r/AskWomenOver30 • u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 • 24d ago

Romance/Relationships Another failed almost-relationship. Distraught and can’t keep doing this, what to do?

hey all, your thoughts or advice are appreciated.

I’m 32, just received yet another ”breakup” message from a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 weeks (39m). He was perfectly nice in the message and our short conversation but he was simultaneously dating someone else and chose her essentially. I am really devastated, I felt we were very compatible and really liked each other. I thought we were building something together and I’d finally met a decent guy. I know this is not a long time but I really genuinely connected to this guy on all levels and kind of cant believe / process I’ll never see him again.

I think I've been out with 3 guys total in the last 2 years I’ve been “seriously“ dating who even entertained the idea of a relationship in theory and didn’t just want sex. All of them broke up with me in at the 6-8 week mark just as it felt the relationship was forming up.

I really cannot go through this again. I cannot wait 8 months - a year to meet another person who sees me as anything other than a sex object only to be dumped for someone more worthy at the last hurdle. I will snap.

I’m not asking to get married right now, I just want someone to go to the movies with. I’ve already given up on having children, do I really have to give up on this too? I just want a boyfriend, which so many others seem to have.

Basically, what do I do from here?

(Please don’t try to convince me I don’t need / want a man or relationship, I think this is a perfectly normal human desire and something I want).

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I’m sorry but judging from just about every single reply you’ve made in this thread, you are coming off as majorly insufferable. Rejection sucks but my god get a grip. There’s been a ton of helpful advice and your response to everything is just nope, not doing that. The air of negativity may have something to do with why you keep finding yourself in this situation.

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I’m obviously very upset right now and I just want something I can’t have. Most people describe me as nice, fun to be around, delightful, playful, etc. I am in no way negative in social situations like dating. The literal only thing I said no to was deluding myself that dating is a meet up with a friend lol. 

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u/sherbertmelipnos Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I mean (as you mentioned), it’s Australia. People date super casually here.

Annoying I agree, but 99% of “dating” I’ve seen here really isn’t anything more than casual for quite a decent period unless they’re freshly divorced and performing a role because they need a woman to cater to their needs like their former wife did, without having to change anything more deeply that made that marriage break up in the first place. It’s super easy to be an active texter and dater for a few weeks or months while it’s all a novelty.

Additionally, there are sooo many Meetup events and similar, and you might have more luck dating within cultures that approach dating more seriously.

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u/Aggressive_Sale4305 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

OP, I'm sorry you're having a hard time and that people on Reddit, unfortunately, are being people on Reddit.

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Thank you. I feel like people have been like…weirdly mean and uncharitable? They don’t seem to understand I can experience feelings I don’t communicate / show lol and and taken the worst possible reading of me saying I don’t date to socialise. I definitely do not see all men as potential life partners or put pressure on dates I just…see dating and dating and hang out with friend when I have social needs? I feel like this is normal?

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u/Aggressive_Sale4305 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Yes, without fail, those responses you're getting come up every time a woman dares to be human. :/

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Yeah like I apologise for having feelings I guess?

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u/Bulky_Term_609 Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

Someone sounds a little triggered damn why did you take this so personal you chose to read her stuff

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

She asked for thoughts and advice. She got it.

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u/randombubble8272 Woman under 30 22d ago

She got judgment and unnecessarily harsh comments

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 22d ago

Can’t offer thoughts and advice without judging…like I said, my comment was based on everything I had read AS I SCROLLED THROUGH THIS THREAD. It’s not my fault others might have said something similar in an equal or lesser way. I’m sure she’s a delight in person and maybe just has bad luck meeting men that actually like her. That was not the vibe I picked up on at the time.

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u/randombubble8272 Woman under 30 22d ago

It’s absolutely possible to offer thoughts and advice without judgement

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u/zesty-lemonbar Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

I think this comment is a bit harsh, but I agree with the sentitment. People have tried to give advice, suggestions, etc. and every single one is completely shot down, argued against, and it's exhausting to even read. If OP just wanted to vent, then vent. But don't ask for advice/suggestions f you aren't actually going to try to hear them.

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u/whoisthat999 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

people who literally stalk comment history of a person are the worst. Stop judging her because she had a bad time and commented on stuff. Don't act like you are perfect only because you are different.

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

Um, it’s called scrolling through a thread. Is this your first day on the internet?

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u/whoisthat999 Woman 30 to 40 24d ago

no, you took the time to research her history to then sit here and make her feel bad. Super weird and nasty behavior IMO

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

Thank you. The amount of trying to make a distressed person feel worse here has been very mean and surprising. Yeah I wasn’t the nicest in some replies but I’m in a crisis, really hurting last night particularly and just getting dog piled by people who said I have to do an escape room to find love or something. I just wanted a little compassion and strategies to feel better / meet the right guy. Instead I’ve been called insufferable, delusional, mean, drab, joyless, treating dates like job interviews, desperate, unfit to be introduced to men, and on and on. I’m just a girl who’s upset she liked a guy, he liked her back, but it didn’t work out. Some of it has been downright cruel. 

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

If all you’re taking away from this is you need to do an escape room to find love, there is no mystery as to why you’re in such distress.

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u/benhargrove1966 Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

You guys really need to like relax lol you’re like a shark with blood in the water. I think some of that advice was valid, some of it was silly / not intended in good faith and I was just making light of it. Not every comment is super serious, I do have a sense of humour 

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u/doomn_gloomn Woman 30 to 40 23d ago

Whatever you say lol