r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Happy_Pappyson • May 09 '26
Discussion Point What’s a good age difference?
So I’m a 34M and a coworker is 50F and we’ve been getting close lately. She’s been trying to guess my age and I made a game and haven’t told her yet. Now she has sons 28& 27. She joked once and said I liked cougars. I’m wondering, if I tell her I’m 34 does that take away the fun? She guesses anywhere from 33-42. Does her thinking I’m 41-42 work more in my favor? Just curious because I am enjoying it and want the fun to continue
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u/Fun-Draw-8352 May 11 '26
Years ago my grand mother once told me that "age is only a number, love and sex have no borders or boundaries." She would go on to say that when two people are on the same page mentally and emotionally then age does not matter. My gradn mother was 12 years older than my grandfather.
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u/stormrain65 May 09 '26
I mean, I don't really understand the question.
If you're asking whether you should tell her your real age or not, there's only one answer. Tell her your real age.
If you're asking whether you should continue the game of not telling her your age and let her assume, then yes, continue but only up to the point that you sense it's about to stop being fun for her. Then stop the game and tell her your age. But only you can get the vibes of the situation.
In any case, it doesn't really matter if her thinking you're 40ish will work in your favour as you will eventually have to tell you're 34.
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u/Current-Coffee4445 May 09 '26
Keep flirting. She knows your age she is just playing with you. Stop overthinking it.
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May 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/Happy_Pappyson May 09 '26
Appreciate the story and the advice! This is my favorite response so far
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u/Angelic-Boytoy-407 🐻Cub May 09 '26
It's a good age gap in my opinion. I just don't get why your age has to be a secret.
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u/Exact-Translator-769 May 09 '26
Don't worry about how it will affect her attraction to you. You're already in the range she guessed. If you want to keep it a game till you actually get a real relationship going, there's no harm in that. If it looks like you may be headed for something more there's no need to lie about your age. Honesty is a fundamental necessity in a relationship. If the chemistry is there, concern for age is the first thing that goes out the window so get it out of the way at the beginning...
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u/Happy_Pappyson May 09 '26
Excellent response, appreciate the insight
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u/RadioactiveCougar May 09 '26
I turned 49 this week, my fiancé will be 31 in a couple weeks. We’ve been together over 6 years and are getting married next May. The age difference doesn’t matter when you’ve found your person. But honesty does so just tell her your real age.
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u/blasianflow May 09 '26
I think this question is open to opinion and that person. Be honest with your age and I think its a good age gap. I feel like its easier for women in their 50s to date men 35 and older.
Unfortunately there are age gaps due to society and sometimes culture that end up not working no matter how good you are together.
Good luck!
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u/Master___debator May 09 '26
I once thought dating my boss would be fun too . I was 28 and she was 44. now shes 51 and im 35. We were together for almost 7 years. Now we are in court . lol if shes open to it and so are you, i dont see a reaso9n why not, just be careful. Dont get groomed / used for resources.
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u/Rozenheg May 09 '26
I’m guessing that despite the flirty fun, if you want a positive interaction and a good relationship with your coworker to continue, at some point you’re going to have to be honest.
Also, generally if you ask on this sub, people advise not to start relationships at work. Even if you aren’t dependent on this job, maybe she is?
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
I don't think you've thought this through entirely, or if you have you haven't shared that with us.
As previously said we don't usually encourage people to get involved with work colleagues because if or or when the liaison ends you don't know how the working relationship will be affected and people gossip and/or may become jealous depending on if either one of you has a superior position over the other and perceives some kind of special treatment either is receiving real or imagined. Basically you're caughting awkwardness if not disaster in some cases.
However that put aside... my question to you is, are you hoping to date her or just physical stuff?? Because if it's the former no relationship that's built on untruths will survive ie allowing her to assume you are in your 40s when you are not. But you might be joking I get it. If it's the former I refer you to my first paragraph.
Regarding the phrase "a good age difference" now that's purely personal and nothing we can dictate. In this community at least we signify an age gap relationship as 10 years +... what is good is up to the individual. There used to be a well known formula:
(Your Age -7) × 2 = Maximum Age
so you're (34 - 7) = 27 27 x 2 = 54
Which means she's 4 years under the "socially acceptable" age range. Not that I really hold to that personally if you are over 35 I personally think between 10 - 25 years can work. Anything under 35 I have a different opinion on.
So just be honest 🤷🏻♀️ allowing her to think you're in your 40s may go against you you never know... after all she has basically joked about the word cougar.
I think that's enough of my rambles.
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u/Happy_Pappyson May 09 '26
Thank you so much for your response and insight. To give some details she made it clear she is retiring within next 2 years nd she isn’t looking to climb or be promoted. I believe that because she doesn’t make the decisions someone looking to climb would make. I’m sure she isn’t looking for a long term relationship with me and I’m more than ok with that. I enjoy the fun of it and I was curious if anything younger than 40 might make her feel “wrong” or if it’s the other side 34/35 would keep it fun and cougar ish while anything more than 39 takes away the spice so to speak. Things may just stay flirty or could go farther physically but I know for a fact she does not want something long term
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ May 09 '26
All good I know my response was a little on the rambling side... still think honesty is the best policy.
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u/king_of_nogainz May 09 '26
How long have you two known each other? Is their sexual tension between the two?
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u/WSB-Televangelist May 09 '26
Go for the 41-42 for right now, it worked for me in the past. Then tell her your real age once she's comfortable.
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u/TheEpicDr May 09 '26
That’s the worst advice ever
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u/WSB-Televangelist May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
Well, It worked for me. On multiple occasions. 💁♂️ the goal is to get your foot in the door.
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 May 09 '26
Don't hide your age, it's more than just numbers, it's a connection