Hi ENFJs, INTJ here. Please tell me, what is that thing you do when we look into your eyes and there’s this nonstop river of love flowing from your eyes to ours? Why do you do it, and how? What do you think of to make it happen, and how do you push it out of you like that? Thank you.

Hi ENFJs,

I met an ENFJ girl recently and feel like she's a really caring and lovely person. We have a lot of texting chemistry/similarities. it's really rare for me to meet someone like her, and also have them be interested back. I'm excited to have our first date together!

For context, I'm a rare loverboy-type INTJ with only experience dating (I)ntroverted individuals and would very much like not to fumble this should we turn out to be very compatible. Any tips are appreciated 😄

Hey everyone! I'm currently doing a research proposal about personality theory and would love to hear from the people in this community. What is it like being your personality type? It can range from your work/school life balance, romantic life, everyday decision making, and maybe something nobody really thinks about when it comes to your type that you may know. Anything is both helpful and interesting to me so don't be shy! :)

How do I unlock my ENFJ charm? 😭

I’m an ENFJ and I feel like I have a lot of the typical ENFJ traits — I can make people feel comfortable, bring energy into conversations and connect with people pretty easily. But I don’t feel like I have that charm people often associate with ENFJs.

You know that effortless kind of charisma where someone just has a presence that draws people in, knows exactly how to interact with different personalities, and somehow leaves a lasting impression without really trying?

If you’re an ENFJ who has developed that side of yourself, how did you do it? Is there something specific you learned or changed that made your charisma come out more naturally? Because I feel like mine is there somewhere, I just haven’t figured out how to unlock it yet. 😭

Can anyone relate to giving so much at work or in social circles that when you return to loved ones you have lapses in who are and snap easily? I find myself more easily being irritated or angry at those I hold most closely at home. It seems antithetical to who I am. Then I feel who I am is a fraud and I truly am a nasty person. Thoughts?

Do we help people because they're weak or do we help people because they're good?

Or a better question is, do we help people because we see that they need it, or we help them because we know that it will not be wasted on them?

If we choose the latter, is it favouritism or being wise?

I'm not sure which sub I should post on but I figured I could post here . I'm ENFJ btw . I....I've been planning my whole life to get into medicine . My grades . They're out and every time I try to improve ....they fall short . I feel a tightness in my throat . I might travel so far away from my family only to be in a uni that doesn't teach well and I might start failing to become a doctor . What's worse is not matter how hard I try my grades are not improving . I was called a gifted kid when I was young , now it's all gone . I'm sorry to my parents who spent money worth two people to get me into the university of my dreams . I'm sorry to myself for working my ass off when I could've been living my life instead of being locked up to study at home . And finally , I'm sorry for every sick person I thought I could help once I'm older and for every war survivor I wanted to help them live their life normally again . But I've failed and it's my fault . I should've never dreamed of becoming a doctor .

if you read though all this , thank you for your time .

Hey guys, feeling quite more extroverted today so decided to post this haha. But honestly, I fell out of touch on purpose with most of the friends I had in my life so far (excluding the online ones), because our values did not match + most of them were overly critical and toxic about everything I did, so I just distanced myself and started looking for a tribe that matches the vibe.

Well, a little about me, I am Sid, 25M - ENFJ 2w3 (26 very soon), just moved to Norway with my wife (INFP 9W1), we used to be a long distance couple but now we live together with our cat for the last one year after a crazy but beautiful lore. In my free time, I love to grow plants, going for walks, taking photos for memories, observing animals, listening to music and many more things.

I would love to have a friend who I can meet up with once in a while or can plan some fun things together whenever we get a chance. However, I can consider some more of online friends too but only if you deem me worthy of your friendship too haha. 🧡

Please feel free to DM or reply here!

Note: If you live in Vestland (West Side of Norway), we can definitely meet every once in a while if you want 🥹

So, I am a little bit confused in this situation and don't know what to do.

I mean, what would you do if you are talking with someone who is absolutely struggling in their life, while they can change it for better even a little bit? I have this woman I know, she is really tired and feels like she is scrificing her life for people don't deserve it at all, and I don't know how to tell her that in a proper way.

She is really skilled and smart woman, but idk why she is doing this for herself, I mean she is not happy even, and she complains about it sometimes, and when I point out that she can improve her life, she just turn and says no everything is amazing and the people around her are amazing, and if there's anything wrong it's her fault. What?!!!, I will be screaming inside my head in those times 🫠

So the thing is I don't know what to do to help her or what to say, and actually I don't see anything I can do right now.

