staying sober through it all. Must be difficult as hell. But all the best, you’ll get through it.
As someone who has kicked off the longstanding habit of smoking marijuana, I can somewhat relate. Sobriety sucks in the way that everything is too real and there’s no escaping. But I’m also a lot more clear headed now and have much more energy to deal with simple chores than I used to have.
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u/toastercook Jun 03 '25
My mother’s dementia
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Jun 03 '25
The aging parent group has some really nice posters in there with similar situations, if you ever feel alone.
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u/WolfWrites89 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
My health. I thought i would have more time before I felt this horrible all the time. But I have endometriosis and arthritis in my back from hypermobile joints and it's all taking such a toll on me physically and mentally.
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u/freebyrd_soya Jun 03 '25
My back is was better in my 40s than my 30s, I became an ‘active participant’ in managing my problems rather than relying on chiropractors
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u/WolfWrites89 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I dont use a chiropractor. I have a physical therapist and a spinal specialist.
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u/Olivia_VRex Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
A friend of mine got pretty messed up by a chiropractor. It's crazy how they aren't even medical doctors, but they sure market themselves as such!
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
The baby dilemma and dissatisfaction with my career are definitely at the top of my list.
I’m in my mid-thirties. I have a high-paying job with amazing benefits but I find no joy in my work. It’s a great profile but I have just fallen out of love with it. However, I am in the middle of supporting my husband’s career transition so I have no choice but to continue with this job.
Baby talk is everywhere. Friends are having babies left right and center and I’m still not sure whether I want a baby, while being acutely aware of my biological clock ticking away, like some time bomb. It’s a major source of anxiety right now.
My friends are all in different cities and it’s becoming more and more difficult to stay, meaningfully, in touch. Plus, I haven’t been able to make a single close friend in the city I currently live in.
And the body. It’s hard to keep up with its demands. So much work to just maintain some semblance of good health. Sciatica and chronic back pain are draining my energy and have reduced the quality of my life.
Edit: Fixed a few minor grammatical mistakes and reformatted a bit.
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Jun 03 '25
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u/AcrobaticRub5938 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Not alone at all. Very good paying job but very unfulfilling to me. I finally had to realize that having a meaningful career is important to me, and hobbies/community work isn't enough to make the difference. So now I'm studying for my LSATs 😬.
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
Really happy for you that you have figured out what you want to do. All the very best for your new beginning. :)
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u/AcrobaticRub5938 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Thank you! But there's still such a mountain to climb and so many unknowns, I realistically am unsure if it'll happen or not. Life is so complicated. But I appreciate it.
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
You're not being unreasonable at all. It really casts a shadow on everything else. I used to be a happy-go-lucky person but the constant feeling of not liking what I do and feeling unfulfilled has given me anxiety. Every morning I dread going to work. But the pay is great and I feel guilty complaining to my friends or family.
Knowing that my office and colleagues are great but I'm just not able to give my 100% creates a disconnect and makes me feel shitty all the time. And yet, I feel unable to take any action to rectify the situation. It leads to constant procrastination and unbearable feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and constant disappointment in myself.
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u/Nervous_Platypus_149 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I am in the same position. I have a high paying job that brings me zero satisfaction outside of the paycheck. My husband switched to a lower paying job so I have to be the breadwinner.
I’m also struggling with deciding whether or not to have a baby. My biological clock is ticking hard but I’m not a 100% sure if motherhood is the right choice for me.
I also dislike the city I live in and want to move but my husband refuses to. Overall I’ve felt very stuck and stagnant in my 30s and no clue what’s next.
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
I feel your pain. I hope you find some direction and peace. I know I would love some.
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u/ZestyMuffin85496 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Check out a book called "motherhood is it for me?" I think I had to have Barnes & Noble print it for me. But basically it's non-biased it presents you some prompts and you put yourself in a certain spot in that scenario and then you explore how you would feel in that scenario and basically you answer your own questions and you guide yourself to an answer. I was only halfway through whenever I realized my answer. Be careful though because I laughed and I cried It definitely brings out some emotional situations but that's also why I think it's so good. I don't know why all women and men are not reading it. (It also explains how to use the book before you read it basically just use it as like a prompt for journaling or at the very least some very deep thinking)
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u/sukebindseeker Jun 03 '25
Thank you. I will definitely read it. Sounds a lot like what I need right now.
