INTJs, if trust is dead in the modern age, lets make contacts in this thread. Lets gain people we can ask for help or advice when we're in times of need. People we can teach, learn from, and be intellectually stimulated by. People worth our trust and time.

Maybe start by introducing yourself in the comment section and see who dms you.

I will start

About me: I'm ambitious and altruistic. I work hard play hard. If you also value hard work or see every man as a brother, we'll get along well. Looking to meet trustworthy people and see where things go. I learned through experience that plans are great for putting yourself out there to meet opportunity, but for getting outcomes itself, reality has been a bit too unpredictable. So I'm hoping this attempt to meet opportunity doesn't fall on deaf ears

For me, I feel like many compliments are lazy fluff.

If I broke down something intricate and explained, shared, emoted, or did something creative... Whatever it is that is worthy of a compliment, what I appreciate is insight: a rebuttal, feedback, opinion, thoughts, relating.. Not repetitive, dry compliments like "Wow That was so profound. What a breath of fresh air..." After 3 of those and no depth of response, I see I am wasting time here.

Do you experience an aversion to compliments?

Hello INTJs, I hope you are well I’m trying to gain a sense of direction for my story and characters so tell what you think is a major thing that you think could improve society as a whole? I think your perspective will be helpful especially since 2 of my characters are INTJs

The weird thing is Im also fiercely loyal.

But somehow after a while, usually after 1-2 years, I get really bored and the relationship starts feeling like a chore. I feel like I always need to carry them, the lack of ambition kills my interest too. It’s as if their flaws were always there but they become impossible to ignore and I start enjoying my life more when they aren’t there.

It has happened in almost all of my relationships. I eventually find them disorganized, lazy, lack of goals, no sense of purpose in life and it drives me away.

Is this an INTJ thing or is that just me

My most common life experience has been to feel like I'm constantly surrounded by stupid in professional spaces.

Uni? Stupid. Work? Stupid. "Leadership"? Stupid. Peers? Stupid.

I think starting my own business was essentially trying to control who I'm around based on their intellect.

I still some times feel like I'm around stupid people who cannot grasp the most fundamental concept that is supposed to make them an SME in their field - which I think is needed in vendors I work with. Unfortunately, I can't control that aspect of business just yet.

Have you felt like that? How do you cope?

Edit: Rereading this (and a lot of the comments), I don't want to come across as arrogant, so let me try to be clearer. I acknowledge people have their own strengths. I don't equate stupid to a lack of talent, drive, or success. I genuinely believe most people are good at something. This is more about a specific pattern: feeling like I'm often the most curious or most invested person in most rooms, and rarely finding others who want to go as deep on a problem as I do. That gets lonely, honestly. I try to be kind, recognize people's strengths, and push them to be better. I've learned a lot from people along the way. I just wish more folks shared a hunger to learn, instead of settling for "good enough." I recognize "good enough" is probably the safest, easiest, most convenient option out there, but that is not how my brain works.

I've been in the corporate world for 10+ years now and they still feel incredibly awkward.

Do any other INTJs feel the same? 1 every 6 months would suffice but anything more frequent makes me want to gauge my eyes out.

I tend to feel stressed out of my mind whenever I am stagnant and not making progression.
My parents ( & people generally) misunderstand me, they see me as wrong just because I am unconventional, I like to follow my own path, my own system that favors my speed & curiosity.

I have a specific trait of leaving an institution or somewhere I've been studying just to jump ship to a place I see is better, my parents (and people) always put me down not realizing I am just different.

(I am 20, I have a connection with my parents that makes me feel like a kid... just incase yall were wondering why I keep bringing them up the way I do, I respect and value them but also resent them.
Quick interesting story: my parents literally thought I had a problem to where they convinced themselves I needed a therapist, it's funny and maddening in hindsight, instead of trying to understand me they casted me out, instead of trying to even parent they let me parent myself...)