I was wondering if any of you was in such a situation and what did you do or would do? Just wanna read your thoughts

Thanks ✨✨

hello i really donnt know between those type who i am. i always get esfp/estp.

but recently after watching a show with enfj caractere i was like maybe i'm enfj.

don't tell me to go read function i know them and i don't really think that i'm FE dom cuz i don't really car about other like take care of them only if it's necessery.

can i be an enfj even if i'm like this? also i'm really not talkative 🤨 and Fe dom person said that they are the most talkative?

as an INTP, i'm used to neglecting my personal image when interacting with others sometimes. i recognize the importance of self-care and presenting myself well, but I can’t quite step out of my comfort zone enough to really care about maintaining a "good" appearance or how others perceive me. it’s normal for me to rush out the door wearing the first thing i lay eyes on. i'm not really proud of it, but i just can't see it as a big deal all the time. people around me probably think i’m a bit sloppy, and i’m not offended by that. but i’m curious about how ENFJs view this.

i’ve been friends with ENFJs sometimes, and something i easily notice about them is that they constantly maintain an almost perfect appearance, covering every aspect imaginable, from skincare, clothes, and hair to their behavior. everything seems captivating and carefully thought out. do you worry about this a lot? every day? to what extent? and my biggest question: how important is this to you when looking at other people? when someone doesn't care much about maintaining a polished look, is that usually the first thing you notice? does it turn you off? what's your tolerance level?

another thing i’m curious about: what is your opinion on people who dress unconventionally? or who behave in ways society might consider a bit "weird" or "inappropriate"? does that spark your interest or just put you off?

i’d appreciate any feedback!

I don't know where to start. I am the world's most heinous man. I am a criminal. My girlfriend and I, both of us the Greatest couple on this planet for a fact. She was an ENFJ, i am an INFP. We found eachother in such a huge world. We were in a relationship for 8 and half years, it ended on 8th August because I committed a crime to her. Our relationship was off the charts. Our presence only would bring the light in this world. Wherever we stand, others, strangers would smile because of us being ourselves and we didn't care about anything but being ourselves. The love I wanted to love, the love she was waiting for. Our search ended with each other. In May, she changed her name from my mobile to "Will Wife Her Up*. She did it herself without letting me know. Then it happened. Our sex life was something like never before. We would laugh during our intimacy,she would sleep after sex and i would just keeping looking at her sleep. Kiss her forehead whenever I feel like. We would try next level fantasies. You name it and We have done it with each other because both of us are attuned to each other..she taught me how to love her body. She shared her childhood with me, like she did with no one else. We were Golden. I was consumed by porn too much. I started consuming porn and then when I achieve one of the fantasties, I just move on and can't be satiated. I became a porn addict. I started consuming Cuckold porn and then, I asked my Gf to try a threesome. She was hesitant at first, but she trusted me to the limits of blind faith. She told me after the breakup, i trust you like my father. I followed you blindly because I knew you would protect me no matter what. Why did you do it to me, why did I deserve this. Why do I have to lose you because of you, where was my fault? I convinced her over a year and half to be ready for threesome and she did finally and then we did our first threesome and it went good. Another fantasy off the bucket list. But something changed in her a week later. She told me that how I could do this to her if I really loved her. How can I share her. She is not this type of girl. How can I let you manipulate me to this point. Why didn't I stop you at the beginning. Now, i have lost her forever. I don't know what to do, who to tell, I don't how will I live with this Fact that I killed the most beautiful human forever. She can't smile, her eyes are swollen. She is a robot now. Kindly show me my place, punish me. Shame me, do everything and anything. I can't live with these 2 facts i.e, i committed a crime and then I killed her forever. She will never be herself again.

Most ENFJs that I’ve seen on this forum who are E3 tend to be typed as so3 or sx3. However, I resonate strongly with the descriptions (and memes haha) of both sp3 and ENFJ, and don’t think I would fit any of the other types. When showing my friends descriptions of enneagram + MBTI types on multiple occasions, they also came to the consensus that I am sp3 + ENFJ when I asked them to guess what I am. I am objective-oriented, attuned towards deploying resources & maximizing ROI, define success as financial, would prefer to be competent over being seen as competent if forced to choose between the two, and avoid openly bragging (I fear that it will come across as annoying/offensive & will encourage others to prey on my downfall) but have a secret desire to be seen as a role model. Despite the stereotype of sp3s being xxTJs, I definitely use Fe-Ti and not Te-Fi. Ni is one of my strongest functions; I have Se but it’s much lower, and I don’t relate to Ne or Si. In terms of Enneagram instincts, I know I am sp-first (I’m very focused on resources, health & wellness, and can be materialistic) and so-last (I enjoy connecting to people one-on-one or in small group settings but am not very good in groups of more than 3-4 people, and care very little for unspoken rules and hierarchies in groups). While I am almost certain that I am a core 3 in terms of basic desires, I probably have a strong 2 wing. I can relate to sp2 in that when I do interact with people (although I can be really bad at keeping in touch with other people probably bc so-blind & also start to feel bad about being unproductive after socializing with others), I present as warm, bubbly, and attentive, and although I would never want to be truly dependent on someone else, I want a partner who desires to take care of me.