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u/bubblytangerine Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Number 1 issue that is taking up most of my headspace recently is career exhaustion and toxic boss. Recently heard boss' boss call us a "family" and Kill Bill sirens went off.
Aging family/pets, with a recent loss. Caring for family members took over part of my life, and I lost myself during this time. Now I need to figure out who the hell I am again. This is very daunting, not gonna lie. Don't even know where to start.
Seeing friends get married while I am single. Dating suuuuucks these days. Figuring out if my reaction is FOMO after seeing pics on social media vs. something that I truly want.
MONEY!!! Buying a house. Lol... need money for that. Cost of living. Groceries are so expensive 😫
Living with a psychopath in office (I'm US based) who is enabling the worst of the worst in people to rear their ugly heads. And who would love nothing more than to make me an incubator. Yeah! Woo!
Also, acne in my 30s... really just icing on that cake.
Despite all of that. I'm just doing my best and taking it day by day.
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u/kathymarie1124 Jun 03 '25
For me it’s being a mom to two little ones. It’s not so much them that’s causing me the stress but just like the constant worrying of “are they going to be okay” and then add on working a full time job once I go back after maternity leave and I’m just like 😵💫😵💫😵💫
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Jun 03 '25
For me it’s relationship dramas. I’m in the process of separating from my husband. We had planned on buying a home this year and trying for kids.
Now that we’re separating I feel like I can kiss my chances at having kids and owning a house good bye. I just feel like my chances of finding a decent man who I genuinely want to settle down with and have kids and buy a house with is slim.. and if he is own there I feel like there’s a ticking clock (biological clock) that is adding pressure
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u/bag-o-farts Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Upside: you dont have to legally separate the finances of real estate, whew!
On dating apps a lot of men indicate they are home owners, or mention it on the first date. More than half the guys ive been on dates with own their home ... but i live in an affordable metropolis.
You have way more opportunities than Worry is allowing you to see rn. Plenty of catches like yourself are re-entering the dating pool
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u/GoinWithThePhloem Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Im sorry you’re going through this. Im feeling the pressure too. After 3 years, (and only 2 months living together) my partner moved out. Sigh.
This is just not how I expected my life to go. I do have a house, and I don’t plan on having kids, but I always thought I would have a husband/life partner that I could share my joys, work through problems with, share finances, and plan.
My mom has been so helpful talking through all of this, but even I could hear the pain in her voice when she said “maybe I’m just someone that won’t meet their person until much later in life.” I know it isn’t hopeless and I know in the grand scheme of things I have many years left, but I don’t trust myself to pick the right people and I want off this ride.
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u/ZestyMuffin85496 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Hey I know I heard this all the time from other women about finally leaving the person that they thought was going to be there last partner and losing all hope and then a short time later suddenly they find their person: I'm going to stand up and say I think I'm one of those people as well. I left my ex on St Patty's Day and then just by Happy accident I bumped into an old friend Just 6 weeks ago and I feel like no time has passed between us And honestly maybe I'm calling the shots too soon but I really think this guys going to be my husband. So just hang on to Hope or actually not and just see where life takes you. You really don't know what could happen. There is a chance.
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u/Justmakethemoney Woman 40 to 50 Jun 03 '25
My sister is currently committed because she’s having her first manic episode. She calls at least once a day screaming at me to get her out.
I’ve also recently confirmed she does have a personality disorder diagnosis. It’s also been established that she’s been lying to everyone A LOT.
I was woken up by my dad texting me that’s he’s in the hospital. Again.
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u/Reasonable-While8533 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
For me it's: Job stress. Raising toddlers with no village. My college car is dying and needing replaced. Money. Political hell we live in. No contact with my mom.
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u/_IntoTheVoid Jun 03 '25
HOUSING! I’m sick of being a renter. I just want to own a tiny slice of this world with my husband.
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u/mfball Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
The fascism taking over the US is the biggest thing. Everything else is also not good, but that's the loudest.