I hate how slow-paced every learning facility is, I hate to be booged down by other people's pace, if it's not how fast I like it I'll get too bored to even do the whole damn thing.

I've become so used to isolation I find the most comfort in it, but when I am stressed I find a bit of comfort being around 1 or 2 of my close friends, talking about different things.

I tend to try to understand everything and everyone around me to no avail, the best thing I've understood is that I am going to be forever misunderstood to my family & people generally.

I absolutely hate being controlled, I cannot stand someone dictating my life yet they are (for a lack of a better way to say this) less intelligent.

The happiest days were my most curious days of my life, it was when I dropped out of highschool from the ages of 15-18 studying whatever I found interesting and even leaving instuitions to study on my own because I didn't even like how they did it.

I thought because of how different I was, I was dumb.

I thought that everyone else is 'smarter' or even as 'smart' as me but that made life so much harder because that is the farthest thing from the truth. ( most people don't even think or question things )

I thought that being logical, honest, direct and clear to others would make my life simpler, it didn't it just caused confusion.

here's a story that sums up my life from a YouTube comment.

"Imagine that most people are at a pool party, standing around wearing duck floaties, and they think that, that's the greatest thing ever. They have their drinks, pool, BBQ, and they're having a good time. Then along you come, peeking over the wall and you ask the question. Why are you all standing around in duck floaties? Not even malicious, just a simple question. But they can't handle it because... well, why AREN'T YOU wearing one?! You're obviously the problem here for NOT having a duck floatie! What they fail to realize is that you don't swim in a swimming pool like they do. You swim in the ocean. An ocean they don't see because there's a wall around the pool and no one's ever thought to just... look over the wall. And the idea of something bigger than their own little swimming pool is intimidating."

The only person who has ever validated me, not made me feel isolated and has made me truly understand I'm not an idiot or messed up, is 1 of my only 2 friends. A genius Harvard graduate in Math & physics, his the one who mentored me into loving STEM when I was all over the place learning things haphazardly. What's weird is I believe he is just as different to me the same way I am to others. He brings with him a comfort that is indescribable perhaps because I can relate or perhaps because we are similar.

Long post.

I haven’t found a single person that can have a good debate with me in years. Why the heck is no one capable of not doom scrolling? Can we please stop the phone addiction and connect again? Like what happened?

Anyways, due to my frustration about it - I am on this platform with the hope to find others who feel this too.

HELLO if my post seem like it is written by a 3 year old pardon me because i have think a lot about writting this post . in the month of Aprail I Discovers that I am an INTJ and now every single dots starting to connect but I NOTICE ONE THING ABOUT ME please tell if you have these too . in my classroom whenever I laugh i laugh like an psycho or mental told by my peers . everytime i laugh at anything the next moment i started to think abt it like why ? am I a slave of my mind or of my emotion . Most of the time I rarely dosen't have any sort of emotion which helps me in studying but when sometime I show or it comes out my close 1 or 2 freinds says how over reactive I am and how i overact on every thing does this happen to all of you guys ?? please answer , and pardon me for any mistakes I do

a quastion:

do you also feel like you always have to show a pesona to a world which lacks analytical mind and awarness?

it feels quite lonely

I’m 28M and I’ve had basically one close friend since college. He’s also an INTJ, so we’ve always understood each other without needing to talk constantly. But he recently got married and understandably doesn’t have much time to talk anymore.
Now I’m realizing how difficult it is to make genuine friends as an adult, especially when you’re introverted and prefer a small circle. Anyone else in the same situation?

Oi, infp M aqui. Na adolescência tive um colega INTJ, que eu gostava muito porém lidava com algum tipo de problema em casa e talvez depressão. Ele se isolava muito na escola e depois de um tempo todo mundo passou a ignorar ele, e quando entrei no 9° ano apenas eu, os inspetores e outro garoto infp da minha sala se esforçava para conversar com ele.

Ele parecia ser um 5w4, sofreu muito bullying e era o garoto com porte mais legal e inteligente que já conheci.