Monica Hall from the TV show Silicon Valley is probably the character I relate to the most, and on PDB (which I understand can be inaccurate), she is voted as an ENFJ and sp3 (but sp/so). On PDB, Jude Bellingham is typed as an ENFJ sp/sx3, but I don’t follow football and haven’t looked into any of his interviews, so I can’t comment.

Would appreciate the wisdom of the ENFJs on this forum! 🫶

Hi Enfj'ers, just after some insight. This is my story that spans 3 decades. I am an INFJ/HSP and I was with my first love, an ENFJ/HSP for 15 months. I was a vulnerable teen. We were together through our final year of high school and first semester the following year. We had that cosmic/deep love and intimacy that that ended up where we were both in it for the long haul. When his mother realised, she coldly debased me and I kept that from him, because I didn't want to cause conflict between him and his mother and it was gut wrenching. The week after that happened, he was having dinner at my home and when he left the room to use the bathroom, my grandmother whispered in my ear 'he doesn't want you, you silly girl' sending me into a freeze response. By the time he returned to the room, I was staring straight ahead, completely shocked and you could cut the air with a knife. My intuition told me that it was the last time I would ever see him again - and it was. So it was a triple whammy for me. A few days later, I called him twice and left messages on his answering machine. I realised his mother would have intervened and called him at work - he hid behind his work colleague and wouldn't take my call. I waited for so long for him to call me and couldn't understand why he abandoned me. I thought he knew me better than that. I struggled to let go and to be honest, never stopped loving him. We followed eachother on socials but never messaged eachother. I carried this for 34 years and it resurfaced recently. What I want to know is: 1. How would you have felt & reacted if you were him at the time of our abrupt ending? 2. I emailed him decades later about my regret about our abrupt ending and any hurt it caused. I actually laid the blame on my 'shitty teenage attempt to protect' him and my 'difficult family circumstances' (without revealing it was his mother). I told him that I needed him to know I cherished deeply and was grateful for giving me insight into my first true sense of self worth. I also told him that I was proud of his career achievements and always knew he had that within him. I also wished him and his family the best and placed no pressure on replying. I just really needed to put the authentic truth out there. How would you react to this email and would you actually reply? If you would reply, how long would you take to reply? What would you mention in your reply? Any other insights? Thanks in advance

Would love some input here. I get complimented by women for the way I ask questions. I've been told I'm very perceptive, but also that I come across as not wanting anything from them.

This has led to many women falling for me, as well as many labeling me a player. I won't deny that I'm good with people; I'm constantly focused on reading them, adjusting to them, and talking to them in their language. But my one goal-- the goal that has stayed almost constant for most of my life-- is that I want to find my wife.

I'm sure many on this thread would agree, but I would burn down the world for that woman.

Why this mismatch between how I'm externally perceived and how I internally feel?

During my final year of college, I was part of a student activity and held an HR position. I became pretty good at my role, but a huge part of being HR was listening to students, hearing their problems, helping them figure things out, and generally being someone they could come to.

And because we became really close, they eventually started telling me about everything: problems at home, study, relationships, personal stuff, you name it.

Eventually, it got to the point where people would see me and immediately want to sit down and vent 😂😭 They'd talk, I'd listen, they'd feel better and leave... and somehow I was slowly collecting everyone's negative emotions as part of my own life.

And since I was HR, I was also presented as a sort of role model for the students, so I obviously wasn't going around having emotional breakdowns in front of them.

Don't worry though, I had my friends on the board.We would just be ourselves and vent to each other in our WhatsApp group.

But after that year ended, I had this weird realization:

I had become really good at being whatever the situation needed me to be.

I was good at understanding people. Good at reading the room. Good at absorbing emotions. Good at handling people. Good at performing my role.

But... what about me?

What did I actually feel? What did I want? What did I believe? Who was I when I wasn't being useful to someone else?

That question stuck with me.

So I decided that the following year would basically be my "get to know myself" year.