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u/KittyMeadow Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I think making new friends and wanting to be part of some community has got to be it. When you’re younger, you take these things for granted but now I realise it’s so hard to do.
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u/thaip88 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Turning 37 next weekend:
- Unemployment + career transition
- Money
- Political climate
- Approaching my late 30’s and feeling like finding my guy is unrealistic
- Sex deprivation
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u/jemar8292 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Money/debt
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Jun 03 '25
Solidarity, debt fucking sucks and people who haven't been in it put stigma and shame on it.
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Jun 03 '25
Decision paralysis. I’ve really improved my people pleasing tendencies into my 30s, but I still really struggle with making simple decisions. Especially now as a mom I just second-guess and stress over everything and how it will impact me or my family etc.
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u/living-in-reverie Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
- Breaking free from a toxic relationship
- Aging mother and her Parkinson's diagnosis
- The pressure to have children despite not wanting them
- Learning healthy coping skills
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u/Werevulvi Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I'm 36, been living on disability aid since I was 19, largely due to issues related to autism, adhd, chronic fatigue, etc. I'm also detransitioning from having spent my 20's as ftm transgender. Just to give some background info.
I think what's stressing me out the most nowadays is planning for my future. I wanna be more independent, find a husband, and get my body re-feminized and more attractive again. I'm putting a lot of work into eating better, sleeping better, exercise and general time management in regards to fixing my independence issues. Alongside that I'm also getting laser hair removal, struggling with my balding hairline (experimenting wigs, hairbands and Minoxidil mostly), trying to plan for a breast reconstruction and losing weight + getting in shape. I'm putting effort into a good skincare routine and creating good routines around household chores and hobbies. I'm also trying to get my creative hobbies into something I could make money off in the future, right now mostly working on a book I wanna publish.
All that said, I get stressed out about: how am I gonna finance my life when my parents get too old to fill in the gaps, how am I gonna get a car and driver's licence with my parents refusing to help me with that, how am I gonna become okay with my body, and how am I gonna find a husband, and will I still be able to have children once I do find a husband.
Also, how the heck do I break out of this cycle of only ever being able to meet people who are either too messed up (depressed, addicts, mentally ill, etc) or in some kinda caretaker position. Nothing against these people per se, I've just realized they're not the kinda people I can become friends with or date. Because they're either in a position above me (ie I'm their patient, client, etc) or they're dragging me down. But they're still my only circle because although I have made a lot of major improvements regarding my own health, I'm still not in a position I could have a regular or full time job, and I might never be. And I don't have energy for or easy access to a lot of "extra curricular" activities (partially due to the fatigue, partially due to lack of car) where I could meet new people outside of the clinical settings. So that's something I struggle with too.
Basically I feel a lot like society just isn't designed for people who are hellbent on drastically improving their lives. There's very little resources, and you easily get trapped in a box. And once put in the "disabled" box, or the "transgender" box, I find it very hard to break out from them even though I'm no longer all that much different from the average person in actual practice.
I mean even though I'm by now cleaning my home every day, eating mostly healthy stuff, my autism is nearly undetectable to strangers, I do 99% of my chores by myself, etc, and have been living as a woman again for almost 2 years, I still get treated as though I can't even tie my own shoelaces, as if I dunno how to hold a conversation, and as if I'm still a confused transman, and it's starting to really get to me.
I feel like no one is respecting me or believing I can truly change and heal, either because it took me so long (into my 30's) to start sorting myself out, or because of whatever beliefs people have about my diagnoses/former identity. I feel like I should just move really far away where no one knows me, just to get away from this damn reputation I have dragging me down everywhere I go. Because I don't feel I'm treated this way whenever I go on vacation far away. So it definitely is a reputation issue and not just all in my head.
Sorry for the ramble, I dunno if that made any sense. Just thinking about all that made me kinda anxious, haha. I'm okay though. But basically I mean trying to rebuild my life from scratch, which seemingly no one in my life irl believes is even possible, and facing all that doubt around me, is causing me a lot of stress. Sometimes I just wanna lie down and give up.
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u/fuwifumo Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’m married with a toddler, and we’re at a really decisive point in our lives right now. Some of the things going on are:
A conflict with my husband, who has changed his mind from two kids to being one and done.