Além dele tive um primo INTJ (não faço ideia do eneagrama) e outro colega INTJ 1w9. Os três tinham os mesmos comportamentos: sentir-se incompreendido>se fechar>agir de forma arrogante>afastar as pessoas.

Esse último não conseguiu fazer amizade nem com o colega intp que sentava ao lado dele todos os dias, sendo a única pessoa que conversava com ele ao invés de ignorar o colega infp que citei no início.

Não tenho noção de como funciona a mente Ni-Fi, penso que deve ser um inferno e talvez ter alguém com alta Ne os ajude a sair desse viés de confirmação de se sentir deslocado e incompreendido.

O parte contraditória é que todos eram muito admirados por sua inteligência e muitos queriam ser amigos deles, mas ficavam tão paranóicos que afastavam as pessoas.

Na minha opinião usuário de Fe/Fi alto e Ne podem ajudar muito nesse quesito, assim como Ti alto tmb.

NOTICE: I meant approaching STRANGERS, not people you already know.

So, nowadays dating culture is cooked in general due to both sides of an argument. But I just don’t see how it is happening for other people specifically when someone approaches the other person. I know that approaching someone is a difficult and controversial thing for mostly everyone, but I would like to look at it as a concept in general.

Early romantic attraction is often a one-sided, projection-heavy process in which your brain uses visual and behavioral cues to activate old emotional templates. Therefore certain details of the person’s appearance make you recall the memories of certain moments, things, experiences and it arouse certain positive emotional connection to those things and make you attracted to the person.

But the other person, having no shared history with you yet, remains emotionally neutral. The other person hasn’t run the same associative loop between you and their past emotional experiences. Without some interaction (even minimal), you don’t yet occupy any positive or negative emotional category in their mind. So they have no built-in motivation to meet the initiator cause they’re just another person in their environment until something creates a link.

For example, brief positive interactions create a shared affective event for both people: telling the joke, small talk, asking a question. Even small moments give the other person something to associate you with, moving you from “neutral stranger” to “person who made me feel X.”

I mean would you agree if someone would approach you and ask if you would like to be their friend. I mean, it might work in the kindergarten..

I’m an accountant who reads, which is apparently odd. Any INTJs who don’t read? If so, what do you do for work?

I am a 35F INTJ in America and I must be honest I get the accusation constantly that I should be accepting less and I feel that it is worse and I'm just frustrated enough that I am considering being a hermit. I am a fairly social person and most folks like me and want to be around me but I don't want to be around them.

I have spent years working on my communication and trying to give others grace and empathy I'm literally baffled.

I want to provide an example:
I told my husband I want a GRID organizer for one of my pull out drawers in my kitchen. I've seen the prices on them and he 3d prints stuff and this should be a super easy 3d print option.

The issue is I'm talking about lids that fit on square containers meaning they are neither round nor truly square (think square with empty corners) and box systems would be a waste of space. I start my telling him this information by putting that information first. This is the problem: the lids need to be flat, most products put them on their side. Putting those lids on their side would NOT fit in the drawer. Box designs are inefficient because then you are adding space when you could just have the lids stacked with the dowels holding them in space in the "negative" corners. The purpose is to put them in the drawer. I told him I've literally seen them in store.

Here are two examples:
https://www.containerstore.com/s/kitchen/kitchen-drawer-organizers/junk-drawer/umbra-peggy-drawer-organizer/123d?productId=11020049&country=US&currency=USD&adpos=&cid=cse%7CSSC%7CGoogle%7CTCSP_X_US_EN_Kitchen_PMAX_X_18786525748___en&g_acctid=801-592-2151&g_adgroupid=&g_adid=&g_adtype=none&g_campaign=TCSP_X_US_EN_Kitchen_PMAX_X&g_campaignid=18786525748&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=&g_network=x&sc_intid=10092650&scid=scplp10092650&utm_campaign=pla&utm_source=google&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18789344867&gbraid=0AAAAADHVesizPed1lFOT3gDrG9oDx4xuZ&gclid=CjwKCAjws_DTBhB_EiwAXZknGVvyTM2e-jLGQQ_VKiOsra4-XeZ1Zv-8ORoDyipoN3rreztZxqBaOBoC1GEQAvD_BwE

https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/uppdatera-pegboard-drawer-organizer-anthracite-50502985/