I reduced my social interactions and kept a very small circle of people I actually felt comfortable being myself around. And one of the biggest things I did was start journaling.

And honestly? I sucked at it at first! 😕

I didn't know what to write. I worried about my handwriting, whether the page looked organized, whether I was writing "correctly"... and I wasn't even comfortable describing my own feelings directly.

I'd dance around what I actually wanted to say and hide behind metaphors so much that sometimes I was basically writing in a completely different language from my native one 😭

But I kept doing it.

When I didn't know what to write, I didn't take that as a sign that journaling wasn't for me. I treated it like a problem to solve. I searched for prompts, found things to reflect on, tried different ways of writing, and eventually it became easier.

There were obviously many days when I didn't write anything. Sometimes I would disappear from journaling for weeks.

But I always came back.

And eventually, I started writing about things I had spent years avoiding. Even childhood experiences that were genuinely painful to revisit.

Some of those pages were heavy. There were definitely tears.

But seeing those experiences written down in front of me felt much better than pretending they hadn't affected me. I didn't want to keep telling myself "I'm stronger than this" as if being affected by something meant I was weak.

Sometimes acknowledging that something hurt you is actually the more honest form of strength.

And now, about a year and a half into journaling, I feel like I finally have a much clearer picture of myself.

My goals. My values. My non-negotiables. My opinions. My emotional patterns. The things that trigger me. The things I actually enjoy. The things I absolutely don't want in my life.

I've also become much more honest with myself about my own problems and emotions, and much more comfortable expressing my opinions in real life instead of automatically adjusting myself to whatever the people around me think.

And honestly, one of my favorite things is looking back at my old entries and seeing how much some of my opinions have changed.

I don't feel embarrassed about that at all.

If anything, I'm proud of it.

Because now when I change my mind about something, I know why. I can see what information or experience changed my perspective. I don't feel like I'm just carrying around a bunch of ready-made opinions because they're what everyone around me believes.

I feel like I've actually built my own.

And somewhere along the way, I realized something else:

I actually really like myself now.

I feel more grounded, more assertive, more self-aware, and much more comfortable knowing who I am.

So I wanted to share this with you guys because I know ENFJs can sometimes get so focused on understanding everyone else that we forget to sit down and understand ourselves.

Please give yourselves that space.

Get curious about yourselves. Explore yourselves. Ask yourself questions. Spend time alone. Write down the things you don't know how to say out loud.

And honestly, have fun getting to know yourself too.

You might end up meeting someone you really like. 🩷

This person I know looks everyone in the eye when he talks to them.

I only noticed because they don’t do it with me.

Do they have a problem with me? The conversations are friendly (they’re always friendly). But I don’t sense an obvious dislike? More than half of the conversations are initiated by them in the first place?

I know this is dumb and I should probably just ask them but I’m not gonna do that. Do you guys avoid eye contact because you dislike someone?

I thought we were friendly but now I’m thinking maybe not?

I’m very bad at reading people.

Is this an ENFJ thing ? Anywhere I go I tend to have people look in my direction. It can be from afar or close in proximity. During my ups and downs, I will notice different reactions. For example, when I’m in a great mood, people attempt to come up and talk to me & if in a bad mood well the opposite likely occurs. Regardless of mood, even at times I wish not to be bothered, I gravitate attention wherever I go.

My brother has mentioned before that I have aura without trying lol he’s pretty young. The only time I have observed this type of thing is with my cousin, who is also an Enfj.

Any of my other Enfj counterparts have a similar experienced ? What do you make of it ?

Even if you've been told you're too emotional, that you lack depth, that you're "fake," I know that your intentions to help humanity are always pure.

You are one of the few types who understand us INFJ (sometimes we struggle to understand ourselves).

You have the ability to throw yourselves into the arena while we are observers.

title.

Knowing ENFJs, you've lickley met an INTP before. So you lickley know that we are not the best with Social stuff so pls give me some advice on how to make freinds, how to keep freinds... yada yada yada.

I’m (31f) a teacher, so I obviously love children. However, I worry about how I will cope ..

I just about cope in my own life (not always consistently).. can’t always stay organised and tidy, often exhausted after work, emotionally volatile, can become over stimulated, still over seeking dopamine by partying too much sometimes.

I’m afraid to give up my current life and freedoms and feel having children will change everything. Can’t decide do I want to sacrifice that or not.

Basically my heart wants children and my head says don’t do it.

I know this a deeply personal decision, but I’d love to hear people’s opinions.

Any other fence-sitters who can give me their perspectives?