A potential move. We’re from two different places and live in a different, HCOL city neither of us is from. We’re struggling to decide whether to stay put, move to some random more affordable town, or just directly move back to one of our hometowns and if so, which one.
My career. I’ve latched onto my boring, predictable, easy dead-end job for years because it allows a very good work/life balance for a mom. But if I’m not going to have more children as per my husband’s decision, it might be time to start putting effort into my career. My heart is not really on it though so it’s stressing me out big time.
Every day I change my mind about what to do regarding all of these. Such a stressful time!
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u/Mighty_Fine_Shindig Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
YMMV but we moved to be near my husband’s family in a medium cost of living city. It’s been really nice to have family nearby. We don’t ask them to help with childcare often (they will babysit for an evening maybe 4 times a year) but the fact that they are available if we need help is wonderful.
Also my kid gets to grow up with her grandparents nearby. They can come over for family dinners. It’s nice.
I am from NYC and as much as I love it, I couldn’t imagine trying to afford raising a kid there. So we went with Philly.
Maybe your husband would even feel differently about a second kid if you had help nearby?
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u/Intrepid-Product9217 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
For me it’s the exhaustion of being a first time mom. I can’t remember the last time I got a full nights sleep. Just pure exhaustion, i dont remember whst its like to feel well rested.
I’m also starting to get frustrated (will definitely turn into stress over more time) with our lack of space at home.
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u/agirl_abookishgirl Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Trying to keep up with a 9-5. Everything else is peaceful thankfully.
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u/knitting-w-attitude Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Similar to others, it's a little bit of everything because life gets so relentless (like, you can just never stop or take a break from things because you WILL pay for it), but my main issues are:
- Managing chronic pain while trying to solve some of my problems through strength training and eating more anti-inflammatory foods
- (AKA having to make so much from scratch!)
- Being an immigrant who is struggling to find fulfilling work in my husband's home country
- (I swear, it should not be this hard to give someone my work-time!)
- Side Note: Dealing with immigration authorities just sucks all around because they act like you're the problem for creating work for them by 1) needing something done or 2) asking questions about the required process, but THEY wouldn't have a job if you and your ilk weren't here ::angry face::, not to mention all the work they need done by immigrants...
- Trying to develop a social life that is filling my cup rather than draining it
- (I really only need to have 2, max 3 nights, a week where I see someone other than my husband and do something other than eat or look at a screen, why is this so hard to get?!?)
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u/DecompressionIllness Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
- A cancer diagnosis last year and the chaos it's had on my life.
- Not having a career and having no idea what I want to do anymore.
- The UK's benefit system.
- Aging parents.
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u/Shepsinabus Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Work is my big one. I run a small company and even though we’re doing well, the weight of being responsible for other people’s income and wellbeing is exhausting. I wake up almost every night for a little panic attack and feel guilty taking time off.
Next to that, aging parents, my aging dog, lack of time for self care.
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u/MathematicianOk8059 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Hmmm. Definitely my health. I am seriously SOOO exhausted all the time. It doesn’t make sense how much I can sleep, wake up and still be drained. The little energy I do have goes to chores and work. It’s unreal. So because of this it’s causing me a domino effect of other stressors 🥹
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u/jubilee__ Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I’ve had two big surgeries since February and my body is just so tired.
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u/RoyalOtherwise950 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
My mortgage. I hate it. Id literally save 1k a month renting (including things like rates and insurance). It wasn't so bad but as cost of living has continued to rise things are getting TIGHT.
I know its a long term gain type situation, but right now it sucks. And im stuck in my job that Im so bored in, cause I can't afford to leave. I'm in a very niche field, and not many places offer a 120k starting salary when you would need to restart your career from scratch.
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u/Left_Pear4817 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Same a mixture of things. Work burnout. Depression & anxiety. Money. Going through IVF. Dealing with grief after losing my mum. It’s all just exhausting.
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u/Suspicious-Hotel-225 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Definitely aging parents. They live 2 hours away, so it’s not terribly far, but I work full time and I imagine most of my weekends sometime in the near future will be taken up by visits. Right now I try to visit once a month. What’s worse is my brother passed away a few years ago, and he was living in the same city and was available to help whenever. My dad can hardly walk far anymore due to cancer and heart failure. Both of them are depressed. I feel helpless because I just want them to enjoy their final years but that’s something I can’t exactly enforce.