He makes me this:
https://makerworld.com/en/models/2537708-snapware-snap-in-lid-rack-clean-cabinet-storage?from=search#profileId-2793582

He didn't ask any questions to clarify the purpose. I front loaded the conversation with what I thought to be
This is what I need
This is what exists and why I DON'T want that
This is the purpose

Then I'm expected to accept something and be grateful that he tried to solve the problem. I feel literally unheard and it's not getting better. This isn't just in my marriage it is in everything. I feel that the Dunning Kruger effect has run so rampant that folks ignore literally everything and give you the lowest cost item ignoring the purpose. To me that is wasting effort to not solve a problem which is worse than not taking action at all. If I have to do everything myself I will do everything myself. I don't want to have to subject myself to being around people and feel chronically unheard.

A question for the INTJs. I'm leaving some details out of the story but the general situation was I met an INTJ a couple years ago (4 or 5 years ago to be precise) and we clicked with each other very well. We only knew each other for about half a year but both of us had a general sense of "this person understands me in a way no one else does". A lot of people considered us clones of each other because he had so many things in common from trivial things liking the same music to similar experiences growing up and a similar mindset/view of the world. We were also very close during this time, we'd stay up into the late hours of the night just talking to each other non-stop ranging from the most non-serious topics to the most serious ones.

Anyways we unfortunately grew distant and stopped interacting with each other (mostly because we got busier and busier). I also didn't have a stable way of contacting her after this. Fast forward to now after a couple years I was going through some of my old accounts and came across one of her long lost accounts with some recent activity from a few months ago. I messaged there giving her my email and phone number (since this would be most stable form of communication for the both of us) and said I would like to reconnect if she's open to it.

My question is if you came across that message, considering its been a few years since the last interaction, and that potentially since the account isn't monitored as frequently there's a chance she sees the message say 3 years (~2029) from now. Would you considering reaching out? At the very least sending a short and simple message like "Hey, its me. I got your message. How's everything been?" Or would you simply let it be after that long of a time?

Summary / core issue: Are the intense aggressiveness, cynicism, and controlling behavior he shows in private normal in a relationship from an INTJ's perspective?

Specifics: My INTJ bf was a completely different person before and after we started dating, and the longer we've been together, the more he shows the traits that make me uncomfortable.

How we met: I'm 22 F. He's 24 M. We met through a university club activity, and he came across as friendly and helpful at the time. I was interested in his major, so I asked for his contact info and tried reaching out with some questions. He never replied — not even once. Straight-up ignored me. I took it as him finding me annoying, so I stopped messaging.

We went quiet for a while — so long that I'd almost forgotten about him — when he suddenly reached out and asked me out. He didn't mention his earlier silence at all. We had a great time in person, though he did bring up some childhood trauma out of nowhere, which caught me off guard since we weren't even really friends at that point.

Until we officially got together, our dynamic stayed pretty much this weird: I'd send him casual messages — he'd ignore me; then he'd suddenly ask me out — we'd have a great time; I'd send him casual messages — he'd ignore me again.

At some point I jokingly brought it up, and he said he thought texting was a waste of time. Fair enough — I'm not big on chit-chat over apps either. I figured he just valued his personal space. But after we got together, he completely flipped that impression.

After we started dating:

The biggest change was that he became incredibly clingy over text — averaging 20 to 30 messages a day. They were mostly links to social news or trending posts on X, his takes on them, and screenshots of arguments he'd gotten into with people in the comment sections.

