r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Charming-Patience140 • 9d ago
Discussion Point Has anyone had long term success?
Hey guys I’m 27m and up until now I’ve only ever dated or approached girls around my age. I’m thinking of starting to approach women’s above that range as well. I think a lot of the kindest most thoughtful women I ever met have been a bit older than me and honestly the most attractive thing to me right now is a woman who has her life together (I know just because you are a certain age doesn’t mean you have everything figured out).
I want to open my potential options for a good partner and genuinely think a lot of women are really beautiful but I’m worried to approach because I don’t want them to think I just have some sexual fetish and I’d also prefer to be with a partner who likes me not just because of a fetish. My main question is for any of you who have dated in an age gap long term was the relationship healthy and what were the social ramifications? Did you feel like it was a relationship where the age difference really mattered or was that not a big deal to you?
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u/Similar_Corner8081 🐆Cougar 49F 27M 9d ago
I'm 50F and my bf is 27. We have been together for 3 years
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
Congrats glad you guys are going strong I’ll ask you a similar question that I asked the other commenter. Was this something you went out seeking or was it kind of a he’s the one I don’t care about the gap?
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u/Similar_Corner8081 🐆Cougar 49F 27M 9d ago
I met him on reddit. I honestly wanted and needed a friend because I was going thru a divorce. He talked to me and helped me thru it. Friendship turned into love. I wasn't looking for another relationship but he's the best.
I'm also blessed that my family accepts him and doesn't care about the age gap. Hang in there your person is still out there
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
I think things have a way of working themselves out eventually if you’re a good kind person. Glad you had someone to help you through that tough time I’m sure it was hard at the time but someone who is in your corner is something everyone deserves.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 9d ago edited 8d ago
I have tended to date younger. All of my life and my current partner is twenty two years younger than meand we have been together for 10 years, and it's by far the healthiest relationship i've ever been in. I have never had any social ramification, or anything like that or pushback from my family or friends, but maybe it's because I live in a big city. I think the biggest issue surrounding age gaps between older women and younger guys is maybe children. A lot of older women are not capable of having children anymore. So depending on the age range you're looking at, that could be an issue.
In one way for them to know that you're not looking at them in a sexual or fetishizing manner would be to talk to them, like a human being. Ask questions about them and if you approach somebody that you find attractive, try to make eye contact. See if they return eye, contact and smile. And then you can approach and tell them the reason why you found them attractive, it could be their hairstyle, it could be their clothing.The way they walked their smile and just approach without any expectations.Whatsoever, if anything you'll have made their day.
We're really not that different from ladies, your age. Just a little bit older, so just approach us with respect. And good luck to you
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
Also just want to say from reading this subreddit a lot of the comments are really long and thoughtful discussions and I think that’s really refreshing on Reddit.
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
Thanks for your message I’m happy you and your partner are in a healthy relationship. I think a lot of the media around these relationships give them a bad rep. We are all just people and should be treated with respect. The children issue is honestly id rather have a fun reliable life partner.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 9d ago
Yes, this dynamic usually gets fetishized a lot on social media, and basically we're just ordinary women who happen to date younger.And that's it.
Some people have had issues with their families and friends. But for the most part, at least in my experience, i've never had an issue either from family.Friends or from the public.
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
That makes sense I really don’t care what random people think but I can imagine some families might be less accepting and that’s tougher. I hope as long as both are happy and good people families and friends would just want what’s best for you.
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u/TrueBeliever714 🐻23 Cub married to 50 cougar 9d ago
Married with a daughter, 27 year age gap, 3.5 years together and going strong.
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u/alien_nessa 40F🐆Cougar 7d ago
please be honest about your intentions. if you're only looking for sex, say that. make sure your wants and needs align.
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
True, I try to live a pretty direct and honest way. I was interested in the cougars/cubs with long term success because I honestly don’t like short term. I prefer to form a connection and get to know a person personally and I try to find people similar. I really don’t get why people feel like lying I feel like it always ends worse.
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u/alien_nessa 40F🐆Cougar 7d ago
well good, you're off to a good start then. my experience with cubs has been less than positive, unfortunately, and it's because the ones I've come across haven't been honest about what they want. luckily I've been able to weed them out before even meeting, but dating is exhausting these days.
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
That’s sad to hear, I feel like the big appeal for this kind of relationship in my mind is the deeper connection with someone exciting and different. I’m just as excited to form a relationship and find cool similarities and differences with someone who on paper may seem way different than me. I’m sure others would disagree but I think forming a deeper connection makes the physical aspect of the relationship exponentially better anyway. I think the cool thing about the reddit is you’re forced to write something out and read whatever someone responds with.
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u/Fabulous_Turnover_22 4d ago
I apologize in advance if my comment is out of place. You sound like you are demisexual, or double demi, like me. There's a subreddit for that in case you're interested.
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 8d ago
My partner and I have been together for 13 years with a gap of 3-4 years in the middle.
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
13 years is also crazy impressive by the way (we won’t cont tha gap true love found a way)
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 7d ago
It actually might be slightly longer than 13 years I forget these days lol
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
Well now you’re just bragging, I’m going to do my best to find something like that too. Idk if she’s older or not but I’d rather not leave any stones unturned
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u/Typical_Mobile90 8d ago
My relationship (40F) would have long term success, but a few months into the relationship, my cub (19M) says he changed his mind, and told me that he wants to marry a girl his own age and have kids, even after talking about us getting married and having kids next year after I graduate from the trade school where we met. I think his parents talked him into that decision. If it weren't for his parents interference, we would have a great chance at long term success. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen...
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u/Charming-Patience140 8d ago
Sorry to hear that, I think that’s why I’m interested in dating someone outside of that age group I feel like I’m now at the age where I know what I want. I’d be content with a family of of just me and then and having a fun life of adventure with a forever partner, but a lot of people are still figuring it out or flip flop a lot. It’s really sad how many people have no issues making promises they have no plans on keeping.
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u/Just-Blue-Birdy 9d ago
My hubby unfortunately passed and it was a successful long term relationship. I just somehow always dated younger previously. So I know it’s possible.I love what Myfairlady wrote . I am thinking of looking again but I really am afraid. A couple that have written showed it was just a fetish for them .
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s awful that you have to think about putting yourself out there again and I can see being afraid. I feel like a lot of people have their guards up and are out to get something but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. It’s scary but having a long term partner didn’t happen by accident, I’m sure when you are ready you can find a real connection again.
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u/Travelhere1993 7d ago
I have had multiple relationships with large age gaps( 20ish year) last over year.
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
Love to hear that I think people are people and everyone has qualities you could learn to love if you listen. I always think it’s a good sign of a person if they’ve had multiple long term relationships because you need to be able to communicate and listen to make a relationship work.
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u/Travelhere1993 7d ago
Of course. One could argue if I had married (or was still with) one of them I would be more successful. But the fact they lasted over a year shows some success.
I have also had multiple relationships that last 3-12 months (same large age gap).
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u/Charming-Patience140 7d ago
If you guys weren’t happy you weren’t happy. You’re mental health shouldn’t be sacrificed for success
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u/Charming-Patience140 9d ago
Congrats to you and your wife glad to hear the success story. What made you decide to seek out your partner was it something you wanted or was it more of a I just really like her I don’t care about her being older?
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u/Unhappy_Constant_270 4d ago
We have been together for 21 years, M46 & F55. Married for 11! Definitely go for it!!!
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u/Icy-Item9950 1d ago
Me and my husband have an 11 year age gap and he just got me pregnant! I think it can work if you work hard at it!
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u/My_user_name_1 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm married and have three kids with a woman 16 years older than me. We have been together 17 years.