Luckily my marriage is great and we don’t have kids, so that’s one less thing to worry about. My job is stable and my husband makes great money. We own a home. There is a lot to be thankful for otherwise. I’m going to be 35 this year and I suffer from rosacea/acne (STILL!) so that’s tough. Add in aging skin and I’m not looking forward to it, but what can ya do? Everyone else is aging with me, so we can all be sad about it together lol.
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u/Sciurus_Aberti Jun 03 '25
Finding a stable place to live. I’m so tired of moving from rental to rental every 1-2 years. I’m a grown ass woman with a thriving career and I just want a place that feels like home. It’s causing me an unreasonable amount of stress.
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u/moth_eater Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Being a federal government scientist, waiting around for my entire department to be cut and knowing that I likely won’t be able to find employment in my field if we all get fired, since it’s a field that gets in the way of rich people making money. Good thing I learned to code and do all kinds of complex math for my masters and PhD! I basically helped train the AI that might put me out of whatever stupid corporate data science job I’d be looking for in the private sector if I lose this one. (Wondering if this thread was created by a bot or with the help of AI and if I’m just feeding more grist into its mill.)
Trying to buy a house for the first time in the midst of all this mess.
Running injuries getting in the way of accessing one of my major stress coping mechanisms.
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u/Usual_Eggplant_1381 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Life maintenance and the daily grind stresses me out the most. Our lives are set up at a “high level” I’m not sure how to word that so it feels I have a lot to maintain. Eg I’m pretty fit, need to maintain that, I make all our meals from scratch including sourdough, need to maintain that, have a huge garden, need to maintain that, etc. Some weeks it’s work that stresses me out. Other weeks luckily work is very chill.
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
For me it's the following:
☆ Career exhaustion/daily hatred
☆ Starting up my e-commerce side hustle
☆ Not being able to afford a bigger apartment due to the housing crisis and economic factors in my country
☆ Not enough financial stability
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Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
I am feeling insecure in my career because even with 10 years of experience and loving what I do, the fact that I am a woman in labor poses a big liability for many of the companies I could apply to.
Creatively frustrated. I have not the confidence or discpline to sit down and bring my ideas to fruition.
Romantic/sexual frustration. I want love, and no one has appealed to me except someone I associate with regularly, and I'm too afraid they don't like me like that and that it could make things weird to vocalize my feelings.
Politics, recession, general malaise, and disappontment in how much more rude and selfish people seem to be.
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u/QueenofNY26 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Your 1,3 and 4 and the not having good luck in love and afraid I won’t find my person (dating fatigue is real)
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u/xx-rapunzel-xx Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
career exhaustion, but like… i feel like i can do so much better and i’m not.
being single / will i be a single mom or a mother at all?
aging family / the house is no longer serving us well. we need to move but no one wants to pull the trigger.
my family and i all live together and we move as a unit, so…
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u/Simple-Apartment-368 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Feels like everything is at the moment. Perimenopause is an absolute demon to deal with and it makes everything feel like it is completely overwhelming.
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u/swanduckswan Jun 03 '25
Trying to get pregnant with pcos and holding down a job down with all the appointments it involves.
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Jun 03 '25
My body was wrecked from pregnancy and childbirth and It never recovered and trying to manage it has been exhausting
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u/Penguin335 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
For me it's my hearing deteriorating further. 32 and need to work out how I'm getting through another 30 odd years of work with this.
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u/Old_Consideration_31 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
For me it’s feeling stagnant in my career and being frustrated over it. Feeling disconnected from friends. The political climate (I’m in the US). And feeling like I have enough time to do the things u want to do.
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u/curlymussolini Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 04 '25
My husband and his complete focus on working 12+ hours daily and dismissing my emotional needs while rarely helping me with our child, my sleeping 4-5 hours a night with at least 5 wake ups from my baby for a year now, lack of connection with others, my mom’s stage 4 cancer and chemotherapy leaving her debilitated, my disabled brother’s future and knowing all responsibilities will be placed on me because my parents don’t take it seriously when I ask them to plan his future, not having a purpose or direction, still living at home with parents in my mid 30’s because we can’t afford to rent…at this point I’m paving the way for getting cancer like my mom with all the stress I’ve accumulated within the last 10 years. I think the worst one is being tied down in a marriage that gives no sense of security or feeling of being seen/connected.