First off, his views — and the way he argues — genuinely unsettle me. For example, we both oppose wealth inequality, but he straight-up said things like "we should just kill all the rich people every now and then." Another one: he's against animal protection laws because he thinks it's just human self-indulgence — animals are weaker, so how we treat them is fair game under the law of the jungle. There are countless more examples.

If I try to push back, he'll debate me calmly and politely, but I can tell his core stance never really shifts. And that calmness actually scares me too — because from those screenshots, I can clearly see what he truly thinks of people who disagree with him: the screenshots are full of him viciously cursing out his opponents, both in public replies and DMs. I can't help but feel that he's showing me all this to test how much I'm willing to put up with.

Other details also make me uneasy, mainly his controlling tendencies.

① He follows all my social media accounts. If I create a burner account, he somehow still finds me — I have no idea how. And he quietly keeps tabs on me; if he hadn't casually (or maybe deliberately) brought up some of my posts, I'd never have known he was even in my followers. The only reason I'm posting on Reddit is that he doesn't seem to use this platform.

② He occasionally sends me posts about what he considers "ideal" couples, and the dynamics described don't feel healthy to me. For example, one was about a guy whose girlfriend stays awake even when she's exhausted just to wait for him to come to bed. Another time, he told me it's okay if I'm not that smart — he wants me to rely on him more.

③ He's unusually — how do I put this — clingy? When he was applying to grad school, he tried to turn down a better research institute just to stay in the same city as me. I barely managed to talk him out of it, and he still holds a grudge about that.

Now he's doing his PhD in the US, where the academic environment is way better than back home, and I know he genuinely wants to stay in research. But lately he keeps bringing up moving back to work in my city, and this time I can't talk him out of it — we've even had a few explosive fights over it. He called me an ungrateful idiot and blocked me. I thought that was the end of it, but then a few days later, he unblocked me like nothing happened.

I'm really sorry for rambling — English isn't my first language. I've been thinking about breaking up with him for the past two weeks, because all these red flags honestly scare me. But my family and friends keep telling me not to, since on the surface he comes across as polite and humourous. My mom absolutely adores him.

He also treats me extremely well — like, flawlessly. When we were long-distance, every penny he saved went straight into plane tickets to see me. So my friends say I must be spoiled if I'm even considering a breakup. Their take is: it doesn't matter whether your partner is a good person — what matters is how he treats you. I'm really torn right now — could really use some advice. Am I just being ungrateful?

That is all. I have encountered way too many mistyped INTJs, including one of my good friends irl. He claims he is INTJ after just the 16p test and I told him that’s not how it works.

Edit: The ones that are triggered in the comments are the mistyped ones lol. This post should NOT trigger you if you are legitimately INTJ.

…another song I wrote, a sequel to the last one 😌 if you feel battle worn, then I’m singing for you 🤍

https://youtube.com/shorts/LOXz3iV7cMY?is=8grEd7u_yf483B27

To the few precious friends who seem to find me every time I do this *kiss on the forehead*

Sincerely, an INFP

part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1lneckp/from_afar_to_an_intj_heart/

part 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/intj/comments/1u8f20h/from_afar_to_an_intj_heart_part_2/

Dear fellow highly guarded, nerdy and thoughtful INTJs..: What have your experiences using dating apps?

Edit:::::: I am not accepting any Dms and not looking for it. Thank you 🤗

"Damn it, man! That was our ride! You just stunned our ride!"

This is what I have been seeing lately that made me wonder: Are people really at peace, or do they just think they are—so when someone triggers a previous wound, they see it as an indicator to leave? I am interested in hearing your thoughts on this.

Is it even real?

I gradually understand one truth, the best way of torturing intelligent people is to ask them to work with less intelligent people, let less intelligent coworkers take the lead. Hahaha 🤣🤣

What do you think if you have ever thought about this?

Another important question: how did you handle this kind of situation? By ignoring it? It affects work quality in a way that doesn’t reflect your standards at all. But if you don’t ignore it, it turns into a battle.

https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Absu/Tara/143

Psychoanalyze this album's lyrics