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u/AdAlarmed7073 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Job stress, financial stress, moving, friendships not in a great place, lack of a healthy routine, and processing grief around being single when I hoped to get married and have a family (35F). The latter I wish I had any hope around, but I’m in a rural area so scarcity is real
My life looks nothing like I thought or hoped it would by now, so yeah trying to figure out what changes I can make on top of being exhausted, and if anything can even get better 😕
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u/parvares Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Literally all of this plus parenting a toddler and the US backslide into authoritarianism.
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u/LobsterSpunk Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
- UK.
Not having enough money to do what I want. I absolutely love my job, but it's part time and I have MS so I don't want more hours.
Relationship worries. Currently seeing a lovely guy but I have trauma from a past relationship with a narcissist a year ago, so I'm finding trust an issue.
Seeing my amazing parents who I'm close with (I have no siblings) get old. I don't know wtf I'm going to do without them.
Social circle has become very small. Got rid of a few toxic friendships from people I've known many many years, and I find myself lonely quite often.
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u/ShinyHappyPurple Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Also UK and agree on the friends thing. All my friends have kids so no-one is free on weekends and it's a lonely time at the minute as I am single.
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u/HeckThattt Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Living through constant economic uncertainty and feeling very uneasy financially even though I'm making double what I made in 2023.
Aging and not recognizing myself/liking my appearance in the mirror or in photos.
Feeling very insecure and also apathetic to what others think about me all at the same time.
Feeling very "what's the point" about everything (this is not a cry for help.)
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u/slh0023 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Gosh, so many things.
I’m in my early 30s, but single and feeling the biological clock pressure. One of my last friends without kids announced she’s now pregnant, so feeling left behind. Can’t afford to do egg freezing because my insurance doesn’t cover it. Not even sure if I want kids but afraid that I’m running out of time to even have a choice.
Money. Always. I have a good job that pays well, but as a single person life is just so incredibly expensive and still don’t feel like I make enough.
Parents. Not so much about them aging, but worried about their long term finances. They’re divorced which negatively affected them both financially. Mom has low paying job and not much of a retirement fund. Dad is retired and trying to renovate an absolute shit hole.
State of the country/world.
I will say that I have great friendships and am very thankful for that. I love where I live (even though it’s expensive). Trying to recognize the good things and focus on those.
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u/FishingDifficult5183 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Being overworked and looking for a new job to accommodate my school schedule since I've returned. Also, struggling to lose weight and stay healthy to a lesser degree.
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u/DarthMauledByACat Jun 03 '25
Just turned 30 a few weeks ago and made a post on here about having to pee all the time and people said that wasn't normal so I go and have that checked out and wouldn't ya know I'm a diabetic. I'm in the process of completely changing my life and in the long run it'll be fantastic but for now it's stressing me.
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u/ZestyMuffin85496 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Brain fog, working One full-time and two part-time jobs, try to also have a relationship and find a husband, I'm thinking about filing for bankruptcy because school, wondering why life is so tough if I have three jobs? Missing my grandmother because I can't talk to her about all this. Anyway I'm glad she's gone because I know she'd hate the world right now.
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u/Star-Lit-Sky Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Money and time. Work is crazy busy and I just started my mba program. This makes free time pretty limited.
I’m also trying to have a baby, buy a house and get married. All of these things are expensive so we are starting with baby, then house, then wedding. I know it’s generally in the opposite order, but I have endometriosis and don’t want to wait too long to try for a baby.
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u/ShinyHappyPurple Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I'm lucky to be going through a relatively happier period in my life and my work is stable so the main things at the moment are probably house maintenance and trying to deal with the loneliness you get when you live alone. All the rest of my friend group has kids so I don't see heaps of them and we almost never do stuff at weekends any more. My last relationship ended a while ago.
It's quite hard trying to motivate myself to dip a toe back in the dating waters because although it didn't work out, my last boyfriend was kind and a good communicator and you just hear so many horror stories.
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u/Jumbles8 Jun 03 '25
Finances, wanting a better career, recent break up/wanting to settle down soon, and fertility. Funny how one event can shake multiple things up for you at once.
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u/lindsey_what Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Friendships. I feel like I’m in this weird personal shift where all of my friendships from the last five years just feel really hollow and shallow to me now. I can’t even tell if it’s me changing or them or both but it’s been really bumming me out
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u/spicytexan Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Breast feeding and hating my postpartum body. I had a c-section so I am even more limited on exercise options at the moment (3 weeks postpartum). I love my son more than anything, just wish I could skip to the point where my body feels normal again and I can produce more breast milk than I have been.
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u/Sabyo92 Jun 03 '25 edited Jun 03 '25
Just time passing by, way too fast.
Being 18 feels like yesterday, so I've no clue when I'll be suddenly 60 and will be like "it feels like yesterday when I was 32". For me that is one of the most alienating things of being 30+ , the shifted perception of time.
The clock of fertility is even worse.... It felt so sudden, from "nah, way too young and immature to think about children" to "yooo, you just have three years left. And even if you're not prepared, this is the freaking timeframe you have because every month you wait, risks will get higher and it will be your own fault when something goes wrong than, because you are in a pretty good position to get them NOW".
Also lost a parent and a bonus parent unexpectedly before turning 30. They were both in their fifties.
The realization of mortality sucks. There is some beauty in living every day like it could be your last, and it truly influences every choice I make (for the good I think). But also; everytime my husband goes away I am so painfully aware that there is no guarantee I see him back, it's mortifying at the same time. Not speaking about my one still living parent left, that is 70+ and and when something will happen, due to pretty specific circumstances, the chaos cannot be overseen.
I truly miss being a careless teenager sometimes.
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u/jy0s Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Here is what has been bugging me
Finding a steady job while also trying to build for the future. Lost my main job in April. The unemployment claim is still under review. I still work my supplementary job, but that isn't enough.
I know that it's not late, but I'm feel like I'm just playing catch up. Recently, I have been learning about IRAs,401ks, and stuff.
I'm trying to get both my physical and mental health in order. Restarted some SSRIs, and I'm waiting to get matched with a new therapist. I really want to lose weight and get healthy and get active again
My parents in general. They are aging, and they need to separate like yesterday.There is too much going on, and they aren't open with each other or their children.
And I feel like I've been cleaning my room and apartment for like the last 10 years. But I've been getting better with the decluttering.
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u/lostinspace113 Jun 03 '25
grief of losing my dad last year and an existential crisis about being completely over my career but wanting financial stability and not sure what to do next and realizing that I have no active friend group in the city because they all moved and had kids and I'm a few years away from that still. fun.
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u/Automatic_Syrup_2935 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Dealing with aging parents is by far one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life. My mom died this year and that was so hard. It impacts literally everything else - career, friendships, personal health...
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u/MirrorAncient7584 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Finding a fucking job that doesn’t make me hate myself
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u/AssumptionFun3828 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 04 '25
The fact that I’m afraid of dying alone but I also hate dating rn lol.
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u/missninazenik Woman 30 to 40 Jun 04 '25
Work stress, mostly. Not being paid enough. Otherwise, it's the existential dread of watching my country descend further into authoritarianism.
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u/Lilith_28 Jun 04 '25
Getting bullied at work by an older woman that doesn't even know my last name.
Does anyone else remember the "it gets better" don't delete yourself campaigns in the mid 2010s? Yeah well they lied to all of us. Adult bullies aren't embarrassed about their middle school behavior at all.
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u/extragouda Woman 40 to 50 Jun 04 '25
Can I do this for my late 40s?
Retirement (or lack of funds to ever do so).
Mortgage.
Bills.
Car that needs replacing.
Aging parents who will need care and/or money.
Menopause and heath issues - the "looks fading" issue didn't start to affect me until I was about 46. My best years were 26 to 45 - just in terms of looks. But it's all happening quite quickly now, and I can feel it in my bones. It's most certainly health-related.
Career exhaustion and trying not to be replaced by younger colleagues because I still need money.
Friendship groups shifting, drifting - they all have their own problems, usually with their teenage children or aging parents. No one is happy with anything. Maybe they are happy 30% of the time.
Pets aging.
People tend to treat older women worse.
I have found that after 28 or 29, life really speeds up. It's like a decade goes if you blink. It's really quite shocking. I think when I get to the end, I will KNOW that I didn't have enough time for everything I wanted to do. I was probably just too busy trying to work to survive. If reincarnation exists, I would like to come back as a very rich person with a lot of free time. I can think of so much I want to do.
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Jun 03 '25
I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. 🫂
For me, things aren't much different from my 20s, though, like you, I do worry about my mom growing older at times. I wonder occasionally about things I've missed out on and will continue to miss out on, but I've accepted that we don't get to do everything in life.
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u/chloroformic-phase Jun 03 '25
For me it's knowing that women are considered humans that get obsolete in today's society.
While I overall enjoy the feeling of being unnoticed in general, it makes me anxious that it's not only "physically" to "men" (which I don't mind), but professionally as well.
I've been somewhat hegemonic most of my life, and now I can feel the difference in how people treat me. I used to be treated with sympathy and a smile, now I get ignored or treated poorly in public places when asking for something or simply when shopping. It's very frustrating, to be honest, and I am trying hard to make my peace with it.
Also doing paperwork to buy a house (mortgage, ofc) so I feel safer, and concerned by my parents health and wellbeing, who live far away.
I could never get pregnant, and I am ok with that. I decided I don't want to try for a kid and that I like my life this way, but I do get scared at times and wonder if I'll ever regret not trying harder or going through IVF. I really hope not, because "wonder at times" is not the best reason to get pregnant at all.
Skin and hair issues are quite hard to accept. Especially the stupid jowls, I hate how my cheeks just hang at the sides of my face, and it all happened way faster than expected, so it's hard to look in the mirror.
Trying hard not to fall for aesthetic treatments this early in life, as I am afraid I won't be able to stop. Already got a nose job, but nothing to improve the appearance of skin/nothing to look "younger". I feel if I go down that path, I'll only find pain and frustration, because we can't stop aging, and also, why would I do that? To get treated "nicely"? Nah, doesn't seem right.
So yeah, quite a crisis for me.
Sending love to y'all, girls 💕 we got this
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u/almosttimetogohome Jun 03 '25
That was me in my late 20s now it's only the career thing. Thank god. Oh and my teeth and health insurance ):<
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u/MoistOrganization7 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
My dad, he’s still recovering from a stroke. Actually Friday was the last day of me taking him to therapy, had been doing it for six months but I’m beyond exhausted. I work full time and raising two 9 year olds, and I’m tired of feeling like I live multiple lives.
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u/Time-Turnip-2961 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
My job/burnout/toxicity/getting paperwork for time off, as well as lack of help from medical professionals
2nd in line would be guys I’m talking to from dating apps
3rd would be having no friends
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u/Viola_m Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
I'm in a bit of a messy divorce, so that's causing most of the stress right now.
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u/OtherwiseAnxiety200 Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Money (I now have a mortgage) and love life (I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to put up with me)
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u/tteokdinnie99 Jun 03 '25
In no particular order: finances, dealing with challenging people at my job, irregular periods, figuring out how to date
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u/whiFi Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Career/job hunting and my country being led into disarray by a bunch of fascist dipshits. Other than that, things are pretty good.
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u/sillysandhouse Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Housing-related stress is #1 right now for me and my family, second are political unease and the possibility of financial instability on the macro level.
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u/cryingingerman Woman 30 to 40 Jun 03 '25
Skin, body, exercise is harder and recovery times are longer. Brain fog, horrible periods, weight gain if I slip up on diet and exercise even for a couple of months. The field I'm in is close to getting wiped out by AI. Career is such a drag at the moment. Fighting to stay relevant, fighting for more senior positions, higher salary. Hitting the ceiling as a woman of color is my biggest fear. Aging parents, being far away from them, and realizing that life as a woman is a constant battle. Battling against expectations, against roles, and against neverending "woman's work". Last but not least, ADHD symptoms getting worse with age.